Aww sweet hubby there. nice.

Let me follow suit.
what I like about my husband?


Dude is the best planner in the whole wide world. I don't worry my pretty ahead about anything.all he has to do is just run the plans by me and no matter how hard I pry,I can't fault any part of the plan. Even before a situation or problem presents itself,he's already planned and has a solid solution for it.
He has plans and arrangement reaching far into the future it's amazing.
I'm sure the apocalypse (if it happens next week) won't even take us unawares.
Lol.

hispinkolo: I'll set the ball rolling on ONE THING I LOVE ABOUT MY SPOUSE..



HUMILITY
Most of my problems stem from my difficulty to forgive?He taught me by his actions that there's nothing like pride in marriage because we are working towards the same goal..NOT I BUT US..US is the keyword.He doesn't feel too big to take the first steps in reconciliation,and I learnt from him to pursue peace.
In the 1st year,I was always waiting for him to say sorry and he used to do that but kinda grew tired of it.So one day,we quarrelled and as usual,I was waiting.Day 1,NOTHING. Day 2,NOTHING.. HEII..I started having high bp,but decided to wait on till he breaks..DAY 3,this man still ignored me.I was soo miserable that I packed to another room yet he didn't move a muscle.I started praying to God to do something and I'll not be stubborn again.

DAY 4, I don't know what entered me but I decided to do something drastic.I took my bag and my phones and ran away while he was asleep .I went to a park nearby my house and sat there.Unfortunately for me,it was cold and I didn't have a sweater with me.One hour my teeth started chattering..2 ,3 hours I was shaking but I said I'd rather die than go home.I was looking at my phone and calling on God to force hubby to worry and call my phone.I told God to do this for me and I won't bear grudges again.I knew the shame of going home after all my shakers would be too much and worse if hubby didn't give a hoot.I cried well well but after a while,my phone rang and it was him..I was happy but I didn't pick..I picked at the third call and he told me he loves me and I should come home cos he was very worried.
The way I ran home ehhhh..He was there to meet me and hugged me.I told him I didn't love him anymore and he laughed well.I apologised to him and he made me scrambled eggs..He said sorry too and explained I w as hurting our union by being stubborn.He told me he was hurting and couldn't concentrate but had to be hard cos it was necessary for me to have a taste of my own medicine..

When I look back,I laugh at what I did.What if he didn't care to call me nko? I'd have gone home with shame

I've learnt my lesson.Im not too big to beg when I'm wrong..For extra drama,I even throw myself on the floor,lol

bellong:

Did he take the loan from the bank he was working?

Is the bank presently requesting for the loan to be Paid?

Please answer these questions. Thank you.

Thanks for the interest, I shouldn't have gone one and on...didn't even realise I felt this strong until I strayed typing. We have succeeded in paying his loans to d bank and other people he collected the money from.
He just needs to believe in himself again, he isn't a bad guy, he doesn't talk down to me and lives his kids to pieces, so it's not all gloom. I hope and pray that God fine tunes everything concerning him.
Because of what I went thru as a kid without parents together, I could never put my babies through that. I would do everything heavenly possible before I give up on him.

Several years ago, Ebola virus erupted in Africa, killing thousands without restrain or cure. The medical world was perplexed. A great man of God by the name John G Lake came to the rescue. Laying hands on infected people who were not to be touched. The slightest contact with any secretion from an infected person is all it takes for transmission. But with bare hands, cleaning secretion and curing every victim, John G Lake along with his Holy Ghost filled team, brought to an abrupt end the spread of the deadly virus. When asked by the medical world how he did it. He had this to say: I have the life of God in me, every virus that comes in contact with me dies. He asked them to get an innoculum from an infected person, observe same under a microscope to ascertain viral activities in it. They did and confirmed living and multiplying virus. He then asked them to put the innoculum on his palm and observe under the microscope. This time there were no more activities. ALL WERE DEAD upon contact with him. What a life! Every child of God has this life! He that has the Son has this life! That higher life that put out Ebola in the days of John G Lake will do the same through you in your day! At the Name of Jesus, Ebola will bow out! Stop the fear! Let this message of hope and faith go viral and the Ebola viral spread will stop! Don't disdain the ever living words of Jesus: And these signs shall follow them that believe, in my Name, they shall cast out devils, they shall speak with new tongues, they shall take up serpents, and if they drink any deadly thing (Ebola virus included) it shall not hurt them, they shall lay hand on the sick (those already infected) and they shall recover - Mark 16:15-18.
John G Lake and team are long gone! But I am here, you are here! We can save our world!
We have the life of God in us!
Spread the faith!
Stop the fear!
Spread the life!
Stop the death!
Yes you can!
The world belongs to you!
Cause you belong to Jesus!
Halleluyah!!!

