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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! (40983 Views)
A Thread For 2016 Brides and Grooms To Be / Polygamy: Why Men Marry More Wives. / A Thread For Ladies Who Want To Get Married (2) (3) (4)
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Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by GodsDivinefavor(f): 8:57pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
soonest: Who says polygamous men don't cheat? In fact they are the greater cheats. So the notion that as a wife in such a setting u will knw who ur husb is sleeping with doesn't hold water at all. A cheat is a cheat even when he has 100 wives.Hiding under religion holds no water, its the man. If islam practitioners know their religion allows it, that is known by evrybody. Christianity does not porpagate polygamy and some people will say it does not frown against it either. I schooled in kwara state and know of a full ijab lady who blantly disagree with the husband on taking a second wife. The man conceeded and they moved on. I also read about one pastor (lion of watever) that about three different women came with their kids during his burial claiming he father them. Its not about religion, but the man. 8 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tpia1: 9:00pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
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Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by ayinba1(f): 9:05pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
@OP Watch Big Love, if possible. It is a Mormon story of a man with more than one wife. Please do not leave your husband if you and him can be together. Communication is however very important between you, him and this woman. Every day is precious. Buy yourself dignity with the way you handle this. I do not agree with those who expect you to find a negative input from your dad's first wife. In face, I think she will provide you with the most wisdom because her experience is quite similar to yours. PS: I am not an advocate of polygamy, in fact, I dey jealous wella; but I will take it over being a mistress to a married man, or having my husband sleep around. And polygamy and being a cheat are not mutually exclusive. You can be a cheating man and remain a polygamist or monogamist (yes even if the woman becomes pregnant- countless girls have been asked to abort because "my wife no go gree" Or the man simply does not want to bear the responsibility). 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by texanomaly(f): 9:10pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
I know that polygamy is legal in Nigeria. I also know a little about the Nigerian Marriage act. According to the law, if the marriage is a registry marriage, the person cannot marry again. Not a registry marriage anyway. There is actually an oath that must be taken in order to get married, where you have to swear you are not already married. So my question is, if the first marriage is a registry wedding, what kind of wedding are the subsequent marriages? How legally binding are they? How does this work from a legal standpoint? If a woman is married by registry, and does not wish to allow a second wife, does she have any legal avenue to pursue? Just wondering for those who's husbands want it, but wifie does not. Also does the wife with the legally recognized marriage have any more rights than the traditionally married wife? 6 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by edwife(f): 9:11pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: You see, like I said earlier am trying to brace myself for the challenges ahead. ok,i get. I will really love to hear from a first wife,someone who has been and still there. Please do not create a new moniker,the last time backfired. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by MrPresident1: 9:12pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
Polygamy is the future . When the reset happens, and the world becomes agricultural all over again as it was meant to be from the beginning, and more labour is needed in the farm for farm work , polygamy will be the way to go . Amos 9:13-15 13 Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him that soweth seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine, and all the hills shall melt. 14 And I will bring again the captivity of my people of Israel, and they shall build the waste cities, and inhabit them; and they shall plant vineyards, and drink the wine thereof; they shall also make gardens, and eat the fruit of them. 15 And I will plant them upon their land, and they shall no more be pulled up out of their land which I have given them, saith the LORD thy God. Isaiah 4:1 1 And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by GodsDivinefavor(f): 9:13pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
ayinba1: @OP Have already accepted her to move in with us cos that is what hubby wants. My aim is to work on myself and a bit concern about what the other lady is bringing. 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by aderonila18: 9:20pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: Please is your house the big type? I'm asking because I'm trying to imagine how you'll live together and there won't be issues. Things like suddenly your kitchen is no longer yours, the maid/driver will now have 2 madams ,imagine you send them somewhere and small madam sends them somewhere else? Who will cook for your husband, will you be rotating it? Those are the types of things which usually cause conflict . Why doesn't your husband get her another place? You are really trying o 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by MrPresident1: 9:23pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
But I think men who are polygamous at these times are just greedy. There really is no need to be polygamous at these times considering the weight of added responsibility. 2 wives for what Just preposterous! There may be genuine reasons sha 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tpia1: 9:25pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by MrPresident1: 9:28pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
tpia1: Sis., the reset will happen shortly. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by GodsDivinefavor(f): 9:34pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
aderonila18: Its a 5 bedroom apartment. All what you mention are actually what I need God to guide me on. 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tpia1: 9:41pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
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Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by freecocoa(f): 9:49pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
I can't help but think that, the only reason a man would take a second wife is, because he is tired of the first wife and wants to replace her, more like he's missing something and feels another woman can give him that. I can never be a 2nd wife or agree to a 2nd wife. 5 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 9:52pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
Mrpresident1. My spirit kept saying u shall arrive here. ..... |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by freecocoa(f): 9:54pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor, please is your husband a christian? |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by MrPresident1: 9:54pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
sandijey: Mrpresident1. My spirit kept saying u shall arrive here. ..... Is that so, eziokwu? How has you day been, God's beautiful child? |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by soonest(f): 9:57pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
ayinba1:Ok oh! I know why I said so because I have noticed that for some persons when this kind of topic doesn't go their way,they will start crying foul! I think I'm derailing. Op pls go on. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 10:02pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
