Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ - Family (8) - Nairaland
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| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by namun(f): 10:02pm On Dec 01, 2008 |
@poster let me correct some impressions on tis thread. first, my advice is to get him deported back to nigeria with nothing and move on with aa better lofe and a better man. but u should first confront him about it not as in anger. watch hima nd observe him. please dont show anger. i believe that would help u takj e the next step wisely. please ignore the statement about sleeping with his friend, just make him feel jealous. please u dont ve 2 go all d way |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by namun(f): 10:04pm On Dec 01, 2008 |
@poster let me correct some impressions on this thread. first, my advice is to get him deported back to nigeria with nothing and move on with a better life and a better man. but u should first confront him about it not as in anger. watch him and observe him. please dont show anger. i believe that would help u take the next step wisely. please ignore the statement about sleeping with his friend, just make him feel jealous. please u dont ve 2 go all d way |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by whatever90(f): 11:33pm On Dec 01, 2008 |
namun: thank u,now who is a bitch'?me advising her to keep her body,or u telling her to open her legs for her husbands friend you loosed assed prostitute |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by whatever90(f): 1:09am On Dec 02, 2008 |
namun: yea,and after this and d outlined statement,u still posted d below namun: i tot u said u don't want to trade words?see how u made a big fool outt.a urself,shameless goat |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by AmakaOne(f): 10:16am On Dec 03, 2008 |
shapey: aaah shapey !!  All I can say for now is take heart.you are waaaaaay more accommodating and forgiving than I could ever be. I would just advise you to do one thing, once you put our game plan into place, you need to go back to your moms and apologise to her. Remember how she walked over the hot coals with you and advised you not to go back and you went against her advice? The Holy Book says " honour your mother and father" I reckon that that is what tist says we should do always do ( please I am not judging you). If you had listened to that wise old lady way back then life wold have been different for you now. When you decide that it's time to begin your fresh path through life, start by begging that woman's forgiveness and all shall be well with you. Amen. As much as I want to heap all sorts of insults on that man, I cannot. You know what is best for you right now and this is the path that you need to walk, but please take heart, all will be well. I am sooooo sorry for what you are going trough right now. I pray God blesses you with a healthy baby and a bountiful successful life henceforth. He never gives us a burden heavier than we can carry, but he also helps those who help themselves ( I think u know what I mean),. But you too have to do what you must to keep that precious bundle safe in these days of diseases and all sorts. Shine your eye well well my sister and keep yourself and your baby safe. I will keep you in my prayers. Where is your cousin through all this? I know that she has walked a hard road with you already, but I have a feeling you will need her more in the near future. I hope that she is supporting you through this rough time o! Take heart nwanyi. God bless you and your family.amen |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by FBS: 10:33am On Dec 03, 2008 |
Can I ask a question? is it only Nigerian men that cheats? I guess the answer is capital NO. There are up and downs in every relationship but this should not be pinned down to "Do all Nigerian men cheat"? The answer is obvious, NO, not all. To that person that said, he only used her to play around in europe. haba!!! you dey there? you should be ashamed of yourself. person ask for advise and you are already concluding. How do we know who the "angel" is in this issue? People should desist from throwing stones at people when we even have worse in our issues to deal with in our closets. This is not an act to exonerate his actions. There are good men/women out there, all of shapes, colors and sizes. And remember, good things/people don't come easy. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by AmakaOne(f): 11:00am On Dec 03, 2008 |
FBS: @FBS I don't think that the question is about Nigerian men in general, but the OP's husband in particular. He clearly is cheating on her and i think the responses are directed at her and her situation? |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by alexleo(m): 5:17pm On Dec 03, 2008 |
Chuwuify, dont mind those who are telling you to forget about the man. If you do that, it means you have surrendered to a thief who has come to snatch your husband from you. Erase any word like "Imposssibility" from your heart and make a move to recorver your stolen man. I tell you that you can do it. What makes you think those other ladies are more powerful than you? Pls dont accept defeat. Just take it that God wants to use this to show you that he can solve all problems and show your man that he cant run to anywhere. It happened to a friend of mine. Their marriage has been on for almost twenty years until last year the man got this lady who he was so crazy for and started maltreating the wife. It got to a point he told his wife plainly this year that he was going to marry the girl. we discussed the matter and decided to take it to God. She went to a pastor who happens to be a woman and they started prayer and fasting sessions. Just in two weeks time. The relationship crashed and the man came back and begged her seriously. Took her to Obudu Cattle ranch where they spent two weeks together, bought her a new car worth 3 million naira as soon as they came back. I tell you since that time till now, their marriage has been blissful. Here was a woman who lost hope of having her husband back. There is nothing God cannot do. Your husband is being manipulated by the evil spirits and the bible says - the son of God is made manifest that he may destroy the works of the devil. At the name of JESUS every need must bow. Look for a seasoned man or woman of God who will join you in praying for your husband's deliverance. Or If you want to meet this pastor that prayed for my friend you can write me on alexleo2005@yahoo.com. make a wise decision now. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by TmeD0(m): 3:58am On Dec 05, 2008 |
