nwababy:
She's a young girl and my mate. I kept asking her what separated the the divorcee and the wife and she said is personal. (Which means she's interested in the marriage) what I noticed in life (not every one) is that most girls that dated married men end up becoming 2nd wife or divorcee 's wife. Meanwhile, I don't advice in such cos same thing happened to another of my friend when we were 27yrs. This divorcee married for 10yrs (but didn't have an issue with the first wife)asked for her hand in marriage only if she gets pregnant. She told me and I assured her we were still young (they always think am not a correct girl cos I've been dating a particular man for a decade lol) she went to her correct friends for advice and married the man; and started giving me attitude. I started minding my business since then na. She was pregnant when she married the man. So when she delivered, she sent a random sms and I called her to wish her well. I asked her if she's still in the hospital and she said she delivered at home .( That the husband sis is a midwife and he said there's no need to go to hospital) I was cold. I told my mum cos she nos her well and she pitied her. The man in question is rich oh that's the reason she accepted him.

maybe the first wife is not aware and they are trying to keep it a secret..

Wow wow finally i read all the pages
Great thread.

Coming soon with my own gist......

I think I need help!

Good morning to you all!

Please I need an advice on this issue. If your hubby had a disagreement with an elderly neighbour although if most of the exchange was through text messages and it was obvious your hubby went overboard and was using rude languages. Is it proper for the wife to call the elderly neighbour and apologise. This scenario happened to me, I witnessed the hot phone conversation and later hubby showed me the series of messages exchanged. I felt very bad because his choice of words were rather uncalled for. He gets angry very easily and I didn't want him to transfer the aggression to me. Telling him to apologize to the woman will definitely meet a brick wall and I don't want him to go moody on me which may last for days. I am thinking of doing it myself but I if he knows that may be another issue.

Is it okay to go ahead and apologize myself?

(Sorry if the question sounds silly )

Educative thread, Great people, Wonderful advices!!

Chaulay1:
Good morning to you all!

Please I need an advice on this issue. If your hubby had a disagreement with an elderly neighbour although if most of the exchange was through text messages and it was obvious your hubby went overboard and was using rude languages. Is it proper for the wife to call the elderly neighbour and apologise. This scenario happened to me, I witnessed the hot phone conversation and later hubby showed me the series of messages exchanged. I felt very bad because his choice of words were rather uncalled for. He gets angry very easily and I didn't want him to transfer the aggression to me. Telling him to apologize to the woman will definitely meet a brick wall and I don't want him to go moody on me which may last for days. I am thinking of doing it myself but I if he knows that may be another issue.

Is it okay to go ahead and apologize myself?

(Sorry if the question sounds silly )

In my own opinion, give him time to calm down and after some few days when you both are alone tell him to try and apologise if he refuses tell him you will do it on his behalf, the reason am saying tell him is because he has got to know what you are doing.

Hispin, snazzy, chair cover and others i hail you oh.
Godmystrength i know where u are coming from, i have been there before, even though hubby was working but earning little as compared to mine. I tell u all u have to be strong and brave if in a relationship where u the lady earns more. Your every action is read differently by your hubby and others. I thank God i handled mine wisely and today hubby earns far more than me and pays for most of needs
But it was not easy oh..... I cried buckets of water and almost left.

Chaulay1:
Good morning to you all!

Please I need an advice on this issue. If your hubby had a disagreement with an elderly neighbour although if most of the exchange was through text messages and it was obvious your hubby went overboard and was using rude languages. Is it proper for the wife to call the elderly neighbour and apologise. This scenario happened to me, I witnessed the hot phone conversation and later hubby showed me the series of messages exchanged. I felt very bad because his choice of words were rather uncalled for. He gets angry very easily and I didn't want him to transfer the aggression to me. Telling him to apologize to the woman will definitely meet a brick wall and I don't want him to go moody on me which may last for days. I am thinking of doing it myself but I if he knows that may be another issue.

Is it okay to go ahead and apologize myself?

