pearl360: I strongly believe that Sex should wait until after marriage.
Looking at what the poster has written, the effects of sex before marriage far outweighs its benefits. God is aware of this, that is why He made it to be enjoyed IN marriage and not outside it.

I just pray and hope u are what u've just written Ms Pearl.

Ngokafor: Hmmm @op nice and balanced analysis there...to be honest,I believe sex outside marriage should be discouraged especially amongst teenagers most of whom are ignorant of the risks involved.
...young females should be extra cautious because apart from the religious aspect, diseases,pregnancy and the accompanied abortion/child-out-of-wedlock involved,there's this strong emotional attachment most females have for a guy/man they sleep with,reasons why some cant break out of bad relationships or feel so bitter and 'used' when dumped..thereby giving undeserving males so much power over them..
..am guilty of this sex before marriage as well *shame-faced*.,i really tried to hold out but my boo was such a sweet caring and ermm wait for it..generous guy!..lol!,his being attractive (which i fought so hard to resist) didnt help matters either
..but in all these,my fate was sealed(so to speak) the day the deed was done,i just couldnt resist him anymore and knew i was in trouble .I was glad that his kind of work at that time entailed him being away from me at least two weeks in a month so that 'seeing finish' will not set in.. luckily for me,the feeling was/is mutual on his part and we are getting married soon.I actually shed tears of joy and relief the day he proposed,leaving him asking with a slightly worried look on his face if that was a yes!...
...sadly,many females have been left feeling used and bitter after a failed relationship filled with bedmatics that should be between married couples,with perhaps one or two abortions and STDs in the mix...Men/guys may not understand the emotional attachment that comes with sex for females,but it's there and is real..
...therefore to be on the safe side,females in particular should delay sleeping with a guy they are not married to for as long as possible cos it's almost a no-win situation for us..i know am the wrong person to preach this but the truth needs to be told...

Well said. Congrats and HML. Sadly, a lot of ladies would not bE so lucky.

For those 'Testers before marriage pple', what wld happen to the woman if after 'testing' you are not satisfied?
Pls answer.

Lots to learn 4rm here.

ayo84: Sexual incompatibilty is a big issue nowadays, ladies who have tasted it from married men and professionals, don't want a male virgin with no idea of how to last long in bed.

And most experienced men, don't want a rigid, unexpereinced woman, if you have two virgins, its cool, if they go into it together.


But when you have one partner who has explored all kinds of fantasies and the other partner , a novice, then there would be problems, a case where a lady who has warmed the beds of so many men, decides to settle down with an innocent, young, virgin dude , that's going to be disastrous.

That's an incorrect assumption. God, dictionary and even the society says sex b4 marriage is Forn.cation. So where did u get ur own from?

God help us all

Lets say its a guy vs gurl thing and guys always win...my mama say person wey nor wan chop meat nr sopos use teeth bite am...so gurls if u dnt want sex dnt date..dnt ask for money...dont deend...n wait till someone propose..pray hard u dnt wait fr long...dats reality

D.trader:

Can you guys kindly contribute 1,000 Likes for this wonderful Lady ??Please!..... 1000 Likes pleaseeeeeeeeee!
Don't scroll down without clicking the likes button pleaseeeeeeeeee!

You have spoken well, my dear

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war, love is a growing up." J. A. Baldwin... Sowi if I seem to deviate a bit thou.

Personally, I can practice no-sex-b4-marriage IF AND ONLY IF d lady in question is a primary VIRGIN,not SECONDARY VIRGIN.
D ladies clamouring for guys to wait till after marriage, are u going to wait till after marriage b4 u start demanding for money from d guy? U collect money from ur boyfriend/fiance for hairdo, upkeep,shopping nd frivolities,Is he ur father/brother? Does he run a charity organisation? Or has he suddenly become an alms-giving NGO.
Imagine dating a lady for 4yrs nd giving her d necessary financial assistance she needs (note: I'm not encouraging such assistance) nd d relationship ends, what will b d guy's ROI(RETURN ON INVESTMENT). D money d mumu guy would hv used in training his younger sisters or assisting his mum.
IT IS called TRADE BY BARTER.
LADIES: If u can not continue, do not start nd if u start do not stop because if u stop d guy will withdraw.
While d guy is waiting till after marriage b4 having sexx with d lady, a low-life nigga down her street or her boss in d office could b phucking her silly. This is why most guys are not ready to wait till after marriage b4 having sexx with a non-virgin.

there is a way dt seem right to a man(woman) but d end thereof is...hhmmmmm...distruction....ur decision 2day determine ur future(destiny)......think n act right...God bless

Hypocrites!!!

