All due respect this is still windowdressing... the issue still remains

pickabeau1: All due respect this is still windowdressing... the issue still remains

okay.

Godmystrength: okay. lemme check.

Lol Sister, I think you were supposed to accept the link and follow it not send it back to me

aisha2:

Lol Sister, I think you were supposed to accept the link and follow it not send it back to me

don't mind me. I don't know how it works too. i clicked the link but it took me to your profile.

Godmystrength: edited

Hmmm, my dear, how would you now survive? Your baby is both your responsibility and he should have paid it back at least 50%, all this " I dont want people to say stuff" wont really help

If this thread goes to FP,I'll delete my posts and deactivate my account.
I've loved that it's been under the radar which keeps out the NL morons,and allows us to be honest.

No one is judging or castigating anybody here and I'd love us to keep it that way please.No name calling too especially for the spouses and families of people complaining cos it will make them defensive.
Let's keep it argument and insult free please.

Thank you

hispinkolo: If this thread goes to FP,I'll delete my posts and deactivate my account.
I've loved that it's been under the radar which keeps out the NL morons,and allows us to be honest.

No one is judging or castigating anybody here and I'd love us to keep it that way please.No name calling too especially for the spouses and families of people complaining cos it will make them defensive.
Let's keep it argument and insult free please.

Thank you

I am not sure I have seen any insults.. where was this

I agree this should not be a frontpage

Also no thread to threaten na

pickabeau1:

I am not sure I have seen any insults.. where was this

I agree this should not be a frontpage

Also no thread to threaten na

She is saying there is no insults that its a healthy thread and it should stay that way and not go on front page then turn to a circus.

aisha2:

She is saying there is no insults that its a healthy thread and it should stay that way and not go on front page then turn to a circus.

ok..yes i see now

I agree it shouldnt as there is an element of comfort and trust which will not be shared when it goes FP

No front page

hispinkolo.. if it goes.. u can request for the mods to lock the thread too and reopen after

@Godismystrength
Why did you delete your update,it would have helped encourage someonelse.
You have done very well even though you paid it still.
I can understand how difficult it is to take a hardened stance when you are being harassed from all corners,I know that's why you gave in.
It's okay.As you have decided not to fall for anything again,I'll encourage you to stand by your Word. I'm sure you will be tested again soon enough but harden your heart and stand firm.

We are not wearing your shoes so I can only imagine how many sleepless nights you have from thinking. I believe you will start tackling issues one by one till you get to a point where you are able to live with whatever reality is facing you in a way that won't drive you crazy..

Face front,face your baby,face your life...

You are doing a good job ok?!! GOOD JOB SISTER!

Godmystrength: Okay

Sent you a mail I think

aisha2:

Sent you a mail I think

Yep. got it. and i have responded.

hispinkolo: @Godismystrength
Why did you delete your update,it would have helped encourage someonelse.
You have done very well even though you paid it still.
I can understand how difficult it is to take a hardened stance when you are being harassed from all corners,I know that's why you gave in.
It's okay.As you have decided not to fall for anything again,I'll encourage you to stand by your Word. I'm sure you will be tested again soon enough but harden your heart and stand firm.

We are not wearing your shoes so I can only imagine how many sleepless nights you have from thinking. I believe you will start tackling issues one by one till you get to a point where you are able to live with whatever reality is facing you in a way that won't drive you crazy..

Face front,face your baby,face your life...

You are doing a good job ok?!! GOOD JOB SISTER!

I just changed my mind. i am the one that knows whats up with me. Maybe there is really no need of bothering people anymore. Having to see the posts and reading them over again makes me unhappy sometimes. Maybe i will just be watching from the sides. I actually intended deleting all my posts but i discovered that some have been posted so no need.

Godmystrength: I just changed my mind. i am the one that knows whats up with me. Maybe there is really no need of bothering people anymore. Having to see the posts and reading them over again makes me unhappy sometimes. Maybe i will just be watching from the sides. I actually intended deleting all my posts but i discovered that some have been posted so no need.

Please feel free to share, apologies for what i wrote earlier, sometimes talking helps us stay calm and not break down or go crazy.

I have seen your mail and sent a response.

@Africaine

My dear first Of all,I have to praise you for being strong,so hardworking and carrying your family along even though the burden seems so much for you.You are doing fantastic,more grease to your elbow.

