cococandy:
Freecocoa.

If you're the one in question, pls don't lose a man that adores you. Those are hard to come by.

I've not even seen any much faults you listed there except the getting angry part. If he doesn't get violent when angry, what's the big deal? Just that he sulks longer? Everyone is not the same.

Wish for Taller, funnier? pfft. inconsequential in the long run as you will find out.

Him not giving second chances may be harsh but it could also mean that he's disciplined. Does it reflect in his character? If it does, then you know you've gat yourself a keeper who won't stray on you because he doesn't believe in second chances.
Hopefully it's not one sided. That's the part you might want look into very well. But that's what courtships are for.

Yea, he is disciplined, I never had reason to doubt his faithfulness, I believe some of p his friends aren't happy he holds me in that much esteem(they think he's given me all the power) but he couldn't care less.

Yea, he sulks longer and walai, it kinda pisses me off, I mean like "snap out of it already"

I called it off sometime but I'm not so sure anymore and I know nothing's changed on his side.

There's something he said that makes me feel something I can't explain "It's okay to have expectations as people grow to want new things and I understand, I'd love to be all you want but I can't do anything about the physical features you want, but I'm still hoping that someday, you'll come saying 'please just take me back as I was a f00l to let you go' I want more than anything for this to happen and I hope I'll still be here that day"

bukatyne:


Bwahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha!

Sweetheart, not laughing at you, laughing with you

How are you?
Sorry for not mentioning you earlier.

issokay. I'm doing good. I'm sure you are too.

freecocoa:
I just take one eye dey look you, as you be like agbani, you come still decide say na grass sure pass, that na die na.

lol. Worefa, my friend. I get an 'A' for effort.

edwife:

I knew it,was just a matter of time.I didn't start this journey today....

chei. So as I was writing my vegan-journey epistle the other day, everybody already concluded that it was initial gra-gra? lol. I'm embarrassed.

Lol bukatyne,i forgot then went on to do something else.

@damiso

I am someone who believe in sacrifices in marriage.If it is for our future,i will be right there supporting the movement.Being together doesn't stop anyone from divorcing or being cheated on.....

When you already have kids and together understand the dynamic of a family,the decision needs to be mutual and most importantly the need to organize yourselves on how it should play out..

However it will be easy for a couple who have been married for years than for a newly wedded one,but in all you can only try this with someone that has the same mindset and purpose in life as you do.

bukatyne:
The train has obviously moved.

Over to freecocoa

Ah! Aunty me, I don steal the thunder? Biko no vex o, you know most of you have found "the one" make una just help me, as we all can need some guidance at some point, make una bear with me, for me to post this here, it's obviously serious biko.

Marriage is one place I want to get it very right, if I must do marriage, it has to be right.

moca:
@damiso,im a 100% practical and realist fella.
I will agree. Konji won't kill me.
And him either.
A cheating man will always cheat under ur nose.
If it's for the good of d family,why not?
Unless we r ttcing.
But if not,he has my support.

Even in obodo naija here, me and hubby r miles apart.
Very hard decision for me considering the fact that I just put to bed and in a new place but I have since adapted. Wasn't easy but d advantage out ways d dis.
Not for a long time though

I hv also conditioned my mind for d inevitable cos his work always take him miles away most times so even when we were together, he was o no nso eru aka(lol)

well said moca

edwife:
Lol bukytane,i forgot then went on to do something else.

@damiso

I am someone who believe in sacrifices in marriage.If it is for our future,i will be right there supporting the movement.Being together doesn't stop anyone from divorcing or being cheated on.....

When you already have kids and together understand the dynamic of a family,the decision need to be mutual and most importantly the need to organize yourselves on how it should played out..

However it will be easy for a couple who have been married for years than for a newly wedded one,but in all you can only try this with someone that has the same mindset and purpose in life as you do.

Yeah i think its easier for a couple married longer.

moca:


Chei! Bad mouth
How can u feel sorry for her?
U! Eeh!

I didn't meant that in a bad way. Babe knows.

standd:
@post cc Freecocoa

Tell the lady that height or whatever never really matter if she is truly in love. From your narration, she seem to be feeding off the man's love (while thinking that she is also in love with him)
If the man doesn't meet up to her expectations, even when she knows/feels that he loves and adores her, then IMO, she should just leave him be and look for a man that fits her specs; instead of letting her feeling of resentment/irritation for him grow.

it's me madam, the cats out the bag, get with the program.

