How come I never saw this thread till now, choi!

Anyways, the fun continues.

bukatyne:


How?

If I have so many thing to do, making a mental note is so hard I tend to flip from one to another.
Since it's easy for me to multi-task, I tend to try to do all at once.

Sometimes it doesn't work.

bukatyne:


The thanks is not enough

Sending you my proforma invoice

How you come like money like this when you are not Ijebu naa

bukatyne:
@Naijababe:

I downloaded the book however, I have not gotten around to reading it. I think it is a two sided thing. She is probably referring to places where women are freely to explore themselves and let them know the 'power' they have

@babygirlfl..
True

@Cococandy,
Seat tight

@Edwife
Will be waiting


@Career & Home,
I think some ladies do not know how to prioritize, be creative and take their husbands for granted. E.g. is the thread of the woman who buys buka food everyday. Again, it depends on how the home is run. Some men do not mind that.

I read that buka thread and could not stop laughing, surely that can't even be healthy for the kids

Hmm, the book appears interesting, will definitely read it.

On career and home, I think every woman should know what works for her and try to capitalise on that.

Being organised cannot be over emphasised, though I'm not married, therefore can use my spare time however I like, but I've come to realise that, making a list(could be mental or written down) or setting targets of what to do in a day, really helps, ofcourse I know that it can't always go as planned, as there will be times when you have to change things on the list or even have to do something not on the list, but just having that list will make it easier to sort things through.

P.S Just like the others have said, you have to have your partner's support, there's no denying that is very important, makes it a lot easier.

Bukatyne, shey boyfriend/dating talk is allowed?

bukatyne:

Sorry for not including you earlier..
Welcome

oh not at all sis. its nothing. trust you doing great and all yours ma.

Kimoni:



How you come like money like this when you are not Ijebu naa

Need to check my lineage to see If there is Ijebu blood there.

taryour:


oh not at all sis. its nothing. trust you doing great and all yours ma.

We are all great, Thanks.

freecocoa:
Hmm, the book appears interesting, will definitely read it.

On career and home, I think every woman should know what works for her and try to capitalise on that.

Being organised cannot be over emphasised, though I'm not married, therefore can use my spare time however I like, but I've come to realise that, making a list(could be mental or written down) or setting targets of what to do in a day, really helps, ofcourse I know that it can't always go as planned, as there will be times when you have to change things on the list or even have to do something not on the list, but just having that list will make it easier to sort things through.

P.S Just like the others have said, you have to have your partner's support, there's no denying that is very important, makes it a lot easier.

Bukatyne, shey boyfriend/dating talk is allowed?

Very very true

@Boyfriend /dating talks, all join. Na from clap we dey enter dance

cococandy:


If I have so many thing to do, making a mental note is so hard I tend to flip from one to another.
Since it's easy for me to multi-task, I tend to try to do all at once.

Sometimes it doesn't work.

Trust me, you will always remember to do the important ones.

Don't beat yourself up, you can't do it all.

@naijababe:
Some people's orientations are strange. The husband should check her family to see If that was How they lived.

bukatyne:


Very very true

@Boyfriend /dating talks, all join. Na from clap we dey enter dance

Okay.

So there's this lady, she's 27 and ready to get married, very close to me, I take her as family.

Now, her boyfriend loves her like he says and acts sometimes(as far as am concerned) but the problem is that, I think he's affecting her self esteem and trying to run her life, this lady makes her own money and is very beautiful, so it's not about him providing for her.

However, she just somewhat changed ever since she started dating him, doing things like hiding money from her family(not that she gives them a spreadsheet of her finances) but she invests gladly and very well financially into her siblings lives where necessary, suddenly, her level of generosity dropped and she doesn't seem happy to give anymore, an incident happened that suggested he whispers to her on that.

He came into her life and her pattern of dressing and makeup changed, she's a very good dresser, a fashionista in the real sense of the word and decent too but he seemed to have a problem with that and right now, it's almost like she only wears what he wants/likes, he hates to see her skin outside, to get a clearer picture off what am saying, no more sleeveless for her.