For your hubby,I know it is very very frustrating for you,it can't be easy doing it all for 6 years and there will be times where you will want to kick him out and get rid of him..I understand that.
Would you feel better if he's more hands on at home?More helpful with the kids and around the house?How is he as a father and as a husband apart from his inability to provide?

Since it has been like this for so long,I doubt seriously that it's ever going to change..it's very unlikely unless God performs a miracle or you frustrate him out of the house.Would you be happier if you kick him out?If you won't be,I would (sadly) suggest that you see this situation for what it is and try to start accepting it.I don't want you to go mad.You are the breadwinner of the family and your hubby is fine with it and isn't willing to make any changes at least for now.Just accept it and move on for now,no need frustrating yourself pushing someone who doesn't want to be pushed.

Since he doesn't even want to do a masters degree,it's very obvious he's not keen to improve himself.So,you are the man and woman in that house.Be strong for your kids and save for them,do only what's necessary,nothing extra.If he's very encouraging and loving as a man,and an excellent father,just label him as house husband in your mind,stop having any expectations,fend for your family and encourage him to be more hands on.

This will reduce any quarrels or arguments.Times where you will resent him and even hate him will arise but you may have to swallow it and move on especially if he's great in other aspects.

Sorry o.I hope someone who's gone through this same thing would come up and advise you.

I'm not very religious so I'll stay say positive and may God give you the mental and physical strength to stay upbeat and cater for your family

aisha2:
Hmmm, my dear, how would you now survive?

I will surely survive somehow.

aisha2:
Your baby is both your responsibility and he should have paid it back at least 50%,

I know he is suppose to be OUR responsibility but when he is also in support of what his mum said (his mum actually poke to him on phone. I was there with him. And he still told me what his mum said and said i should also reason with her and that what she said is true) then i should know i am on my own.

aisha2:
all this " I dont want people to say stuff" wont really help

I wish it is that easy.

Godmystrength:
I will surely survive somehow.
I know he is suppose to be OUR responsibility but when he is also in support of what his mum said (his mum actually poke to him on phone. I was there with him. And he still told me what his mum said and said i should also reason with her and that what she said is true) then i should know i am on my own.
I wish it is that easy.

Its easy

Godmystrength:
I will surely survive somehow.
I know he is suppose to be OUR responsibility but when he is also in support of what his mum said (his mum actually poke to him on phone. I was there with him. And he still told me what his mum said and said i should also reason with her and that what she said is true) then i should know i am on my own.
I wish it is that easy.

Its easy, they have little shame and take advantage of the fact that you have some shame then do as they want because they know you will cover their shame.

Sometimes you also have to act like a crook to catch a crook. This has passed, next time DONT, if he cant provide 50% for his child let him worry about how and when to pay HIS BROTHER.
His Mother, hmmmm. Reply my mail sweety, day wan end. lol

Godmystrength: I just changed my mind. i am the one that knows whats up with me. Maybe there is really no need of bothering people anymore. Having to see the posts and reading them over again makes me unhappy sometimes. Maybe i will just be watching from the sides. I actually intended deleting all my posts but i discovered that some have been posted so no need.

I understand you perfectly but you see in life ehhh,you will hear all sorts.Criticism,even insults but I have learnt to look at everything and take what I need cos to me there is always some wisdom in every critical statement.
Take for example my story,I've not been able to put everything down in writing and some have blamed me for my predicament..I accept what they believe mainly because they don't know everything and it's their own thought but that won't stop me from reading and maybe gaining one thing or two from what they said despite how unhappy their statements make me feel.

People will be harsh and rude,but they aren't doing it to be wicked to you,it's just that they are exasperated and angry at what you are going through and would want you to take drastic action.However,only you knows how hard it is and the situation on ground,so just read and take what you can then move on. Don't take it personal ok dear?

I know you are doing your best,you will be fine!!In life when things get too hard for me,I just remind myself that it must end one day..Something must give.
So,try not to be deleting..We are all here to cheer you on and encourage you. You are also here to cheer us on and encourage us!

E-hugs to you!

aisha2:

Please feel free to share, apologies for what i wrote earlier, sometimes talking helps us stay calm and not break down or go crazy.

I have seen your mail and sent a response.

nothing to do about you my dear. Not even to do with anyone here. I was just fed up.

hispinkolo:

I understand you perfectly but you see in life ehhh,you will hear all sorts.Criticism,even insults but I have learnt to look at everything and take what I need cos to me there is always some wisdom in every critical statement.
Take for example my story,I've not been able to put everything down in writing and some have blamed me for my predicament..I accept what they believe mainly because they don't know everything and it's their own thought but that won't stop me from reading and maybe gaining one thing or two from what they said despite how unhappy their statements make me feel.

