soonest: Who says polygamous men don't cheat? In fact they are the greater cheats. So the notion that as a wife in such a setting u will knw who ur husb is sleeping with doesn't hold water at all. A cheat is a cheat even when he has 100 wives.
I wish the Op had opened this thread as a diary like pickabeau said, so that it doesn't turn into a religious thing cos it's brewing

Hiding under religion holds no water, its the man.
If islam practitioners know their religion allows it, that is known by evrybody.
Christianity does not porpagate polygamy and some people will say it does not frown against it either.

I schooled in kwara state and know of a full ijab lady who blantly disagree with the husband on taking a second wife.
The man conceeded and they moved on.

I also read about one pastor (lion of watever) that about three different women came with their kids during his burial claiming he father them.

Its not about religion, but the man.

.

@OP
Watch Big Love, if possible. It is a Mormon story of a man with more than one wife. Please do not leave your husband if you and him can be together. Communication is however very important between you, him and this woman. Every day is precious. Buy yourself dignity with the way you handle this.

I do not agree with those who expect you to find a negative input from your dad's first wife. In face, I think she will provide you with the most wisdom because her experience is quite similar to yours.

PS: I am not an advocate of polygamy, in fact, I dey jealous wella; but I will take it over being a mistress to a married man, or having my husband sleep around.

And polygamy and being a cheat are not mutually exclusive. You can be a cheating man and remain a polygamist or monogamist (yes even if the woman becomes pregnant- countless girls have been asked to abort because "my wife no go gree" Or the man simply does not want to bear the responsibility).

I know that polygamy is legal in Nigeria. I also know a little about the Nigerian Marriage act.

According to the law, if the marriage is a registry marriage, the person cannot marry again. Not a registry marriage anyway. There is actually an oath that must be taken in order to get married, where you have to swear you are not already married. So my question is, if the first marriage is a registry wedding, what kind of wedding are the subsequent marriages? How legally binding are they? How does this work from a legal standpoint?

If a woman is married by registry, and does not wish to allow a second wife, does she have any legal avenue to pursue? Just wondering for those who's husbands want it, but wifie does not. Also does the wife with the legally recognized marriage have any more rights than the traditionally married wife?

GodsDivinefavor: You see, like I said earlier am trying to brace myself for the challenges ahead.

Welcoming another woman into my (sorry our home), sharing everything including "our" man. Raising the kids in such setting and living with all these for God knows hwo long.

ok,i get.

I will really love to hear from a first wife,someone who has been and still there.

Please do not create a new moniker,the last time backfired.

Polygamy is the future .

When the reset happens, and the world becomes agricultural all over again as it was meant to be from the beginning, and more labour is needed in the farm for farm work , polygamy will be the way to go .


Amos 9:13-15
13 Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him that soweth seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine, and all the hills shall melt.
14 And I will bring again the captivity of my people of Israel, and they shall build the waste cities, and inhabit them; and they shall plant vineyards, and drink the wine thereof; they shall also make gardens, and eat the fruit of them.
15 And I will plant them upon their land, and they shall no more be pulled up out of their land which I have given them, saith the LORD thy God.


Isaiah 4:1
1 And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name,

ayinba1: @OP
Watch Big Love, if possible. It is a Mormon story of a man with more than one wife. Please do not leave your husband if you and him can be together. Communication is however very important between you, him and this woman. Every day is precious. Buy yourself dignity with the way you handle this.

I do not agree with those who expect you to find a negative input from your dad's first wife. In face, I think she will provide you with the most wisdom because her experience is quite similar to yours.

PS: I am not an advocate of polygamy, in fact, I dey jealous wella; but I will take it over being a mistress to a married man, or having my husband sleep around.

And polygamy and being a cheat are not mutually exclusive. You can be a cheating man and remain a polygamist or monogamist (yes even if the woman becomes pregnant- countless girls have been asked to abort because "my wife no go gree" Or the man simply does not want to bear the responsibility).

Have already accepted her to move in with us cos that is what hubby wants.

My aim is to work on myself and a bit concern about what the other lady is bringing.

GodsDivinefavor:

Have already accepted her to move in with us cos that is what hubby wants.

My aim is to work on myself and a bit concern about what the other lady is bringing.