FBS: Gbam! The most sensible response thus far! And just like Gamine stated, this is another same ol' same ol' "Nigerian men are dogs" thread and another excuse to bash Nigerian men. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ @Leilah, walahi, if I catch you, you will know that Khaki no be leather. You should be last person offering advice on here considering your own past escapade! How dare you talk about getting him deported! Have you got that man of yours deported already? I doubt it! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ @poster, if in fact your story is true, you're wasting your time on here trying to find some sort of answer/advice. Bottom line is, your female counterparts will always tell you what you want to hear, which is of course dump his ass while on the other hand, some of us will tell you what you don't want to hear. Frankly speaking, I agree with one of the posters that stated that you kind of got what you somewhat deserve cause you KNEW from day one that ol' boy na [i]woman wrappe[/i]r (translation = womanizer). Yet, you still went ahead and got hooked and knocked up by him. Honestly, the only person I feel sorry for in this whole mess is the child you both brought into this world. You two need to figure out what you both want to do and hopefully it's what's best for the child. I'm not going to tell you to leave him and neither am I going to tell you stay with him because only you can make that decision. I know everything I've said might sound a bit harsh but it's the dying truth! Peace! |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Nobody: 4:16am On Dec 05, 2008 |
T@meD0:Nigerian men are dogs ke? Heck no! Just b/c it walks likea dog, talks like a dog, acts like a dog, does not mean it's a dog. Naija men roxz  |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by shapey(f): 12:27pm On Dec 05, 2008 |
AMAKAONE: Thanks my dearest. My mother was annoyed with me when i went to her in tears. But you know, she is a mother, and a loving one at that. She ''flooged with her left hand, and embraced me with her right''. Now I am in control, eventhough it does not seem so. My cousin is more than that to me. Amsky is my sister. She has walked with me through thick and thin. She has a good job that tkaes most of her time, but she is always there for me. She has been there for me since the moment I found out my husband was a cheating lying dog.  She was in my house when I discovered for sure that my husband was cheating on me. She was the one who unravelled that it was not with one woman, but with two. My mother has vowed to stick with me whatever, that woman!!! Ever since my father died has been a pillar to each of us. When I am done with my plans, I will let people know on here, so they can learn from my bitter experiences. I need those prayers. I need to have my baby safely and get on with my life, without any man breaking my heart and making me feel less than a woman in a way. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by boladonas(m): 12:19am On Dec 07, 2008 |
I took time to read through every post in here and every one had something useful to say to the issue. In all of these, I do not prominently see the emphasis on forgiveness. I am particularly bothered by Shapey's experience and miffed by Chukwuify's treatment in the hand of men they called husbands , I am one of them. Our women have more values than we do and i really dont know why we are the way we are. Shapey talked and sounded like my wife, the sheer force, the strategy sounded like hers, the need to prove a point and take control at all costs and shoot the gun at the "right" time all sounded as if she is plotting vengeance. Well this case was resolved by Jesus Christ a long time ago, A woman was caught in the very act and the people gathered stone and had already judged her, but b4 they execute the capital punishment on her, they came to Jesus, Jesus knowing what they are up to , asked a simple question: Let him who has no sin cast the first stone, and one by one they disappeared. and when they are all gone, Jesus asked the woman , where are thy accusers? He further said Neither does he condemn her, but she should go and sin no more. Chukwuify, Shapey >>>>Carry out your intended plans if u have no sin at all in the marriage. The second dimension of my reaction is on the Importance of FORGIVENESS in marriage and relationship. Should you refuse to forgive your spouses, it becomes a sin and dat sin will stand between you and your destiny for life. Forgiveness is so important that even your heartfelt thanks to God will be rejected until you forgive your spouses. Now I am the least qualified person to talk about forgiveness, having learnt about forgiveness through the things which I suffered and am still suffering! Friend, Let us Forgive, God is a God of second chance, let us spend more energies at thinking about how to make our spouses more faithful to us than at destroying relationships and marriages. God hates divorces!!! God will give you both a heart of forgiveness and the courage to help in making your spouses a better person through your love. We all need to love our spouses more!!! |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by shapey(f): 1:50pm On Dec 08, 2008 |
