Along with love, trust is one of most important requirements of a happy married life. You may have enough love for the both of you but when lies and half-truths eat away at the foundations, the whole relationship can collapse. And yet your past is your own matter and rarely someone else’s business.
So how much of your past do you really need to disclose to your partner when getting married?

About previous relationships

High-school sweethearts getting married and more importantly remaining married for the rest of their lives now seem only the stuff of romantic fiction. In real life, it is likely that you – like your fiancé – will have had a few relationships before deciding that this time it is for keeps. It is not necessary that you count all your exes on your fingers either to satisfy your partner’s curiosity or to underline your own popularity. Neither it is required that you give a detailed description of your past sexual exploits. For most part, it is enough that he/she know that you have been in previous relationships but are now ready for greater commitment. However if you are divorced and if you have children from a previous marriage, it is essential that your partner know about it. Because in such cases, you may have to continue to fulfill certain responsibilities of a parent or a former spouse. It is also possible you have to meet certain obligations like alimony and child support. Your future spouse should know about such aspects of your past since they are going to determine how much time and resources you can invest in your impending marriage.

Health issues

Medical history is usually a sensitive matter because of which doctors are bound by professional ethics not to reveal such details about their patients. But what if your fiancée wishes to know about your medical past. It is better to share the basic facts of any physical or psychological condition that you may have been treated for in the past. This is not only so that when married and living together, your partner can avoid triggers and conditions which could bring about your relapse into ill-health but also so that both of you can continue to follow a healthy lifestyle. Also it would be easier for your partner to understand side effects and diet restrictions if you are honest about your medication or any particular course of treatment that you are still continuing. More pertinently you should disclose any conditions – past and present – which could impact the health of your sex life or future children. In fact intentional hiding of certain conditions like impotency could even become a ground of divorce should your spouse come to know of it later and decide that he/she has been cheated. Likewise if you have had a history of alcohol or substance abuse or even a run in with the law, it is important that your partner should be aware of these before marriage.

Finances

Along with sex and infidelity, money features as the major reason for marital conflicts and divorce. It is only natural that your betrothed would want to know about your job and pay-scale since it would determine the kind of lifestyle you both can afford after marriage. But along with that you should also be clear about any other financial obligations you may have – for instance repaying college loans or paying alimony to an ex-wife which may have a bearing on the earnings and expenses of your future family. If your credit rating is already very low, it may not be possible for you to take a mortgage on another house with your new spouse. However you need not provide details of all your assets and bank accounts to the person you are engaged too, especially if you have been earning that money much before the time you knew your present partner. While it is expected that your betrothed would have an approximate idea of your net worth, you are under no compulsion to disclose complete details of all your assets.

Family matters

It is always best if you let in on your fiancé about the dynamics of your family, if nothing else, at least to avoid confusion and embarrassment. One of your siblings may have been adopted or you may have a step-parent; if your partner knows nothing of these then not only he/she will be in danger of making a faux pas in front of everybody else but maybe even feel hurt at being kept out of the family circle. After alla marriage is not simply a union of two individuals but also a bonding of two different families. At the same time, intimate details about your family members like a sister having been abused as a child or an uncle’s traumatic experience in the combat zone need not be shared with a partner, especially if you feel that he/she will not be able to understand the complexities of the situation.
Along with determining what to disclose about your past to your betrothed, it is also important to considerhow to do it and with what purpose in mind. For instance if you merely reveal that your banker ex wasa jerk, you will not be helping much. Rather if you reveal that the loser went to numerous family dinners and yet never remembered to call your mom on her birthday, you will be letting your present boyfriend know two things: one that you have dated successful people and second, that being rich doesn’t always mean being partner-material which is why he should not forget to wish your mom ‘Happy Birthday’ – ever.Then again if you wish to share your past battle with the bottle you can say something like, “after having beaten alcoholism I now know that there are no short-cuts to feeling good”. This not only implies thatyou have successful defeated alcoholism but that yourespect values like hard work and good sense.

ladies, don't make d mistake of revealing every details of ur dirty past to ur fiancé to avoid " had I known".

Never tell ur fiancé how many abortions u had undergone in d past.

never tell ur fiancé that u had that little girl of about 7 years or so when u were in secondary school.

never tell a guy that any man that wanna marry u, ends up dying.



secret secret!!!!


women can keep secrets enhhhh!"""

The pesent and the past have nothing in common.


I don't mind telling her all she needs to know.


What must be must be

I find it difficult to keep things from a man I love.
I have a very annoying conscience
Good thing is the past ain't too ugly anyways, it's still manageable

I can tell some things o, like 80% but there r dirty past I can't never tell my fiancée.

lol

All if he desires to know, incase if any issue arises in the future...