Africaine:

Thanks for the interest, I shouldn't have gone one and on...didn't even realise I felt this strong until I strayed typing. We have succeeded in paying his loans to d bank and other people he collected the money from.
He just needs to believe in himself again, he isn't a bad guy, he doesn't talk down to me and lives his kids to pieces, so it's not all gloom. I hope and pray that God fine tunes everything concerning him.
Because of what I went thru as a kid without parents together, I could never put my babies through that. I would do everything heavenly possible before I give up on him.

so sorry for the ordeal you are passing through. The only place I reprimand you is buying a car for husband, someone who has no job at the moment should think of cutting cost and avoid unnecessary spending, I mean who does that and then you decided you wanted to sponsor him oversea for masters. You have given him the impression that you are more than capable.

Infact you should be thanking God he declined going for the master cos if he had gone, maybe ho would have gotten himself a sugar mummy or some lover over there and then he may never return for you anytime soon. Now don't think this thinking is weird, in situations like these,do not rule out any possibility.

Not saying you should not support your husband but I maintain that buying him a car is a no no for me, and then considering the limited resources(since its only you working) why not him go for masters in a Nigerian university?
@bolded, Amen!

@babymama, you still used that hand to type from your hospital bed or the pics was taken somewhat earlier?

Get well soon!

@hispinkolo, tori too dey sweet for your mouth

I don't turn to ogbanje'o, see time way I dey comment and tomorrow dis morning na church

Africaine:

Thanks for the interest, I shouldn't have gone one and on...didn't even realise I felt this strong until I strayed typing. We have succeeded in paying his loans to d bank and other people he collected the money from.
He just needs to believe in himself again, he isn't a bad guy, he doesn't talk down to me and lives his kids to pieces, so it's not all gloom. I hope and pray that God fine tunes everything concerning him.
Because of what I went thru as a kid without parents together, I could never put my babies through that. I would do everything heavenly possible before I give up on him.

I asked because for a bank loan, insurance is usually deducted from source before issuance. This is meant for writing it off as a bad debt in case of job loss, accident, death etc.

You shouldn't have paid the loan after he lost his job. The bank cheated you guys.

This thread has brought me back from hibernation cos I see a lot of people being fearful of marriage.

Marriage is not to be feared. What is to be feared and taken very seriously, is sitting yourself down and making sure that you are picking the right person . .FOR YOU and you are the right person for HIM/HER . . .its a very personal thing and John may be very right for Miss A but will be a ruibbish husband to Miss B. So really you have to know yourself well first before you can even pick someone that complements you.

Once you have picked the right one, and you are married. The first thing you should do as a woman is to engage your husbands listening ear. That is not as easy as it sounds and it does take time, but you need to work on it and dont give up.

You see, when you have your husbands listening ear, you dont have to "fight" all those battles that are giving you sleepless nights and gradully raising your BP, becasue either the battles wont even get a chance to start with in the first instance or when they do, he will be there in your corner without you even having to ask him.

How do you get your husbands listening ear? You first need to get him to TRUST you. I dont mean trust that you wont cheat. I mean that deep seated trust where he can put his innermost emotions in your hands and you wont throw them on the floor in an argument or to your friends, your sisters etc.

When you argue (which is normal by the way & healthy couples do argue) be very careful what you say. Us women are very good at goign for the jugular vein & we fight with such venom. Words are like eggs and once uttered . .thats it.
When he does wrong, dont continue to beat him with a stick. Say it once and move on. Dont keep on pushing his face in it.
Treat him like a husband, friend, brother, father, SON . . yes son!. Men need pampering too and they need to feel loved too. Encourage him, speak sweet and encouraging words to him, pray for him and cover his shame when you can.
Inshort put yourself in a position that if you are not there for a day; he feels the lack of your presense.