This topic only becomes an issue if two people of opposite sides of the fence are in a relationship. A guy that believes he must bang his Babe before being serious with her, will then see a girl that will tell him No sex before marriage and yet he will still want to go ahead believing he can make her change her mind. When the girl will refuse he will go to the male thread and complain that women are not realistic and the girl will go to the female thread and start quoting scriptures that can mean 10 things, then twisting them to justify herself.

I just believe everybody should date their type of person. Stop believing you can change the other person. It's when a person is seduced or forced to change their beliefs that the person comes out shouting, "I've been used".

Guys don't dump women because they slept with them, they dump them because they have nothing to offer other than sex! Sex after marriage is only practiced by a naive few, most couples that claim they waited till after taking their vows a lying And that's the sad fact!

dung dusu gyang: "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war, love is a growing up." J. A. Baldwin... Sowi if I seem to deviate a bit thou.

This guy has said it all...If ure not a virgin and u dont wana phuck then dont date and ask for stuff..wait for the man who wants to marry you and pray you dont wait for too long! My headteacher @ my place of works claims she doesnt phuck and she almost 40 and unmarried! With very bad character..whether u phuck or not doesnt determined the quality of the person.

2tek: Personally, I can practice no-sex-b4-marriage IF AND ONLY IF d lady in question is a primary VIRGIN,not SECONDARY VIRGIN.
D ladies clamouring for guys to wait till after marriage, are u going to wait till after marriage b4 u start demanding for money from d guy? U collect money from ur boyfriend/fiance for hairdo, upkeep,shopping nd frivolities,Is he ur father/brother? Does he run a charity organisation? Or has he suddenly become an NGO.
Imagine dating a lady for 4yrs nd giving her d necessary financial assistance she needs (note: I'm not encouraging such assistance) nd d relationship ends, what will b d guy's ROI(RETURN ON INVESTMENT). D money d mumu guy would hv used in training his younger sisters or assisting his mum.
IT IS called TRADE BY BARTER.
LADIES: If u can not continue, do not start nd if u start do not stop because if u stop d guy will withdraw.
While d guy is waiting till after marriage b4 having sexx with d lady, a low-life nigga down her street or her boss in d office could b phucking her silly. This is why most guys are not ready to wait till after marriage b4 having sexx with a non-virgin.

abstinence doesnt make u a saint..neither does phucking..

Let me tell you some home truths:
Sex before marriage is not just your idea but an agenda of hell.
The devil intends to make sex cheap, free and available to all, wether married or unmarried.
Just like electricity, sex can be good or bad if not handled the right way.
The right way to have sex is with a single partner within the confines of marriage.
God being a gracious God keeps offering us second chances to make it right even when we violate the right way.
Non-virgins that have decided to stop enjoying free sex outside marriage have a chance to start over.
You must admit that it is sinful to have sex outside of marriage, that's the first step to getting it right.
And if you are guilty of sexual sin after sin, God can give you a chance to repent and start over.
Sexual sins are great doors to demon possession, sicknesses and diseases. It destroys our relationship.
If you love your soul and have the fear of God you will never make it a lifestyle.

Lordlexyy: However you paint it, especially the ladies, the emotional trauma and the indecisiveness to stick with the wrong guy is a huge lost that will take divine intervention to get bail.

Don't be facetiously ignorant Lexxy. The spiritual consequences for a man engaging in fornication could be very disastrous and life changing. They far outweigh the consequences on his female sex partner who may in fact be a runz girl going into the fornication game with her eyes wide open.

Paris-fran:
This topic only becomes an issue if two people of opposite sides of the fence are in a relationship. A guy that believes he must bang his Babe before being serious with her, will then see a girl that will tell him No sex before marriage and yet he will still want to go ahead believing he can make her change her mind. When the girl will refuse he will go to the male thread and complain that women are not realistic and the girl will go to the female thread and start quoting scriptures that can mean 10 things, then twisting them to justify herself.

I just believe everybody should date their type of person. Stop believing you can change the other person. It's when a person is seduced or forced to change their beliefs that the person comes out shouting, "I've been used".

Well said. There is really no sense whatsoever in a guy trying to force a girl to commit fornication when she has already told the guy she does not do fornication. In fact such controlling and manipulative behaviour is a form of witchcraft and mind control.
Surely such a loose wayward man should go and look for a runz girl that will fall in line with his evil wishes.

