Your ordeal is painful indeed. But hardly will u find any man (Nigerian or foreigner) who does not engage in extra marital affairs. It is very rampant in Nigeria. Even women engage in it. But the question is are u sure u are not the reason why he is philandering like that? Have u sat him down to ask why he is behaving like that? It might not be he doesnt love u. Most philanderrers do it because they are sexually insatiable or because they are not contented with the shapes of their spouses. They see different shapes flaunted at them in the name of dressing and naturally, they want a piece of the action. Women are the ones to blame for societal promiscuity because of their indecent dressing and the way they throw themselves at men. It takes more than the grace of God to resist all these temptations from women. Add that to the fact that our society accepts polygamy. You should count yourself lucky he is not thinking of taking another wife. I believe he still loves u but he cant help it if he is being sexually harrassed by your fellow women. This was why i wrote an article titled ''Who really is to blame for societal promiscuity? on my www.datingandmaritalissues.com. And another one titled ''Positive sides to infidelity/extra marital affairs.

ur story aint strange.

U love sweet talks and he gave it to you.
May be you were carried away by lust that you never heard those unsaid stuff.

Now you are contemplating opting out of marriage, good.
Just be ready to raise your son and bear all it takes for a single mother to keep going.
I wonder if all these people asking you to quit will be there to help you out latter in life.

If the man is frolicking outside and still maintains the home, allow him and carry on with your own life.
Or are you telling me that you have no personality and earning of your own?

If not for anything, for the sake of that boy, your son, remain the guardian angel you have been.

Divorce is better discussed than experienced.

@Goldman08
I am not angry. It is just that i hate to hear of stuffs like this. For real, i can't do this to a lady. It's unfair and inhuman, you know it and i know it.

You are looking for me? Do you want to link me up? Anyway, i am always available. Hit me up at bigmodo(at)gmail.com

@Original Poster
Please take heart, pray, fast from morning till 12pm or beyond and ask God to give you the heart to carry on. I assure you that everything is going to be alright. It doesn't last for ever, you know. Live your normal life before you met this guy. Have fun, go to the clubs, visit the beach, date some one else, smile and i tell you, you will see that your life would be better without that cheater. Move on lady, carry on, the world is not over. Huh!

@bigmodo
your suggestion to the poster is really shameful.
she never comot from the fire wey she dey inside,U want her to jump on to u

and all U want is a route to the EU. You dont even know anything about the lady.

Na waooooooooooo!

@MrPresdent

Are you Yaradua? Please if you are you can easily show me the route to Eu. Guy, i really need to go there.

@bigmodo

The easiest and cheapest way to get to europe is to stowaway in the cargo area of a large jumbo jet. 6 or 7 hours later,you are in Europe.

no visa
free flight
no passport required

asylum!!

Na wa ooooo!

Hi

Sorry for what happen, i understand how you feel now, just try to over look what ever he is doing to you, live every thing to God and pray that God should change his mind, if you have a chid or not, pray very hard, prayer is the key of sucess.

If you keep thinking and die, highest two or five months later, he will start looking for another wife. So take heart.

Thanks.

Hi i think the only good thing you can do for him now is prayer, just pray to God to change.
good luke.

I wonder if all these people asking you to quit will be there to help you out latter in life.

I wonder o!

Divorce is better discussed than experienced

Ring it to her hear again!

@ poster

Cheating on one's spouse isn't new because it happens every where, you would agree with me that in some society it's even beginning to become a norm. Many only hope not to be victims of the aftermath of the circumstances but what makes your post more interesting is your idea of drawing conclusion without knowing 'why' he is cheating on you is baffling.

My advice: sit him down, ask him why, check yourself for any excesses that (deep down in your mind) you know could be responsible for his action and see how you could talk things out with him. I want to to remember that you will be responsible for any decision you take.

God bless you.

Poeple shouldn't come into conclusion by advising her to devoice. Marriage i know is for better for worst. beside women owns the home of every man. if this lady has play her part as a mother of the home, i don't think such will ever happen to her. I want to believe he has dated (study)  the man before marrying him. he should has know much about him before marriage.

my advise to all ladies DON'T BE IN HURRY TO MARRY SO THAT YOU DON'T END IN MESS.

AND TO YOU MADAM, PLEASE SIT DOWN AND THINK WHAT YOU ARE DOING THAT YOUR HUBBY DON'T LIKE

I MEAN COOKING (Men love good food) E.T.C you know better.

MrPrsdent:

@bigmodo

The easiest and cheapest way to get to europe is to stowaway in the cargo area of a large jumbo jet. 6 or 7 hours later,you are in Europe.

no visa
free flight
no passport required

asylum!!

Na wa ooooo!

You know how someone would found himself in some large jumbo jet. You know i can't just appear. Can you expand your words a bit on how this stuff works?