Please is your house the big type? I'm asking because I'm trying to imagine how you'll live together and there won't be issues. Things like suddenly your kitchen is no longer yours, the maid/driver will now have 2 madams ,imagine you send them somewhere and small madam sends them somewhere else? Who will cook for your husband, will you be rotating it? Those are the types of things which usually cause conflict . Why doesn't your husband get her another place? You are really trying o

But I think men who are polygamous at these times are just greedy. There really is no need to be polygamous at these times considering the weight of added responsibility. 2 wives for what Just preposterous!

There may be genuine reasons sha

.

tpia1:

everything is mechanized these days bro.

less physical labor is needed (compared to before) unless you're practicing small scale farming.

that's in a situation where women and children are the rulers and the men have subsequently decimated themselves through war, leading to a shortage of marriageable men.

read chapter 3.

Sis., the reset will happen shortly.

aderonila18:

Please is your house the big type? I'm asking because I'm trying to imagine how you'll live together and there won't be issues. Things like suddenly your kitchen is no longer yours, the maid/driver will now have 2 madams ,imagine you send them somewhere and small madam sends them somewhere else? Who will cook for your husband, will you be rotating it? Those are the types of things which usually cause conflict . Why doesn't your husband get her another place? You are really trying o

Its a 5 bedroom apartment.

All what you mention are actually what I need God to guide me on.

.

I can't help but think that, the only reason a man would take a second wife is, because he is tired of the first wife and wants to replace her, more like he's missing something and feels another woman can give him that.


I can never be a 2nd wife or agree to a 2nd wife.

Mrpresident1. My spirit kept saying u shall arrive here. .....

GodsDivinefavor, please is your husband a christian?

sandijey: Mrpresident1. My spirit kept saying u shall arrive here. .....

Is that so, eziokwu?

How has you day been, God's beautiful child?

ayinba1:

We can be tolerant of each other and respectful of the poster's story. The thread is perfectly positioned, I believe you are free to post your experience and all contributors should either be respectful or not post a response.

Life has never been fair, perfect nor black and white. You make your own perfect out of your situation. I can choose to be single and spend my entire life (very lonely, let no one fool you) that way so I can hold my head high and say " I did not share my man" or I can accept it (very painful) and try to create the best out of the situation. Ultimately, the relationship between my husband and I will be crucial to how this plays out. Again, regardless of being in a monogamy or polygamy.

Ok oh! I know why I said so because I have noticed that for some persons when this kind of topic doesn't go their way,they will start crying foul! I think I'm derailing. Op pls go on.

MrPresident1:

Is that so, eziokwu?

How has you day been, God's beautiful child?

It has been great. . Sure yours was coo

ayinba1:
She's pretty good sometimes, you would have to agree.
Now how many of our polygamous men actually marry a woman who was widowed?? Most go for young, succulent babes.
Sorry to digress

Oh, I get along with tpia just fine. Well, they are allowed to make the choice and as long as they do not abuse it, I respect their decision. What I do not support is the attempt to make polygamy a taboo to be ashamed of.

I actually created a thread about widows not too long ago.

freecocoa: I can't help but think that, the only reason a man would take a second wife is, because he is tired of the first wife and wants to replace her, more like he's missing something and feels another woman can give him that.


I can never be a 2nd wife or agree to a 2nd wife.

Fortunately (or not) men are not like us. You would be surprised if you did a survey among men as to why they (1) take a second wife Or (2) keep a mistress/girlfriend.
It does not always mean that they do not like the woman they are with or married to.

Each individual must at the end of the day do what they are comfortable with.

Theoretical question now Would you then consider marrying a widower or a divorcee?? If your answer is yes, would that mean that you somewhat wish someone's wife died or his marriage collapsed so that you can be the only wife? Somewhat similar to women/ladies hoping to marry a man whose mother is already dead so that they do not have a mother in law. Again, my question is theoretical. Just another way to look at it.

tpia1:

ease up dear.

I am relaxed, been debating with women all day whilst trying to do some serious work.

Needed some digression, being working like a robot for weeks. So, you and your projections cannot spoil my mood.

sandijey:

It has been great. . Sure yours was coo

Its been terrific, extra super duper

freecocoa: GodsDivinefavor, please is your husband a christian?

Christian men here for you https://www.nairaland.com/1915101/agony-monogamy

freecocoa: I can't help but think that, the only reason a man would take a second wife is, because he is tired of the first wife and wants to replace her, more like he's missing something and feels another woman can give him that.


I can never be a 2nd wife or agree to a 2nd wife.