Ask God for wisdom to deal with things, on how to talk and how to behave and slowly but surely, the man will begin to see you more than just a wife wearing his ring and bearing his children, but a superwife. When he recognises your worth, he will not want any thing to crawl over you and will fight to his last breath for that not to happen.

I also beleive in one thing, which is love me love my dog. If you love your husband/wife, you will not want anything that will be upsetting to him/her. If you genuingly love your husband/wife, you will not want to place him/her in the middle of a power struggle between you and his/her family that he/she loves and has known since birth and you will therefore let some things go. As Yorubas say, you will rub it like cream not becasue of them that offended you, but because of the person that you love. Love in truth is about a lot of sacrifices.

May God bless us all. Amen.

Going back to my sleep

Icherishu: Marriage has it ups and down. Many people are facing a whole lot in marriages. I have wonderful inlaws, my MIL is an easy going woman. I don't haves with my bro or sis inlaw cos I don't know how to over familiarize myself with them. My hubby family is close knitted, mine isn't. I can stay a month or weeks without calling my siblings or mum and they won't complain. They might even pick up fone and call you that they haven't heard from u. To my in-laws it has always been fight that I don't call. Aunties inlaw ll expect you to call them every day and if u don't call they report you to hubby. And this causes friction. If one of them celebrate birthday and you don't call in the morning and you wait till evening you are in for a serious batch from hubby.

The issues I have with hubby is that he is too sentimental to a fault. He thinks of other people first before himself and his immediate family(wife n children). He can give his whole money to people n if you complain he ll ask weda you are hungry. Another minus to me is that he keeps a lot of female friends, exes are not left behind. Before you know money is exchanging hands. Calling and chatting, yet u might never see the chats or the logs. The monies are given in the name of borrow but you and I know, they are not always paid back. He keeps saying just friends, but if u look critically the women gets to fall in love and by that he ll be using diplomacy on them instead of outright telling them off. He rather fights u and tell you that this one is just a friend and she has come to stay rather than telling them off.

Apart from women and finances matter, we are good. But these aspect has made me to resent him so much that I am beginning to blank out my heart so that I won't b hurt. Cos I don't know how else to deal with the emotional pains of knowing that hubby will always choose to make other people happy while he knows that deep down you are sad.

I will be back to say one or 2 things on this.

@Icherishu we are back to this listening ear thing.
He knows that you dont like him giving things out, so he has started to hide things, hence the deleted chats etc

I dont know your financial situation, so I cant really make a judgement on whether he is overdoing it or not, however the questions you need to ask yourself is
Can you both afford it?
Do the people he gives to really have a need?

Some people are generally givers and I know people like that. They can give their last penny to someone in need. They dont need much to feel content and they dont see the need to gather heaps of properties and cars etc
That is the way that they are and it could be from their childhood where something happened to make them see life as vanity or someone too helped them through some difficult times in their life and they have promised to do the same too

My little advise is to talk to your husband and try and find out why he is the way he is. If you understand, then it will begin to make sense and you wont feel so against it. This talk should also give your husband an understading into how you feel about all this and if he is the sensitive type, then he will know that its not all going down to well with you.

As regards the women/ex's; he needs to carry you along. There is nothing wrong in him helping people in genuine need, so long as he and the female friends are acting above board, they respect your marriage and there is no hanky panky and his hiding these encounters away from you is already eating away at trust in your rleationship and he needs to stop this.

Again have a sit down with him and explain that in the first instance these relationships are high risk and his hiding them away from you and constantly giving them money on a regular basis is damaging the trust aspect of your relatonship & which may start affecting other areas too. Also advise him that he only knows his mind and he cannot vouch for the minds of the other women and so he needs to try and be very careful.

Giving is a good thing and there are many blessings that come from doing that, but one has to be wise about it. Ask God to give both of you wisdom to deal with this issue.

@ mummy dearest
Welcome back from your hiatus

Africaine:

Thanks for the interest, I shouldn't have gone one and on...didn't even realise I felt this strong until I strayed typing. We have succeeded in paying his loans to d bank and other people he collected the money from.
He just needs to believe in himself again, he isn't a bad guy, he doesn't talk down to me and lives his kids to pieces, so it's not all gloom. I hope and pray that God fine tunes everything concerning him.
Because of what I went thru as a kid without parents together, I could never put my babies through that. I would do everything heavenly possible before I give up on him.