@ BigModo; Absolutely no need to advice the Lady to Kill the Girl; What For? There is no guarantee the guy used her to regularise his stay; As U can see she was well aware that he had a woman in nigeria with a child for him; And he is not cheating on her with the woman in nigeria but a liberian lady he met @ his church in finland; He cheated on her agreed; since when does that warrant being Killed; If she divorces him; he has more to lose even if he has already gotten his paper; paying alimony, child support etc is not cheap. Bill Clinton cheated on his wife; she didnt Kill Him; so cheating is not a nigerian or african thing neither is it a gender issue. While not condoning the guy's action; even if he married her to get a stay in finland; if she divorces him he still loses out big time as they have a son.

if you are sure that you husband is a cheat then you have every right to what you did, but i just have a little question for u.
before you got married, what was his attitude toward you?. was he a cheat back then?

talking of using words like babe, i miss you: @times i use it. when i want a help/money from my elder sister and also to my younger ones if i want them to wash my clothes. in-addition to that, i think words like that are not bad, although it depends on how open ur man is to you.

if your husband was not a cheat, and all of a sudden become one: these are some of the reasons why.
in-addition i want you to know that, men don't always cheat, but when they do, here are some possible reasons:
[list]
[li][list]
[li]
They are not ready to have commitments.
They no longer feel satisfied/stimulated in their current relationship and are too cowardly to end the relationship.
They are concerned aobut their financial/living situation if they end the relationship, but do not feel fulfilled in it.
They like various sex partners.
They crave the initial excitement and illicitness of a "secret" affair.
They need to feel desired and their partner does not fulfill that need.
Men are single-minded and don't think about the consequences of their actions.
Some men cheat because they think they can get by with it.
Some cheat because they don't take their relationships seriously.
Guys cheat because many of them increasingly feel powerless in a society that is giving women more rights & powers in the domestic & public spheres.
Men stray outside of long-term relationships to remember what it was like to be desirable and free. "Schedules" and routine destroy self image.
The woman's sex drive isn't what it was when you first got married.
Having sex with more than one woman is an ego boost for those with low self-esteem.
Men cheat because they are bored in their current relationships
The man perceives that the partner is bored with or no longer interested in sex.
Lack of or poor communication with the spouse/girlfriend can lead a man to cheat.
other people are something new and different
you have no old baggage with someone new
maybe they want something with ''no strings''
different people have different likes and dislikes
their spouses might not be interested in doing the sexual things the men want to try out (e.g. oral, greek, 3-ways, etc.) or even afraid or morally against such kinks.[/li]
[li][/li]
[/list][/li]
[li][/li]
[/list]

if the above is the cause of his cheating, then go resolve it, happy marriage

Chukwuify.

I have read thru all the posts.

some were nice, but others were rubbish.

I am a married man also. I have cheated be4 but now, I can't do it again.

Mail me wt jydewalker@yahoo.com

thx.

@ angelina & fest damn!

hmmm ur stori is touching n we re only hearing 4rm one side of d coin which might nt been too gud to conclude n judge. i want to ask, hw did u ppl meet? because is a bite strange 4 a man to reject his own blood, in dat matter a SON hmmm! there is smting to it yet unknw to us. hope u re nt d other woman dat met him in ur country n meanwhile his was already a man with children n a wife back home Nigeria?


d most important thing i picked 4rm ur stori was d fact that he doesnt av any interest in ur son,no relatnship watsoever! hmmmmm, a Nigeria man in dat matter. well human beings re smting else anyway.

let me ask you. y u sure the woman in Nigeria is nt d REAL WIFE b4 u met him in ur country or wherever?

Divorce his ass n get everything from him, then come settle down with me, hehehe

@ all,
I will try my possible best in my next post to clearly explain why there're so many problems like these facing the marriage institution at this modern age.

its a sad thing to hear that you are going through such, "DID YOU ACTUALLY CATCH HIM RED HANDED?" because if all u say are just insinuations, then you have to wait to be fully sure.
about the messages he recieveds, why not find out if there where any replies from him to them, if there is, then there is a problem, but if there is not then your husband maybe cute and admirable thats why every lady wants him or maybe he is very jovial and humorous.

with all these characteristics, AVOIDING TRIPPING LADIES IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE.

goodluck.

I don't really understand the level of reasoning of some fellas.
Is it until she catch them on their matrimonial bed, or during the act (which is simply impossible), you don't have to wait for those moments because if you do, you will wait till 'his kingdom comes'.
SIGNS!!!! that is the word and clue in getting a cheating partner, do you think he'll leave his sent message folder in his mobile phone or mail address with all the replies he sent? definitely NO!!!, they always know how to clean off their track so they wont be caught, but no matter how good a serial killer is, he definitely must leave a trail behind.