Believe me, she was very much in love at some point(reason why it ran into years,duh!) I just feel I'm not letting myself admire his great qualities because of my lalaland conviction.

Don't be. I just felt you'd done enough already.
All the exercise and clean eating.

BABE3:


chei. So as I was writing my vegan-journey epistle the other day, everybody already concluded that it was initial gra-gra? lol. I'm embarrassed.

damiso:


edwife no vex I guess me and Freecocoa were typing at the same time..

Ok lets debate matters of the heart first then more practical stuff.

Cococandy nice perspective.


freecocoa I believe a couple will have common interests and goals BUT definitely almost always have tons of issues that they disagree. The key thing is learning to agree to disagree. Me and husband have so many things that we disagree we still had an argument last night about 'benefit scroungers' as he calls them. The description you gave about not giving people second chances/ and the other person giving chances is like me and my husband. Me , i can make excuses for people ehn. But my husband once you mess up twice (ok maybe he gives 3rd chance ) that's its. I still got burnt last week by a tailor that has repeatedly always never sewn my fabrics when needed. I was just trying to help cos i know she needs that money but to my husband she has done it twice so he cant understand why i would use her again just because of sentiments( papers etc ). If she needed the money she would be more efficient is his argument( which is sorta true).These days though he gives people more chances( guess my influence) and I also can see when i am being taken for granted a bit more. If my husband tells you he will be somewhere at 8pm he will be there at 8pm. and kinda holds people to his owns standards which I try to tell him is not possible. He cant stand deceit,ineffiency,pretense etc.

If those are the only issue you just need to learn how to communicate with each other.

Ok then, we are not dating right now though, I called it off, I don't want to just go back to him cos I can't bear to see him hurt again, should I decide he's not what I want, again.


I will give it time, but I miss him.

freecocoa:
Okay ladies, so when does it become "expecting too much" in a man?

I should give a synopsis for better understanding.

Ok so you were in a relationship for say 2 years or more and it was okay, you both were in love but usually argue about things, not like in a quarrelsome way, just tend to see things differently a lot and are both very passionate about your views which kinda makes it get personal most times, but along the line, you noticed he's tilted a whole lot to your side, while still holding unto some of his.

Truth is you both will never have the same values on everything. My hubby can never never marry a lady younger than him. It once got heated till I was WTF? 'I am 4yrs younger' so what's the P? I can never get younger, we are married already etc.

Most of the argument might never even affect you guys e.g. stance on legalized gay marriage etc.

Besides, him tilting to your side and holding unto some of his shows a very very good man there who is willing to compromise. I will say he is a keeper.

freecocoa:
He tends to get really angry when he gets angry and doesn't really give people second chances and that's something you don't like, as you on the other hand can give chances die and you wish he was taller than he is, funnier and act in what you believe is a "more civilised" way, he's not bush or anything, you just believe there's still room for refinement.

Anger.... as far as he is rational, no P

@refinement: Marriage has a funny way of refining men, never mind the mouth they make here . If he is willing to change, you will be surprised with time. For the mean time, you can get the clothes you want to see him in and other stuffs.

Re taller: he can never get taller than he is. You either get used to it or let him go

freecocoa:
But are you sure this guy loves you? You can say a resounding yes and he does it with a passion that can literally be felt, sometimes you even fear if this is just love, he is extremely proud of you, all his friends place you on a pedestal, you are sure he'd defend you even if they say something not pleasant about you, in plain words, he adores you. Yet somehow, you can't get to look past the things listed, as you keep feeling like if he doesn't meet up to those expectations, you'd never really be happy with him, you realise you love him but just can't seem to admire him.

You have his love and respect, 100% check
You love him, 100% check.

Admiration grows with time except if the values you want in a guy are tall, sharp rich as opposed to love, respect etc. etc.

freecocoa:
Do you think those things are too trivial a thing to look out for in a man and hold onto? Or is she stuck in lalaland?

Cc
Bukatyne

Extremely trivial and she is in lalaland.

You see that perfect sharp young man with impeccable manners you see?

Marry him and you will know he spits all over the bathroom or snores or as very terrible manners.

At the end, the tall or sharp will not matter in the grand scheme of things.

moca:
Freecocoa,stop living in wonderland
U won't kill me with that post of urs
(sorry o u might be very serious but... )

On a more serious note,if u don't feel it, pls take the dreaded walk away.

U must hv peace of mind with whomever u r dealing with(d most important).

