moca:


U r right Buky but my fear is she is not at peace with his so called flaws.

It's ok since she has admitted it's too much novels.

Freecocoa, reprogramme ur mind to accept d flaws.

Eg,i hate people that snores so much cos I will be deprived of my precious sleep.

D first time me and hubby slept together,gal see drumming(lol)
I was awake all night
I was like"is this what I will condone for the rest of our sleeping together!"

But since I was at peace with my soul over him,i quickly adapted.
Started looking for solution to d snoring thing.
And if it disturbs me, I will go to another rm and sleep.

The cause was discovered and medically dealt with.

Okay then, maybe with more money(including mine)before them go talk say feminist dey find man money, I guess the refinement I so crave will come, by thunder by storm.

#Watchingandprayin

Truckpusher:
I'm not a bad boy .

I like freecocoa, could you please match make us?

She has a boyfriend(well still contemplating),an atheist,a feminist and very nice lady.

And most importantly she is HERE!

Freecocoa,this is deep.
Very deep.
Hmn...

Freecocoa this is my view on the matter.

If you are not feeling the man, no matter how much he loves you, you wont appreciate it or reciprocate his love and it will be very frustrating for both of you.

The things you have also picked on that bug you are not things that can be changed either; He cant grow taller and he cant be funnier. Some people are blessed with the gift of the gab and being able to lighten up a room and some just arent. The anger he can work on, but thats about it.

This is a man you will be with for a long long time. If you are not feeling the man now, then you def wont feel him when the stresses of marriage come.

Some of the things you mentioned may not bother some other people but it def bothers you and so it shouldnt be swept under the carpet.

Ive missed some posts so my aplogies if I am repeating what someone has already said.

freecocoa:
Okay ladies, so when does it become "expecting too much" in a man?

I should give a synopsis for better understanding.

Ok so you were in a relationship for say 2 years or more and it was okay, you both were in love but usually argue about things, not like in a quarrelsome way, just tend to see things differently a lot and are both very passionate about your views which kinda makes it get personal most times, but along the line, you noticed he's tilted a whole lot to your side, while still holding unto some of his.

He tends to get really angry when he gets angry and doesn't really give people second chances and that's something you don't like, as you on the other hand can give chances die and you wish he was taller than he is, funnier and act in what you believe is a "more civilised" way, he's not bush or anything, you just believe there's still room for refinement.

But are you sure this guy loves you? You can say a resounding yes and he does it with a passion that can literally be felt, sometimes you even fear if this is just love, he is extremely proud of you, all his friends place you on a pedestal, you are sure he'd defend you even if they say something not pleasant about you, in plain words, he adores you. Yet somehow, you can't get to look past the things listed, as you keep feeling like if he doesn't meet up to those expectations, you'd never really be happy with him, you realise you love him but just can't seem to admire him.

Do you think those things are too trivial a thing to look out for in a man and hold onto? Or is she stuck in lalaland?

freecocoa,

When it comes to what to look out for in a man, I have realised that one man's meat is another man's poison. Women look for different things in a man. If you ask me if those things are trivial, I will probably say yes but I am not the person marrying him. The important question is how important are these things to you? I have seen people whose problem that led to a bigger problem and then divorce started from what we I would call trivial. Hence I always advocate that people are told how to make a decision rather than just told what to look out for in a man. Please I am not telling you what to ask but just saying. This is how I make my decisions on such issue.

1.Write down what I like and what I hate about the person.
2. Prioritise the list (i.e what I love so much my spouse should be, what I can compromise and what I hate so much my spouse should not be) It is always best to be realistic when making such lists.
3. I then tick from the lists. If there is something I really want my spouse to have and he does not have or something I don't want my spouse to have and he has, then its time to ask myself if I can live with/without it for the rest of my life. If yes, I go for him and if not, I move on.

Is he a very principled man?

I know why I'm asking.

jaybee3:


You are intelligent no doubt but an underrated facet of intelligence is the ability to appreciate and embed diversity when dealing with issues

Well, I won't deny almost everyone also says "You no dey ever gree" chai! It's like I'm so seeing me clearly for the first time.*covers face with palm*

But I dey gree on few occasions though.

edwife:


She has a boyfriend(well still contemplating),an atheist,a feminist and very nice lady.

And most importantly she is HERE!

