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Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! - Family (15) - Nairaland

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Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Godmystrength: 7:01pm On Aug 20, 2014
@sophyrocks-i will apologize when i get home. I shouldn't have shouted. I was just angry and embarrassed at the same time. My colleagues have started taunting me stylishly.

1 Like

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 7:20pm On Aug 20, 2014
Ive really learnt a lot from this thread. that story of a woman who got HIV+ courtsey her hubby reminds me of a story i read in a blog. A blog visitor sent in her story to emphasise why married women with cheating husbands need to value their lives more than the 'Married status'. This woman was veeeeeerrrrry lucky to have narrowly escaped been infected with HIV. Her husband was fond was sleeping around frequently without protection. After been in the 'Ignore and praying' mode as preached by many and seeing no changes, she packed out and left all the cars and riches behind for the sake of her sanity. she decided to go for seperation and luckily for her, no child in the union. Its has been 3 years since the seperation and it didnt stop her from communicating with her hubby as friends. Her hubby used to gist with her about his escapades (Cheats never change). one day, her hubby confided in her that he was HIV+. They met face to face and he showed her the lab tests results. They went to a different lab to run another test and it was confirmed +. He had to start medications soon and even pleaded with her to come back, that he would pay her whatever amount she wants, just so that she could come back. He also claimed he was lonely.

Well, she never went back and was already engaged to someone else. She didnt say if she was formarly divorced anyways but since she addressed her hubby as her EX, i guess they were divorced. I feel she should have tested herself still just to be sure she has not been infected with the virus, then it would be taken that she was indeed very lucky.

All in all, like i would always say, women should always take charge of their lives. Its high time we all had a sense of value for our lives. Our lives are precious. It isnt worth it swallowing stds simply because of status. When we say all these, anti-divorce crusaders will accuse us of breaking homes as if homes tainted with cheating and std sharing arent broken and dysfunctional already. 'All men cheat' supporters will come to brand every man as animals, brainless and m0r0ns who are only interested in satisfying urges 24/7. All these generalisations don't do justice in keeping marriages wholesome and sacred at all as God wanted it to be. Married women, HIV and EBOLA are real oooo!!! Continue keeping up appearances at your own risk!!! Married men, stick to your wives for once. Try to have self control. you have brains to do it. Its not worth it putting the whole of your family and marriage at risk of doom simply because of 5 minutes pleasure!! i think couples should imbibe the culture of going for occasional tests from time to time. I CANNOT THROW AWAY MY LIFE SIMPLY BECAUSE THE PEN1S OF A MAN WANTS IT SO. May God help us all.

15 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 7:32pm On Aug 20, 2014
Godmystrength: @sophyrocks-i will apologise when i get home. I shdnt have shouted. I was just angry and embarassed at the same time. My colleagues have started tauting me stylishly.

I Understand how you felt. It really looked like he was monitoring your movement. He really wanted to be sure that you were really at work for each time he calls which was why he collected your colleague's number. Thats insecurity. and that is quite irritating. he needs reassuranc from you that whatever he may be thinking will not come to pass. He needs to trust you. I am sure once you both have trashed it out, it would be a thing of the past. May God almighty see you both through this trying time.

Chai, I dey fear that thing called Marriage.

4 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 7:33pm On Aug 20, 2014
Godmystrength: @sophyrocks-i will apologise when i get home. I shdnt have shouted. I was just angry and embarassed at the same time. My colleagues have started tauting me stylishly.
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by bellong: 7:37pm On Aug 20, 2014
Godmystrength,

Ask him in a calm manner, "darling, how would you feel if my colleague's husbands start calling me every now and then....."?

If you like them calling me, you can keep calling my colleagues at work.

What he is doing is totally and completely wrong. It is not courteous at all.

Ask him if he wants to enter those ladies by style. grin cheesy

10 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 8:47pm On Aug 20, 2014
@Godismystrength.
God is really your strength o jare. My ex bf was like that too. It was so annoying. Because I always take his word for what he says....and I was finding his calling my coursemates and friends regularly.
But I don't let issues get to me. I'd rather be the one to get to issues.
I first deleted all the numbers he had pilfered from his fone.
After that I edited most of the names of my contacts.
I'm eating right now. Comin soon with more details
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by temi4fash(m): 9:04pm On Aug 20, 2014
Sophyrocks:

I Understand how you felt. It really looked like he was monitoring your movement. He really wanted to be sure that you were really at work for each time he calls which was why he collected your colleague's number. Thats insecurity. and that is quite irritating. he needs reassuranc from you that whatever he may be thinking will not come to pass. He needs to trust you. I am sure once you both have trashed it out, it would be a thing of the past. May God almighty see you both through this trying time.

