pickabeau1:


Your first statement sounds contradictory

You say I have nothing to fear yet you say its all on me if I am unfortunate to get a wealth plunderer who uses laws to extract my wealth

That is why I have to fear

No you don't - what you pick is what you get, just as with anything else in life. Don't choose a money-grabbing pillager and expect a homely wife to emerge. It's really that simple.

netotse:

boss...this one that you are posting here, what changed?

Just briefly visiting bro. . . hope you're doing good.

debosky:


Just briefly visiting bro. . . hope you're doing good.

Yep I am...thanks , that scrubber made me a star back then o...thanks.

Ewuro4:
TV01... I'm not gonna drag it with you when your our princess introduce her age mate to you as her fiancé, hold your hand back you hear?

Generally speaking and without factoring for outliers - at 25, her age mates won't be ready. At 35, they won't be interested.


TV

^{...as an aside, although I speak mainly to men, I believe my position is also best for women. My daughter will be raised to understand that her best opportunity to make the best marriage will generally be somewhere between 22 & 28. She'll be shown why and understand how to best go about it. What she ultimately does will be her choice. I will discharge my duty.}

Debosky still on NL? Hmm

Guess no one really leaves, huh!

Go young, young man, go young - Part III

It's relatively hard these days - not least because of the financial climate and the fact that maturity seemingly comes later? - for men to be “stable” enough to be ready for marriage much before 30. And more men are being pushed to the 35 – and even beyond - age range.

Most tend to be “bulge bracket”. Not fantastically rich celebs, or well-connected scions of well to-do families that can fast-track them, or ensure they are well situated, or simply guarantee a comfortable life whatever happens.

Those “above” the bulge bracket, and those who by sheer hard work or good fortune are able to move out of it, or at least rise to being the cream of it, will – with all due regard – have a wider, and for the most part, best choice of partners.

This is just normal, not least because women naturally gravitate towards them. Status pure and simple. For lots of women, anything below the cream is second best, and many strive to partner at that level for as long as possible.

When it dawns on her that, marriage – and children - are still a must, but wedlock to a cream+ is no longer a maybe – they all married younger, prettier, higher value women – they turn to plan B. You .

You. Who has finally gotten it together enough to get married. The hustle is paying off and you’ve scaled the ladder a bit – with the definite possibility of growing your status some more. You need someone who will appreciate your efforts, work with you, and support you being the man in your home.

Are you really going to marry someone of the same age who will be fixated on having children? Having had her focus on living it up, marring up, or moving up corporately? Are you are satisfied that she's an outlier; remains fantastically fit, has little or no baggage and isn't marrying you even a little bit out of desperation?

That even if she has totally routine births and has only 2, she will not balloon and transfer most of her affection to her kids (named after the cream that got away )- while her libido decamps? Perhaps relocates permanently, when she convinces herself she could have done better and deserves more?

If you going to be shamed into marrying your age-mate - unless that is your absolute informed choice - due to the fear of being called agbaya or grilled by parents? Then you are obviously not the man I'm writing to.

When I met and woo'ed my wife, I met all her family and presented myself accordingly. Of course I had to engage and get to know them, suffer the minor indignity of traipsing around sundry relatives homes and making an appearance at family occasions. All the while glad-handling and making small talk.

But I wouldn't be brought low, or take - directly or indirectly - ridicule. Why should I? The next in line - who had been in front of my WTB, but mis-judged - was keen to come back. And even though I love my wife to bits and am wonderfully blessed, I have no doubt I could have made a great marriage with her also - and she was even younger. Who can shame a confident man with the right bearing and approach?

It’s would seem to me, better to wife someone who appreciates you as a catch, and not a consolation. It would be better with someone coming into her prime and not someone past it. Better with someone you can strategically set your sights with and not someone who tactically settles for you.

By all means, regard her parents, but they didn’t make you and they can’t marry her. And even if you don't marry her, you will marry se?

As ever, feel free to ignore me, I’m just musing .