I love competition my lady.
She's here? Damn! Gotta run - She talks like a lady that can beat the hell out of a gentleman like me .

tearoses:
Freecocoa this is my view on the matter.

If you are not feeling the man, no matter how much he loves you, you wont appreciate it or reciprocate.

The things you have also picked on that bug you are not things that can be changed. He cant grow taller and he cant be funnier. Some people are blessed with the gift of lightning up a room and some arent. The anger he can work on, but thats about it.

This is a man you will be with for a long long time. If you are not feeling the man now, then you def wont feel him when the stresses of marriage come.

Ive missed some posts so my aplogies if I am repeating what someone has already said.

Perfect. Like my initial post.
Now, d main koko is this religious stuff.

Remember, marriage in our setting is mainly extended.
People will pokenose and interfer whether u like it or not so I ask is he a principled dude?

tearoses:
Freecocoa this is my view on the matter.

If you are not feeling the man, no matter how much he loves you, you wont appreciate it or reciprocate his love and it will be very frustrating for both of you.

The things you have also picked on that bug you are not things that can be changed either; He cant grow taller and he cant be funnier. Some people are blessed with the gift of the gab and being able to lighten up a room and some just arent. The anger he can work on, but thats about it.

This is a man you will be with for a long long time. If you are not feeling the man now, then you def wont feel him when the stresses of marriage come.

Some of the things you mentioned may not bother some other people but it def bothers you and so it shouldnt be swept under the carpet.

Ive missed some posts so my aplogies if I am repeating what someone has already said.

How did your Chinese Fried Jollof Rice go?

moca:
Freecocoa,this is deep.
Very deep.
Hmn...

So you see, I'm resigned for a reason, I do love him and he loves me with the kind of fire I want to be loved with.

Oh lord! Why meeeeeeeee?

*Wails.*

Damiso Ive learnt that it is different strokes for different folks when it comes to marriage

I personally dont think that I can live apart from my husband; but I say that becasue I dont have the need do it and dont find myself in that situation
If I didnt have a choice, then maybe I will have a different attitude towards this but I will find it hard. I am too much of a touchy feely gisty talkative person

bukatyne:


How did your Chinese Fried Jollof Rice go?

Ah It wasnt bad o!
It was a little messy cos I had to grate the cauliflower and it went everywhere
It tasted not too different from chinese fried rice
Very healthy too as there was no rice involved.
But I will always choose the real thing over it if I had a choice though

moca:


Perfect. Like my initial post.
Now, d main koko is this religious stuff.

Remember, marriage in our setting is mainly extended.
People will pokenose and interfer whether u like it or not so I ask is he a principled dude?

Which religious stuff?
Lemme stop readin posts from back to front and start from the beginning

freecocoa:
So you see, I'm not resigned for a reason, I do love him and he loves me with the kind of fire I want to be loved with.

Oh lord! Why meeeeeeeee?

*Wails.*

Oh babe,dont cry.
We will sort this out

tearoses:


Which religious stuff?
Lemme stop readin posts from back to front and start from the beginning

Better doo oh!
Freecocoa is a very stubborn child,number one.
2.she is highly temperamental,so she is melancholic.
Number 3,she be atteist.

Now her man has to match her on be on top of d game to subdue her else she will be d one marrying d man.

(freecocoa, no vex,im a realist)

But if she loves d dude very well,she can adjust even if she don't agree with d man's norms all d time.

freecocoa:
Okay then, maybe with more money(including mine)before them go talk say feminist dey find man money, I guess the refinement I so crave will come, by thunder by storm.

#Watchingandprayin

The religion issue is much more important than his height. So, I'll eat my words; I'm not sure it's advisable to go on with the relationship..... but what do I know? I can imagine how you make the poor fella feel during your religion arguments. Smh.

When you say you're more intelligent than him, I perfectly understand.

Lets say you guys end up together, when you start poping put kids, are you guys going to teach them to be atheists or Christians or half-and-half? Will your kids go to church?

What of his family members? Are they gonna be okay with him marrying an atheist/"devil's agent"?

God forbid something bad happens to him or both of you. Maybe he loses his job; I picture him blaming it on you. I picture him telling you its a sign that God wants you to change your ways.

What about him gan-gan? It's easier said than done. He probably hasn't thought about this as he should. He's probably just high on love, and not thinking practically.