Infact the story many but right now, she's in a place where if he hurts her, she doesn't really show how angry or hurt she is, for fear of him not picking offence and the issue lingering, issues are expected to die out on their own, she would be angry yet still respond to him with an unhappy demeanour, which doesn't seem to affect him, should she decide to pursue the matter, it becomes "you too like wahala, can't you just let it slide" she's just very self concious around him.

I think she won't be happy marrying him, she even says so sometimes yet somehow they are making marriage plans, one minute she's complaining about him, the next she's taking time out to defend him in the middle of her talk, I just tire, does she need saving? Can she even be saved? Or am I overreacting to his character?

freecocoa:
Okay.

So there's this lady, she's 27 and ready to get married, very close to me, I take her as family.

Now, her boyfriend loves her like he says and acts sometimes(as far as am concerned) but the problem is that, I think he's affecting her self esteem and trying to run her life, this lady makes her own money and is very beautiful, so it's not about him providing for her.

However, she just somewhat changed ever since she started dating him, doing things like hiding money from her family(not that she gives them a spreadsheet of her finances) but she invests gladly and very well financially into her siblings lives where necessary, suddenly, her level of generosity dropped and she doesn't seem happy to give anymore, an incident happened that suggested he whispers to her on that.

He came into her life and her pattern of dressing and makeup changed, she's a very good dresser, a fashionista in the real sense of the word and decent too but he seemed to have a problem with that and right now, it's almost like she only wears what he wants/likes, he hates to see her skin outside, to get a clearer picture off what am saying, no more sleeveless for her.

Infact the story many but right now, she's in a place where if he hurts her, she doesn't really show how angry or hurt she is, for fear of him not picking offence and the issue lingering, issues are expected to die out on their own, she would be angry yet still respond to him with an unhappy demeanour, which doesn't seem to affect him, should she decide to pursue the matter, it becomes "you too like wahala, can't you just let it slide" she's just very self concious around him.

I think she won't be happy marrying him, she even says so sometimes yet somehow they are making marriage plans, one minute she's complaining about him, the next she's taking time out to defend him in the middle of her talk, I just tire, does she need saving? Can she even be saved? Or am I overreacting to his character?

Kai!!! Make your friend think dis one well o, as they say a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. Personally, I think your courtship should be the best period of your relationship followed by your twilight years. These differences are only going to get worse after they get hitched.

Freecocoa,

Seems to me like she's a good girl. It's "good" girls that fall for these controlling dudes that have all sorta issues with Greek names. This is because they have refused to LIVE their lives, now, I am not saying any body has to be wicked and wild but learn to LIVE vicariously through watching, listening to others.

However, there's only so much you can do to help her. she's the only one who can save herself

naijababe:


Kai!!! Make your friend think dis one well o, as they say a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. Personally, I think your courtship should be the best period of your marriage followed by your twilight years. These differences are only going to get worse after they get hitched.

I know, right?

I have talked and talked, she will be nodding to my points, only to continue where she left off. I will keep talking na.

Yea tollu, he says so himself, I just wish she's snap out of it.

freecocoa:
I know, right?

I have talked and talked, she will be nodding to my points, only to continue where she left off. I will keep talking na.

You know how it is with our people nau; at 27 she probably under all sorts of pressures from the snide remarks to the downright direct and rude ones. She is probably think that if she lets this one go who knows how long before she finds another one of if she will sef.

Marriage is hard enough between two people who complement each other never mind between people with fundamental differences.

freecocoa:
Okay.

So there's this lady, she's 27 and ready to get married, very close to me, I take her as family.

Now, her boyfriend loves her like he says and acts sometimes(as far as am concerned) but the problem is that, I think he's affecting her self esteem and trying to run her life, this lady makes her own money and is very beautiful, so it's not about him providing for her.

However, she just somewhat changed ever since she started dating him, doing things like hiding money from her family(not that she gives them a spreadsheet of her finances) but she invests gladly and very well financially into her siblings lives where necessary, suddenly, her level of generosity dropped and she doesn't seem happy to give anymore, an incident happened that suggested he whispers to her on that.