U sound resigned.

If ur temperament falls among d melancholic type,abeg,run!

Blame it on mills and boons.

Thanks for you input.

cococandy:


I didn't meant that in a bad way. Babe knows.

I know too.
Just pulling ur legs.
How r u today?

moca:

I know too.
Just pulling ur legs.
How r u today?

Fineeeee

freecocoa:
it's me madam, the cats out the bag, get with the program.

Believe me, she was very much in love at some point(reason why it ran into years,duh!) I just feel I'm not letting myself admire his great qualities because of my lalaland conviction.

lol
Get your head out of the clouds then and be realistic.
I really don't believe in mushy-mushy love so the answer to your question is deep within your own heart.
Can you live with this man 'forever' ?
Do you respect him? (his opinions even when you don't totally agree with him)
Are you loyal to him( or you are already eyeing taller men)
Do you both have mutual interests?

See, coco, there are no perfect people anywhere. Oh, if this man truly love you( and you are sure of this), how can you even throw true love away? How?

freecocoa:
Ah! Aunty me, I don steal the thunder? Biko no vex o, you know most of you have found "the one" make una just help me, as we all can need some guidance at some point, make una bear with me, for me to post this here, it's obviously serious biko.

Marriage is one place I want to get it very right, if I must do marriage, it has to be right.

Lol@ steal thunder

I thought we wanted to go back to the initial topic.

I have dropped my thoughts

@Bold: 100% true

BABE3:


issokay. I'm doing good. I'm sure you are too.

I am splendid, thanks

@Edwife:

Okay o!

bukatyne:


Truth is you both will never have the same values on everything. My hubby can never never marry a lady younger than him. It once got heated till I was WTF? 'I am 4yrs younger' so what's the P? I can never get younger, we are married already etc.

Most of the argument might never even affect you guys e.g. stance on legalized gay marriage etc.

Besides, him tilting to your side and holding unto some of his shows a very very good man there who is willing to compromise. I will say he is a keeper.



Anger.... as far as he is rational, no P

@refinement: Marriage has a funny way of refining men, never mind the mouth they make here . If he is willing to change, you will be surprised with time. For the mean time, you can get the clothes you want to see him in and other stuffs.

Re taller: he can never get taller than he is. You either get used to it or let him go



You have his love and respect, 100% check
You love him, 100% check.

Admiration grows with time except if the values you want in a guy are tall, sharp rich as opposed to love, respect etc. etc.



Extremely trivial and she is in lalaland.

You see that perfect sharp young man with impeccable manners you see?

Marry him and you will know he spits all over the bathroom or snores or as very terrible manners.

At the end, the tall or sharp will not matter in the grand scheme of things.

You got the picture well.

I'm not gay, neither is he, yet when we argue on the subject, I want him to see it my own way(i cast out every spirit of ITK in me) you know if I'm being totally honest, I just think am more intelligent and I guess it kinda bothers me, chai! Make una pray for me o.

Thanks a lot.

freecocoa:
Blame it on mills and boons.

Thanks for you input.

This one wants idris h-elba. He's coming o, you hear.

Make the wedding a december wedding... coz that's when your homegirl will be in 9ja. Aseobi should be red in color. Red is in vogue.

bukatyne:


Truth is you both will never have the same values on everything. My hubby can never never marry a lady younger than him. It once got heated till I was WTF? 'I am 4yrs younger' so what's the P? I can never get younger, we are married already etc.

Most of the argument might never even affect you guys e.g. stance on legalized gay marriage etc.

Besides, him tilting to your side and holding unto some of his shows a very very good man there who is willing to compromise. I will say he is a keeper.



Anger.... as far as he is rational, no P

@refinement: Marriage has a funny way of refining men, never mind the mouth they make here . If he is willing to change, you will be surprised with time. For the mean time, you can get the clothes you want to see him in and other stuffs.

Re taller: he can never get taller than he is. You either get used to it or let him go



You have his love and respect, 100% check
You love him, 100% check.

Admiration grows with time except if the values you want in a guy are tall, sharp rich as opposed to love, respect etc. etc.



Extremely trivial and she is in lalaland.

You see that perfect sharp young man with impeccable manners you see?

Marry him and you will know he spits all over the bathroom or snores or as very terrible manners.

At the end, the tall or sharp will not matter in the grand scheme of things.

U r right Buky but my fear is she is not at peace with his so called flaws.

It's ok since she has admitted it's too much novels.