(Sorry if the question sounds silly )

If I were you, I'll go ahead and apologize
Men are big babies

Chaulay1:
Good morning to you all!

Please I need an advice on this issue. If your hubby had a disagreement with an elderly neighbour although if most of the exchange was through text messages and it was obvious your hubby went overboard and was using rude languages. Is it proper for the wife to call the elderly neighbour and apologise. This scenario happened to me, I witnessed the hot phone conversation and later hubby showed me the series of messages exchanged. I felt very bad because his choice of words were rather uncalled for. He gets angry very easily and I didn't want him to transfer the aggression to me. Telling him to apologize to the woman will definitely meet a brick wall and I don't want him to go moody on me which may last for days. I am thinking of doing it myself but I if he knows that may be another issue.

Is it okay to go ahead and apologize myself?

(Sorry if the question sounds silly )

whatever you do, make sure he knows. The woman wouldn't apologise to you if your husband transfers the aggression for going behind his back.

You know your husband better than we do. Do you guys have heart-to-heart moments? Try to get him in a good mood. Then really talk.

Tell him how it makes you feel when he gets uncontrollably upset. Not how unpleasant his temper is (talking in attack mode attracts self-defence), he likely knows that. Just how it makes you feel, especially/including this incident. Then tell him how happy you'd be if he could iron things out with her, or at least LET YOU talk to the lady. Any loving husband would care how his actions makes his wife feel.

alutacontinua:



If I were you, I'll go ahead and apologize
Men are big babies

shey you'd be in the same house with her if it boomerangs?

alutacontinua:



If I were you, I'll go ahead and apologize
Men are big babies

Really? I thought they are the HEAD of the family. So if they are big babies, what does that make the other members of the family--small babies?? Anyway, i am yet to get the analogy of men are big babies. I need help on this

stages:
Hispin, snazzy, chair cover and others i hail you oh.
Godmystrength i know where u are coming from, i have been there before, even though hubby was working but earning little as compared to mine. I tell u all u have to be strong and brave if in a relationship where u the lady earns more. Your every action is read differently by your hubby and others. I thank God i handled mine wisely and today hubby earns far more than me and pays for most of needs
But it was not easy oh..... I cried buckets of water and almost left.

My dear, i am jejely carrying my cross o with big ''osuka'' underneath for extra cushion ... so help me God...Amen

Godmystrength:
My dear, i am jejely carrying my cross o with big ''osuka'' underneath for extra cushion ... so help me God...Amen

Lil He will see you through.
I remember a month i refuse to pay rents coz i had to start a monthly savings plan. It was hell oh. Thanks to my SIL who kept on giving me courage. We stayed 2 months without talking to each other i almost died of lonelyness, he started coming home late just to spite me but i knew he would pay the rents and he did.

Didn't want to open a thread on this..
Will be getting married sooner than later, n yesterday we (I n my fiancee) went to see her aunt in-law n in d course of convo she was like..tho she owns a boutique, her hubby buys f her everything...clothes n all, like why should she ?? Got me a bit concerned or worried, hence d questions;
Is that thinking/attitude right??
Am I right to feel concerned that she might pick up on that n follow in that footstep?



Will take it up wit her but jst need a wider view/perspective.

Pls need advice on this......... My fiancee got me engagedd arund april andd is nowing disturbing we get married and the prob is that I don't knw how to tell my dad cos am still in sch......so confused abt wat to do

dBard:
Didn't want to open a thread on this..
Will be getting married sooner than later, n yesterday we (I n my fiancee) went to see her aunt in-law n in d course of convo she was like..tho she owns a boutique, her hubby buys f her everything...clothes n all, like why should she ?? Got me a bit concerned or worried, hence d questions;
Is that thinking/attitude right??
Am I right to feel concerned that she might pick up on that n follow in that footstep?



Will take it up wit her but jst need a wider view/perspective.