Chai, I dey fear that thing called Marriage.
wetin hard for there... Its just a phase in her marriage, it will pass..
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 9:10pm On Aug 20, 2014
temi4fash: wetin hard for there... Its just a phase in her marriage, it will pass..

Wetin hard for there you say? of course, you are not in her shoes so you would say this. I have followed her comments from the begining. The phase will pass only if they trash it out.

1 Like

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by temi4fash(m): 9:19pm On Aug 20, 2014
Sophyrocks:

Wetin hard for there you say? of course, you are not in her shoes so you would say this. I have followed her comments from the begining. The phase will pass only if they trash it out.
They will trash it out... I have followed her story too..I think her marriage has gone thru a lot and come out of it.. These would not be an exception. But that doesn't now mean you should conclude marriage is hard.

1 Like

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 9:29pm On Aug 20, 2014
Yea. I'm back.
To tackle the issue.....I had to change the names of most of my contacts.
My bunkmate was using glasses. I changed her contact name to Bottles.
One of my close friends who used to tell lies a lot....I changed her contact name to LOL (liar of life)
One of my friends who constantly complained that I used to fall asleep during conversations...changed his name to Sleep-off.
It was so much fun watching him squinting .....checking....re-checking....searching.....He couldn't just figure out who was who.

Funniest part was when I go like "baby what are you looking for on my fone?" ....he just says "ah. I'm trying to change ur settings to help you optimize your battery life na"

In my corner , I'd be giggling endlessly.

7 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 9:33pm On Aug 20, 2014
@Godismystrength.

Let me tell you something ma. You're a woman. We have the power to get whatever we want if we search deep within ourselvers.
This aint philosophical jargons. We wield more power than we know. Search yourself. This can stop. And you can stop it. You just have to clear your mind and think , strategize and go for the kill.

2 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 9:38pm On Aug 20, 2014
temi4fash: They will trash it out... I have followed her story too..I think her marriage has gone thru a lot and come out of it.. These would not be an exception. But that doesn't now mean you should conclude marriage is hard.

Marriage not been a Bed of Roses, shows its HARD. The fact that People can come out to discuss all sorts of issues/challenges surrounding their marriages, to me, shows its HARD. I can't be convinced otherwise.

2 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 9:45pm On Aug 20, 2014
bodashee: Yea. I'm back.
To tackle the issue.....I had to change the names of most of my contacts.
My bunkmate was using glasses. I changed her contact name to Bottles.
One of my close friends who used to tell lies a lot....I changed her contact name to LOL (liar of life)
One of my friends who constantly complained that I used to fall asleep during conversations...changed his name to Sleep-off.
It was so much fun watching him squinting .....checking....re-checking....searching.....He couldn't just figure out who was who.

Funniest part was when I go like "baby what are you looking for on my fone?" ....he just says "ah. I'm trying to change ur settings to help you optimize your battery life na"

In my corner , I'd be giggling endlessly.

Nice one jare. Cunning man die, cunning man bury am. A cunning person such as myself has got to use this skill wella.

1 Like

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by bellong: 9:47pm On Aug 20, 2014
bodashee:

How was the birthday bash?
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 10:09pm On Aug 20, 2014
bodashee: Yea. I'm back.
To tackle the issue.....I had to change the names of most of my contacts.
My bunkmate was using glasses. I changed her contact name to Bottles.
One of my close friends who used to tell lies a lot....I changed her contact name to LOL (liar of life)
One of my friends who constantly complained that I used to fall asleep during conversations...changed his name to Sleep-off.
It was so much fun watching him squinting .....checking....re-checking....searching.....He couldn't just figure out who was who.

Funniest part was when I go like "baby what are you looking for on my fone?" ....he just says "ah. I'm trying to change ur settings to help you optimize your battery life na"

In my corner , I'd be giggling endlessly.
This is exactly what I wanted to tell her to do. She should look for everywhere she knows the man can keep it or write it down and delete it.
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 10:19pm On Aug 20, 2014
Godmystrength: @sophyrocks-i will apologise when i get home. I shdnt have shouted. I was just angry and embarassed at the same time. My colleagues have started tauting me stylishly.
My love I have been following your story but couldn't just summon up courage to advise. Like I told SAMBARRY in one thread that typing is like punishment to me. But if you say I should talk, sweetie I can say 20 words in one second. Your hubby is insecure from this singular act. This isn't love at all. Why calling your colleagues? Please sit him down and talk to him. Infact tell him that your colleagues have threaten to insult him next time he calls any of them. That it isn't a small issue like he is looking at it. Appeal to him about it. But if after using a subtle way to deal with it it isn't working. You have to apply wisdom by saving the numbers with hairdresser, mummy tolu next street, iya second hand clothes, etc. The wahala now is that if he has mastered the number by heart.
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 10:28pm On Aug 20, 2014
@ bellong. Thanks for asking. It was memorable. Went for the indoor option finally. Turned out great.