Freecocoa, reprogramme ur mind to accept d flaws.

Eg,i hate people that snores so much cos I will be deprived of my precious sleep.

D first time me and hubby slept together,gal see drumming(lol)
I was awake all night
I was like"is this what I will condone for the rest of our sleeping together!"

But since I was at peace with my soul over him,i quickly adapted.
Started looking for solution to d snoring thing.
And if it disturbs me, I will go to another rm and sleep.

The cause was discovered and medically dealt with.

freecocoa:
You got the picture well.

I'm not gay, neither is he, yet when we argue on the subject, I want him to see it my own way(i cast out every spirit of ITK in me) you know if I'm being totally honest, I just think am more intelligent and I guess it kinda bothers me, chai! Make una pray for me o.

Thanks a lot.

How did you come to that conclusion?

moca:


U r right Buky but my fear is she is not at peace with his so called flaws.

It's ok since she has admitted it's too much novels.

Freecocoa, reprogramme ur mind to accept d flaws.

Eg,i hate people that snores so much cos I will be deprived of my precious sleep.

D first time me and hubby slept together,gal see drumming(lol)
I was awake all night
I was like"is this what I will condone for the rest of our sleeping together!"

But since I was at peace with my soul over him,i quickly adapted.
Started looking for solution to d snoring thing.
And if it disturbs me, I will go to another rm and sleep.

The cause was discovered and medically dealt with.

She got to do a SWOT analysis and see if his strengths surpasses his weaknesses.

freecocoa:
Blame it on mills and boons.

Thanks for you input.

Try to do what i advised you and see if you can find an answer.

bukatyne:


Lol@ steal thunder

I thought we wanted to go back to the initial topic.

I have dropped my thoughts

@Bold: 100% true

Ehen there's this thing that might only be important on the list that I forgot(see my life)

I have taken this atheism thing really serious and I don't know what will ever make me go back and he's christian, in the course of our relationship, we talked about it a lot and he's cool with it but expects I accept and understand his, he says I talk to him like he's stup1d when we debate about God and religion, he said he knows it will sound like "just talk" when he says even if it means foregoing a church wedding, but that he's willing to do that for me.

Do you still think it will be great with this? I won't ask another question, no vex.

edwife:


Try to do what i advised you and see if you can find an answer.

Look at who's talking .

edwife:


Try to do what i advised you and see if you can find an answer.

okay, thank you.

freecocoa:
Ehen there's this thing that might only be important on the list that I forgot(see my life)

I have taken this atheism thing really serious and I don't know what will ever make me go back and he's christian, in the course of our relationship, we talked about it a lot and he's cool with it but expects I accept and understand his, he says I talk to him like he's stup1d when we debate about God and religion, he said he knows it will sound like "just talk" when he says even if it means foregoing a church wedding, but that he's willing to do that for me.

Do you still think it will be great with this? I won't ask another question, no vex.

I think the issues are more deeper.

He is a Christian, I find it hard him considering marrying an atheist however inter-religious marriages are not rare

Take a deep breath and start all over again...

What's important to you? What is important to him?

bukatyne:


How did you come to that conclusion?

I knew you'd ask.

Well, Everyone that knows me thinks me intelligent.

On a more serious note, it just kinda is obvious, I lack words, I don't want to appear proud.

bukatyne:


I think the issues are more deeper.

He is a Christian, I find it hard him considering marrying an atheist however inter-religious marriages are not rare

Take a deep breath and start all over again...

What's important to you? What is important to him?

That he doesn't even try to win me over as I fit vex and I find it hard to accept his excuses for sinning.

He says,marrying an atheist is something he never thought possible, but that I'm a good person, who even has more empathy and kindness than many christians he knows, so what's the harm? That he'd keep praying I have my encounter with god, as he believes, it's a personal thing.

Truckpusher:
Look at who's talking .

Lol bad boy himself....

edwife:


Lol bad boy himself....

I'm not a bad boy .

I like freecocoa, could you please match make us?

freecocoa:
I knew you'd ask.

Well, Everyone that knows me thinks me intelligent.

On a more serious note, it just kinda is obvious, I lack words, I don't want to appear proud.

You are intelligent no doubt but an underrated facet of intelligence is the ability to appreciate and embed diversity when dealing with issues

Having extreme confidence is good but without humility you will struggle to coexist in any cross functional role.

You have to be very careful in the real world though as team work is key as far as competency is concerned and it's one of the key skills we look for when hiring