Ujujoan: As far as the man is not a blood relative, it just doesn't sound right.

I find it difficult to believe that the man couldn't find a relative to use as a domestic help if that's what he really wanted. Sounds to me like an arranged marriage or something of that nature.

While that is not legally wrong, it is morally and ethically wrong. Kind of like selling your child to he highest bidder in the name of poverty.

Adult or not, I'm not about to send off my 19yo to live with a 40yo single man. Never!!!

Typical of Nigerians. Hiding behind religion to perpetuate evil. Won't be surprised if they have collected bride price on the poor girls head. Talk about desperate measures.

Thank you. A million kisses

they prayed about it in church , the prophet saw nothing against it

At this point, it's safe to say that the man is generous. There's no reason to start being suspicious. As much as it may not be commonplace for emplyers to lavish money on their wards, there are still people who would go the extra mile to make their employees happy.

My only problem is with the girl's family and the typical Nigerian Christian family that tend to have trust in people who appear to want to help them without having it aat the back of their mind that something may go wrong. How do you send a 19 year old to an adult who is neither a family member of a friend. That's a risky thing to do. Our lust for money has blinded a lot of us into using out own hand to strangulate ourselves.

coogar:

even if that is the case, what's morally wrong with it? are they related? the man is 40, babe is 19. i believe she is old enough to take decisions herself. many girls younger than her ran away from home when they were presented with an arrangement they weren't comfortable with.

i see nothing wrong in what this man has done even if he's got an ulterior motive to marry her later. he could as well have paid her brideprice & whisk her away to south africa altogether. the next time her family sees her, she would be more exposed, more educated and with the potential to help her younger siblings who are still stuck in her parent's house.

So the end justifies the means eh

If the parents are so sure they are doing the right thing, why lie and hide behind a bogus story?

Anyway, to each his own.

Ujujoan:

So the end justifies the means eh

If the parents are so sure they are doing the right thing, why lie and hide behind a bogus story?

Anyway, to each his own.

the OP does not have the full details - he's just telling it from his own POV. he could be wrong.

then again, after reading the OP's post - i sense a conflict of interest. he's most likely interested in the girl only to hear his crush has been shipped off to south africa by a nigerian business man.

coogar:

how's this different from omotola jalade getting married at 18? did omotola marry her age-mate or her parents sold her to the highest bidder?

you people just open your mouth like there's a hot cocoyam there. in saner climes, a 19-year old girl will not even be in her parents house anymore. she would be by herself making her own decisions.

So you admit then that this 'arrangement' is not a no string attached charity?

So why the whole secrecy

PS; completely ignoring your need for irrevant analogies. I'm sure Omatala and her family will be happy to be left out of this.

coogar:
then again, after reading the OP's post - i sense a conflict of interest. he's most likely interested in the girl only to hear his crush has been shipped off to south africa by a nigerian business man.

Only time will tell.

coogar:

the OP does not have the full details - he's just telling it from his own POV. he could be wrong.

then again, after reading the OP's post - i sense a conflict of interest. he's most likely interested in the girl only to hear his crush has been shipped off to south africa by a nigerian business man.

You assume he doesn't have the full details?

Or could you point out where he mentioned that?

I remember him saying how the family prayed and got permission from God. I doubt he would have missed a marital arrangement if that ever came up

coogar:

the OP does not have the full details - he's just telling it from his own POV. he could be wrong.

then again, after reading the OP's post - i sense a conflict of interest. he's most likely interested in the girl only to hear his crush has been shipped off to south africa by a nigerian business man.

where is that micheal jordan gif again abeg lol

It would appear the story is just unfolding probably the girl has just left.....so very little details for now I assume.He has said all he knows. But I can feel the OPs pain. Poverty is a bastard, that's why I can never be poor.

Ujujoan:
So you admit then that this 'arrangement' is not a no string attached charity?

i am arguing based on even if it's a highly stringed attached charity, there's nothing morally or ethically wrong with it.

So why the whole secrecy

which secrecy? have you heard the other side of the coin? an OP who doesn't know the full details came to write based on his limited understanding of an issue & you are already eating it line hook & sinker?

how did the OP know his way to the girl's facebook page if he's not interested in the girl himself?

PS; completely ignoring your need for irrevant analogies. I'm sure Omatala and her family will be happy to be left out of this.

why should they be?
she was 17/18 when they married her off & her parents weren't poor. they felt she was old enough to marry.

nigeria is just a shyte country where children can never grow in the view of their parents. i am sure someone like you clocked 35 before you were allowed to move out of your parents house.

