The more honest the better, because it would be bad if your partner later found out terrible secrets about you.
Not telling your partner the whole truth before marriage is not different from SCAM, because you must have lied to coerce him or her into marriage.
A girlfriend confessed to me everything that she never told anyone else. And even though it was really terrible to admit, I still loved her and did not use her past imperfections to judge her. And it does not matter as long as she is not going to repeat them in your new life as married couple.

I know many men always use the past sexual history of a girlfriend to judge her.
Guys clap and give two thumbs up to their promiscuous buddies, but call promiscuous girlfriends whores in their stupid hypocrisy.
I know many men who swear that they can never marry a former pro, but as far I am concerned any girl or woman who has dated more than one guy before marriage is not holier than a pro.
Fornication is fornication, whether you fornicate once or one million times. So, it is childish and foolish to use the past sex life of anyone to judge the person.
You can never start a new chapter in your life if you keep on going back to re-read the past chapters.
Yes. learn from the mistakes of the past, but please don't wrestle with the ghosts from the past.

orirebaby:

Good for you darling

i like it when a lady plays matured. And truthfully you are right,you'd definately have second thoughts about letting him go when you are an adult.

In my own opinion,i think being in a relationship as a teenager or a youth when you are not prepared to get married only exposes you to all sort of sexual immoralties. Whats the point in being in a relationship with a guy/girl if you both are nowhere near the marriage zone? Without all these dating and relationship stuff i think our 'dirty past' could have been evaded. Wisdom does it all and only Jesus offers that#

.

How exactly do people get to do things they are ashamed of? Abeg make i comot here.

( enters thread with guitar,sings like Boncus Igwe)
whats goina be's goina be
what goes up must come down
whats goina be's goina be
AINT NOTHING U CAN DO BOUT IT!!

HIDE IT,REVEAL,BURY IT,STORE IT ONE DAY IS ONE DAY- THE ASS OF THE FOWL WILL BE EXPOSED!!

daveP: ( enters thread with guitar,sings like Boncus Igwe)
whats goina be's goina be
what goes up must come down
whats goina be's goina be
AINT NOTHING U CAN DO BOUT IT!!

HIDE IT,REVEAL,BURY IT,STORE IT ONE DAY IS ONE DAY- THE ASS OF THE FOWL WILL BE EXPOSED!!

Orikinla:

naso o.thats y avoiding is jst still d oldest yet one of d bestedt options.yeah (in chris tucker's shouting accent) AINT NAFFIN YOU CAN (lowers voice) do bout it!!!

I think the better approach is if you know he/she may be intolerant of your past, you should drop him/her and wait for the right person. If he does not make it an issue now, he will when he finds out and by then things may have gone beyond repair

odufanabasa: But y will a man want to know everything about a lady? Then when she opens up,and they know they ugly truth(if there are any),they back off? Abeg every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future! If u can't stand by her after
hearing, pls respect urself and don't ask.... curiosity kills d cat..

maxism2: ladies, don't make d mistake of revealing every details of ur dirty past to ur fiancé to avoid " had I known".

Never tell ur fiancé how many abortions u had undergone in d past.

never tell ur fiancé that u had that little girl of about 7 years or so when u were in secondary school.

never tell a guy that any man that wanna marry u, ends up dying.



secret secret!!!!


women can keep secrets enhhhh!"""

U must be cold in d head! Would dz ur same advice count if it were to be ur brother? "She should not tell him d@ all her past BF's dies abi!? I reserve my comment. Think b4 u spew trash!

passionate88: U sure?.

I ain't sure oo....tellme, is 1 abortion still manageable?


btw, been a long time, BFF
How are you doing?
missed you loads

maxism2: ladies, don't make d mistake of revealing every details of ur dirty past to ur fiancé to avoid " had I known".

Never tell ur fiancé how many abortions u had undergone in d past.

never tell ur fiancé that u had that little girl of about 7 years or so when u were in secondary school.

never tell a guy that any man that wanna marry u, ends up dying.



secret secret!!!!


women can keep secrets enhhhh!"""

My galfrnd told me somtn abt her past nd dat was d end!l couldn't help it!l jst lost every passion l hv 4her!

beeevan: How exactly do people get to do things they are ashamed of? Abeg make i comot here.

Precisely what I'm wondering

tatiana009:

Precisely what I'm wondering

Thanks for this response, at least I now know am not alone.

My policy in life... If it's not broken, don't try fixing it
If it will build your future relationship with your partner, why not. If it will cause problems, then no need to.
If it would crack a joke you both can share, of course, spill it all and share the fun. If it will send you packing or returning a ring, why bother?
Some partners can't even manage simple information you tell'em. They'll use it against you as long as you remain in that home/relationship.

The truth is that sometimes, we spend too much effort trying to know about hurtful pasts of our partners rather than channeling those efforts to making the future "less risky" for both of you. People need to understand that it's some people's horrible pasts that made them the better persons they are today. Some of these experiences are not worth remembering, so why force them, emotionally or otherwise, to "be honest " and tell the past?

