Read this on femmelounge (a blog for women) and decided to share...

http://femmelounge.ng/ask-ada-they-keep-treating-me-like-im-suffering-because-i-am-single

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Dear Coach Ada,

I’m having a hard time dealing with my friends. In the last year, most of them have gotten married or had kids and I’ve been a bridesmaid twice. I’m 26 and single with no boyfriend. The problem is whenever I hang around my friends it feels like they’re always bragging about a promotion their husband just got or showing off how smart their kids are. I try to be happy for them, I really do, but they keep treating me like I’m suffering because I’m still single and it’s pissing me off! I feel like they treat me differently now that they’ve gotten married and I’m not comfortable being around them. Am I just overreacting or is there really something wrong with their behavior?

Signed, Hurt and Offended



Dear Hurt and Offended,

It sounds like you’re dealing with a bit of ol’ fashioned jealousy. As a single woman in my twenties I know how frustrating it can feel when it seems like “everyone” in your peer group is off getting married and having kids. Not to mention the unsolicited pity-comments from friends, family, and community members. It’s like you’re walking around with a stamp on your forehead that says, “Single and Suffering” which can definitely start kicking jealousy into gear.

The truth is there is nothing wrong with being single unless you make it a problem. You have the choice to either embrace your singleness or view it with shame. If you choose to embrace it, this is the time you need to dedicate to your personal and spiritual development. This is the time you need to focus on strengthening your relationship with God and determining your God-given purpose, if you haven’t already.

I would also suggest that since you are feeling uncomfortable & unfairly judged by your friends, you begin to spend less time with them. The more time you spend with them as they flaunt their lives, the more likely you are to feel insecure about your single status & possibly develop your feelings of jealousy towards them.

Now I am not saying you should cast your friends out of your life. But, I do believe it will be beneficial for you to spend some more productive alone-time as well as find new single friends that have similar interests to you.

- Coach Ada

Email us your questions for Coach Ada to info@femmelounge.org and be sure to include “Ask Coach Ada” in the subject line.

I didn't read it all but I also thought of jealousy after reading the girl's problem. I don't have such issue around my married friends. I enjoy their company without any negative feelings.

More like single ladies who r friends with married women

Ok..

Single people have NO business hanging out with married people!
Nothing in common!
They should only meet in PUBLIC places like social gatherings!
The sentiments cannot be avoided.

Even if the married people ACT LIKE MARRIED PEOPLE. . . .which comes naturally. . .THE SINGLE PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS COMPLAIN!
Making innocents statements which bring up HUSBAND AND CHILDREN. . .will ALWAYS CAUSE FEELINGS OF INSECURITY WITH THE SINGLE PEEPS!

The reason I AVOID THEM!
[size=20pt]THE SINGLE WOMEN ARE THE VERY WORST!!!![/size]
You can never totally feel free to discuss your life WITH THEM without sounding like you are 'pitying' them or making them feel 'inadequate'!
Even if you say to them. . .I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY HUSBAND TO COME BACK FROM WORK. . . or I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE KIDS TO COME BACK FROM SCHOOL. . . . Ha! You are mocking them because they are single.

NANSENZZZZZZZZZZZE!!!

Yes. . . some married people MEAN TO DO JUST THAT! Their prerogative!
STAY ON YOUR OWN OR GO OUT WITH ONLY SINGLE PEEPS!
Period!

I DON'T ENTERTAIN THEM IN MY HOUSE. . . . . ESPECIALLY THE FEMALES. . . .I get extremely irritated by their 'sme-sme' nonsense! I don't wanna cuss them out with all that 'self-pity' and 'insecurities' going on within THEIR BODIES, MINDS AND SOULS!
If I were single. . . I WILL NEVER HANG OUT WITH ANY MARRIED WOMAN! NEVER!!!!! I WOULD NOT GIVVVVVA A QUARTER OF A PHOCK WHAT SHE GAT EITHER! Na me sen dem 'marriage message'? Soooooooooooo, why should I CARE?

Sheeeeeeeeeesh!

KanwuliaJara: Single people have NO business hanging out with married people!
Nothing in common!
They should only meet in PUBLIC places like social gatherings!
The sentiments cannot be avoided.

Even if the married people ACT LIKE MARRIED PEOPLE. . . .which comes naturally. . .THE SINGLE PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS COMPLAIN!
Making innocents statements which bring up HUSBAND AND CHILDREN. . .will ALWAYS CAUSE FEELINGS OF INSECURITY WITH THE SINGLE PEEPS!

