SirShymex:
I think the problem lies with women folk.

And it should be: when are women going to stop provoking/instigating domestic violence?

Then, we also have to show the same level of concerns for men who are/have-been victims of domestic violence, the same way we have been doing about women.

Once we start doing that - a lot of things are going to change.

Nonso23:

i disagree to agree to disagree.

zboyd:


Good question!

Btw...this is one of the most common excuses (and their variations) abusive men give when they abuse women.

"She provoked me!"

"She made me do it!"

"She pushed me into it!"

Nonsense!

5minsmadness:
Men have always been more physical than women.
Women have always been more verbal than men.

It is usual for a woman to provoke a man by her words. She tongue-lashes the man into a corner by her nettled/stinging tongue and most time doesn't know or care when to stop until the man responds with physical force.

It is so common in society that a real man is now defined as one who knows how to control himself before a woman i.e society is aware the woman will provoke the man but ask the man to control himself without addressing the initial problem, the verbally abusive woman.

@banana ender : no, men most times do not instigate domestic violence. Women do. And if the man loses control or patience and strikes the woman even once, he is immediately branded an abuser. What an unfair world.

satope1:

There's no justification for hitting a lady but that statement is bullshit when we don't really address where the issue stems out from. A lady abuses a guy the first time, he walks away and says nothing, she does it again and he walks away again. In her mind, he is weak and next time she would even go to the next level to tell him he is weak, increase the abuses ten folds and you expect the man to restrain himself from all these? No. He is human and he would snap one day. Maybe you should understand that verbal abuse affects men almost as physical violence does to women. Abuse is abuse. There's no lesser evil between the two.

BananaBender:


The hypothetical man in your post has psychological problems. Why does he remain with someone that is verbally abusing him?? Why wouldn't he leave such toxic environment?

Women often use the excuse of dependency and being physically weaker, but what is the man's excuse? Why is he staying in an abusive relationship? Educate me.

BananaBender:


For a long time, the culture has been "a woman should be seen and not heard". This is suppose to explain why men would be more outspoken than women. Past cultural beliefs stated that women should speak only when spoken to, so it comes as a shock to me to hear you say women are more verbal.

You can post link to that research or you can explain your thought process backed by historical instances.

Again, I can't find proof of the above. Instead, I found proof showing that men who grew up with abusive fathers, end up physically abusing their wives.

Secondly, a civilized society frowns against any form of violence except one's life is threatened. I don't see how "tongue-lashing" threatens anybody's life. A violent person is a detriment to his society because he lacks the self control needed to act like a civilized human being.

The response to "tongue-lashing" should never be violence.

http://www.domesticviolenceroundtable.org/effect-on-children.html
http://www.villagelife.org/news/archives/DV_coverstory/DV_menjustified.html

No, you are wrong. A real man is one who doesn't debase himself to the level of a wild animal. A man that doesn't let his emotions take over his senses. A man that makes rational decisions.

a real man is now defined as one who knows how to control himself before a woman i.e society is aware that the woman will provoke the man but ask the man to control himself

banana ender: @emboldened: Bwhahahahahahahaha

This is beyond ridiculous, you can't be serious. So when a woman is physically abused, she provoked it but when a man is physically abused, he did nothing to provoke it?? LML.

no, men most times do not instigate domestic violence. Women do.and if the man loses control or patience and strikes the woman even onceonce he is immediately branded an abuser

5minsmadness:

And why is it nonsense?
As long as you keep ignoring the reason for the abuse no matter how 'nonsensical' it is, it will definitely continue.

zboyd:


Just like a man will only do what a woman allows him to do - so will a woman only do what a man allows her to do.

FYI...most women detest men who they can walk all over - they consider them weak and passive - they respect strong, assertive men.

If a woman can turn her back on an unhappy marriage where she is disrespected and/or subjected to verbal and physical abuse and take her kids and raise them by herself...so can a man...no matter the investment. I've seen women walk away from cushy lifestyles because of some messed-up in the head men, vowing never to return and they don't return. As for the kids...some pray for their warring parents to separate and/or divorce. It becomes too much for them. It messes with their heads.

And I don't know the kind of men you know, but the ones I know don't take nonsense from women. You will not disrespect them or talk to them crazy because they will check you, without laying one finger on you or calling you any nasty names. They don't wait for any BS from any woman to become a habit, if they know, without a doubt in their minds that they have been good husbands and fathers. They will walk. For them, peace of mind is far more valuable than any material things. Some even take their kids with them or share joint custody.