He came into her life and her pattern of dressing and makeup changed, she's a very good dresser, a fashionista in the real sense of the word and decent too but he seemed to have a problem with that and right now, it's almost like she only wears what he wants/likes, he hates to see her skin outside, to get a clearer picture off what am saying, no more sleeveless for her.

Infact the story many but right now, she's in a place where if he hurts her, she doesn't really show how angry or hurt she is, for fear of him not picking offence and the issue lingering, issues are expected to die out on their own, she would be angry yet still respond to him with an unhappy demeanour, which doesn't seem to affect him, should she decide to pursue the matter, it becomes "you too like wahala, can't you just let it slide" she's just very self concious around him.

I think she won't be happy marrying him, she even says so sometimes yet somehow they are making marriage plans, one minute she's complaining about him, the next she's taking time out to defend him in the middle of her talk, I just tire, does she need saving? Can she even be saved? Or am I overreacting to his character?

While I strongly believe that you will change subtly to the taste of your man especially in a marriage bound relationship, it does not erode your self-esteem neither does it make you live in fear.

The guy is trying to get her to withdraw from all her family and become mentally and emotionally dependent on him and she knows it that's why there is this doubt and she complains and quickly switches to defense mode when you are straying out of her comfort zone.

I would say Take her to a relaxed place and have What I call 'the talk'. Let her compare her previous self to Now and see If she wants for herself without mincing words.

At the end, only she can help herself.

P.S.: How are her parents' relationship like?

bukatyne:


While I strongly believe that you will change subtly to the taste of your man especially in a marriage bound relationship, it does not erode your self-esteem neither does it make you live in fear.

The guy is trying to get her to withdraw from all her family and become mentally and emotionally dependent on him and she knows it that's why there is this doubt and she complains and quickly switches to defense mode when you are straying out of her comfort zone.

I would say Take her to a relaxed place and have What I call 'the talk'. Let her compare her previous self to Now and see If she wants for herself without mincing words.

At the end, only she can help herself.

P.S.: How are her parents' relationship like?

Okay.

Her mum is late but from what I know, when we have our girl's talk on relationships/marriage, she thinks her dad didn't really treat her mum exactly the way a woman thinks she should be treated, he wasn't mean to her or even controlling, there just was this "a man can get away with certain things" mentality, which we modern women don't want.

True. Some subtle changes are inevitable as I've seen my self changing in some aspects since I got married. Not even because he says so but because I've gotten used to doing somethings I never did before and eventually coming to like them.

bukatyne:


While I strongly believe that you will change subtly to the taste of your man especially in a marriage bound relationship, it does not erode your self-esteem neither does it make you live in fear.

The guy is trying to get her to withdraw from all her family and become mentally and emotionally dependent on him and she knows it that's why there is this doubt and she complains and quickly switches to defense mode when you are straying out of her comfort zone.

I would say Take her to a relaxed place and have What I call 'the talk'. Let her compare her previous self to Now and see If she wants for herself without mincing words.

At the end, only she can help herself.

P.S.: How are her parents' relationship like?

freecocoa:
Okay.

Her mum is late but from what I know, when we have our girl's talk on relationships/marriage, she thinks her dad didn't really treat her mum exactly the way a woman thinks she should be treated, he wasn't mean to her or even controlling, there just was this "a man can get away with certain things" mentality, which we modern women don't want.

Get away with things like What?

@Cococandy:
Very true

bukatyne:


Get away with things like What?

@Cococandy:
Very true

According to her, he cheated a couple of times but apologised, yet still say that a man can't help it sometimes, therefore if such happens, the lady has to pray and do the usual red bra and pant thingy.

If he says "I want this thing this way" she can question but whatever he decides goes, regardless of what.

He did some things without consulting her, things she considered important.

Sometimes he took sides with his family when she was involved.

cococandy:


If I have so many thing to do, making a mental note is so hard I tend to flip from one to another.
Since it's easy for me to multi-task, I tend to try to do all at once.