boladonas: You have spoken well my dear brother. Thank you very much. Everything you have said on here is the truth, i must admit that. You see, there comes a time in everyones life when we have to sit back and take stock. I have done that and I have seen that this is going nowhere. Thank goodness you have a wife. Ask her what she will do in my position. I relayed my UGLY experiences in the hands of my husband and his family in this forum sometime ago. If you look thru you will find it. I never looked at it as vengeance.You have brought a whole new dimension to it. what do you make of a man who would leave his pregnant wife at the mercy of the elements (it's winter here) to be with his girlfriend-one of them that is. I do not drive, because i always seem to get caught on cam for speeding. He was to pick me up after a session at the doctor's. He asked me to wait for him somewhere as he was in traffic. I waited for my husband for 3hours. It was dark, i was alone with two guys. I hitched a ride home. He came home like 2hrs later and said he forgot he asked me to wait, and that I should have left on my own when i did not see him. Like that was not enough, I was in the bathroom and overhead him saying on his mobile ''thanks for a wonderful evening dear'' Boladonas my dear brother, What do you make of it. This guy cheats with impunity. I have tried to forgive, but it stares me in the face whenever I look at him. I will not hijack this thread. Thanks alot. I will go back and have a rethink over what you have said. I am only a human woman with emotions and feeling of my own. What I go through is too much to talk about on here. Give my love to your wife, you noted i sound like her.  Thank you. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by FBS: 3:34pm On Dec 09, 2008 |
god help us all! |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by cliveland: 12:46am On Dec 10, 2008 |
1st i think ur man nigerian or otherwise got his bargain thru u! like all golden flees seekers, he needed u as a bridge to freedom supposedly, he's landed by virtue of ur marriage at least, except he's involved in a serious crime he cant be deported by virtue of ur marriage n kid by u. sorry to say he feels u are spent, whcih happens to most pple in ur shoes. urs so pathetic cos of what u believed to offered him, greenland and after getting there he abadons u. well, so sad to say there's no amount of prayers that can solve this, sad to say perhaps the only reason he married u, he's got it, n d only way u get back at him is "if u can deport his arse back" |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by boladonas(m): 1:56pm On Dec 10, 2008 |
shapey: It is a very difficult matter, I understand , having had my own baptism and still having it. The solution lies in showing him more love and praying more for him. Get closer to him, become his friend again so he can [b]safely [/b]trust in you again and let him know that you both can laugh at his escapades. Make him know that you know all that he is up to but you will not react because of your covenant with God on the marriage, and that you will obey God's injunction in the marriage by loving him even when he does not deserve it. On a lighter note, my wife just read my reply and wanted to sue me 4 defamation of character  .Our Women are becoming so intelligent that they can no longer be fooled or taken for a ride, but this intelligence should be tempered with understanding and genuine love. Let this mind be in you my sister, that you will forgive him even before he commits, The more you isolate him the more you drive him away, we are men we are wanderers. Have you asked yourself where was Adam when the serpent came to give Eve the apple? My sister adopt the three Fs - Forgive, Forget and Forbear. The God of Heaven will help you and give you joy at this time, but be rest assured, that this will also come to pass! |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Chetachuku(m): 6:09pm On Dec 10, 2008 |
The gory story is mind boggling   . The heart of 'man' is wicked. Man here denotes the human race please. But do not think your story is the worst. I will advise that if he shows enough remorse and repentance, please forgive him and let the relationship be. Always think about the baby and the psychological effect of a possible break-up on him. Also check if there is something you are not doing well - starting from coital issues through domestic negligence to support or even dress code. Or there could be something you are doing that drives him away. Check. Then take it to God in prayer. You will surely triumph. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Angolobabe(f): 9:33pm On Dec 11, 2008 |
@shapey u have a heart of gold for taking all those maltreatment from ur husband especially when u need him most,please don't let anything stress u now ,concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy first ,the rest can come later,i wish u the best. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by touchmeder: 11:24pm On Dec 12, 2008 |
Wonders will never end oh. i have gone thru all the post here and i am shocked beyond words.Even me when be naija i dey fear now ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. people are telling the gal i.e (poster) to hang on and pray and all hav u read her story well well. This man most likely married her for one reason and one reason alone, HE WILL GO, HE WILL GO ,HE WILL GO, HE WILL GO its just a matter of time. Is this not clear by now. He had this lady for the sole reason of obtaining his papers. for Nigerian women/ladies is it not because we keep saying stuff like ''he will change'' ''make im just dey do, me i'm in my husbands house, ''God will touch his heart'' ''and we do nothing about it is that not why he just continues? we are willing to put up with cheating until person go give im wife hiv/aids nor be me go advise person to commot im husband house but e go get the one when person go chop clean mouth commot. God me i dey pray my own, as i nor cheat make im nor cheat too. Amen @shapey it is well. my prayer for you is a healthy delivery and happiness. it is well thats all i can say my sister |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Nobody: 11:36pm On Dec 12, 2008 |
shapey na wa o . . . You've been through way more than hell with this man. what i cant get thru my skull though is that didnt anyone see any trace when they were dating? |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by shekira: 12:00pm On Dec 13, 2008 |