Lordlexyy: Can't agree with you less. Godless and emotionaly thriving society will seek ways to justify and enthrone just about anything for fleshy passion. The society is wrecked today, vices is on the increase, immorality is on the high due to sexual expedition. Like it or not, so many evil past and present is link to unwarranted sex. Though, virginity doesnot equate respect, responsibility and good character, but the self worth, confidence and psychological balance that comes with it is enomours. However you paint it, especially the ladies, the emotional trauma and the indecisiveness to stick with the wrong guy is a huge lost that will take divine intervention to get bail.

daz all o.

2tek:
Imagine dating a lady for 4yrs nd giving her d necessary financial assistance she needs (note: I'm not encouraging such assistance) nd d relationship ends, what will b d guy's ROI(RETURN ON INVESTMENT). D money d mumu guy would hv used in training his younger sisters or assisting his mum.
IT IS called TRADE BY BARTER.

Silly post by a wayward poster. Okay after "helping" her she should now open her legs for you. Nonsense as if you were forced to help her in the first place. The only proper ROI in such a scenario is marriage not fornication.

ayo84: Sexual incompatibilty is a big issue nowadays, ladies who have tasted it from married men and professionals, don't want a male virgin with no idea of how to last long in bed.
And most experienced men, don't want a rigid, unexpereinced woman, if you have two virgins, its cool, if they go into it together.
But when you have one partner who has explored all kinds of fantasies and the other partner , a novice, then there would be problems, a case where a lady who has warmed the beds of so many men, decides to settle down with an innocent, young, virgin dude , that's going to be disastrous.

Another devilish post from a sex obsessed poster chatting hogwash. The only proper place for sex is within the institution of marriage. That is the only proper place to get the vaunted experience is marriage in the first place, so stop yarning bullshit.

We are not talking about the consequences of marriage to a partner that has engaged in a wayward life before marriage but about people who have lived right now going into marriage. There is a difference.

Those who become sex-obsessed or diseased due to their own wayward lifestyle need to deal with the consequences before getting married.

Despite your claims of neutrality your argument still shows your bias, and are still unssupported, in my opinion.

Matthew briggs:
1. The power of abstinence:- Sex is so sweet!!!, beautiful and divine, those who have tasted it, can testify to this fact.
In fact every year 370 million people get infected with an STD and sad thing is that majority, don't know they're infected.
Meaning, that beautiful chick wey carry back and front, or that handsome dude with six packs may be a walking cauldron of several Viruses and death grenching bacteria.

1. Scare tactic alert! What else will we hear? Should we stop eating because obesity ( purportedly affecting 20% in the west) is a disease? Should we stop flying and driving because of road accidents and plane crashes?
People tend to make an excuse for their own irresponsibility and ignorance. STDs for the most part are a result of ignorance and irresponsibility. People who ignore the inherent risks to unprotected sex only have them selves to blame, not sex. Sex is a tool like any other(like say, a gun) and when not used properly can be counter productive, but does the workman blame his tools? To my mind that's shifting responsibility from ourselves and admitting a total lack of control.

Matthew briggs:
2. Sex is more safer in marriage:- Refusing to have sex before marriage protects you from having your future destroyed and marred by an STD, sidetracked by an unwanted pregnancy and having your sexual health and organs depreciate in value over time due to constant use and it also protects you from contingencies like a damaged womb that can be caused by abortion, low sperm count and some fertility problems etc.

2. Marriage does not make sex any safer. Fidelity does. An irresponsible wife or husband would bring STDs home regardless. An unmarried couple that is faithful and committed has no worries.

Matthew briggs:
3. Stability and balance:- Sex is a powerful tool/ exercise and it is not just a physical thing, it has emotional implications. Studies have shown that couples bond more after sex. Having sex outside the confines of marriage exposes you to more physiological problems that you might not bargain for. Problems like sex addiction, emotional imbalance caused by feeling of guilt and worthlessness (in most/Some cases).