Sometimes it doesn't work.

You are like me so when you are like that you need to write lists.This could be done electronically or by writing them down physically. I tend to write though so I can cross out/tick off. I can't even go grocery shopping without a list because if I don't I end up coming out with what I did not intend to buy and not buying what I went in to buy.

Even at work my manager knows I always have post it notes you will always see weird things like ' chase finance re budget' in bright green all over my computer . I can't function without lists and it really works for me because I tend to get things done when I see them listed out in front of me.

It does make me a bit overly structured as sometimes curve balls occurs that mean I have to deviate from my lists (which I hate) but at least I am able to get the things I need to get done ,DONE.

Organisation is very key and for me having a routine or structure really helps. My children are in bed by 8pm at the latest during term time so that me and hubby can have time to to ourselves or just for me to to even catch a breather. I also have to plan ahead so for example I have planned all my outfits every week. This is because like I said I hate curve balls and my whole morning can be disorganised if I find that the shirt i thought I could wear is rumpled . My husband says I have issues but I lay out even up to my underwear.

I plan meals ahead as well(my husband being an adult deviates sometimes ) but the kids don't have a choice and that's why they prefer daddy sometimes cos jacket potato and tuna/sweet corn can change to MCdonalds .With mummy that's what you are having.

It helps me to also compartmentalise my thoughts into different caps.At work I am not mummy I am the professional that is paid to do what I am paid to do. As soon as I log out of my computer my mummy cap is on , as soon as the kids go to bed wife cap is on etc etc. it can't be helped sometimes but i try as much as I can not to use my children as an excuse and like others have said it helps that my husband sometimes picks up the childcare slack that does not allow me to always be the one rushing off from work. That said if asked for order of priority my family comes first and if it can't be helped I will definitely leave work to be with my family. I am a bit lucky that I have some sort of flexibility at work as well.

It's finding a rhythm that works for you and your family as it grows.families go through different phases and is just trying to find the rhythm that works for you at that particular time.

damiso:


You are like me so when you are like that you need to write lists.This could be done electronically or by writing them down physically. I tend to write though so I can cross out/tick off. I can't even go grocery shopping without a list because if I don't I end up coming out with what I did not intend to buy and not buying what I went in to buy.

Even at work my manager knows I always have post it notes you will always see weird things like ' chase finance re budget' in bright green all over my computer . I can't function without lists and it really works for me because I tend to get things done when I see them listed out in front of me.

It does make me a bit overly structured as sometimes curve balls occurs that mean I have to deviate from my lists (which I hate) but at least I am able to get the things I need to get done ,DONE.

Organisation is very key and for me having a routine or structure really helps. My children are in bed by 8pm at the latest during term time so that me and hubby can have time to to ourselves or just for me to to even catch a breather. I also have to plan ahead so for example I have planned all my outfits every week. This is because like I said I hate curve balls and my whole morning can be disorganised if I find that the shirt i thought I could wear is rumpled . My husband says I have issues but I lay out even up to my underwear.

I plan meals ahead as well(my husband being an adult deviates sometimes ) but the kids don't have a choice and that's why they prefer daddy sometimes cos jacket potato and tuna/sweet corn can change to MCdonalds .With mummy that's what you are having.

It helps me to also compartmentalise my thoughts into different caps.At work I not mummy I am the professional that is paid to do what I am paid to do. As soon as I log out of my computer my mummy cap is on , as soon as the kids go to bed wife cap is on etc etc. it can't be helped sometimes but i try as much as I can not to use my children as an excuse and like others have said it helps that my husband sometimes picks up the childcare slack that does not allow me to always be the one rushing off from work. that said if asked for order of priority my family comes first and if it can't be helped will definitely leave work to be with my family. I am a bit lucky that I have some sort of flexibility at work as well.

It's finding a rhythm that works for you and your family as it grows.families go through different phases and is just trying to find the rhythm that works for you.

Excellent

bukatyne:


Excellent

Thanks dear.