To be more specific, I know of several Naija men over here who have done that very thing. One has five kids he's raising, with the help of his parents who live here now. As for his ex-wife, she's in the banking field, makes good money and has to pay him child support and the kids hate her, for the way she talked to and treated their father. She's one nasty piece of work! As for him and the kids, they are so much happier. And the ex-wife? Word on the street is that she swears he'll come crawling back to her one day. Yeah...when pigs fly.

Life is too short to be miserably married.

So...why stay in an unhappy marriage?

Here are 10 reasons some people do...http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/Divorse-unhappy-Marriage-reasons

KAYD007:
@ the OP.

It is said that one who wears the shoe knows where and how it pinches...

You don't take your VEEJAY to the gynecologist and expect your male neighbour to explain to the gyne how "the thing is doing you tininitanana, na him get to.to?

CAMNEWTON4PRES:
Do women speak up about violence against men?

So we should now fight your fights? What happened to the I'm a strong woman and I don't need no man slogans?

Women, Confused minds as usual

satope1:
Maybe when you start telling the women folks to learn to communicate without resorting to verbal abuse. I can't imagine how a man who's spouse talked to him about her grievances in a calm and collected manner would descend to hit her.

There's no justification for hitting a lady but that statement is bullshit when we don't really address where the issue stems out from. A lady abuses a guy the first time, he walks away and says nothing, she does it again and he walks away again. In her mind, he is weak and next time she would even go to the next level to tell him he is weak, increase the abuses ten folds and you expect the man to restrain himself from all these? No. He is human and he would snap one day. Maybe you should understand that verbal abuse affects men almost as physical violence does to women. Abuse is abuse. There's no lesser evil between the two.

You see some silly comments from most ladies on abuse even advocating that if she abuses you, you abuse her back. Can you imagine such hogwash?


Tell your fellow ladies to learn to discuss issues without verbal abuse then maybe men would start fighting guys who find joy in hitting women.

Stop excusing bad behaviours because one gender is a so called weaker sex. Its just giving them a justification to run their mouth. Men are also weaker sexes when it comes to verbal abuse . So maybe we excuse them when they hit women?

bukatyne:


If a man verbally abuses a woman, is she allowed to hit the man

pickabeau1:
At the bolded..interesting thoughts

I have 2 questions if u can answer

- How do u recognise an assertive strong man

- How can a strong personality of a man dwell with a strong woman - can they be compatible

bukatyne:
Except a woman hits a man first, I see no justification for physical abuse.

All those men talk less is wash; if a woman runs her mouth, run yours or take a walk.

I see a lot of men in shouting conquests and they manage not to hit themselves because they are afraid of broken bones

If a man verbally abuses a woman, is she allowed to hit the man

satope1:
Can everyone see where we have a problem?

They would never agree that verbal abuse is bad and would never condemn it but would rather advise the man runs his mouth back. When did two wrongs start making a right. ?

When you are ready to accept the truth and not resort to double standards maybe we can start addressing abuse in relationships.

zboyd:


Yes, some women DO speak up about violence against men.

Here's one...

"Domestic Violence Against Men"
by emievil

Read more at: http://hubpages.com/hub/Domestic-ViolenceAgainst-Men

As for the slogans...what these women are really saying is they can take care of themselves financially, rather than depend on a man's finances to take of them. Unfortunately, some women don't have that option and some wicked men exploit that. You should understand that by now, in this global age.

So where's the confusion?

CAMNEWTON4PRES:
So what's the point of your thread? Some m'en also speak about violence against women . As for the slogans they only paint as confused minds.
No confusion just pointing the fact that women seem unable to walk the talk

bukatyne:
Except a woman hits a man first, I see no justification for physical abuse.

TV01:

Obviously no need to justify the woman first hitting the man as that's not physical abuse is it?


TV

bukatyne:


Can you please type in English?

Thanks in advance

pickabeau1:


Too much party tinz lol
He wrote in english

He says that women physically responding to male verbal abuse was not seen as abuse unlike the reverse

Case in point...solange n jay z


meanwhile I will like your thoughts on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/1947677/gender-inequality-why-things-wont/2#27170662

bukatyne:


As I am not a mind reader, I will wait for him to explain what he means. I read the post and had 2 interpretations to it.

I guess I have looked at that thread but let me check again

The party was fun