In what context was she saying it?
Was she saying it with the hope that you will do the same for her neice
The most inportant thing is what your fiancees take it towards issues like this
How does she behave.
I beleive youve courted for a while so by now you should know your fiancee's mindset
Anyhow if you dont feel comfortable with the discussion, you can broach the subject with your finacee
cos its best to get all these things sorted before you get married so that you are both rading from the same hymm book later.

morenike23:
Pls need advice on this......... My fiancee got me engagedd arund april andd is nowing disturbing we get married and the prob is that I don't knw how to tell my dad cos am still in sch......so confused abt wat to do

Do your parents know that you are engaged?
Secondly why is your fiance in such a hurry?
Have you explained your reservations to him?
What do you want to do?
What are your fiances plans for you regardning your schooling once you are married?
How much longer do you have left in school
who pays your school fees?
My concern is that if you get married whilst in school, there is nothing stopping you from gettign pregnant, which may distrupt your education.

It's only my mum that knws that am engagedd,am just in 300l.hav tried to confuse him to wait,buh he insist now that we shuldd do intro and don't knw how to confuse him to wait afta the intro...

morenike23:
It's only my mum that knws that am engagedd,am just in 300l.hav tried to confuse him to wait,buh he insist now that we shuldd do intro and don't knw how to confuse him to wait afta the intro...

If you cant speak to your fiance now, then how will you be able to speak to him AFTER you are married?

You also sound as if you are more scared of your dad than actually getting married whilst you are in school

The ball is in your court; its your life and its your responsibility to ensure that you live a happy and fulfilled one

morenike23:
It's only my mum that knws that am engagedd,am just in 300l.hav tried to confuse him to wait,buh he insist now that we shuldd do intro and don't knw how to confuse him to wait afta the intro...

Y d rush?if he cant wait 4 u let im find anoda person..cos marriage is nt a tin u shud rush into while in skul.

dBard:
Didn't want to open a thread on this..
Will be getting married sooner than later, n yesterday we (I n my fiancee) went to see her aunt in-law n in d course of convo she was like..tho she owns a boutique, her hubby buys f her everything...clothes n all, like why should she ?? Got me a bit concerned or worried, hence d questions;
Is that thinking/attitude right??
Am I right to feel concerned that she might pick up on that n follow in that footstep?



Will take it up wit her but jst need a wider view/perspective.

There's nothing right or wrong about it.
If it works for the partners involved
If I get man now wey go dey pay everything, dey pay me salary on top, and I still get my own work (of course, I go get my own work), you think say I no go gree? Na to go buy al the land for my papa village dey plant cocoa remain

Not saying I wouldn't contribute, just saying if ot works for them-then it's 100% right. And yea, there are some men that don't want a woman's money to run their house-all good!

Talk to your fiancee and know what she's thinking. You should have even talked about that long time ago

@morenike23, why the rush?
As for your dad, it's your life and I believe you're older than 18, there are other things you ahould be worried about with this arrangement

I have been in a state of shock since saturday. Don't really know what to do. Hubby called me for a discussion to beg me because he has offended me. Not in the mood to type long story. Summary is - He said he has been making sexually advances toward our nanny/maid
I haven't even said much (i was so shocked and the only thing i could asked was if he was sex starved?). Health wise, i am strong at the moment. Just trying to get myself fully recovered

Godmystrength:
I have been in a state of shock since saturday. Don't really know what to do. Hubby called me for a discussion to beg me because he has offended me. Not in the mood to type long story. He said he has been making sexually advances toward our nanny/maid

Is this a difficult one? Yes
Are you supposed to be shocked? Hell yeah
Can you get through this? I strongly believe so
You're a very strong woman, your posts in the past reflect that. Your love for your hubby is undeniable too.
Just calm down, take a deep breath and you'll see you can get through.

I want to believe he hasn't done the do yet, not that it makes it any better but it's something. You need to talk to the nanny and make sure everything's alright with her, be sure nothing has gone down and apologize to her (I believe you brought her into the house and it's your duty to protect her). Apologize for your failure in doing so and if you have to, let her go (with a thorough explanation that you're just trying to protect her), if you have to give her some sort of compensation, please do so! As per hubby, I don't know what to say yet.