You can only say so much.
She's not a baby so let her live her life jare.
Before someone will start whispering in her ears that you want to stand in the way of god's blessings for her.

freecocoa:
According to her, he cheated a couple of times but apologised, yet still say that a man can't help it sometimes, therefore if such happens, the lady has to pray and do the usual red bra and pant thingy.

If he says "I want this thing this way" she can question but whatever he decides goes, regardless of what.

He did some things without consulting her, things she considered important.

Sometimes he took sides with his family when she was involved.

I'm going to bookmark this. Thanks.

You can't believe finding a dress to wear can totally throw my day.

My hubby is the exact opposite.
He even has to remember my passwords and things planned out for me.
I'm that disorganized sometimes. (Covers face)

If it's not about book/school, it just floats around without registering in my mind. Smh

damiso:


You are like me so when you are like that you need to write lists.This could be done electronically or by writing them down physically. I tend to write though so I can cross out/tick off. I can't even go grocery shopping without a list because if I don't I end up coming out with what I did not intend to buy and not buying what I went in to buy.

Even at work my manager knows I always have post it notes you will always see weird things like ' chase finance re budget' in bright green all over my computer . I can't function without lists and it really works for me because I tend to get things done when I see them listed out in front of me.

It does make me a bit overly structured as sometimes curve balls occurs that mean I have to deviate from my lists (which I hate) but at least I am able to get the things I need to get done ,DONE.

Organisation is very key and for me having a routine or structure really helps. My children are in bed by 8pm at the latest during term time so that me and hubby can have time to to ourselves or just for me to to even catch a breather. I also have to plan ahead so for example I have planned all my outfits every week. This is because like I said I hate curve balls and my whole morning can be disorganised if I find that the shirt i thought I could wear is rumpled . My husband says I have issues but I lay out even up to my underwear.

I plan meals ahead as well(my husband being an adult deviates sometimes ) but the kids don't have a choice and that's why they prefer daddy sometimes cos jacket potato and tuna/sweet corn can change to MCdonalds .With mummy that's what you are having.

It helps me to also compartmentalise my thoughts into different caps.At work I am not mummy I am the professional that is paid to do what I am paid to do. As soon as I log out of my computer my mummy cap is on , as soon as the kids go to bed wife cap is on etc etc. it can't be helped sometimes but i try as much as I can not to use my children as an excuse and like others have said it helps that my husband sometimes picks up the childcare slack that does not allow me to always be the one rushing off from work. That said if asked for order of priority my family comes first and if it can't be helped I will definitely leave work to be with my family. I am a bit lucky that I have some sort of flexibility at work as well.

It's finding a rhythm that works for you and your family as it grows.families go through different phases and is just trying to find the rhythm that works for you at that particular time.

cococandy:
You can only say so much.
She's not a baby so let her live her life jare.
Before someone will start whispering in her ears that you want to stand in the way of god's blessings for her.

You are right my dear, I just hate to know she's not really happy, I think she's partly staying because of the "men will be men" mentality in our society.

Yay this thread has been resurected. Thank you Buka

How do I cope with career and everything else? . . by organisig myself and planning ahead

I write a lot of notes. I have post it notes and note books for almost everything

Before I leave work for the day, I write a list of things I plan doing the next day and cros them off as I do them. I manage my own workload, so I need to be organised.

I write notes for my housework, I write notes for shopping, If I am going on holiday I write down thethings I need to pack
If I am going to Nigeria, I write down my iteniary before I even leave.

I also try and make things easy for myself. I do most of my housework & cooking on Friday evening so we can have a lie in on Saturday morning.
I try not to let things overwhelm me, and clean as I go along. So I may be in the kitchen cooking and as am waiting for the food to cook, just wipe down the kitchen cupboards and I clean the bathroom as I use it
I also cut corners a lot

cococandy:
I'm so disorganized

Lol. Well I was not always an organised person. I had to learn it as it was the only way I could do all at the same time.

