@ poster/all,
what i hate most in any form of relationship, whther dating/courtship/marriage is infidelity, i dont really condone such an animistic behaviour.
And I blame women totally when this happens to them in marriage, they would have seen such traits in their man during courtship or even onmany occasions got caught, but all in the name of getting married and having a prefix 'mrs' or 'age is no longer on my side theory', they overlook it and console theirselves that 'he'll change when he's married', but things get worse in marriage.
So my sister, quiting such relationship saves you a lot, premature death (Hypertension, Heart Failure, Depression e.t.c), the man doesnt really worth you, with a little patience you will arrive at your destination.

Tjose men on the forum,
I dont really think there'd be a character in a woman that warrants her husband to be cheating on her (i.e if she is not the promiscous one also), if there exist between them open communication, i dont think both parties will find it difficult in talking out their differences, that is the beauty of it all.

I take Men infidelity and women infidelity equal, no one is greater than the other

@ poster,
you've made the right decision, i wish you strength to be able to get over with the problems he's caused you.

@ poster, are you a white european, am sorry to say, but ur nigerian husband or fex huband never loved in the first place, he just used you to settle in europe, these are the brothers giving Nigeria a bad name, but have this as a word of hope, "what goes arond definitely comes around" his mite be worse when the table turns, just take heart, you have been a victim to this bad experience, your not the first and definietly wont be the last to have ths heart break, advice ur fellow european sistas to be weary of nigerian or african men, who come over there for asylum sake, am sorry once more and using this mmedium to apologos on behalf on Nigerians, take heart and May the good Lord find you another Man, ur perfect man, _{[size=1pt]if ur story is true sha[/size]}

@ poster,
can you see what am saying concerning women encouraging such degrading acts, you can read from the last responses, women have really lost their focus, am not sorry to utter that statement.
What the hell has to with the innocent child in this case, there're so many children who grew up without the love of their father, and they made it successful, e.g Ben Carson (famous neuro-surgeon) lacks fatherly care, you can see what he's made up of.
IOt is better for a child to grow up without a father, than growing up when a useless one is around.

Prayer dont change those that are not ready to change, and the funniest part is that people of such kind are very religious, they beleive that by going to church regularly all their atrocities will be forgiven of the previous week, and they go into it the following week. So the next sundey they go for cleansing, the act just keep up going all that way round.

Ladies, put yourself in the shoes of men, you catch your wife cheating on you, what will you do? be sincere with yourself

someone with serious issue is seeking advice from well meaning people on this forum and it is unthinkable that a poster is already toasting her. he is obviosly not serious and will be a far terrible husband than the one ify is complaining about. i will counsel our dear friend to commit her husband to god in prayer cos there is no one God can change. Divorce is definetetly not the solution.

what exactly is prayer going to do in this case?

 Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/
« #32 on: Today at 03:57:36 PM »  

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@ poster/all,
what i hate most in any form of relationship, whther dating/courtship/marriage is infidelity, i don't really condone such an animistic behaviour.
And I blame women totally when this happens to them in marriage, they would have seen such traits in their man during courtship or even onmany occasions got caught, but all in the name of getting married and having a prefix 'mrs' or 'age is no longer on my side theory', they overlook it and console theirselves that 'he'll change when he's married', but things get worse in marriage.
So my sister, quiting such relationship saves you a lot, premature death (Hypertension, Heart Failure, Depression e.t.c), the man doesnt really worth you, with a little patience you will arrive at your destination.

Tjose men on the forum,
I don't really think there'd be a character in a woman that warrants her husband to be cheating on her (i.e if she is not the promiscous one also), if there exist between them open communication, i don't think both parties will find it difficult in talking out their differences, that is the beauty of it all.

I take Men infidelity and women infidelity equal, no one is greater than the other

@ poster,
you've made the right decision, i wish you strength to be able to get over with the problems he's caused you.

 

   
    You have said it all. I cant even imagine how the poster feels now.(used).
   Relationship is a serious business that most females dont know. Check out for lots of hidden signs in your partner  
  before marriage oooo so you dont end up falling a victim of circumstance.
 Don't ever think you can change him/ her after marriage when the person is not even ready to change before marriage.
 May God guide your heart in taking your decision ok. Good Luck

It is the neglect of timely repair that makes re-building necessary. Come to think of it, even if you guys were able to sort things out, do u think u can ever trust him again ? Nope. Unless u want to deceive yourself. A leopard can never change its spot. If at that age of his, with a kid at home, doesn't have time for his family, that's high level irresponsibility on his part. Don't be blinded by love, or care neither subject urself to humiliation just because u r trying to save ur marriage. I doubt if he's ready to change. He's not even guilty of his actions. He'll end up dumping you and your kid and find his way back to his wife here in Nigeria. I won't be surprised to find out if another man is servicing is wife here in Nigeria. Cos karma exists.