baby cheerup,think less and conqukare the devil,no minder m.always be there for your baby boy.  |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Chiaka(f): 8:45pm On Dec 20, 2008 |
I cant say much because its one side of the story we have here. He probably has a dozen reason why he is jumping around with other women A typical Nigerian man wants to be respected by his wife and some complain European ladies treat them like rags and only wants them for sex, I hope your man does not feel same about you. Every man wants to be loved for who and what they are and not just for their dick, food for thought. Try find out why he is doing what he is doing now (I hope he opens up to you), after all if it's just for the papers he should behave himself till he is through with it, like you explained he is yet to get all his document, more so he was normal at first. He probably feels hez been putting up with some things about you he really dislikes and now feels he should no longer and find happiness elsewhere, and an available former sweetheart might just be the rescue. I hope you were not making him feel indebted to you because you knew he needed you to get his document. Sorry if I sound hard, I understand how you feel and I am not an advocate of infidelity. I simply like looking at both sides of the coin. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Mugabe(m): 2:10pm On Dec 22, 2008 |
hi chi baby i ll only encourage you to take your time.Exhuastively appraise any action you wanna take.Atime actions taken under the influence of anger could be disastrous at the long run.People are at libertiy to make suggestions as it appeals to them.But you are the one on the spot.Do you think there s nothing else you could do other than quiting the marriage.Arent there better options.And come to think of it ,how did this hubby of yours strike you when you guys where courting.Or was it that there was not genuine love during the courtship.Or maybe you married him to save him from bieng repatriated to Nigeria.So you realy need to do a deep psycho-mental diagnosis of the ailing condition of your marriage so as to prescribing the best possible medication to it. Chi baby,i can assure you,you don t wanna make the mistake of making yor marriage which is private a thing of public discuss.''when you cant tell the exact place the rain started beating you,people can only suggest to you ,oh!! it started beating you at so so and so time;therefore you need a hot bath and stuffs like that.but deep down in you you alone know if you can still afford to take some more adverse impact of the rain, atleast for your boy''. Am concerned. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by tatooboy: 10:53am On Jan 30, 2009 |
Hi, I feel for you. This truth is al ur expectations are legitimate, but wht can u do to a man thats not on the same page with you? Can two walk together except they agree? From all yo have written here, al i can say is what exactly do you think would make you happi @ this point? Its difficult to say whether you should still stay in that marriage or not, because what is even suppose to tie both of you (your child) does not seem to even appeal to him. Its pathetic. All i would say is follow your instinct. If you want to raise you child alone go ahead, if you think you need a father figure for your child, that doesnt seem forthcoming. Are you considering another relationship? Honestly, make up your mind. Any which way, life would never end. Life is too short, dont kill yourself for a man that is not there for you. This is the truth. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Nobody: 3:58pm On Jan 30, 2009 |
Shapey, I pray you have a safe delivery oh my sister. My dear this scares me. I will pray for God to make you have a sfe delivery but really am scared for your health. Is it really the best thing for you to keep all this issues in your mind at this stage of your pregnancy? Is he worth sacrificing your life over, my dear pls be careful, i really worry. I cant tell you what to do but my sister this really really scares me. Dont ever contemplate that its your fault that he cheats. I really hope you know what you are doing by keeping quiet and hanging on. |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by JJYOU: 10:26am On Feb 03, 2009 |
shapey, so sad to read this. sorry you are going through another wahala. hope you and armsky are still in touch? there is time for everything. keep the stiff upper lips as they say for now. this must be a carry over of the naija fight/drama. naija people know how to spoil happy families and environments. take good care of yourself and your baby. the Lord our God is with you |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by ediemafio(m): 10:16am On Feb 27, 2011 |
ehie007 (m) Indeed,lack of knowledge and experience is a disease, u should be ashamed of ur self, even u,a nigerian,join hands with wicked white ladies to condem ur own type, Do u think its easy to live with a white woman in the first place,do u know what our brothers suffer in the hands of white women, have u ever been in that situation where ur wife cheats,u know it but there in nothing u can do, can u ever imagine ur wife cheating on ur,joining another man,taking ur children from you and being protected by law to do so, Would you rather marry a white woman for her papers or face deportation,do you think every one is treated equally in europe, 90 percent of nigerian here in europe either marry fat or old or both,women who have had all they wanted in life and now wants a young man to seat on,d lady u were supporting,did u see what she looks like,did u ask her of her age? U r just an mpurutu mpaffff |
| Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by ediemafio(m): 10:28am On Feb 27, 2011 |
ebony silk ur father must be a bulldog then, n ur mother a bitch, as for u, i think av f, ked the shit out ov u n many others,so shut ur trap and dont insult nigerian men, animal |
? As you see me so, I don tough like namma back, nothing fit do me. 
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