The reason I AVOID THEM!
[size=20pt]THE SINGLE WOMEN ARE THE VERY WORST!!!![/size]
You can never totally feel free to discuss your life WITH THEM without sounding like you are 'pitying' them or making them feel 'inadequate'!
Even if you say to them. . .I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY HUSBAND TO COME BACK FROM WORK. . . or I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE KIDS TO COME BACK FROM SCHOOL. . . . Ha! You are mocking them because they are single.

NANSENZZZZZZZZZZZE!!!

Yes. . . some married people MEAN TO DO JUST THAT! Their prerogative!
STAY ON YOUR OWN OR GO OUT WITH ONLY SINGLE PEEPS!
Period!

I DON'T ENTERTAIN THEM IN MY HOUSE. . . . . ESPECIALLY THE FEMALES. . . .I get extremely irritated by their 'sme-sme' nonsense! I don't wanna cuss them out with all that 'self-pity' and 'insecurities' going on within THEIR BODIES, MINDS AND SOUL!
If I were single. . . I WILL NEVER HANG OUT WITH ANY MARRIED WOMAN! NEVER!!!!! I WOULD NOT GIVVVVVA A QUARTER OF A PHOCK WHAT SHE GAT EITHER! Na me sen dem 'marriage message'?

Sheeeeeeeeeesh!

very blunt and precise.. na y like u!
fire on, but pls stop dey insult people god(s)

CircleOfWilis: very blunt and precise.. na y like u!
fire on, but pls stop dey insult people god(s)

Hmmmm. . . taink you!
If dem cuss me. . .I GO CUSS DEM GODS!

I think it depends on the personality of the single person in question and what they've achieved in life for themselves.

An extremely self-confident single person with a lot going on in their lives will not fall into the same situation experienced by the lady in question. Infact, it could even be the other way round where you'll find the married friends envying the freedom of choice lifestyle of the single person.

~ Freedom to exercise a "go-getting" approach to their career without having to worry about taking a career break to raise their young kids and family.
~ Freedom to travel, relocate, etc with having to worry how such a change would affect their immediate family (hubby and kids)

and lots more.

EfemenaXY: I think it depends on the personality of the single person in question and what they've achieved in life for themselves.
An extremely self-confident single person with a lot going on in their lives will not fall into the same situation experienced by the lady in question. Infact, it could even be the other way round where you'll find the married friends envying the freedom of choice lifestyle of the single person.
~ Freedom to exercise a "go-getting" approach to their career without having to worry about taking a career break to raise their young kids and family.
~ Freedom to travel, relocate, etc with having to worry how such a change would affect their immediate family (hubby and kids)
and lots more.

Thank you o.
Many single women make me sick, especially in the church...arrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! That one is another story.
Every youth program would be turned to a husband finding and praying program.

^^ I know.

Society doesn't help either.

As long as the girl child is groomed into thinking marriage is the ultimate achievement in life, then that mentality displayed by the insecure ladies is here to stay.

EfemenaXY: I think it depends on the personality of the single person in question and what they've achieved in life for themselves.

An extremely self-confident single person with a lot going on in their lives will not fall into the same situation experienced by the lady in question. Infact, it could even be the other way round where you'll find the married friends envying the freedom of choice lifestyle of the single person.

~ Freedom to exercise a "go-getting" approach to their career without having to worry about taking a career break to raise their young kids and family.
~ Freedom to travel, relocate, etc with having to worry how such a change would affect their immediate family (hubby and kids)

and lots more.

simple

bellong:
This is to help you reach those who wouldn't have time to click the link...

Thanks a lot, God bless you

I created the topic with my mobile

@Topic: Do some married peeps purposely flaunt their family to their single friends?

Stillfire:

Thank you o.
Many single women make me sick, especially in the church...arrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! That one is another story.
Every youth program would be turned to a husband finding and praying program.

It is not their fault.

Everywhere they are bombared with marriage.

I invited someone to my wedding and he said thank God, at last! and I was like? How old am I?

He feels 25yrs is the max a lady should be single

Once married women are together, it's hard not to mention kids and husbands. It is usually not intentional as most women love to chat about their kids a lot, the lady should just avoid their meetings if she feels that uncomfortable.

bukatyne:

Thanks a lot, God bless you

I created the topic with my mobile

@Topic: Do some married peeps purposely flaunt their family to their single friends?

I guessed as much.


@your question, I think its for the ladies. Guys have no time for such pettiness

All I am seeing here is an insecure woman. Geez ! being single is not a curse. Majority of my close friends are married and I don’t feel an ounce of resentment towards them. Yes, they talk about their kids and their husbands, what else would I be expecting them to talk about again.

My Bff got married a few weeks ago, we have always shared everything growing up, I was fully integrated in her wedding planning from meeting with the planner and doing a shower for her and helping out with all the wedding plans. I never felt jealous that she was getting married before me.
The author is just 26, she needs to find something useful and creative to do with her time instead of getting jealous

only women feel jealous about such nonsense given their nature. i have never heard of single men complain about whatever their married friends have to say about wife & kids.

women would always create problems where there should be none. everything was cool in eden until eve got there. arranta nonsensicus!