There's no way u wouldn't have noticed sths about him before u got married, it necessarily does not have to be about the opposite sex alone. Probably u overlooked a lot of things. U put urself  in ur present situation, by getting married to him the first place, even though u think he was different then. Maybe he was even pretending all those time, he's now showing you his true colour. You've talked about this a couple of times, and he's still not ready to change. Do you think he'll change, when he has other ladies out to satisfy him. There's no point crying over split milk.

@ bawomolo,
dont mind them, they are trying to hide away away from the genuine fact.
Their thought, is like, will i ever get a man who will care for me at this age? and so many bla bla bla.
It is these types that get depressed at an early age, and mental illness creeps in, and they become psychopatic patient.

It better you save yourself from so many worries, and concentrate on somethign better. try to be an intellectual.

An intellectual is someone who has found something intresting other than sex


@! fancier,
thanks for your view, it is so straight and factual

@ dontexe,
bawo ni, she iwo na ti gbo gbai?

Online

 Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/
« #36 on: Today at 04:27:49 PM »  

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what exactly is prayer going to do in this case?

when the lady even said the husbby met the chick on sunday(before/after)
 I even have a pastor in my office that preaches polygamy. so what is this world turning into?
 Heartless set of human being breaking the fragile ones heart  

@ fancier,
that is exactly the point am driving at, and also the society is not helping matters at all, they are suppose to codemn this actoutrightly in both cases, but they overlook that of the man, and criticize the other (women).

If the mindset of females dont get changed on this issue, the worse is yet to come.

Think deeply about this decision you want to make now and  consider some facts. I pray God leads you to make a right decision.

Let's leave spirituality out of this. Take ur decision based on the facts u have, even though u've not revealed everything, and u don't have to. But even if you are going to pray, u'll still pray based on the fact u have on ground unless u want to turn urself into a dreamer, by expecting him to change overnight. It won't happen. You husband is a confused soul, i'm not sorry to say that, because as far as i'm concerned, cheating in any form is the principal symptom of confusion.

@enitan2002
aburo, bawo sho wa pa ? ow school. miss u jare.

gal,
did you say you are european?   your name is chukwu ify? then the love must have been strong 4 you to have changed your name.you have a son for him? you have not really been close for some years? how old is your son? see, before you marry some one there are signs, did you just jump into marriage? maybe he married you for green card, i mean, i dont see why a man would not be interested in his child,  if he married you in the first place. was it a contract marriage? maybe you were really sexy when you met but you've gone so fat and lazy, c'mon. since he is no longer interested in you anymore,talk to him,hear from him what the cold shoulder is all about, or maybe you were desperate before you met him and since he was also desperate to avoid being deported,he took advantage of you do you know if he had someone in nigeria before you met?someone he's in love with? he might not want the child maybe you got pregnant to tie him down. lets not call this man a loser or anything yet ,is this woman homely enough to be made a wife? and if you answer this questions and he is still guilty then girl,you know your worth,leave cos he will never change,how long did you say it has been?

@ hotpot,
the lady in question has already made a decision, and by his special grace, she'll survive the trauma the man put her into.
I wish her from the depth of my heart, the strength to be able to live her live as she has dreamt of, which is to be happy.

@ dontexe,
egbon, bawo ni, gbogbo yin pata ni mo miss ooooo, bawo ni iya ye, shey o wa pa sha? mo ma wale laipe yi, titi bi ose kan ati abo si.


@ nomanicole,
women as well as men are the architect of their own misfortune,
making a mistake once dont describe you as being stupid, but making it and still dont want to admit, and thinking things will change without an extra effort from you, makes you the dumbest fella.
The poster admitted, but she aint going back, and am in support.

this is a message to all ladies, please please and please, dont get pregnant to tie a man down. you don't know what is on his mind,men can be heartless if they choose to,dont think he'll mellow down when he sees a child. don't ever seem desperate, any man that can't love you and cherish you for who you are is not worth the stress. when you start making babies, dont relax cos you are married keep being the agile ,sexy person you were before he married you. please,if you want to keep your man and not complain at every given opportunity?

If the mindset of females don't get changed on this issue, the worse is yet to come

@ enitan you are very right oooooooo that was why i had a U turn few months ago and decide to move on with my life
  Although its not easy breaking up with someone you truly love. But we all just need to face reality sometimes
  I did am happy today cos God rewarded me with something better
  God is in control oooooo

No more comments,

@ poster,

Why are you whining!.?

The truth generally about women is that they offend the men, then they pretend as if all is well, Of course when the man also does his own thing, then only then all hell is let loose.