People will be harsh and rude,but they aren't doing it to be wicked to you,it's just that they are exasperated and angry at what you are going through and would want you to take drastic action.However,only you knows how hard it is and the situation on ground,so just read and take what you can then move on. Don't take it personal ok dear?

I know you are doing your best,you will be fine!!In life when things get too hard for me,I just remind myself that it must end one day..Something must give.
So,try not to be deleting..We are all here to cheer you on and encourage you. You are also here to cheer us on and encourage us!

E-hugs to you!

thanks.

When I wrote mine,to deal with my hubby I was putting extra pepper in his food out of anger and generally being mean.
After all I wrote,I'd come back and read again,then we had a talk and it blew over.
I even have pages and pages in my journal where I've cussed him and his entire family out It helps me to stay sane.
Writing helps,it is therapeutic..

Maybe each week,we should write one thing we like about our husbands?

@Africaine

God is your strength o.
Be strong.

hispinkolo: When I wrote mine,to deal with my hubby I was putting extra pepper in his food out of anger and generally being mean.
After all I wrote,I'd come back and read again,then we had a talk and it blew over.
I even have pages and pages in my journal where I've cussed him and his entire family out It helps me to stay sane.
Writing helps,it is therapeutic..

Maybe each week,we should write one thing we like about our husbands?

. I pray he doesn't see this your journal or else...........

Its all those things i like about him that even keeps me going anytime i am about loosing it.

@Godismystrength
He know oo cos I confessed.He knows me well well and was eating the pepper cos he knew it was his punishment.He saw one of my writings about him and asked me about it,he tried to explain himself and his behaviour.
He refused to read the dangerous ones though

hispinkolo: @Godismystrength
He know oo cos I confessed.He knows me well well and was eating the pepper cos he knew it was his punishment.He saw one of my writings about him and asked me about it,he tried to explain himself and his behaviour.
He refused to read the dangerous ones though

You are a naughty case. Your Hubby LOVES you VERY much. He is a good man.
I can imagine the look on his face while reading your journal


My hubby is a good man o. Its just this financial management things that's always the problem that refuse to go. We know how we settle our differences. but this particular one na REAL MESS.

Godmystrength: You are a naughty case. Your Hubby LOVES you VERY much. He is a good man.
I can imagine the look on his face while reading your journal

Yes I know he loves me and I love him back..That's why when all these things happened ehhh,I just mellowed for his sake.
Right from when we were dating,I had journals for when he annoys me..even the ones I used to curse him..He would read and screammm..hahahahahaha.So this one no be new thing,infact if I don't write in the journal,he'd be worried.

There are things that if he ever does,I would apply fresh pepper on his genitals and eyes oo..Thankfully e Neva happen.
It is well my dear..

The truth is that some good men just have some flaws that are just almost impossible to deal with.
Na to toughen up my dear,love am well well but hol body when he wan mess up.
God willing,things will get better,somehow..Maybe you should try the pepper method

hispinkolo: The truth is that some good men just have some flaws that are just almost impossible to deal with.
Na to toughen up my dear,love am well well but hol body when he wan mess up.
God willing,things will get better,somehow..Maybe you should try the pepper method

nah. That won't work for him. He is a pepper eater. If i try that, he will just think i am giving him a treat.

Godmystrength: nah. That won't work for him. He is a pepper eater. If i try that, he will just think i am giving him a treat.

Antidote for cold....

Godmystrength: nah. That won't work for him. He is a pepper eater. If i try that, he will just think i am giving him a treat.

Nkan be! imagine putting extra pepper but the person is enjoying it and saying the food is soo sweet.I go cry well well.

@bellong,
You normally give good advice,you need to say something to someone who is in Africaines'position especially since you are a man..Maybe we can see things from a man's perspective?

hispinkolo:
Maybe each week,we should write one thing we like about our husbands?


Good idea

bellong:

Antidote for cold....

hispinkolo:

Nkan be! imagine putting extra pepper but the person is enjoying it and saying the food is soo sweet.I go cry well well.

@bellong,
You normally give good advice,you need to say something to someone who is in Africaines'position especially since you are a man..Maybe we can see things from a man's perspective?