It's just normal to talk about your kids and husband as a married person (heck I am sure I even go on sometimes about them on NL ) but sometimes you have to make a conscious effort to broaden conversations if the person you are talking to has different interests,I get on well with my single friends but our topics of discussion tends to vary from those who are married with kids.I even try to be sensitive when discussing with married TTC cos if you are not careful simple things you say might be misconstrued as flaunting your kids.

If someone has been your friend before you get married I actually think you just talking about your husband and kids all the time is weird.Did you guys not have similar interests for to be called friends before you got married so yeah I agree(a bit just a bit) that it won't kill some people to have a wider scope of conversation outside of their husbands and kids.


And I agree with Efemenaxy it could actually work the other way I.e the married person being jealous of the single persons ability to just up and go where career takes them.It takes a certain degree of self belief for me not to be jealous of the strides some of my single friends unencumbered with young children have made in their careers.I just believe everyone should realise we all have different journeys and paths and learn to love themselves without unnecessary comparisons.I have friends who got married at 25 and are divorced some who got married at 23 and are still happily married some at 32 etc etc just face your own path.Women and wahala sha.

Once any friend of mine gets married male or female i delete their number especially my female friends.

I dont have any business keeping married friends around me Until i am married!

women and their wahala o.

Some married ladies have insecurity issues, before I got married I went with my married friend to one of her married friend's place to get some footwear. The cold reception the seller gave to me eh! Choi! I had to confront my friend because I don't have business with the other lady, she said I shouldn't be offended that it is because am single, that's the way she reacts to single ladies, cos her husband is promiscuous. I said see wahala oh! Less than 2 years of marriage...

Now am married, and she's trying to form friendship, I don't give a rat ass at all.

I still relate to my single friends well, because they have being my friends for a long time and I don't have the luxury of making new friends with married ladies that are not real.

My single friends are cool with me, and so am I with them... when they get married we will continue and it gets sweeter.

Honestly, only a few people got the writer's perspective.
I've been there before, and I simply moved on. If said friend needs me, she knows how to find me.
It can be hard to be single in this country though, considering how we feel about marriage.
Every informal interaction with family and friends carries the "when are you getting married" undertone.
On January 1, when everyone was exchanging goodwill for the new year, the only exception to this were people I knew through work. Every text, ping, call, physical greeting mentioned that God would bless me with a husband this year.
Aunts, Uncles, friends, parents friends, cousins etc. I didn't used to care, but the pressure almost got me into trouble.
Now, I tune out when they start playing that song.

Let the single lady put herself in the married lady's shoes. From what I've seen of marriage, it's tasking. And to make it last, one has to give it her all.
Plus, what kind of friend is the single lady too?

She should take things easy, married women cant discuss without involving their husbands and kids especially the housewives...what is there again to talk about?

She should just get over it and find something else or single friends that can keep her busy.

Na t.b Joshua fit cast her spiritual husband away

The lady is a poisonous one.Abeg married women shud stay away from such!That kind of jealousy isnt healthy atall.Her insecurity is only in her head and only she is the architect.WHERE she dey wen GOD dey share husbands give her friends?Abi she follow me dey drag customer for Allen?Nonsence!

Justi4jesu, you are right that it is the jobless housewives that are most guilty of it. Like you said, what else is there for them to talk about? they have no life outside their marriage.
I will advice the single lady to find other friends. Even if she wants to keep married friends, she should find ones that aren't jobless. I would prefer to be friends with a woman who can tell me about her own promotion instead of always talking about her husband's. How does her husband concern me?

3cycle: Once any friend of mine gets married male or female i delete their number especially my female friends.

I dont have any business keeping married friends around me Until i am married!

Really..na fight?

Visit Your married friends less often, and call if you need to say hello. ..Of course, it'll get that way,what do you and your married friends want to have in common? She's either thinking of what to cook or talking about her children being too troublesome, while you are talking about getting a job or looking for what to wear to a party. ..maybe your friend too doesn't really get comfy talking to you anymore, but wouldn't want to sound mean or rude to you.

keep your distance and be positive.

Eyah, to avoid all dis so kald embarrassment, ε qo beta if only u could GRAB YOUR HUSBAND NOW!!!!

Ok.

Ptoocool: Eyah, to avoid all dis so kald embarrassment, ε qo beta if only u could GRAB YOUR HUSBAND NOW!!!!

I notice how this discussion turned to only female discussion. Says a whole lot about the specie called women. They even dig and scratch for trouble where there's none. Thank God I am a man.