Men dont push themselves( either into marriage or outside it), Women push em!!,

I Dont think is easy to make a decision with out looking at the Consequence or the outcome of it .They might both need counselling

@ chukwuify
don't be so quick to jump out, he may change and I must tell you, it's worse out there if you're alone. give him time and good s** maybe that'll keep him home. sometimes we have to look within ourselves to see where the fault is from(most times we have a hand in somethings dat don't turn out well). Pls, be careful and protect yourself since you're not sure of ur hobby. Have u heard of magun? it may help u out!!!! if u need more info i'll be happy to brief u on it(lmao),
C

@enitan
did she admit? she said she wants to leave. what were the circustances that led to their marriage? the guy cheats,yes he is a bastard. but is she perfect?all through the two years they've been having issues.what has she been doing? i dont believe in judging from a perspective,we should hear from both parties.or better still tell us a lil bit of her Bleep ups too? but i repeat if after everything he is still guilty then let her leave for her own good.

@ hotpot,
as for me i dont really believe in all this counselling of a thing.
What is it you want to be counselled about? You know you husband better than nayone (that is the fact), a relationship in which there're many thorns can settled in house between both parties, when there's room for open communication,but when that os lacking a thrid party gets involved and it still remains the same or even worse.
The counsels themselves are not better than you are, so the issue of counselling should be left out.

will the man be taughthow to be responsible to his wife and child, matured fellows dont need counselling, they do the counselling all on their own.


@ fancier,
that is the beauty of leaving someone who is not worth it afterall, you wil surely meet someone else who is better of in all ways.

@OP

I think the strongest part of any building is the foundation hence if the foundation is weak, the house is bound to collapse sooner or later. The only truth I can deduce from your predicament is that the man never loved you to start with. He only married you to get his legal rights to stay in your country and avoid deportation (this might sound outlandish to you but i'm sure the vast majority of posters on this forum are familiar with this concepts).

When you said, initially you had no problem with him, its probably because the ball was still in your court in that you guys were married but his legal paper work had not been finalized. hence that would prompt him to dance to your every tune and act responsible.

So, how does a man who never loved you in the first place change to become a man that loves you. That is more difficult to achieve than for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle. I can't advise you to leave your husband. What i'll advise you to do is give some serious thoughts to the facts on ground. Consider 5 years down the line living with a man who behaves this way, the type of influence that will have on your little boy. I'm sure you dont want your son to grow up to become a man who has no regards for women's emotions.

thats just my 2 cents. Many people have begun saying that sometimes its better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. and if you've ever been in any type of abusive relationship, whether it be physical or emotional, the reason is not too far fetched.

@ nomanicole,
There're some positions I find myself in, that i dont care about what the other person have to say or will say.
And by the way, with the condition we are in, there's no way we can get the other person's view.

Infidelity has no basis of any kind.

If the relationship has been cut off before the act, i dont see any thing wrong there.

What is it that your hubby must have done for you to cheat on him/her?

Well i grew in a family, where this kind of issue never get to occur, so i really want the kind of life i grew up with to also be the same for my children.

I guess those with different views don't see anything wrong with it at all, because that is the type of lifestyle they are grew up into.

enitan2002:

@ poster/all,
what i hate most in any form of relationship, whther dating/courtship/marriage is infidelity, i don't really condone such an animistic behaviour.
And I blame women totally when this happens to them in marriage, they would have seen such traits in their man during courtship or even onmany occasions got caught, but all in the name of getting married and having a prefix 'mrs' or 'age is no longer on my side theory', they overlook it and console theirselves that 'he'll change when he's married', but things get worse in marriage.
So my sister, quiting such relationship saves you a lot, premature death (Hypertension, Heart Failure, Depression e.t.c), the man doesnt really worth you, with a little patience you will arrive at your destination.

Tjose men on the forum,
I don't really think there'd be a character in a woman that warrants her husband to be cheating on her (i.e if she is not the promiscous one also), if there exist between them open communication, i don't think both parties will find it difficult in talking out their differences, that is the beauty of it all.

I take Men infidelity and women infidelity equal, no one is greater than the other

@ poster,
you've made the right decision, i wish you strength to be able to get over with the problems he's caused you.

While I take issue with your putting the blame solely on the women because they should have seen the behavior during courtship, I'll still say. . .

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SHOWING US THAT THERE ARE MEN WHO DON'T LET BLIND LOYALTY TO THEIR SEX STOP THEM FROM SEEING REASON!!!!

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!!!

bawomolo:


what exactly is prayer going to do in this case?

Praying for HIM to change now!! They keep praying and praying and praying. . . looking for the answers to their prayer in the day he walks into the house with flowers in his hands and declare. . . "Darling, I will never cheat on you again, I am a changed man" and they live happily ever after.

Yeaap, they wait for this miraculous event, totally oblivious the real answers to the prayers where they are being shown honest to goodness reasons for them to pack their kaya and jet out of there before he completely destroys their life.