I think in the case of marriage he should know everything. If you will want to hide anything don't hide your children.

It depends on how bad ur past is
[img]http://www.?aff=391[/img] [img]http:///?k_id=utibeokodi[/img]

tell her everything if she's yours she will wait and if not she will swerve life is too short to be begging for love when am not latino2swt

This is similar to what is down
[img]http://www.?aff=391[/img] [img]http:///?k_id=utibeokodi[/img]

But y will a man want to know everything about a lady? Then when she opens up,and they know they ugly truth(if there are any),they back off? Abeg every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future! If u can't stand by her after
hearing, pls respect urself and don't ask.... curiosity kills d cat..

Let bygones be bygones

Truth hurts...& some words are better left unsaid. Past has passed

... Be 100% sincere with d past! Cos weda u screwd up or did it rite it wat make u who u r 2day! Its beta tellin dem abt d past then 4 dem 2 find out themselves! If they really loved u, after hearing abt d past they will stay

As much as neccessary. If you can handle it, fine. If you can't? Still fine. I just don't think its appropriate going into marriage with secrets. Sometimes, some elements of the past have a tendency to fvck the future.

As honest as you can be, as you grow and recall things that happened in your past don't hesitate to share them with your spouse. I lost a relationship because she thinks certain things are not necessary to share, one occasion I heard something(a tiny detail) about her from someone else's mouth, I was laughed at that I don't know anything about my Gf. I was pained, if she can't tell me tiny details about her, how will she tell me the big ones?!

80% during courtship

90% before introduction(the deepest and darkest past should be shared at this level)

95% during wedding preparations

You can't be 100% honest.some things are between you and your God.

*runs out of the thread*

ok

Be has honest as would help foster, promote and build the relationship because old things have pass away and behold all things have become new.

A positive and fulfilled happy future is what is important and should be focused on and not some past life.
We have all got a pass anywayz!

maxism2: ladies, don't make d mistake of revealing every details of ur dirty past to ur fiancé to avoid " had I known".

Never tell ur fiancé how many abortions u had undergone in d past.

never tell ur fiancé that u had that little girl of about 7 years or so when u were in secondary school.

never tell a guy that any man that wanna marry u, ends up dying.



secret secret!!!!


women can keep secrets enhhhh!"""

Mr maxism2, Shey na Advise b ds or Advice? what if the guy later finds out about the so-called secrets?

She's a gunner!

Its better you tell him. If the guy loves you, he WILL stay, It May be difficult at first.

"never tell ur fiancé that u had that little girl of about 7 years or so when u were in secondary school."

what if your daughter suddenly shows up? Abi u wan deny ur daughter ni?, I have a friend that it happened to, worse case was that she looks like mummy.


"never tell a guy that any man that wanna marry u, ends up dying."

What if d dead man is his friends uncle's brothers cousin? Abi d mother/sister of d man sees you at a mall. - (What-If Analysis)

if he eventually finds out himself, na only you go waka come!

And as for you liking his post, you dey use that one console yourself, do the needful!

Don't use that one to justify yourself.



LAST BULLET - everyone has skeletons in their cupboard.

All he needed to know.

odufanabasa: But y will a man want to know everything about a lady? Then when she opens up,and they know they ugly truth(if there are any),they back off? Abeg every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future! If u can't stand by her after
hearing, pls respect urself and don't ask.... curiosity kills d cat..

my friend it is better you say the ugly truth and shame the devil. naija girls eh

A very important thing to stick to when starting a relationship is TRANSPARENCY and on no account should you be secretive no matter how small. You cannot be everybody but be yourself and wait for the right person who will love you for who you really are.

Due to the dirty lives women lead nowadays, is not even wise to dig in their past, because they will devastate u with lies, to cover up, cos if u see their past the love u have must grow cold, their past is riddled maninly by multiple sexual boyfriends, heartbreaks, abortions,life damaging deceits, dumped men, deadly lies,anti birth pills..if u find out all these, wahala don dey, so let the sleeping dog lie...

the whole truth and nothing else

I wouldn't expect my partner to be honest with me might as well forget about the past. Bringing up issues in the past may dent the marriage. Marriage=New life<new beginning>








but women can keep secret eh

My life is an open book. I have no damaging secrets whatsoever, you can't even dig up an enemy (except some NL beefers )

I like to get whatever bad traits I have out in the air early enough, I'll tell you what to expect before you even ask so you no go say you no know. No time for dilly-dallying, na to drop am as e dey hot . I go even list reasons why you no suppose like me, yes, I'm nice like that

If ti tell you i'd have to kill you