According to WebMD.com many sexually active people admit that they have felt used post-sex and felt bad about themselves for giving in to the sexual temptation. The Heritage Foundation reports that, when compared with their virginal counterparts, sexually active people were less likely to report feelings of happiness and more likely to exhibit signs of depression. In an even more startling study, the same source found that sexually active girls were three times more likely to attempt suicide than virgins and sexually active boys were eight times more likely to try to take their lives than non-sexually active people. (http://motherhood.modernmom.com/emotional-effects-sex-teenagers-2486.html)

3. Obviously people who have to depend on sex(or alcohol or dope) to escape any underlying emotional problems will come up short. But the research u cite is irrelevant to ur argument. How convenient of u to cite a study conducted on children and developing teens(14-19). They do not apply to the topic at hand(premarital sex for adults.)

Matthew briggs:
4. Strength of character & the veil of purity:- As humans irrespective of our background, religious upbringing and taste, majority of us respect and honor people with a strong sense of character and some iota of purity.
Saving it for that special night for that special someone, sendd such a strong message. A message of love that went through fire but never gave in, of patience... strong enough to hold the storm, of innocence, of purity and of privilege.[/color]

4. Entirely subjective. Humans value attributes like discipline, success, career accomplishments, leadership, intelligence, a great sense of humour, charisma etc so much more. Only someone with a warped sense of what it means to be a human being would value viriginity over any of those.

Horayce:
2. Marriage does not make sex any safer. Fidelity does. An irresponsible wife or husband would bring STDs home regardless. An unmarried couple that is faithful and committed has no worries.
3. Obviously people who have to depend on sex(or alcohol or dope) to escape any underlying emotional problems will come up short. But the research u cite is irrelevant to ur argument. How convenient of u to cite a study conducted on children and developing teens(14-19). They do not apply to the topic at hand(premarital sex for adults.)

Hedonistic Horayce talking nonsense.The big difference between marriage and a live-in relationship is commitment. Without commitment why should any partner feel secure in the relationship to make the required emotional investment.

Typically the relationship is one-sided in that the man wants to enjoy the benefits of marriage without getting married whilst the lady naively hopes one day the man will propose.

It is still theft and deceit because the guy has not declared his intentions publicly.The girl is still someone's daughter and sister don't forget. In fact if I were to be the brother of the lady I will call the guy out and challenge and confront him.

Horayce:
4. Entirely subjective. Humans value attributes like discipline, success, career accomplishments, leadership, intelligence, a great sense of humour, charisma etc so much more. Only someone with a warped sense of what it means to be a human being would value viriginity over any of those.

Hedonistic Horayce thinking so superficially. SMH. Career accomplishments charisma success humour are all subjective and really are things to be evaluated and appreciated by the couples involved. Wetin concern you with that?
However for a woman to retain her virginity till marriage exhibits that she has not had sexual intercourse which in of itself shows she has the level discipline self-respect and dignity that would build a happy home. If the man is also a virgin then the marriage is being built on a rocky foundation that should stand the test of time

Yes !

Horayce: Despite your claims of neutrality your argument still shows your bias, and are still unssupported, in my opinion.

1. Scare tactic alert! What else will we hear? Should we stop eating because obesity ( purportedly affecting 20% in the west) is a disease? Should we stop flying and driving because of road accidents and plane crashes?
People tend to make an excuse for their own irresponsibility and ignorance. STDs for the most part are a result of ignorance and irresponsibility. People who ignore the inherent risks to unprotected sex only have them selves to blame, not sex. Sex is a tool like any other(like say, a gun) and when not used properly can be counter productive, but does the workman blame his tools? To my mind that's shifting responsibility from ourselves and admitting a total lack of control.

>>its obivious you are quoting me out of context... if not you would have add the part where I mentioned the following.

"Over the years many protective and preventive methods and tools have been invented ranging from condoms, pills, sticking to one partner etc. But there is no method more powerful than " Abstinence"

I never denied the fact that people can have protected sex and save them self from STDS.

What I did state is that Abstinece is by far the safest.

From my experience When "scare tactic" is used in an argument, the scarer never presents infomation that informs the scared that he has other options.
Something i never did... i basicly stated the obivious with out bending words
--------------------

Horayce: 2. Marriage does not make sex any safer. Fidelity does. An irresponsible wife or husband would bring STDs home regardless. An unmarried couple that is faithful and committed has no worries

>> Okay let me go with your proposition that states that Fidelity does make sex safer not marriage.

We both know that given the way marriage is structured the possibilty for fidelity is higher than in un married setting because the stakes are now much higer for.

This invariably makes sex in marriage more safer so are we not saying the same thing.