Let us Pray!

u met this guy in 2004 and got married in 2005 for a REASON which is, him not been deported back to Nigeria.
i'm sori 2 say, but u probably knew little or nothing about this guy because u guys might have met in Oct. 2004 and u got married in Feb. 2005.
d marriage was for a reason which i think is already accomplished, so we should always try to give ourselves more time of knowing each other before jumping into marriage. To me your marriage was for a reason, girl and it shouldn't have been so. best of luck.

@ sisi jinx,
it is your type i love so much, you dont get carried away and ready fully to take any action.
They tend to live in a crazy dream that will never materialize during this life or even after.

There're some mistakes that should never happen in a relationship, if it does, it will never be the same again.
And it is infidelity

Cheating is ok for the man but the lady is different story. A man can not eat same food each day. For man it is like a food. You need a different one all the time.

enitan2002:

@ poster,
can you see what am saying concerning women encouraging such degrading acts, you can read from the last responses, women have really lost their focus, am not sorry to utter that statement.
What the hell has to with the innocent child in this case, there're so many children who grew up without the love of their father, and they made it successful, e.g Ben Carson (famous neuro-surgeon) lacks fatherly care, you can see what he's made up of.
IOt is better for a child to grow up without a father, than growing up when a useless one is around.

Prayer don't change those that are not ready to change, and the funniest part is that people of such kind are very religious, they beleive that by going to church regularly all their atrocities will be forgiven of the previous week, and they go into it the following week. So the next sundey they go for cleansing, the act just keep up going all that way round.

Ladies, put yourself in the shoes of men, you catch your wife cheating on you, what will you do? be sincere with yourself

enitan2002:

@ hotpot,
the lady in question has already made a decision, and by his special grace, she'll survive the trauma the man put her into.
I wish her from the depth of my heart, the strength to be able to live her live as she has dreamt of, which is to be happy.

@ dontexe,
egbon, bawo ni, gbogbo yin pata ni mo miss ooooo, bawo ni iya ye, shey o wa pa sha? mo ma wale laipe yi, titi bi ose kan ati abo si.


@ nomanicole,
women as well as men are the architect of their own misfortune,
making a mistake once don't describe you as being stupid, but making it and still don't want to admit, and thinking things will change without an extra effort from you, makes you the dumbest fella.
The poster admitted, but she aint going back, and am in support.

enitan2002:

@ nomanicole,
There're some positions I find myself in, that i don't care about what the other person have to say or will say.
And by the way, with the condition we are in, there's no way we can get the other person's view.

Infidelity has no basis of any kind.

If the relationship has been cut off before the act, i don't see any thing wrong there.

What is it that your hubby must have done for you to cheat on him/her?

enitan2002:

Well i grew in a family, where this kind of issue never get to occur, so i really want the kind of life i grew up with to also be the same for my children.

I guess those with different views don't see anything wrong with it at all, because that is the type of lifestyle they are grew up into.

Heavens Please us!!!

Sir, i think it's time for you to drop the charade! Surely you don't expect us to believe you are a Nigerian man with all this SENSE you are spewing? Come now. . . we are not that dense! Now confess, where are you from and where did you get the name ENITAN?!!!!  

Seriously though, if you decide to start a religion of your own, just know you have an instant follower!  

Once again. . . THANK YOU FOR MAKING SENSE!!!!!!  

enitan2002:

@ sisi jinx,
it is your type i love so much, you don't get carried away and ready fully to take any action.
They tend to live in a crazy dream that will never materialize during this life or even after.

There're some mistakes that should never happen in a relationship, if it does, it will never be the same again.
And it is infidelity

LMOA! Thank you! You are too kind!!

I want to be clear, mine won't be a case of willy nilly pack and go. I'll make sure I have real evidence, I know for sure he is cheating before I carry my Ghana must go and. . . .GO!

And all that "there is something wrong with you that's why he cheated" crapola they use to brainwash these women is NOT working with me coz I know ME. Sure I have some wahala somewhere but him sticking his thingy in anything and anyone isn't my fault. . . after all, I didn't make him a dog who can't control his impulses!! 

@ Poster

Knowledge is power,  Seek after Knowledge!!!!!

How many books and info have you gathered about pple in your situation and have conquered.

There is nothing new under the sun.!!!  DIVORCE IS NOT THE BEST OPTION NOW.

Well for now let me just tell you to get a book titled "MAKING MARRIAGE WORK" by Pst. Mrs Faith Oyedepo, also get any book/material
written by Pst Bimbo Odukoya (both are Great Nigerian Authors)

DONT DIE IN INGNORANCE------ GET INFORMED SO YOU CAN REFORM YOUR MARRIAGE AND SET EXAMPLES FOR OTHERS