Afam4eva:

It doesn't matter if he had a hidden interest in the lady. I will frown at such an arrangement too.

Now the girl is with the man, they are at his mercy. He could decide to back out of his promise to provide university education and they really can't do anything about it.

What if the girl gets pregnant now?

Its just too much of a gamble, and I'm honestly surprised you guys see nothing wrong in it.

Forcing a girl into marrying a man over 2ce her age in the name of poverty. Na wah.

Ujujoan:
It doesn't matter if he had a hidden interest in the lady. I will frown at such an arrangement too.

Now the girl is with the man, they are at his mercy. He could decide to back out of his promise to provide university education and they really can't do anything about it.

What if the girl gets pregnant now?

Its just too much of a gamble, and I'm honestly surprised you guys see nothing wrong in it.

Forcing a girl into marrying a man over 2ce her age in the name of poverty. Na wah.

Prove it!

Ujujoan:
It doesn't matter if he had a hidden interest in the lady. I will frown at such an arrangement too.

Now the girl is with the man, they are at his mercy. He could decide to back out of his promise to provide university education and they really can't do anything about it.

What if the girl gets pregnant now?

Its just too much of a gamble, and I'm honestly surprised you guys see nothing wrong in it.

Forcing a girl into marrying a man over 2ce her age in the name of poverty. Na wah.

Thank you so much.....A million things could go wrong. exactly my point. Too risky a gamble to take for a young naive kid.

Ujujoan:
You assume he doesn't have the full details?
Or could you point out where he mentioned that?

he's not related to the family, neither is he the pastor? what could he possibly know about the case rather than the hearsay of other envious members of the church?

I remember him saying how the family prayed and got permission from God. I doubt he would have missed a marital arrangement if that ever came up

by now, you should learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. all that is just to sugar-coat the story. the koko of the story is that the OP is pained his crush is now living with another man far away in SA.

r231:

Prove it!

prove it's not so

coogar:

i am arguing based on even if it's a highly stringed attached charity, there's nothing morally or ethically wrong with it.



which secrecy? have you heard the other side of the coin? an OP who doesn't know the full details came to write based on his limited understanding of an issue & you are already eating it line hook & sinker?

how did the OP know his way to the girl's facebook page if he's not interested in the girl himself?



why should they be?
she was 17/18 when they married her off & her parents weren't poor. they felt she was old enough to marry.

nigeria is just a shyte country where children can never grow in the view of their parents. i am sure someone like you clocked 35 before you were allowed to move out of your parents house.

So its okay for her to be guilted into unplanned marriage to save her family from poverty because she's a 19 yo adult?

You honestly think it was her choice to marry a total stranger at her age?

Btw, I will let you know when I clock 35 . . .

Ujujoan:
It doesn't matter if he had a hidden interest in the lady. I will frown at such an arrangement too.

Now the girl is with the man, they are at his mercy. He could decide to back out of his promise to provide university education and they really can't do anything about it.

What if the girl gets pregnant now?

Its just too much of a gamble, and I'm honestly surprised you guys see nothing wrong in it.

Forcing a girl into marrying a man over 2ce her age in the name of poverty. Na wah.

I see something wrong in the whole arrangement and it's evident in my first post. It was a gamble on the part of her family. But the deed has been done and we can't assume that her sudden wealth is as a result of something ulterior on the part of the man. We have to give the man the benefit of the doubt because he has not done anything wrong YET. If it turns out that he's sleeping with the girl, there's really nothing the family can do. She is 19 and as such an adult and she the man has the right to be shine her congo if she agrees to it. Her destiny is now in her own hands.

Ujujoan:
It doesn't matter if he had a hidden interest in the lady. I will frown at such an arrangement too.

Now the girl is with the man, they are at his mercy. He could decide to back out of his promise to provide university education and they really can't do anything about it.

What if the girl gets pregnant now?

Its just too much of a gamble, and I'm honestly surprised you guys see nothing wrong in it.

Forcing a girl into marrying a man over 2ce her age in the name of poverty. Na wah.

would her vagïna be sealed up if she had stayed back in her parent's house? the risk of getting pregnant is the same either in naija or SA but she's better off with the man in SA rather than a JAMB lesson teacher who would knock her up & disappear into thin air.

coogar:

he's not related to the family, neither is he the pastor? what could he possibly know about the case rather than the hearsay of other envious members of the church?



by now, you should learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. all that is just to sugar-coat the story. the koko of the story is that the OP is pained his crush is now living with another man far away in SA.

Not true.