It is interesting how some young ladies say this only to change tune later. I look forward to a monogamous marriage but I cannot be totally certain that I will absolutely 100% never marry a second woman even if I do not find polygamy attractive.

ayinba1:

Fortunately (or not) men are not like us. You would be surprised if you did a survey among men as to why they (1) take a second wife Or (2) keep a mistress/girlfriend.
It does not always mean that they do not like the woman they are with or married to.

Each individual must at the end of the day do what they are comfortable with.

Theoretical question now Would you then consider marrying a widower or a divorcee?? If your answer is yes, would that mean that you somewhat wish someone's wife died or his marriage collapsed so that you can be the only wife? Somewhat similar to women/ladies hoping to marry a man whose mother is already dead so that they do not have a mother in law. Again, my question is theoretical. Just another way to look at it.

How do you compare marrying a widower/divorcee to a man marrying a 2nd wife? Or are you theoretically saying some people actually wish/pray to marry a divorcee or widower?
I mean, if I have to marry a widower then his wife must have been dead before I even met him, same with a divorcee(marriage over), it's not the same thing as a man whose wife is still very much in the picture suddenly deciding he wants another woman, the people who wish for their MILS to be dead have their reasons, which is usually 'wanting a peaceful home devoid of MIL drama' now atleast to them, they have a good reason.

A man can't just want another wife if not for selfish reasons, there's no other way to look at it.

maclatunji:

It is interesting how some young ladies say this only to change tune later. I look forward to a monogamous marriage but I cannot be totally certain that I will absolutely 100% never marry a second woman even if I do not find polygamy attractive.

Never say never I know, but I'll never be one of such ladies who change tunes on issues like this.

Can you give me reasons why you would need a 2nd woman?

maclatunji:

Christian men here for you https://www.nairaland.com/1915101/agony-monogamy

Is that the answer to the question I asked?

I've not read a thread dis slowly in a long, long time. Trying to digest d story esp from op's point of view. I must also commend evy1 for their maturity on dis thread (it may not hv bin d case if op was d new wife LOL) I wish I could cheer u on or give practical advise as u go on dis journey but alas I can't (I don't hv d experience). So I read in sheer horror especially noting dis was not what u bargained 4 in d 1st place. I think u are incredibly brave 4sharing ur story. Perhaps other women in ur shoes can hv comforting or practicable solutions 4u. I don't think I can b half as brave as u tho. Oh my fragile heart would shatter. May u find peace n strength from God as u continue on dis ur journey.

I have heard of scenarios where the first wife actually brings up the idea of a second wife to the husband or some cases where she shops for the husband's second wife for him.

tbaba1234: I have heard of scenarios where the first wife actually brings up the idea of a second wife to the husband or some cases where she shops for the husband's second wife for him.

Then she must be tired of the man and wants someone to help ease the ache or load as the case may be.

On a more serious note though, there has to be a reason, I don't believe a woman who's in love with her man, will be willing to share him, I just can't wrap my head around it.

Just why does it have to be the men taking the wives and expecting the women to be cool with it as it is no big deal? Now tbaba, honestly tell us, how you would feel if you ever have to share your woman with another man? Will you even accept such?

freecocoa: Never say never I know, but I'll never be one of such ladies who change tunes on issues like this.

Can you give me reasons why you would need a 2nd woman?

Well, there could be so many reasons that may make a man inclined to monogamy, reluctantly consider polygamy.

I personally would like my children to have a simplified relationship with a single father and mother not with the step-mum appendage.

However, if in an extreme situation the woman I choose as a wife and hope to build this solid home with seems unwilling or totally incapable of making life easy for me and by circumstance, I meet someone who is totally amazing and incredibly mature to make my life meaningful, it might be a consideration. I hate divorce as well.

I also wonder if it is responsible in situations of war where many good women may be left widowed if it makes sense for the few men available to say they will be absolutely monogamous. What is likely to happen is one man to several concubines in such a society. I would not do concubines in such a scenario and might carefully consider If any widow is what the honour of being a second wife. If you provide for a woman and her kids and she is going to be relating with you frequently, it might be more honourable to make it formal rather than put yourself in an untenable position with all parties involved including the children.

If for any reason I find myself in a position to want a good woman away from my wife, it must not be as a concubine.

My future wife has a great part to play, if she completes me, I would gladly not think of another wife, I love a simple life.

I take these issues seriously and do everything possible as a single man not to make a mistake in considering women as potentially my wife. Before, I give a woman a second thought at all as someone I should study, she must have passed several mental tests in my head.