You have a good head on your shoulders jor. While we all react differently losing ones job can knock the wind off some people especially when there are no other skills to compensate. Keep encouraging and when it pays off this too would be another story.

My small experience


Listening
We hear it all the time that communication is an important aspect of marriage. I think it is also an important aspect when trying to be a good friend to your fellow married couples. Growing up there was a local proverb which said 'Dem no dey put mouth for husband and wife matter because na you dem go take settle the quarrel'.
Sometimes or most times when your spouse or your friend or a family relative talks about an issue that burns inside them, it is important to first and foremost - LISTEN. Sometimes people just want to vent,they just want to hear it would be fine. While we agree that not all circumstances would just be fine, I think it is important for one to feel through the process rather than just shooting off one million suggestions at the other person.

Receiving what they have to say is one of the very first steps, it is important to avoid distracting or interrupting unnecessarily. It is kind of annoying to hear a rehearsed cliche response even before you finish talking. It is also important that you understand the real message the person is trying to pass across, ask questions at this point, rephrase the persons words and try to get to the root of the real concern. When you start to get a clearer picture of what is going on you should slowly start to sieve. What is fact, which parts were exaggerated, what is just opinion, do you sense prejudice, which parts do you sense are unbiased, did you hear words like - in fairness to him/her for example.

When you feel like you like you have a handle on what the speakers message is, then you can respond. Sometimes its just important to keep quiet, if you have to respond I think it is important to address the speakers important issues with an awareness of the context surrounding their message. I like to avoid the 'box' by reminding myself first and foremost that all relationships are unique, theres usually not a one solution fits all. What would make me sleep well at night, might not be the solution for you. We should strive to speak our experiences in a language that the person would respond best to. This differs from one individual to another.

In real life this process happens in a very short time, it can be a challenge sometimes to keep a level head and hit the issues where it is important especially when the message is something that stokes emotional flames inside you. However it can be what stops you from just blurting out - your husband is a useless man, your wife is just a mean person, your MIL is wicked and does not want the best for you. Tomorrow your friend and her husband have made up but you cannot help but shake the feeling that 'dem don use your head settle the quarrel'.



Cheers.

chaircover: @Icherishu we are back to this listening ear thing.
He knows that you dont like him giving things out, so he has started to hide things, hence the deleted chats etc

I dont know your financial situation, so I cant really make a judgement on whether he is overdoing it or not, however the questions you need to ask yourself is
Can you both afford it?
Do the people he gives to really have a need?

Some people are generally givers and I know people like that. They can give their last penny to someone in need. They dont need much to feel content and they dont see the need to gather heaps of properties and cars etc
That is the way that they are and it could be from their childhood where something happened to make them see life as vanity or someone too helped them through some difficult times in their life and they have promised to do the same too

My little advise is to talk to your husband and try and find out why he is the way he is. If you understand, then it will begin to make sense and you wont feel so against it. This talk should also give your husband an understading into how you feel about all this and if he is the sensitive type, then he will know that its not all going down to well with you.

As regards the women/ex's; he needs to carry you along. There is nothing wrong in him helping people in genuine need, so long as he and the female friends are acting above board, they respect your marriage and there is no hanky panky and his hiding these encounters away from you is already eating away at trust in your rleationship and he needs to stop this.

Again have a sit down with him and explain that in the first instance these relationships are high risk and his hiding them away from you and constantly giving them money on a regular basis is damaging the trust aspect of your relatonship & which may start affecting other areas too. Also advise him that he only knows his mind and he cannot vouch for the minds of the other women and so he needs to try and be very careful.

Giving is a good thing and there are many blessings that come from doing that, but one has to be wise about it. Ask God to give both of you wisdom to deal with this issue.

Aunty CC, thank you so much. There is nuffin here you have said that I haven't said. I am a giver too and I fend for people. I had to take a break from work because of somethings. He isnt a biz man as he is a salary earner. I am a fan of give but safe for rainy day. Learn to different genuine needs from people that are out there to exploits you. There are some needs that I have come to understand and I don't have issues with that. But giving to people that just out to exploit you in the name that you are Mr nice is the problem since we cant even have a better living.