I know the girl in question, her dad, her mom and the pastor. it's not lies. I have said what I know so far

r231:

Prove it!

I would if I could. But common sense dictates here.
I don't think the young girl would have chosen this if she had a choice in the matter.
I could be wrong dou, because children of now a days sef.

coogar:

would her vagïna be sealed up if she had stayed back in her parent's house? the risk of getting pregnant is the same either in naija or SA but she's better off with the man in SA rather than a JAMB lesson teacher who would knock her up & disappear into thin air.

Now who is making assumptions?

Toby77:
Not true.

I know the girl in question, her dad, her mom and the pastor. it's not lies. I have said what I know so far

of course you know her.....
the question is - do you have speshul feelings for this babe? does your heart echo for her?

think carefully before answering my questions.

Ujujoan:
Now who is making assumptions?

which assumption?
the risk of getting pregnant is the same back home and in SA. her reproductive system is the same home or abroad.

Ujujoan:
I would if I could. But common sense dictates here.
I don't think the young girl would have chosen this if she had a choice in the matter.
I could be wrong dou, because children of now a days sef.

There are more chances that she would have chosen to go to South African and do what she's doing than the opposite. Who doesn't want to travel abroad.

Ujujoan:
I would if I could. But common sense dictates here.
I don't think the young girl would have chosen this if she had a choice in the matter.
I could be wrong dou, because children of now a days sef.

Did you miss the part where she is flaunting everything on facebook......

She is 19yrs so she can make her own decision

Afam4eva:
I see something wrong in the whole arrangement and it's evident in my first post. It was a gamble on the part of her family. But the deed has been done and we can't assume that her sudden wealth is as a result of something ulterior on the part of the man. We have to give the man the benefit of the doubt because he has not done anything wrong YET. If it turns out that he's sleeping with the girl, there's really nothing the family can do. She is 19 and as such an adult and she the man has the right to be shine her congo if she agrees to it. Her destiny is now in her own hands.

Actually I'm not condemning the man ooooh. If he keeps his own part of the deal, good for him. He got the best out of the whole deal anyways.

It just makes me wonder why people think the arrangement is morally right. The parents of this young girl have failed her in more ways than one.

I hope I never have tonbe such bad parent to my daughter.

I'm out jor, time to go back to sleep.

This ia a very powerful prostitution ring in SA.
They use all these incentives to entice gulliable gals and families.

Has nothing to do with marriage.

Surprised folks are buying d visa,grandma,church thing.

Her contract is five yrs gan
Is it not nigerian guys in south africa we r talking about here.

I laugh in swahili
U guys havnt seen anything yet

Ujujoan:
I would if I could. But common sense dictates here.
I don't think the young girl would have chosen this if she had a choice in the matter. I could be wrong dou, because children of now a days sef.

even if she's 30 years of age, she would still jump at the offer. university tuition for free, free accommodation, free food, etc ......all in South Africa?

you gotta be kidding me....

Donxavier:

prove it's not so

I did earlier.......

It's called help until we get update in 5 yrs time

coogar:

even if she's 30 years of age, she would still jump at the offer. university tuition for free, free accommodation, free food, etc ......all in South Africa?

you gotta be kidding me....

Case closed

r231:

Did you miss the part where she is flaunting everything on facebook......

She is 19yrs so she can make her own decision

Which makes her naive. Would any right thinking matured adult flaunt clothes and phone on Facebook.

The situation is enticing and in her naivety, that's all that matters now. I sincerely wish and pray, for her sake, that she keeps flaunting 5 years from now.

Ujujoan:

Actually I'm not condemning the man ooooh. If he keeps his own part of the deal, good for him. He got the best out of the whole deal anyways.

It just makes me wonder why people think the arrangement is morally right. The parents of this young girl have failed her in more ways than one.

I hope I never have tonbe such bad parent to my daughter.

I'm out jor, time to go back to sleep.

that's the pain I feel

ifyalways: Nigerians send out their kids to hawk pure water in traffic, do house helps, even pros.ti.tution daily just because the parents are poor, hopeless and can't help it.

What's new or special with this girls case? Her "deal" is super delicious. The OP can't just believe it.

I'm a parent. If I were in the girls parents shoe, would I say No to that opportunity so that mechanics, vulcanisers and street urchins use my girl as their play thing? I think not.

Not saying the girl has been sold off to marriage but assuming she is, I daresay she landed herself a juicy deal. . . So far! Plus she's getting some education.

If one must kiss a frog, let it be a fat juicy one. Ovoko

Lol @ "super delicious deal"!