@sophyrocks thanks jare
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by darami(f): 11:21pm On Aug 20, 2014
hmm
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 12:26am On Aug 21, 2014
@DIDIVA
I'm sorry I cannot access the email to this account..that's the problem.Im glad you are finding succour here my sister.

@Phema
Hahahahahahahahahaha,I doubt you are as mischievous or as dramatic as I am.Im pretty sure your inlaws won't be an issue for you since you aren't getting any vibes.Just keep that face front and I believe all will be well grin

@Godismystrength
Seems like this thing don pass play.You know you are a lover girl naaa..you no get strong mind. Since your job is at stake and you are turning into an object of ridicule,it's time to seriously tell him to stop.If he doesn't,lock your phone and make sure you delete all those numbers from his. He may raise hell and threaten but you should stick to your guns.After a while he will arrange himself.You can't afford to be a laughingstock at work.E don do.
Personally,I don't have energy to start changing names on my phone I'd rather take direct action(as a ninja) and deal with the issue once and for all.
I hope your soft mind won't bend when you see his handsome face OOO. wink

@Freecocoa,
We were all just teasing Godismystrength to cool her temper b4 she marches home with double barrel.She's already married to him so she has to manage and rectify the situation as much as she can.
I believe that at some point in marriage though each spouse may feel insecure maybe due to job loss,illness,sudden hotness and feeling funky,saggy b oobs,stretchmarks,potbelly,balding hair etc so it's then the job of the other person to reassure and boost the morale of the spouse.

However,having insecurity as part and parcel of your character NO WAY! Cos no matter what you do,a naturally insecure person will drain the life out of you..24 hours of hounding and harassing you daily with questions.IIt gets tiring and unbearable.
I don't think any one would want to sign up for that.

@Darami,
I believe you live abroad shay?Leme explain something ehhh.The 2 months plus stay is to make sure that every kobo spent on the ticket is recouped.How dem go spend maybe over 300k on ticket and leave after 1 week?(especially if the family isn't rich).My sister you dey long thing oo.Your hubby isn't saying No,you are not saying No so how will they know they are not welcome to spread mat at your house? You can't blame them.

You and hubby can start early in the year to say that you are both going on holiday this year so no one can come.This is the only solution that won't ruffle them too much.If you open your mouth and tell them not to come,they will be upset.if hubby conveys the message to them,they'll be less upset. Either ways, they will be upset.

So it's either you suffer and smile or speak up OR you find a way to make their visit less stressful for you.

Sorry dear ..I hope someone comes up with a better solution.

2 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Wendy80(f): 7:19am On Aug 21, 2014
Emioga: @megamindmaster when we were courting no be like this o(at dat tyme he was building his house)immediately we moved in last year january BIL moved in and MIL moved in feburary.by april/may/june wahala don start(her food is small,i give her bones)etc so hubby separate food.since BIL came to stay we no dey greet(secondary skool boy)my MIL has 2houses of her own(1 complete and one unda construction)while she inherited 2 4rm her hubby(1 in lagos and 1 in ogun state)wonder y she cant stay in these houses!!! I dnt have a prblm with hubby financing his family i wud just prefer them out of my home(doesnt even feel like a home)where is my hubby in all this?telling me if i cant take the heat i move out!and that he cant allow his mother to curse him because of his wife(talk of killing me emotionally)even my family never come my house b4(fear of MIL).story plenty jare@temi no kids yet bt pregnant right nw.feeling so alone
When I told my hubby ur story 2days ago, he was like she Shd endure now and I said endure what, d husband Shd put his foot down as a man cos Ur wife's happiness Shd be paramount. Omo no be small thing dat night oh. Hubby got angry and said I'm not hospitable( Abeg dat one na hospitable again?) and said plenty thns. Face carrying start d following morn for 2days, only for me to bend down to load the washer last night he came from behind wink and we finished round one dia. Na so mata take settle oh. But I made a mental note to talk abt it on a gud day cos de was a similar issue somtime( gist 4 anoda day). Good morn E-Family kiss

1 Like

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Wendy80(f): 8:29am On Aug 21, 2014
Godmystrength:



If you kidnap me, na gobe o. no kobo to pay you. by the time i am almost finishing your food, you will have no choice than to just chase me away.


Ds got me cracking so hard grin
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Wendy80(f): 9:18am On Aug 21, 2014
Godismystrength

Omo na phone locking thns noni.
It's not easy but beta dn being ridicule @work biko.
U know how home front is already don't make work place like dat too pls.
If he was callin d guys e for beta small. Women wey sabi find gossip n gist grin
#my2kobo
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 9:31am On Aug 21, 2014
tongue@wendy......my bone marrow is telling me you and ur hubby enjoyed the face carrying period in anticipation of the make-up konji that came after .
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Oahray: 10:19am On Aug 21, 2014
^^ lol.