I am a communicator, I practically talk about everything affecting us. But when it is seen as being biased and insensitive, that is why I chose to keep quiet. To the women/exes, a lot has happened in the past that has breached trust issues. Talking about it is like I am hurting more or that I cant put my feelings in check. I feel at this stage he should have known how to severe the ties. But holding onto them cos he feels some friendship shouldn't die to the detriment of your partners happiness is my problem. Sometimes they dont act above board and there is mostly likely there will be hanky panky. From my own point of view, some of those women their mind isnt free. You claim to have a close friend and you guys talk everyday, yet you cant invite her to family celebration. Yet if you guys seems to meet somewhere, there will be no introduction. How can you explain that? I have told him severally that he cant know the mind of the people. Yet his replies is that he knows the women, defending that I am the one with the issues cos I dont want to accept that he has a life and that getting married does not automatically means he should severe the ties with the women.

Icherishu:
Aunty CC, thank you so much. There is nuffin here you have said that I haven't said. I am a giver too and I fend for people. I had to take a break from work because of somethings. He isnt a biz man as he is a salary earner. I am a fan of give but safe for rainy day. Learn to different genuine needs from people that are out there to exploits you. There are some needs that I have come to understand and I don't have issues with that. But giving to people that just out to exploit you in the name that you are Mr nice is the problem since we cant even have a better living.

I am a communicator, I practically talk about everything affecting us. But when it is seen as being biased and insensitive, that is why I chose to keep quiet. To the women/exes, a lot has happened in the past that has breached trust issues. Talking about it is like I am hurting more or that I cant put my feelings in check. I feel at this stage he should have known how to severe the ties. But holding onto them cos he feels some friendship shouldn't die to the detriment of your partners happiness is my problem. Sometimes they dont act above board and there is mostly likely there will be hanky panky. From my own point of view, some of those women their mind isnt free. You claim to have a close friend and you guys talk everyday, yet you cant invite her to family celebration. Yet if you guys seems to meet somewhere, there will be no introduction. How can you explain that? I have told him severally that he cant know the mind of the people. Yet his replies is that he knows the women, defending that I am the one with the issues cos I dont want to accept that he has a life and that getting married does not automatically means he should severe the ties with the women.

I understand better now.
My sister, suuru lo fi ma yanju e
Ie you have to deal with this with wisdom and with patience.
Dont drag it with him, but from time to time, advise him of the consequences of what can happen when a man puts himself in a position where he can be manipulated and show him examples.

Like we are both saying, he may have a clean heart and motive, but the women may have other agendas and he is putting both you and his family at risk.

You also have to let him know that you dont have a problem with his giving but even God expects you to be wise. You love your neighbour as yourself, not love your neighbour more than yourself and if what you are doing to please someone is ruining your marriage, then you are not getting it right somewhere.

Your hubby sounds like these men who dont like being told what to do and the more you talk the more they did their heels in. I suggest that you change tactic and dont make it such a big deal and hopefully that may jolt his conscience.

Also dont forget to pray pray pray. Only God can truly change someone and change a situation round. It is well.

chaircover:

I understand better now.
My sister, suuru lo fi ma yanju e
Ie you have to deal with this with wisdom and with patience.
Dont drag it with him, but from time to time, advise him of the consequences of what can happen when a man puts himself in a position where he can be manipulated and show him examples.

Like we are both saying, he may have a clean heart and motive, but the women may have other agendas and he is putting both you and his family at risk.

You also have to let him know that you dont have a problem with his giving but even God expects you to be wise. You love your neighbour as yourself, not love your neighbour more than yourself and if what you are doing to please someone is ruining your marriage, then you are not getting it right somewhere.

Your hubby sounds like these men who dont like being told what to do and the more you talk the more they did their heels in. I suggest that you change tactic and dont make it such a big deal and hopefully that may jolt his conscience.

Also dont forget to pray pray pray. Only God can truly change someone and change a situation round. It is well.

Ma I have stopped dragging it with him. I have shown him different examples if the men who lived the way he is living yet he has answers to everything I raise.

I still give him the benefit of doubt that he may have a clean heart towards the women. Yet he doesn't know what is going on in their minds. Some women will stick to men that will provide their daily bread. That is my problem, he seems to trust the women actions more than my judgment cos my judgment is biased so he says cos I don't like them.

All the things you have said is what I have been saying. The bible says wisdom is profitable to direct and you can't love your neighbor more than you love yourself is my exact word.