TV

debosky:


No you don't - what you pick is what you get, just as with anything else in life. Don't choose a money-grabbing pillager and expect a homely wife to emerge. It's really that simple.

Are u feigning

Are u saying u r not aware of the metamorphosis some women go through once they get the ring or utilise favourable laws

Why do we have prenuptial if we have nothing to fear

TV01:
Go young, young man, go young - Part III

It's relatively hard these days - not least because of the financial climate and the fact that maturity seemingly comes later? - for men to be “stable” enough to be ready for marriage much before 30. And more men are being pushed to the 35 – and even beyond - age range.

Most tend to be “bulge bracket”. Not fantastically rich celebs, or well-connected scions of well to-do families that can fast-track them, or ensure they are well situated, or simply guarantee a comfortable life whatever happens.

Those “above” the bulge bracket, and those who by sheer hard work or good fortune are able to move out of it, or at least rise to being the cream of it, will – with all due regard – have a wider, and for the most part, best choice of partners.

This is just normal, not least because women naturally gravitate towards them. Status pure and simple. For lots of women, anything below the cream is second best, and many strive to partner at that level for as long as possible.

When it dawns on her that, marriage – and children - are still a must, but wedlock to a cream+ is no longer a maybe – they all married younger, prettier, higher value women – they turn to plan B. You .

You. Who has finally gotten it together enough to get married. The hustle is paying off and you’ve scaled the ladder a bit – with the definite possibility of growing your status some more. You need someone who will appreciate your efforts, work with you, and support you being the man in your home.

Are you really going to marry someone of the same age who will be fixated on having children? Having had her focus on living it up, marring up, or moving up corporately? Are you are satisfied that she's an outlier; remains fantastically fit, has little or no baggage and isn't marrying you even a little bit out of desperation?

That even if she has totally routine births and has only 2, she will not balloon and transfer most of her affection to her kids (named after the cream that got away )- while her libido decamps? Perhaps relocates permanently, when she convinces herself she could have done better and deserves more?

If you going to be shamed into marrying your age-mate - unless that is your absolute informed choice - due to the fear of being called agbaya or grilled by parents? Then you are obviously not the man I'm writing to.

When I met and woo'ed my wife, I met all her family and presented myself accordingly. Of course I had to engage and get to know them, suffer the minor indignity of traipsing around sundry relatives homes and making an appearance at family occasions. All the while glad-handling and making small talk.

But I wouldn't be brought low, or take - directly or indirectly - ridicule. Why should I? The next in line - who had been in front of my WTB, but mis-judged - was keen to come back. And even though I love my wife to bits and am wonderfully blessed, I have no doubt I could have made a great marriage with her also - and she was even younger. Who can shame a confident man with the right bearing and approach?

It’s would seem to me, better to wife someone who appreciates you as a catch, and not a consolation. It would be better with someone coming into her prime and not someone past it. Better with someone you can strategically set your sights with and not someone who tactically settles for you.

By all means, regard her parents, but they didn’t make you and they can’t marry her. And even if you don't marry her, you will marry se?

As ever, feel free to ignore me, I’m just musing .



TV

Hahaba

Kids named after the fling
You the backup

Evulz...

Go on

TV01:
Go young, young man, go young II


Do chores all you want, but they don’t enhance your status in lieu of the big ticket items. If you lose yourself in her emotions, she will punish you for her feelings.

TV

Truth.

pickabeau1:


Hahaba

Kids named after the fling
You the backup

Evulz...

Go on

Nor mind them. After they have flexed finished and it dawns on them the wall is fast approaching, the broda who wasn't "their class", that "small boy" of yore, or the fellow jambite who "no carry", suddenly seems a great catch.

No cry of marry your age mate back then 0! And I've seen them make such marriages happen by sheer force of will. It should be documented as a natural phenomena !

She meets you today, tomorrow it will be "what are we doing". Day 3 it will be "you don't know what you want". Day 4 is usually "other guys are asking 0". Day 5 "my cousin chrissy says...if you don't...then...". Day 6 "when are you coming to meet my people". . Wetin I no see? Men be sharp - such women shouldn't make it very far beyond day 2.