(PS. Fidelity is not only what make sex safer in marriage... the emotional and financial security marriage IN MOST CASES presents and a list of other factors I mentioned earlier makes sex after Marriage safer)
----------

Horayce: 3. Obviously people who have to depend on sex(or alcohol or dope) to escape any underlying emotional problems will come up short. But the research u cite is irrelevant to ur argument. How convenient of u to cite a study conducted on children and developing teens(14-19). They do not apply to the topic at hand(premarital sex for adults

>> I used that reserch because my major target audience when writing this post were teens, who are not only quite many on nairaland, but also are more vunerable of making the wrong choice. Adults already have opinion so why bother.

But on the other hand, I still belive some adult are prone to expriencing what was stated in that article.

Horayce: 4. Entirely subjective. Humans value attributes like discipline, success, career accomplishments, leadership, intelligence, a great sense of humour, charisma etc so much more. Only someone with a warped sense of what it means to be a human being would value viriginity over any of those.

>> I never denided the fact that it wasn't subjective re read my argument pay attention to the bolded.

Mathew briggs
"Strength of character & the veil of purity:- As humans irrespective of our background, religious upbringing and taste, majority of us respect and honor people with a strong sense of character and some iota of purity."

I used the word "majority of us" because I know that, not everyone sees it that way... but I am very sure majority still do.

I tried my best to be unbiased... but for a fact I know I am not infallibl, or my arguments 100 percent perfect.

But i am very confindent in my assertions.
#Mathew briggs... the fire

Matthew briggs:
>>Let me go with your proposition that states that Fidelity does make marriage safer.
We both know that given the way marriage is structured the possibility for fidelity is higher than in un married couple... given that the stake are much higher... This invariably makes marriage more safer... so are we not saying the same thing.
(fidelity[b] is not only [/b] what make sex safer... the emotional and financial security marriage IN MOST CASES presents and a list of other factors I mentioned earlier makes sex after Marriage safer)

Excellent points. I reckon this Horayce is just acting obtuse to justify his hedonistic lifestyle.
Of course the stakes are much higher in marriage. The couple have made a commitment before the whole world that they will stay loving and committed to each other. Compare that to a live -in relationship where no so commitment is made at all. In most cases the lady involved does not even know what the man's intentions are.
Then we can go to the issue of the emotional security of children born out of wedlock to those born to a married couple.

People just like justifying their actions, whether right or wrong. I believe in sex after marriage, and also believe sex before marriage is WRONG! Especially when one party is forcing the other into it. Let's face it, many guys don't marry girls they've bedded already. Ladies, shine your eyes o.

it's really a matter of circumstance

Yes, sex should wait till after marriage but what people don't realize is sex is marriage.
That's if the two people are really in-love. But lust, there is no marriage or sacred bonding.
Lust is purely satisfaction, there may be a spark of love there in the intimate moment but no deeper feelings resonate
[atleast for men most of the time]
It's hard to distinguish the two because our emotions can easily get muddled between love and lust. So my advice to young people is, before you decide to jump to have sex is to wait and take your time, harvest the fruits in the seed you grow in your relationships with those you cherish. Yes they maybe the opposite sex but if you truly love them, then sex is unimportant even though it is recommended for maintaining a balanced relationship. Don't let sex be the final determining factor for your true love, if it happens it happens. It is better to love the person you are with for who they are than superficial means such as sex.

tensor77:
Another devilish post from a sex obsessed poster chatting hogwash. The only proper place for sex is within the institution of marriage. That is the only proper place to get the vaunted experience is marriage in the first place, so stop yarning bullshit.

We are not talking about the consequences of marriage to a partner that has engaged in a wayward life before marriage but about people who have lived right now going into marriage. There is a difference.

Those who become sex-obsessed or diseased due to their own wayward lifestyle need to deal with the consequences before getting married.

Was Adam and Eve married before they had sex. Just asking. Can anybody in the house give a detail historical origin of marriage. Thank u

"Sex will not make someone love you the more... it might instead make you love the person the more so be careful who you have it with, so your feeling don't get played with." I really like the sound of that... it opened a new line of thought in my mind.

The views are very contrasting. Firstly, before the colonial masters came... Sex was considered sacred... very sacred... You want sex... You get a wife. No man would allow his daughter to be tested first.
With the coming of the western culture came contrasting views about sex, marriage and divorce which was maybe non-existent in those days.
Sex before marriage is bad, viewing it through all angles.
It should apply to the present day and the generations to come.
Sex before marriage is bad... bad... bad and bad.
How many u wan test-run na?

do what thou wilt.... happy yuletide season.