This is tough and I sincerely feel sorry for you. We're all here for you, darling



How old is the maid in question if I may ask? Please, tell me she's above 18

alutacontinua:


Is this a difficult one? Yes
Are you supposed to be shocked? Hell yeah
Can you get through this? I strongly believe so
You're a very strong woman, your posts in the past reflect that. Your love for your hubby is undeniable too.
Just calm down, take a deep breath and you'll see you can get through.

I want to believe he hasn't done the do yet, not that it makes it any better but it's something. You need to talk to the nanny and make sure everything's alright with her, be sure nothing has gone down and apologize to her (I believe you brought her into the house and it's your duty to protect her). Apologize for your failure in doing so and if you have to, let her go (with a thorough explanation that you're just trying to protect her), if you have to give her some sort of compensation, please do so! As per hubby, I don't know what to say yet.

This is tough and I sincerely feel sorry for you. We're all here for you, darling



How old is the maid in question if I may ask? Please, tell me she's above 18

yes she is above 18......
After telling me all, he called the lady and apologized to her in my presence. I was just looking like a zombie all through

@Godmystrength, sorry for what you are going through. Marriage is full of ups and downs, this issue will be a thing of the past soon. I hope the maid is no longer in the house ?

rebella:
@Godmystrength, sorry for what you are going through. Marriage is full of ups and downs, this issue will be a thing of the past soon. I hope the maid is no longer in the house ?

She is still in the house. i don't want to take any drastic step yet. besides, it is not that they even stay in the house together most of the time. We leave the house together in the morning when he drops me at the busstop and takes the maid and my son to his mother/my MIL's house. He goes to pick them in the evening before i get back home. I can't tell him to wait for me to return before picking them because it will be stressful for my baby to be moving him at that time of the night when he should be sleeping/getting ready to sleep......

besides, sending her away is just going to be a temporary solution or what if this continues, how many will i be sending away?

@ God my strength,u r a strong woman nd pls keep it up most esp at dis period, pls, confirm d stage of d advances, d nanny shd go nd u also need a medical check up for STD.
I strongly believe u r coming out of dis stronger, I feel you

...This is really sad, dont even know what to say

But you will be fine...that i know

@Godmystrength

Godmystrength:
I have been in a state of shock since saturday. Don't really know what to do. Hubby called me for a discussion to beg me because he has offended me. Not in the mood to type long story. Summary is - He said he has been making sexually advances toward our nanny/maid
I haven't even said much (i was so shocked and the only thing i could asked was if he was sex starved?). Health wise, i am strong at the moment. Just trying to get myself fully recovered

I am very sorry to hear it.
He made a mistake but he is honest about it, isn't he?
I don't want to excuse him but I think his honesty deserves a little bit acknowledgement.
I wish you a lot of strength, even though you already have it, I wish you more.

Godmystrength:
She is still in the house. i don't want to take any drastic step yet. besides, it is not that they even stay in the house together most of the time. We leave the house together in the morning when he drops me at the busstop and takes the maid and my son to his mother/my MIL's house. He goes to pick them in the evening before i get back home. I can't tell him to wait for me to return before picking them because it will be stressful for my baby to be moving him at that time of the night when he should be sleeping/getting ready to sleep......

besides, sending her away is just going to be a temporary solution or what if this continues, how many will i be sending away?

I get your point about sending her away being just a temp solution. I am pretty sure that you are trying to find out what is missing/ why he would want to cheat. Please find out the reason and still send her away and start afresh with a new maid.
Leaving her in that house is like telling a cocaine addict to sell coke in rehab. Its too tempting. Plus the maid may lose respect for you and your husband or she may start telling neighbours how your husband wants to bang her.

rebella:

I get your point about sending her away being just a temp solution. I am pretty sure that you are trying to find out what is missing/ why he would want to cheat. Please find out the reason and still send her away and start afresh with a new maid.
Leaving her in that house is like telling a cocaine addict to sell coke in rehab. Its too tempting. Plus the maid may lose respect for you and your husband or she may start telling neighbours how your husband wants to bang her.

hmmm... Na wa for this life o