I couldn't believe it when I saw the "my wifes libido is dead" thread this morning. I actually wrote parts 2 & 3 last night, but I'm sure some will suspect that my alternate opened that thread - even I did. Dayuum...I too am amongst the prophets 0 !


TV

TV01:

Generally speaking and without factoring for outliers - at 25, her age mates won't be ready. At 35, they won't be interested.


TV

My argument is mainly against the overhyped Hypergamy.


@bold , Why do you think so? What are the factor(s) that makes an average 27yr old man not ready/ interested for marriage?

(If already discussed pls redirect me to the page )

pickabeau1:


Hahaba

Kids named after the fling
You the backup

Evulz...

Go on

That's the alpha widow right there. It is kind of sad for the man who marries her. A life of misery for both partners.

ApexTitan:
I've noticed that the word hypergamy has been cropping up a lot here on NL. Female hypergamy isn't just entirely about women marrying older men but refers to the much broader concept of the dualistic nature of the female sexual strategy. That is, the womans attempts in satisfying her need for attracting the most genetically endowed mates for immediate gratification against the need for securing one who can provide for her and her offsprings in the long term.

This comment sheds new light on the whole matter. When discussing human se.xual behavior and mating preferences, it is necessary to include the biological point of view. Women do SOMETIMES prefer a certain genetical make-up in males, even if the preference is for males who are not the best and most caring providers in the long run (but rather freedom-loving, adventurous, independent, rough kind of guys).

HOWEVER, a woman's taste changes as often as her mood changes ... along with the different phases of the menstrual cycle. (If you want to understand women, study the moon )

At some point of her menstrual journey (through hell , mind you some women are extremely emotional ) she will like rough guys who give it to her hard and give her the thrill but at other times she will need a gentleman who will make her feel loved and understood, who she will not be ashamed to feel weak before.

Your job is to figure out when your woman needs what but do NOT make the mistake to behave like a mumu on tiptoes who is trying to please his woman 24/7. She needs to please you in the first place A woman who loves you will love pleasing you.

Ewuro4:


My argument is mainly against the overhyped Hypergamy.


@bold , Why do you think so? What are the factor(s) that makes an average 27yr old man not ready/ interested for marriage?

(If already discussed pls redirect me to the page )

Money and career

How many 27s are settled

In a few years yes....because of younger graduate from the private unis etc


Your challenge is that you look at the older generation who started work after secondary school

innervoice:


This comment sheds new light on the whole matter. When discussing human se.xual behavior and mating preferences, it is necessary to include the biological point of view. Women do SOMETIMES prefer a certain genetical make-up in males, even if the preference is for males who are not the best and most caring providers in the long run (but rather freedom-loving, adventurous, independent, rough kind of guys).

HOWEVER, a woman's taste changes as often as her mood changes ... along with the different phases of the menstrual cycle. (If you want to understand women, study the moon )

At some point of her menstrual journey (through hell , mind you some women are extremely emotional ) she will like rough guys who give it to her hard and give her the thrill but at other times she will need a gentleman who will make her feel loved and understood, who she will not be ashamed to feel weak before.

Your job is to figure out when your woman needs what but do NOT make the mistake to behave like a mumu on tiptoes who is trying to please his woman 24/7. She needs to please you in the first place A woman who loves you will love pleasing you.

Now you are discussing like a human being not the attempt at nonchalantly dismissing what was being said when you made your first post
I like the bolded........


Don't you think a woman who regards herself as your peer will find it difficult to respect you as man

ApexTitan:

That's the alpha widow right there. It is kind of sad for the man who marries her. A life of misery for both partners.

More like black widow...lol

O

TV01:

Nor mind them. After they have flexed finished and it dawns on them the wall is fast approaching, the broda who wasn't "their class", that "small boy" of yore, or the fellow jambite who "no carry", suddenly seems a great catch.

No cry of marry your age mate back then 0! And I've seen them make such marriages happen by sheer force of will. It should be documented as a natural phenomena !