@ Damiso, see organisation

For me I do similar tasks together for efficiency. I tend to cook, clean dishes as I go and do my laundry together as my utility room is next door to my kitchen. My hubby travels a lot these day so I just get with the program but when he is in town, he'd keep me company in the kitchen and I would talk about my day and the likes.

Just like Dami, kids go to bed at 8pm, it in non negotiable even if all kinds of drama starts at that time; some people like to bath their children at night but I don't so I wake up early, exercise, meditate and get my clothes together. I wear a lot of slacks to work, saves me ironing and my children have 5 uniforms each, I do not want to worry about lack of clean shirts and what not. Rather than use lists, I set reminders on my phone for things I need to do at the to I'd like to them.
I prep most food, i use as many short-cut as I can especially when it comes to kids meals, I boil my meat at one go and keep the stock in small sandwich bags, blend peppers, blanch vegetables and store the same way. There is nothing I need to cook that will not be done in 15 mins. My children like/prefer chicken, I buy the soft ones from the supermarket and cook in the oven and store the same way I store meat. Yams are sliced and stored the same way. Anytime, I need to cook I done in less than 20 minutes. I buy ready made meatballs and liguine pasta instead of spaghetti since it cooks al-dente in 10mins and pasta sauces are my life saver. I never ever run out pasta sauces, I ought to buy shares at Sacla

At work, I have a to do list and my list is often in the order of importance/urgency and that works fine. I very rarely clean, I ain't getting no medal for cleaning, so I hire people to do that for me once a week and I just touch up until the cleaners have to come back. My kids have been taught to clean up after themselves, even my 5yr old knows he has to get the dust pan to sweep his crumbs from the floor and wipe the table after he eats.

No body except daddy and I eat away from the dinning table, I have no time to start picking up crumbs around the house o jare, hubby and I are flexible, we talk whenever and whereever

Funny lady,u buky

I stopped commenting on d boys thread cos I don't like d way they treat us ladies there.

Observed that a long time ago.

Chei,babyosisi where r u?


@topic.
Really,i thought I can combine these three but for where. One has to bow and that was my career.

No choice.

If u have my kind of system,not to worry,take some time off and concentrate on others first, then u can re bounce back.


Not easy at all.

Hmm
This is doesn't sound easy. Well done jare.

naijababe:
@ Damiso, see organisation

For me I do similar tasks together for efficiency. I tend to cook, clean dishes as I go and do my laundry together as my utility room is next door to my kitchen. My hubby travels a lot these day so I just get with the program but when he is in town, he'd keep me company in the kitchen and I would talk about my day and the likes.

Just like Dami, kids go to bed at 8pm, it in non negotiable even if all kinds of drama starts at that time; some people like to bath their children at night but I don't so I wake up early, exercise, meditate and get my clothes together. I wear a lot of slacks to work, saves me ironing and my children have 5 uniforms each, I do not want to worry about lack of clean shirts and what not. Rather than use lists, I set reminders on my phone for things I need to do at the to I'd like to them.
I prep most food, i use as many short-cut as I can especially when it comes to kids meals, I boil my meat at one go and keep the stock in small sandwich bags, blend peppers, blanch vegetables and store the same way. There is nothing I need to cook that will not be done in 15 mins. My children like/prefer chicken, I buy the soft ones from the supermarket and cook in the oven and store the same way I store meat. Yams are sliced and stored the same way. Anytime, I need to cook I done in less than 20 minutes. I buy ready made meatballs and liguine pasta instead of spaghetti since it cooks al-dente in 10mins and pasta sauces are my life saver. I never ever run out pasta sauces, I ought to buy shares at Sacla

At work, I have a to do list and my list is often in the order of importance/urgency and that works fine. I very rarely clean, I ain't getting no medal for cleaning, so I hire people to do that for me once a week and I just touch up until the cleaners have to come back. My kids have been taught to clean up after themselves, even my 5yr old knows he has to get the dust pan to sweep his crumbs from the floor and wipe the table after he eats.

No body except daddy and I eat away from the dinning table, I have no time to start picking up crumbs around the house o jare, hubby and I are flexible, we talk whenever and whereever