He is someone that doesn't being told what to do. Believing his judgment all the time, and when he goofs pride won't let him come and tell you that you said so. So these days I chip in my advise and let it slide. If he takes it fine and if he doesn't take it I let it be. What I am doing is absolving myself of all the blame that will come later. So like you said I don't make it big deal again. Even if it is hurting me, I keep quiet and knowing with time. I will get over it. If I had the best of life, savings that can last a life time if something goes wrong tomorrow I won't be bothered but wen you are the understanding type and that understanding is seen as weakness and is exploited. It is so sad.

Finally, I don't forget to lay it on God's feet but as humans one gets to feel bad when one thinks about it.

hispinkolo: I'll set the ball rolling on ONE THING I LOVE ABOUT MY SPOUSE..



HUMILITY
Most of my problems stem from my difficulty to forgive?He taught me by his actions that there's nothing like pride in marriage because we are working towards the same goal..NOT I BUT US..US is the keyword.He doesn't feel too big to take the first steps in reconciliation,and I learnt from him to pursue peace.
In the 1st year,I was always waiting for him to say sorry and he used to do that but kinda grew tired of it.So one day,we quarrelled and as usual,I was waiting.Day 1,NOTHING. Day 2,NOTHING.. HEII..I started having high bp,but decided to wait on till he breaks..DAY 3,this man still ignored me.I was soo miserable that I packed to another room yet he didn't move a muscle.I started praying to God to do something and I'll not be stubborn again.

DAY 4, I don't know what entered me but I decided to do something drastic.I took my bag and my phones and ran away while he was asleep .I went to a park nearby my house and sat there.Unfortunately for me,it was cold and I didn't have a sweater with me.One hour my teeth started chattering..2 ,3 hours I was shaking but I said I'd rather die than go home.I was looking at my phone and calling on God to force hubby to worry and call my phone.I told God to do this for me and I won't bear grudges again.I knew the shame of going home after all my shakers would be too much and worse if hubby didn't give a hoot.I cried well well but after a while,my phone rang and it was him..I was happy but I didn't pick..I picked at the third call and he told me he loves me and I should come home cos he was very worried.
The way I ran home ehhhh..He was there to meet me and hugged me.I told him I didn't love him anymore and he laughed well.I apologised to him and he made me scrambled eggs..He said sorry too and explained I w as hurting our union by being stubborn.He told me he was hurting and couldn't concentrate but had to be hard cos it was necessary for me to have a taste of my own medicine..

When I look back,I laugh at what I did.What if he didn't care to call me nko? I'd have gone home with shame

I've learnt my lesson.Im not too big to beg when I'm wrong..For extra drama,I even throw myself on the floor,lol

Babe, I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I read thru ur post cos I did the same thing to hussy too. It was soooo funny (coming back home imagining if hubby hasn't called).
We have good husbands. I personally do. He loves me to bits, though I think I luv him more which makes it very easy for me to forgive and let go of certain things. He's really a gentleman (not the perfect one though lol) but he's trying, just dat sometimes I feel he's not really bin a man wia he should be, but now I have come to realize dat he does most things for d sake of peace and he values relationships and friendship so much that he rather hurt himself (and me) rather than than severe a relatioship and that's wia I get real mad pissed off, but I think I've gotten more wisdom on how to deal with issue around him and its really helping me.

@All

When I opened this thread I didn't know it was going to attract so much attention, but reading thru everyones post, challenges, solutions, advices, criticisms and all, am really encouraged at least knowing that my case is not the worst of all, I have really learnt a lot.

Though am kind of a silent reader now, reason: am nursing my little cutie (a baby boy). Omugwo tinz. All d same am with u guyz in spirit. Keep up the good works as we continue to encourage one another.

One luv!

@snazzylove, congratulations!
say a big hi to our lil cutie!

alutacontinua: @snazzylove, congratulations!
say a big hi to our lil cutie!

E-hugs 2 uuu.. Tanx swts.

Good morning peeps, trust u guyz slept well.

I got a call early this mornig (just when I was about catching some sleep for d sleepless night my boy gave me ) from a friend I met at the clinic when I was going for ante-natal check up. It was a heartbreaking call, I couldn't hold the news alone but decides to come and share with my fellow familylanders and get some advice too.

According to her, she was diagnosed of HIV at the point of registering for antenatal early this year. The news threw her off balance cos from what she told me she has never cheated on the hubby, and this is her 2nd baby. The first baby was delivered 3yrs ago and she has no HIV then. When she got the news, she said she couldn't tell her hussy as she does not really have any explanation as to how she contracted it, and that hussy may never believe that she has never bin unfaithful, so she kept it to herself as she continued her antenatal.