MrPresident1: It has been great. . Sure yours was coo 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by maclatunji: 10:04pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
ayinba1: Oh, I get along with tpia just fine. Well, they are allowed to make the choice and as long as they do not abuse it, I respect their decision. What I do not support is the attempt to make polygamy a taboo to be ashamed of. I actually created a thread about widows not too long ago. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by ayinba1(f): 10:10pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
freecocoa: I can't help but think that, the only reason a man would take a second wife is, because he is tired of the first wife and wants to replace her, more like he's missing something and feels another woman can give him that. Fortunately (or not) men are not like us. You would be surprised if you did a survey among men as to why they (1) take a second wife Or (2) keep a mistress/girlfriend. It does not always mean that they do not like the woman they are with or married to. Each individual must at the end of the day do what they are comfortable with. Theoretical question now Would you then consider marrying a widower or a divorcee?? If your answer is yes, would that mean that you somewhat wish someone's wife died or his marriage collapsed so that you can be the only wife? Somewhat similar to women/ladies hoping to marry a man whose mother is already dead so that they do not have a mother in law. Again, my question is theoretical. Just another way to look at it. 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by maclatunji: 10:13pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
tpia1: I am relaxed, been debating with women all day whilst trying to do some serious work. Needed some digression, being working like a robot for weeks. So, you and your projections cannot spoil my mood. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by MrPresident1: 10:14pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
sandijey: Its been terrific, extra super duper 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by maclatunji: 10:21pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
freecocoa: GodsDivinefavor, please is your husband a christian? Christian men here for you https://www.nairaland.com/1915101/agony-monogamy |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by maclatunji: 10:24pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
freecocoa: I can't help but think that, the only reason a man would take a second wife is, because he is tired of the first wife and wants to replace her, more like he's missing something and feels another woman can give him that. It is interesting how some young ladies say this only to change tune later. I look forward to a monogamous marriage but I cannot be totally certain that I will absolutely 100% never marry a second woman even if I do not find polygamy attractive. 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by freecocoa(f): 10:24pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
ayinba1:How do you compare marrying a widower/divorcee to a man marrying a 2nd wife? Or are you theoretically saying some people actually wish/pray to marry a divorcee or widower? I mean, if I have to marry a widower then his wife must have been dead before I even met him, same with a divorcee(marriage over), it's not the same thing as a man whose wife is still very much in the picture suddenly deciding he wants another woman, the people who wish for their MILS to be dead have their reasons, which is usually 'wanting a peaceful home devoid of MIL drama' now atleast to them, they have a good reason. A man can't just want another wife if not for selfish reasons, there's no other way to look at it. 8 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by freecocoa(f): 10:27pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
maclatunji:Never say never I know, but I'll never be one of such ladies who change tunes on issues like this. Can you give me reasons why you would need a 2nd woman? |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by freecocoa(f): 10:29pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
maclatunji:Is that the answer to the question I asked? |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by touchmeder: 10:30pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
I've not read a thread dis slowly in a long, long time. Trying to digest d story esp from op's point of view. I must also commend evy1 for their maturity on dis thread (it may not hv bin d case if op was d new wife LOL) I wish I could cheer u on or give practical advise as u go on dis journey but alas I can't (I don't hv d experience). So I read in sheer horror especially noting dis was not what u bargained 4 in d 1st place. I think u are incredibly brave 4sharing ur story. Perhaps other women in ur shoes can hv comforting or practicable solutions 4u. I don't think I can b half as brave as u tho. Oh my fragile heart would shatter. May u find peace n strength from God as u continue on dis ur journey. 7 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tbaba1234: 10:40pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
I have heard of scenarios where the first wife actually brings up the idea of a second wife to the husband or some cases where she shops for the husband's second wife for him. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by freecocoa(f): 10:50pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
tbaba1234: I have heard of scenarios where the first wife actually brings up the idea of a second wife to the husband or some cases where she shops for the husband's second wife for him.Then she must be tired of the man and wants someone to help ease the ache or load as the case may be. On a more serious note though, there has to be a reason, I don't believe a woman who's in love with her man, will be willing to share him, I just can't wrap my head around it. Just why does it have to be the men taking the wives and expecting the women to be cool with it as it is no big deal? Now tbaba, honestly tell us, how you would feel if you ever have to share your woman with another man? Will you even accept such? 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by maclatunji: 11:02pm On Sep 22, 2014 |
freecocoa: Never say never I know, but I'll never be one of such ladies who change tunes on issues like this. Well, there could be so many reasons that may make a man inclined to monogamy, reluctantly consider polygamy. I personally would like my children to have a simplified relationship with a single father and mother not with the step-mum appendage. However, if in an extreme situation the woman I choose as a wife and hope to build this solid home with seems unwilling or totally incapable of making life easy for me and by circumstance, I meet someone who is totally amazing and incredibly mature to make my life meaningful, it might be a consideration. I hate divorce as well. I also wonder if it is responsible in situations of war where many good women may be left widowed if it makes sense for the few men available to say they will be absolutely monogamous. What is likely to happen is one man to several concubines in such a society. I would not do concubines in such a scenario and might carefully consider If any widow is what the honour of being a second wife. If you provide for a woman and her kids and she is going to be relating with you frequently, it might be more honourable to make it formal rather than put yourself in an untenable position with all parties involved including the children. If for any reason I find myself in a position to want a good woman away from my wife, it must not be as a concubine. My future wife has a great part to play, if she completes me, I would gladly not think of another wife, I love a simple life. I take these issues seriously and do everything possible as a single man not to make a mistake in considering women as potentially my wife. Before, I give a woman a second thought at all as someone I should study, she must have passed several mental tests in my head. 1 Like |
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