If you luv your partner, make excuses for their pasts, good or bad.

alutacontinua:

I ain't sure oo....tellme, is 1 abortion still manageable?


btw, been a long time, BFF
How are you doing?
missed you loads

1 abortionS?... I thought we did 12 last year?.... I am fine o...

seedord247: and average Naija gurl has been with more 25 fellas and she lie to you that she only got one ex.

bloody liar

passionate88: 1 abortionS?... I thought we did 12 last year?.... I am fine o...

which kain bff yoi be sef?
you wan spoil my NL runs?
na only 1 jor, the other 11 were mistakes

otunbakhakiz: Tolulope; tell them make then hear. Not even wen yah in ur thirties. There are some past that are rather kept than bn told. Talking from experience anyway.

What would you tell your partner when he finds out??..

Honest wid my brain

alutacontinua:


which kain bff yoi be sef?
you wan spoil my NL runs?
na only 1 jor, the other 11 were mistakes

Ok... I understood...

I used to believe 100% honest... but if that entails him using it against me afterwards... now I wonder

As the US Miranda rights says: 'You have the right to remain silent... because anything you say might be used against you in a court of law'... or outside it

This is serious. No wounder why the rate of divorce is on increase and adultry no longer matter anymore. Up to 85% of comments here supports secrecy! If you hide your ugly past before getting in, how am I even sure you won't keep adding more skeleton into your cupboard even when you tie the knot?
Why won't one breakup silently while courting than the denting shame of divorce? Must you be with that wild reacting partner, who would deny or limit your joy in marriage at slightest provocation, whether husb or wife.
If you cant contain the situation, bad characters and habits your intending partner is into, please call it quit. Cos it simply means you are not compatible!
Gosh! Honestly, I rather die a happy single person(though the happiness is not always full,) than to be married into a cold war zone or be switching partner, especially when you might not be in position to get the type you like!

odufanabasa: But y will a man want to know everything about a lady? Then when she opens up,and they know they ugly truth(if there are any),they back off? Abeg every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future! If u can't stand by her after
hearing, pls respect urself and don't ask.... curiosity kills d cat..

you sound like one of those with very ugly past or perhaps dated over 15 guys and tells your present boy friend you have only an EX

dayosaurus:


What would you tell your partner when he finds out??..

do u tink a lady will feel comfortable wit u gettin to knw yah once a player or the type that goes arnd wt sugar mami

Hmmmm,Transparency matters a lot when it comes to getting married,you both must come together to deal with the past and move up to the future,some past are capable of rearing out their ugly heads unknowingly and if you dont open up when you are suppose to then be ready for the beautiful penalty that might befall you. Imagine how it will feel like if both ends finds out one drop of your past which you refuse to tell.....obviously the trust will shrink and trust me you are building a problematic ladder to the futre.... If a man or woman hears your past on a truthful and faithful ground and dumbs you,then He or she is not meant for you,i believe there is somebody God has prepared for everybody irrespective of your past. Its really so hard this days to spot a truthful man and a woman that is ready to really go the extreme with you without pretending.

Many marriages are ruined today becos of this "No secret" Buhaha!!!

Please ladies, don't tell, except if you have to. Guys, don't tell except you should. But ladies and guys, If you are asked, don't deny it, the truth will always set you free, no matter how long it takes.
My girlfriend had a hearttoheart talk with her hubby 7yrs ago about her past because he asked "what she's been up to before they met". He told her his, and she, likewise. Till yesterday when I visited them, he swears at her if she, for example questions him about certain things, calls, movement, etc, that she thinks everyone's ruined their youth just like she did. Meanwhile, she's never teased him about his own gory past.

Lesson there is, you are not a reporter or a storyteller. If it's gonna cost u ur future, or it doesn't threaten ur partner, don't bother, just save it! Some men and women are immature about handling someone's past.

otunbakhakiz: do u tink a lady will feel comfortable wit u gettin to knw yah once a player or the type that goes arnd wt sugar mami

If she can't move past it, she should kindly Bleep out of my life.

yimikaa: 80% during courtship

90% before introduction(the deepest and darkest past should be shared at this level)

95% during wedding preparations

You can't be 100% honest.some things are between you and your God.

*runs out of the thread*

You dont have to run out of the thread, you have said the bitter truth for anyone that cares to hear.


@topic, be truthful, but please keep some details that has no negative effect on your present relationship and can ruined your relationship if revealed. Examples are what happens to your family member,

how your father sent your mother packing when she was caught cheating (of what importance is that to your present relationship? It will only leave your fiance wondering, maybe infidelity is hereditary in your maternal),

how every women in your family always get richer than their men after marriage e.t.c

dayosaurus:

If she can't move past it, she should kindly Bleep out of my life.

My question is of what importance is telling her that details? When none of it yield any unwanted child, you dont have a lasting disease from them e.t.c. It will only create fear of the future for her, because she cant be 100% sure that you have changed.

3sha4lyf: My policy in life... If it's not broken, don't try fixing it
If it will build your future relationship with your partner, why not. If it will cause problems, then no need to.
If it would crack a joke you both can share, of course, spill it all and share the fun. If it will send you packing or returning a ring, why bother?
Some partners can't even manage simple information you tell'em. They'll use it against you as long as you remain in that home/relationship.

The truth is that sometimes, we spend too much effort trying to know about hurtful pasts of our partners rather than channeling those efforts to making the future "less risky" for both of you. People need to understand that it's some people's horrible pasts that made them the better persons they are today. Some of these experiences are not worth remembering, so why force them, emotionally or otherwise, to "be honest " and tell the past?

If you luv your partner, make excuses for their pasts, good or bad.

God bless yur mama...yu nailed it