Turn of events. Last month, she said hussy was on leave so most times is always at home, then she noticed that he was on medication, when she asked him if he was ill, he said its just cold that he'll be fine. She oberved him for two weeks and noticed the commitment and dedication to the drugs, and more worrisome was the fact that he does not expose the drugs. So one night according to her, as hussy was asleep she ransacked d whole house and luckily for her she found d drugs, copied out d names, d next day she took it to a pharmacist to interprete for her. And her fear was confirmed. They are ARV drugs, hussy is HIV+.

The betrayal. She said she couldn't confront him with the discovery, she was too shocked and heartbroken that the man she loved and called her husband could hide such grievous thing from her. She was not satisfied, as she continued to ransack the house evryother day for more evidence, then she saw the test result. Hubby has bin HIV+ for close to two years and did not tell her. That was when she summoned courage to confront him with the test result. As usual, HE WAS SORRY, after the deed has bin done. He was actually cheating on wifey.

Now the reason why she called me this morning to tell me the above story is that she has bin booked for a CS next week to deliver her baby uninfected. And that after she had her baby that she will walk out of the marriage, acoording to her, she can no longer stand the presence of her hussy, as she hate him with double amount of energy she used in loving him.

Hmmmm... at the time we were discussing, my head was just blank as I was still too shocked and sad to believe that a man could have such a wicked heart. I just told her to calm down for now and concentrate on having her baby and taking care of her health first, that the marriage issue will come up at a later time, probably when she has fully recovered from the CS. She was sobbing uncontrollably, I couldn't even tell her to stop, I just allowed her to cry out her pains, maybe she will feel better.

What do u guyz think will be the best advice for her? Cos she's bent on walking out, not just because she was infected, but for the betrayal, infidelity, and lack of trust.

NOTE: she said she found some CDs in hussy's bag that he uses for short trips, and that she and hussy never used CDs when they make love cos according to her hussy says he doesn't like it.

@ snazzylove: this is just too much, wow!! some men are just beasts... how can he keep such thing away from her all these years,,, mehn, if I were her I would kill the bastard..... but thank God am not.

During my nysc,I helped at a women's counseling unit in the health centre at eleme port harcourt.
Her story is just one among the hundreds of similar stories.
As heart breaking as it is,it has happened and has kept happening to wives all over.

On one particularly pathetic case I saw,the man had been with the virus 4 3years!!! Damn. How can one be so cruel.
He used to work offshore.two weeks in and two weeks out so maybe that's how he was able to hide his result.
Like this one too,the wife believed the drugs were just regular food supplements as he told her. Not until she came with a pregnancy to the clinic did she find out the truth.

His excuse was that he thought since he was on drugs he can't infect her.
Meanwhile I'm pretty sure his counselor must have told him to tell his wife about it.

Her own case she didn't leave.she opted to stay back since she was a housewife(by his instruction) and didn't have money or the means to survive alone with her little kids and the new pregnancy.
In her words "na him give am to me. We go dey suffer am together there"


pathetic

snazzylove: Good morning peeps, trust u guyz slept well.

I got a call early this mornig (just when I was about catching some sleep for d sleepless night my boy gave me ) from a friend I met at the clinic when I was going for ante-natal check up. It was a heartbreaking call, I couldn't hold the news alone but decides to come and share with my fellow familylanders and get some advice too.

According to her, she was diagnosed of HIV at the point of registering for antenatal early this year. The news threw her off balance cos from what she told me she has never cheated on the hubby, and this is her 2nd baby. The first baby was delivered 3yrs ago and she has no HIV then. When she got the news, she said she couldn't tell her hussy as she does not really have any explanation as to how she contracted it, and that hussy may never believe that she has never bin unfaithful, so she kept it to herself as she continued her antenatal.

Turn of events. Last month, she said hussy was on leave so most times is always at home, then she noticed that he was on medication, when she asked him if he was ill, he said its just cold that he'll be fine. She oberved him for two weeks and noticed the commitment and dedication to the drugs, and more worrisome was the fact that he does not expose the drugs. So one night according to her, as hussy was asleep she ransacked d whole house and luckily for her she found d drugs, copied out d names, d next day she took it to a pharmacist to interprete for her. And her fear was confirmed. They are ARV drugs, hussy is HIV+.