I missed this thread smiley
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Godmystrength: 11:16am On Aug 21, 2014
Good morning all dearies. My hubby is such a funny guy. Maybe because he knew i must have been SO ANGRY to have shouted at him, he started acting lovey lovey when i called to tell him i was about leaving the office. He told me to inform him when i am close to our bus stop so he can come pick me. He called some minutes later to ask if i wanted pepper soup, whether fish or cow-leg or goat meat, whether i wanted asun etc so he can help me get it before i got home grin grin grin. Asking what i will like for dinner etc. And because i was in a public transport, i didn't want to talk too much on phone so i told him i will be fine with whatever he decided to get for me. When i saw him at the bus stop, come and see serious PDA. When we got home, there was goat meat pepper soup waiting for me and very well prepared soft hot amala shocked shocked. I knew what everything was all about. grin grin

So when we were about to sleep, i told him i was sorry about the way i shouted and also told him why i shouted. Then i followed all the advices i gathered from here to calmly explain everything to him. he said he was also sorry and didn't mean any harm just that my line doesn't always go through. I begged him to stop doing it and he promised to change and then kiss kiss wink....... That is the end of my story oo grin

11 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 11:27am On Aug 21, 2014
Godmystrength: Good morning all dearies. My hubby is such a funny guy. Maybe because he knew i must have been SO ANGRY to have shouted at him, he started acting lovey lovey when i called to tell him i was about leaving the office. He told me to inform him when i am close to our bus stop so he can come pick me. He called some minutes later to ask if i wanted pepper soup, whether fish or cow-leg or goat meat, whether i wanted asun etc so he can help me get it before i got home grin grin grin. Asking what i will like for dinner etc. And because i was in a public transport, i didn't want to talk too much on phone so i told him i will be fine with whatever he decided to get for me. When i saw him at the bus stop, come and see serious PDA. When we got home, there was goat meat pepper soup waiting for me and very well prepared soft hot amala shocked shocked. I knew what everything was all about. grin grin

So when we were about to sleep, i told him i was sorry about the way i shouted and also told him why i shouted. Then i followed all the advices i gathered from here to calmly explain everything to him. he said he was also sorry and didn't mean any harm just that my line doesn't always go through. I begged him to stop doing it and he promised to change and then kiss kiss wink....... That is the end of my story oo grin

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
#Wipes tears from eyes#
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Godmystrength: 11:43am On Aug 21, 2014
Sophyrocks:

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
#Wipes tears from eyes#
#gives her a pack of white handkerchiefs# grin grin

2 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 12:25pm On Aug 21, 2014
Godmystrength: Good morning all dearies. My hubby is such a funny guy. Maybe because he knew i must have been SO ANGRY to have shouted at him, he started acting lovey lovey when i called to tell him i was about leaving the office. He told me to inform him when i am close to our bus stop so he can come pick me. He called some minutes later to ask if i wanted pepper soup, whether fish or cow-leg or goat meat, whether i wanted asun etc so he can help me get it before i got home grin grin grin. Asking what i will like for dinner etc. And because i was in a public transport, i didn't want to talk too much on phone so i told him i will be fine with whatever he decided to get for me. When i saw him at the bus stop, come and see serious PDA. When we got home, there was goat meat pepper soup waiting for me and very well prepared soft hot amala shocked shocked. I knew what everything was all about. grin grin

So when we were about to sleep, i told him i was sorry about the way i shouted and also told him why i shouted. Then i followed all the advices i gathered from here to calmly explain everything to him. he said he was also sorry and didn't mean any harm just that my line doesn't always go through. I begged him to stop doing it and he promised to change and then kiss kiss wink....... That is the end of my story oo grin
Awwwww so sweet. How I love happy ending. Please dear just watch and don't be carried away.

2 Likes

Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 12:30pm On Aug 21, 2014
Icherishu:
Awwwww so sweet. How I love happy ending. Please dear just watch and don't be carried away.

Very True. Seconded.
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 12:38pm On Aug 21, 2014
@Godismystrength, that's so good to hear. Happy for u.
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Wendy80(f): 12:40pm On Aug 21, 2014
bodashee: tongue@wendy......my bone marrow is telling me you and ur hubby enjoyed the face carrying period in anticipation of the make-up konji that came after .

Hahahahah grin cheesy

Godmystrength
Thank God for the happy ending. **clappinghands**
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Godmystrength: 1:49pm On Aug 21, 2014
Icherishu:
Awwwww so sweet. How I love happy ending. Please dear just watch and don't be carried away.
My eyes are so wide OPEN o so there will be no surprises. He know i have a soft heart ni and he is always using that against me sad...

In fact, i am still observing him closely to see if he will keep to his words..

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