She meets you today, tomorrow it will be "what are we doing". Day 3 it will be "you don't know what you want". Day 4 is usually "other guys are asking 0". Day 5 "my cousin chrissy says...if you don't...then...". Day 6 "when are you coming to meet my people". . Wetin I no see? Men be sharp - such women shouldn't make it very far beyond day 2.

I couldn't believe it when I saw the "my wifes libido is dead" thread this morning. I actually wrote parts 2 & 3 last night, but I'm sure some will suspect that my alternate opened that thread - even I did. Dayuum...I too am amongst the prophets 0 !


TV

I saw that thread will read it

I hear more of this cases nowadays even offline

The woman forgets about the man once she gets her status as a wife and has kids

Let's herself go and focuses on her career claiming busy and tired
Some do it with finesse and respect
Others tell you u r no good


Those with conscience continue pleading

A man with less scruples may need to step out....

Interesting theories

sometimes people don't know what they want unless you show it to them or ironically,when they don't see the desirable then the available becomes the former....

pickabeau1:



Now you are discussing like a human being not the attempt at nonchalantly dismissing what was being said when you made your first post
I like the bolded........


Don't you think a woman who regards herself as your peer will find it difficult to respect you as man




More like black widow...lol

No, why would she?

innervoice:


No, why would she?

good

so whats the brouhaha about

That's the thrust of TV01 posts and the ladies said status differences (age, education etc) do not matter

im still trying to get your own angle

pickabeau1:


good

so whats the brouhaha about

That's the thrust of TV01 posts and the ladies said status differences (age, education etc) do not matter

im still trying to get your own angle

On what exactly?

pickabeau1:



Money and career

How many 27s are settled

In a few years yes....because of younger graduate from the private unis etc


Your challenge is that you look at the older generation who started work after secondary school

I think it's not just about becoming "settled" as we like to put it here in Naija. The advice, which I also support, that men are better off marrying in their 30s or later, than in their 20s (to much younger woman of course) is stemmed to the fact that the man would have accrued more social capital and value, which is an important trigger for female attraction, than when he was in his 20s.

Even if he graduates from school early and lands a job in his mid 20s, in many instances he would still be working in an entry to mid level position for a few more years. It is later in his 30s that his position and status becomes much more pronounced. It is also assumed that he acquires an even better sense of judgment, he knows where he is going with his life - basically with age comes the quality of maturity that women quickly pickup on.

There are some interesting articles out there about how men's sexual marketplace value starts to peak in his 30s, would share them here if I could lay hands on them now...

Ewuro4:
My argument is mainly against the overhyped Hypergamy.

@bold , Why do you think so? What are the factor(s) that makes an average 27yr old man not ready/ interested for marriage?

(If already discussed pls redirect me to the page )

The first difference is that you equate hypergamy solely with gold-digging. It's encompases that, but is way more than that.

These days, very few men are financially and psychologically ready for marriage. Women mature faster and are - rightly - compelled biologically and socially to seek marriage earlier.

More pertinently, mens marriage value continues to climb into their 30, whilst womens - which whether one acknowledges it or not - is maximised when they are at the peak of their beauty. This will typically be mid 20's.

They may be more assured, sophisticated and polished into their 30's, bu tthey will not be more beautiful or fertile. Those are the main measures of marriage value to men.

Financial considerations may skew that somewhat nowadays. But note men that do not have these considerations, they typically end up with what you would term "trophy wives".

More generally, the key is to introduce the "marriage culture" from earlier - in both males and females. Get rid of the extended adolescence that most men seem to undergo these days, and the unrealistic picture that seem to drive womens approach to marriage.

Understanding inculcated and expectations properly set, marriage should generally happen earlier and fare better. We may then be able to revise down slightly the age gap between couples !

I am a fan of "early" - please, nobody interprete this to mean 16, or 12 or some such - marriage. Even if only from the Christian position of no sex before marriage. It will be hard to hold oneself till 40 !