The betrayal. She said she couldn't confront him with the discovery, she was too shocked and heartbroken that the man she loved and called her husband could hide such grievous thing from her. She was not satisfied, as she continued to ransack the house evryother day for more evidence, then she saw the test result. Hubby has bin HIV+ for close to two years and did not tell her. That was when she summoned courage to confront him with the test result. As usual, HE WAS SORRY, after the deed has bin done. He was actually cheating on wifey.

Now the reason why she called me this morning to tell me the above story is that she has bin booked for a CS next week to deliver her baby uninfected. And that after she had her baby that she will walk out of the marriage, acoording to her, she can no longer stand the presence of her hussy, as she hate him with double amount of energy she used in loving him.

Hmmmm... at the time we were discussing, my head was just blank as I was still too shocked and sad to believe that a man could have such a wicked heart. I just told her to calm down for now and concentrate on having her baby and taking care of her health first, that the marriage issue will come up at a later time, probably when she has fully recovered from the CS. She was sobbing uncontrollably, I couldn't even tell her to stop, I just allowed her to cry out her pains, maybe she will feel better.

What do u guyz think will be the best advice for her? Cos she's bent on walking out, not just because she was infected, but for the betrayal, infidelity, and lack of trust.

NOTE: she said she found some CDs in hussy's bag that he uses for short trips, and that she and hussy never used CDs when they make love cos according to her hussy says he doesn't like it.

Jesus,some men are mean and wicked o,hw cld he have done that.
I cant say i understand what she is going thru,i can only imagine,Pls advice your friend to stay back because the deed had already been done and walking away is not the best option right now because so many things are involved,although it wont be easy,but i pray that God will comfort her on everyside and heal her wound.So pathetic

Snazzylove, sadly this is one of the many sob stories we hear daily in the field of work. I raised it the last time here on another post.

Thats why cheating for me is a No- No especially when married.
You see women come in and test positive even though at last antenatal they were negative and you come here and read analogy of "tasting different soups" so casually as if cheating on your spouse is a right. The truth is most people after having se-x for a while stop using condoms when cheating because they feel comfortable with their partners not considering that the lady they are sleeping with may be sleeping with other men.

Its a sad reality I see everyday, sad heartbreak and confusion when they come for antenatal, sad when the husband is invited and starts stammering and "regretting, normally blames it on friends, bad company and alcohol no blame on himself because most have the mentality that cheating while married is no biggie and so 50 percent of the positive cases are from women during antenatal. The damage is sadly irreversible.

As for your friend, just be a friend, what she is going through can only be imagined

sad... that is callous of the husband to be aware of his status and hide from his wife to the extent of infecting her

cococandy.. for the housewife who resigned herself to her hubby.. also sad

Now I lost my appetite

.

So so sad mehn.... I don't even know what to say... All is well... The lord is her strength.. Marriage sha.. When you complaining about your own.. You would see another marriage and you begin to thank God for your own...

They will say "dont go digging, what you dont know wont kill you" sadly these days it does

Thingz are really happening oo. Infact I've already planned on hw to tell my hussy that we'll be having routine medical check up every 3months, HIV inclusive. Abeg I never wan die , and I dnt want to live d rest of my life taking one ARV drugs.

God help us oo.

This is scary ooo, asking ones husband to go for HIV test out of no where will definitely kill something in that marriage if he is innocent(never cheated) , what really is the way forward




Snazzy I really don't understand how a woman who never cheated can keep a positive HIV result to herself, that means she has been making love to him knowing her positive status, things dey happen oo.

Wonders shall never cease! That man must be very wicked o to have infected his wife, I feel so sorry for that woman o. God will save us from some men sha

Last month, a lady died of (aids-hiv) in my elder sister's office. She got it from her husband. Its unfortunate/fortunate that the husband is still living. He has been on ARV since knowing without the knowledge of the wife.

This case is not peculiar, it happens daily among people who have not given themselves to the Lord sincerely.

@Post,

Allow the lady to make her own decision. Don't discourage nor encourage her otherwise. Only encourage her to take care of herself after delivery. Hope is not lost for her.

It is a pity she is suffering this.

For the singles, nothing is as good as marrying a godly person.