Now, best case scenarios,
1) you convert back to Christianity
2) he joins you on your atheism journey.
3) both of you (including family) accept and respect each other's views on religion.

I know don't see "1" and "3" happening. So "2" is your best bet. Get to work!

Oh, before I forget, if you decide you're done with the relationship, I know a handsome atheist fella in the religion section looking for love; tall, dark, and smart. Holla..

damiso:


Yeah i think its easier for a couple married longer.

Funny enough I think its harder
You get used to the companionship and doing everything together and the other person being there and suddenly the person isnt there anymore

Jaybee3, Damiso, tearoses, TV01, Sagamite, naijababe, Coogar, anybody else that can help pls

Pls who has any information about Devere Group?? Their website is nice and all but I read some very bad reviews about them online. I need information about their pay, bonuses, working conditions etc. They have been sending me some series of invites which I have ignored so far because I think there is something fishy about them but they are quite persistent. I want to know if I should bother with them at all on Friday.

Buka et al. - pls sorry to bump your discssuion. Abeg no vex. I just need to make up my mind urgently.

I actually don't see any problem with inter religious relationships so long as the two involved are ready to accommodate each other's differences.

No marriage will work without employing flexibility to key issues

We are all different people and we need to be able to accommodate each other's differences in order to coexist. I can't over empahisise how important this is as that's the only magic people fail to identify with

jaybee3:
I actually don't see any problem with inter religious relationships so long as the two involved are ready to accommodate each other's differences.

No marriage will work without employing flexibility to key issues

We are all different people and we need to be able to accommodate each other's differences in order to coexist. I can't over empahisise how important this is as that's the only magic people fail to identify with

Supported!!!

I'm a christain and I support this..

freecocoa:
Ehen there's this thing that might only be important on the list that I forgot(see my life)

I have taken this atheism thing really serious and I don't know what will ever make me go back and he's christian, in the course of our relationship, we talked about it a lot and he's cool with it but expects I accept and understand his, he says I talk to him like he's stup1d when we debate about God and religion, he said he knows it will sound like "just talk" when he says even if it means foregoing a church wedding, but that he's willing to do that for me.

Do you still think it will be great with this? I won't ask another question, no vex.

On this point it will be very difficult, becasue one of you is going to want to influence the other
The difference between a Christian and aethist cant be under estimated or swept under the carpet and the pressure may eventually get to him/you
This is not a case of him liking foo foo and you liking eba
Religion is one of our strongest core makeup.
So one of you is going to be at loggerheads with their heart desires if one of you gives in to the other.
Then you have the issue of how to bring your children up.
This has to be resolved and you both be at peace with your individual descsion first before you go to the alter

Kimoni:
Jaybee3, Damiso, tearoses, TV01, Sagamite, naijababe, Coogar, anybody else that can help pls

Pls who has any information about Devere Group?? Their website is nice and all but I read some very bad reviews about them online. I need information about their pay, bonuses, working conditions etc. They have been sending me some series of invites which I have ignored so far because I think there is something fishy about them but they are quite persistent. I want to know if I should bother with them at all on Friday.

Buka et al. - pls sorry to bump your discssuion. Abeg no vex. I just need to make up my mind urgently.

I don't think you should bother with them. The role is going to be based on commission if successful and the negative reviews can't be ignored

Kimoni:
Jaybee3, Damiso, tearoses, TV01, Sagamite, naijababe, Coogar, anybody else that can help pls

Pls who has any information about Devere Group?? Their website is nice and all but I read some very bad reviews about them online. I need information about their pay, bonuses, working conditions etc. They have been sending me some series of invites which I have ignored so far because I think there is something fishy about them but they are quite persistent. I want to know if I should bother with them at all on Friday.

Buka et al. - pls sorry to bump your discssuion. Abeg no vex. I just need to make up my mind urgently.

Never heard of them ..

However all the bolder bits of the email always send alarm bells ringing.. I personally don't like Job ads that emphasise training you over the actual skill set/experience of the candidates they are looking for.

You will almost often have to pay for the 'training' before you are then 'placed' into a role.

tearoses:


On this point it will be very difficult, becasue one of you is going to want to influence the other
The difference between a Christian and aethist cant be under estimated or swept under the carpet and the pressure may eventually get to him.
This is not a case of him liking foo foo and you liking eba
Religion is one of our strongest core makeup.
So one of you is going to be at loggerheads with their heart desires if one of you gives in to the other.
Then you have the issue of how to bring your children up.
This has to be resolved and you both be at peace with your individual descsion first.