TV

Also correct

ApexTitan:


I think it's not just about becoming "settled" as we like to put it here in Naija. The advice, which I also support, that men are better off marrying in their 30s or later, than in their 20s (to much younger woman of course) is stemmed to the fact that the man would have accrued more social capital and value, which is an important trigger for female attraction, than when he was in his 20s.

Even if he graduates from school early and lands a job in his mid 20s, in many instances he would still be working in an entry to mid level position for a few more years. It is later in his 30s that his position and status becomes much more pronounced. It is also assumed that he acquires an even better sense of judgment, he knows where he is going with his life - basically with age comes the quality of maturity that women quickly pickup on.

There are some interesting articles out there about how men's sexual marketplace value starts to peak in his 30s, would share them here if I could lay hands on them now...

on the debate so far

innervoice:

On what exactly?

TV01:

The first difference is that you equate hypergamy solely with gold-digging. It's encompases that, but is way more than that.

These days, very few men are financially and psychologically ready for marriage. Women mature faster and are - rightly - compelled biologically and socially to seek marriage earlier.

More pertinently, mens marriage value continues to climb into their 30, whilst womens - which whether one acknowledges it or not - is maximised when they are at the peak of their beauty. This will typically be mid 20's.

They may be more assured, sophisticated and polished into their 30's, bu tthey will not be more beautiful or fertile. Those are the main measures of marriage value to men.

Financial considerations may skew that somewhat nowadays. But note men that do not have these considerations, they typically end up with what you would term "trophy wives".

More generally, the key is to introduce the "marriage culture" from earlier - in both males and females. Get rid of the extended adolescence that most men seem to undergo these days, and the unrealistic picture that seem to drive womens approach to marriage.

That extended adolescence started due to the economic reasons
It was further helped by the availability of sex given by women encouraged by liberal attitudes
why buy the cow when u get the milk for free

Now with laws targeting your assets.. why marry at all

It will only get worse.

pickabeau1:


That extended adolescence started due to the economic reasons
It was further helped by the availability of sex given by women encouraged by liberal attitudes
why buy the cow when u get the milk for free

Now with laws targeting your assets.. why marry at all

It will only get worse.

Coupled with increasing quest for equal share of marital rights and responsibilities as though it was a loaf of bread even though one side brings in more capital as well as the possibilities of collusive and frosty interactions

Yep

njokusboy:


Coupled with increasing quest for equal share of marital rights and responsibilities as though it was a loaf of bread even though one side brings in more capital as well as the possibilities of collusive and frosty interactions

You people make marriage sound as if one is going to war
Too theoretical
When does one enjoy the marriage when one is so serious about the whole thing
Do this do that, dont do this and dont do that
We are all human
Human nature and theory dont always go hand in hand


Pickabeau youve started speaking big grammer too
Please I cant have a dico open for two people
come back to my level abeg

Leave TV01 with his grammer, We are used to him. I read his posts in segments. I read One segment, grab dico, digest, then rest for 5 minutes, then read another segment. - I would love to be a fly on the wall when he is telling his kids off and see the blank expression on their faces

It's either I am incredibly naive or I am an alien...........many posits on this thread are just so strange to me

I still don't see the theory
This is real life ish we been talking about since

naijababe:
It's either I am incredibly naive or I am an alien...........many posits on this thread are just so strange to me

Me too oooooo
Even Ewuro and Dami are beginning to sound strange
Must be something in the water on this thread

BTW whats an alpha widow please?

tearoses:


Me too oooooo
Even Ewuro and Dami are beginning to sound strange
Must be something in the water on this thread

wetin me and Ewuro do o.

I don't even have energy to speak(Abi is it type) English again. TV01 is kuku speaking to the boys so e no concern us.. All I know is I pray my brother/son marry a good woman that will complement them whether or not they are age mates or 10 years older.

tearoses:


Me too oooooo
Even Ewuro and Dami are beginning to sound strange
Must be something in the water on this thread

BTW whats an alpha widow please?

Mami, you too abi? I feel so much better