Whao!
Incerdible!
But love is stronger than cheating!
If I were u, I would forgive him totally!

From what you have written, he does not love you and even the baby. He is not your man. Do not force yourselve on him.

Girl hear this

movies made sex easy and toasting simple; that is why cheating is like eating nowadays.

I wouldnt ask u to jump out on just one offence because u may jump in2 too many offences, learn to 4giv 777 times.

u r not d only patient in that "clinic" u will soon b fine, but u wil come out hard(-hearted)

I hv a twin sis in another state in Nig. She is married. It was like that b4 now it is normal cos d hus(military officer)
like her but temptatn is byond him. I used to go confront him.

4rm ur story ur hus didnt marry u 4 luv , all he wanted was protection and he got it and he is done so find a way 2 keep him as
much as can and see if u can stop him him from marrying another wife

he was stayin smwhr away 4rm u b4, that is how he devlop d habit. womanising is hard to stop because evry butiful
oppnity gets ur xmistry up.

guys dont luv male child alot like they luv fmale kids

many men and wmen these play d "cheat game'

u hv strong ethics 4 marriage which he doesnt hv.

THIS KIND DOESNT GO OUT EXCEPT BY PRAYER AND FASTING

totalfact:

Whao!
Incerdible!
But love is stronger than cheating!
If I were u, I would forgive him totally!

i go tell ur girl friend to start cheating on you
lets see how strong is ur love

All the people saying forgive him, pray for him and all that,  ahn ahn, 
notto mention those saying she's maybe not as attractive as she was before, and similar rubbish

The man is abusing the woman and all you can suggest is forgive him and pray for him?

The man is mentally and emotionally abusive.
Why must it always the abused woman's fault?

Why should the abused woman wanting to walk away from an abusive relationship , and that is what this is, be told "Marriage is for life". So she should suffer under the abuse till what happens exactly? Till she has a nervous breakdown, commits suicide, kills her son,  when will you think that she has endured enough from this man?

I ignore threads like this for the same reason Amakaone. Cant be bothered reading the idiotic responses esp by the same dudes would tell a husband to immediately kick the wife out if the shoe was on the other foot.

Good to see they're still predictable.

Were (or are) you people legally married or just staying together? Because I don't see how you are gonna walk out of a 4 year marriage just because you caught your man cheating on you. Most married women would have been divorcees today. Hasty decisions are always regretable. Take it easy!!!

@1luvkipsus

Married, Cohabiting , what does it matter?

The man is an abusive cheat.

What exactly is there for her to regret here, other than the bad choice she made in her husband?


All the women who are still with their abusive cheating husbands advising another woman to stay in an abusive relationship?
In aid of what exactly? for whose benefit? The abusive cheat she finds herself saddled with?

Misery surely does love company.

On which planet is a man of his calibre deemed a husband worth any woman's time energy and prayers abeg?

Amakaone; I can understand the vindictiveness behind ur response being a female; According to the wife he is only cheating with 1 lady he meant in church; she didnt not catch him redhanded he confessed; it could be a slip up; there is no mention of abusiveness from the guy; that someone is a cheat male or female doesnt make them abusive. Also the poster was well aware of his tendencies but decided to take a chance; it didnt work, so she either forgives him or leave him.

For those who are saying the guy married her for a paper; that is not neccessarily true, becos if it was; he doesnt need to have informed the lady from the onset about his woman naija who already has his child. For crying out loud, if she files for divorce she could easily take him to the cleaners.

Posted by: gaddafi81 on November 24, 2008, 07:01:19 AM

Angolobabe on November 24, 2008, 06:05:06 AM:

a cheatercheat will always remain a cheatercheat weither either u decide to stay with him or not ,u have to know what u want and fellowfollow ur heart

@ gadaffi81, actually cheater or cheat are both correct and as far as either goes, I think she meant to type whether. . . was a typo  Peace! 

kill him

AMAKAONE:



All the people saying forgive him, pray for him and all that, ahn ahn,
notto mention those saying she's maybe not as attractive as she was before, and similar rubbish

The man is abusing the woman and all you can suggest is forgive him and pray for him?

The man is mentally and emotionally abusive.
Why must it always the abused woman's fault?

Why should the abused woman wanting to walk away from an abusive relationship , and that is what this is, be told "Marriage is for life". So she should suffer under the abuse till what happens exactly? Till she has a nervous breakdown, commits suicide, kills her son, when will you think that she has endured enough from this man?

Don't you know it. . . You are not a true, proper, loving, saintly Naija wife until you die for the sake of marriage.

All sorts of sensless responses to this thread. Imagine. . . excusing cheating by saying ALL Nigerian men cheat and she better get used to it, like HIS mom did. If someone else says that now, they will all yell generalization! I love how they use the "it's in our blood excuse" when it's convenient for them.