I think it's Possible if they both respect and tolerate their individual religions...



Cc: freecocoa

Kimoni:
Jaybee3, Damiso, tearoses, TV01, Sagamite, naijababe, Coogar, anybody else that can help pls

Pls who has any information about Devere Group?? Their website is nice and all but I read some very bad reviews about them online. I need information about their pay, bonuses, working conditions etc. They have been sending me some series of invites which I have ignored so far because I think there is something fishy about them but they are quite persistent. I want to know if I should bother with them at all on Friday.

Buka et al. - pls sorry to bump your discssuion. Abeg no vex. I just need to make up my mind urgently.

Ive never heard of them
But the way I look at it is if they are that good a company to work for, they will have people throwing cv's at them and "fighting" to work for them and not the other way round . . .unless you have a skill that no one else can offer.

BABE3:


The religion issue is much more important than his height. So, I'll eat my words; I'm not sure it's advisable to go on with the relationship..... but what do I know? I can imagine how you make the poor fella feel during your religion arguments. Smh.

When you say you're more intelligent than him, I perfectly understand.

Lets say you guys end up together, when you start poping put kids, are you guys going to teach them to be atheists or Christians or half-and-half? Will your kids go to church?

What of his family members? Are they gonna be okay with him marrying an atheist/"devil's agent"?

God forbid something bad happens to him or both of you. Maybe he loses his job; I picture him blaming it on you. I picture him telling you its a sign that God wants you to change your ways.

What about him gan-gan? It's easier said than done. He probably hasn't thought about this as he should. He's probably just high on love, and not thinking practically.


Now, best case scenarios,
1) you convert back to Christianity
2) he joins you on your atheism journey.
3) both of you (including family) accept and respect each other's views on religion.

I know don't see "1" and "3" happening. So "2" is your best bet. Get to work!

Oh, before I forget, if you decide you're done with the relationship, I know a handsome atheist fella in the religion section looking for love; tall, dark, and smart. Holla..

I know you'll understand and quite frankly he's told me his parents might faint if they know am atheist, still he's insistent he can make it work.

We've had the talk about kids but honestly? If am gonna keep living in Naija, hoping to marry a Naija man who goes to church, I'll have to bend and let the kids go to church(since I went to church but still found my true calling), maybe one day they can be me.#evilsmile

But the real problem is, knowing myself, I'll prolly tell them Jonah didn't swallow any fish or was it the fish that swallowed him sef, should they ask and won't they worry why mum never goes to church with them?

This religious matter is honestly why I kept telling myself it won't work.

Well, thank you for your thoughtful input.

I'll wait on my lord for directions, as regards your offer.;

Don't argue about his choice of religion, Respect IT...

Cc: Freecocoa

jaybee3:
I actually don't see any problem with inter religious relationships so long as the two involved are ready to accommodate each other's differences.

No marriage will work without employing flexibility to key issues

We are all different people and we need to be able to accommodate each other's differences in order to coexist. I can't over empahisise how important this is as that's the only magic people fail to identify with

I see no problem with inter-religious marriages too. In fact, all the inter-religious marriages I know of are flourishing.


The problem is, atheism isn't a religion. Its completely off the religion tangent. A Muslim husband and a Christian wife both believe in a higher being. An atheist doesn't. 90% of a religious person's life revolves around God, 0% of an atheist's life revolves around God.

Atheists generally think religious people are ìdiots.
Religious people generally think atheists are the anti-christ.

A Christian will save a muslim from a burning building before he saves an atheist.

So you see, it's not the same at all.

I understand where you're coming from, but in this case its easier said than done.

keppyy:


I think it's Possible if they both respect and tolerate their individual religions...



Cc: freecocoa

keppyy:
Don't argue about his choice of religion, Respect IT...
Cc: Freecocoa

What of the kids?

keppyy:


I think it's Possible if they both respect and tolerate their individual religions...



Cc: freecocoa

Its going to be hard.
The pressure on the Christian will be intense
Every week in Church "Where is your wife?"
"We are praying for her"
On Sunday when she wants a lie in, he is getting ready for Church
If he is a Church worker, then several times a week he will be in Church
Is she prepared to deal with all that?
How will the kids be brought up? As Christians or aethists?