@Moves
I didn't tell the lady to kill the child but i said she should kill the nigga. Got it?

@ BigModo; knew u meant the Husband; The Father of her son; And u r a man; guess u have never cheated before in your life, not neccessarily in a relationship; if u don't have reasonable advice; it is not compulsory to give one; guessing u r based in naija, therefore not aware of import of the use of the word nigga especially when white and black people are involved.

Its difficult. If u are very religious, then divorce is a way out. But the will to stay still lies with you. It's only a miracle that can change him,

I mean to say," divorce is not a way out"

To the poster,

Your marriage is more important than one moment of anger or flint. To be honest with you, most married men and women cheat in marriage. That is the gospel but bitter truth!.

To start with, you also cheat, though you may not want to accept this. If a guy showers you gifts outside your edlock, buys you call cards outsie your wedlock and you find it difficlut to tell your hubby, it is a mild form of cheating but cheating is cheating!

Forgive the guy and pray to God to change him. It is a fallacy that women will say theri sons are enough husband for them. God created them men and women not women and their sons!

Refer this case to God and also look at your self.

Divorce is definitely an option. Let those that want to talk about stay and die from AIDS and let an orphanage raise your child keep talking. This man will never change and even if he will change you do not have to be there for him to do so. Dust your feet and leave him for God to judge. You have a responsibility to yourself and your child. This man is simply the devil. Let the devil take of his own. You take care of yourself and your child.

i don't think you should leave him entirely but i also believe you should do something that lets him know he can't get away with this easy. leave for a while, take a break from him, house chores and the stress of thinking but don't let him know its temporal. if he really loves you he'll beg till he bleeds then you can re-state your marriage terms and give it one more try.

Hey Chukwuify, You don't accept all advice because you do not know if the people advicing you are married at all. In this case of yours, It is only married couple that can give you a soothing advise. For me, I will advice you to keep praying for God to take over control of the situation, responsible men are not easy to come by, hold your own tight.

Oh wow   I can't really reply you all individually. I'm surprised this issue has got so much interest by so many people, gives me hope world isn't just that bad place after all

I have very little time for this today but I'll get back to this as soon as I get some other things finished.

Some of you propably haven't realized that I'm not a Nigerian, therefore I haven't been raised as a Nigerian woman which leads us to the fact that I've never learnt to accept cheating, it's not proper and accepted in our society. Yes, many still do it but it isn't accepted in general which means we as women don't just have to swallow it because that's something men are supposed to do. Well, they aren't supposed to, seriously. It's 2008, even in Nigeria it shouldn't be accepted by women anymore though you've seen your father doing that to your mother.

To those who think everybody cheats -well I don't, I never have and I never will. I don't accept gifts from other men, I don't spend time with other men, I don't benefit from other men. I didn't have any secrets from my husband, I never lied to him. And he knows all that. Maybe I'm not exciting enough then, who knows, but the problem isn't actually me. Sex wasn't exciting enough? Well, that you better ask from the hubby who's in a way very conservative and in many ways very complicated character. As I told before, I never refused him.

Talk with him? How? When his way is to shut his mouth and ears and walk out when things get too complicated. That's something he's learnt from his own parents.

I'm not angry just because of one fling. He's been neglecting us, his family, for about 2 years now. There're 2 other women involved, the other one has been my hubby's fuckbuddy for over 1,5 years now, I've just recently found it out. The other one for about a year. If that other one is his bride or wife to be, I can't understand why she doesn't look for somebody better for herself. I mean a man who's married to one and has an active sexlife with her as well as with that side affair. I mean what kind of a woman wants to have anything to do with a guy like that Or is it that she's been told there's no marriage and she has no idea there isn't just me but an other african female involved as well? Beats me.

But anyway, they both can bloody well have him I'm not interested anymore.

where is patience and tolerance.

well i think you should be carefull about your next action. I also think you should give him a chance to defend himself lets hear what he has to say beside you may be giving the other woman total victory if you laeve your husband for her.

But I'm asking you all: is it more common to a Nigerian man to cheat on his wife when the wife isn't Nigerian herself? Or do the cheating type of men do the same to Nigerian wives too?

A cheater is a cheater. I'm not sure if it's common or more common for them to cheat on foreign wives. I am an AA woman married to a Nigerian man. I also think you really didn't get enough time to know your husband before you got married. He may have married you for papers. But even if he didn't, he's still gotta go. For reasons unknown to me, Nigerians usually are outstanding or trifling. So either you have a wonderful, devoted husband or your husband is controlling, cheating, etc. I have no idea why this is the case, but this is something I've noticed.

Is this Story Foreign? Same ol same ol

What haven't we heard before

Im just happy you are "Relieved"

@Chukwuify

It is so unfortunate you have to go through this but your case is likely one of many involving some "smart" non EU nationals (including a lot of Nigerians and Indians due to their large populations) who marry EU nationals for economic reasons so that they can legalize their residence in the country.

I'm sorry to say this and I might not be right but the guy might never have really loved you. I've heard a couple of stories such as this in Ireland where I reside, which has led to an attempt to alter the legislature regulating such multicultural marriages which is being resisted stiffly by a lot of people across the various divides as marriage and love are complex issues which are difficult to legislate.

It is also important to understand that there are still quite strong influences of polygamy in our various cultures in Nigeria which permit men to have more than 1 wives and is still a major cause of friction in various households in our society.
You definitely could not have known about all of this and were unfortunate to get involved with a less than sincere person.

My sympathies go to you and your son who will most likely be most affected by all of these due to his bi-racial origins and the abandonment of his father who could have helped him in understanding and embracing the Nigerian part of his heritage.

Please don't assume that all Nigerians are like this and help your son understand while growing up that it was solely his father's decision and approach to life not a general disposition of Nigerians, you can also try to locate his grandparents and family in Nigeria as most families I know will never turn their backs on their own and consider blood ties to be sacred.

Also, take courage from the Barrack Obama story and the influence of his bi-racial heritage and abandonment by his father early in his life in shaping Barrack's world view, embrace of diversity and seeming reconciliation of outwardly divergent views which ultimately led him to the white house.

hi mum,

i guess you dont need a third eye to see your hubby is cheating on you, unfortunately 80% of nigerian women contend with this and its pathetic because they are almost helpless, except for the fact that these days some women are noww better in the game than their male counterparts, you defintely cannot continue like this otherwise you will have high blood pressure and possibly AIDS, i would advice you talk with him and seek divorce, when the bible says for better or for worse, there was exception if a partner was involved in sexual immorality, so you are on course. it seems to me you are still a young mother, so do you intend to remain single? cos i cant guarantee the next man out there, studies show that 9 of 10 women get cheated on and that 7 of 10 women get cheated on even when both parties are very religious, for women between 45 -60 years, 2 of 10 said they would cheat if their reationship had crisis or their husbands cheat on them, while for women between 22-44,5 of 10 said they would cheat if their relationship had crisis or their husbands cheat on them.

what i would finally say is do whatever makes you happy.

Am sorry to say u are just making a mountain out of a molehill. Infidelity or extra marital affairs is something that is rampant among men(Nigerians or foreigners) We live in a world where sex is now a phone call and a click away, due mainly to the way your fellow women dress and shamelessly throw themselves at men. So, it will take the special grace of God for men to be faithfull to their women. I think u should consider yourself lucky your husband is not even thinking of marrying any of his mistresses. But are you sure U yourself are not the reason for his philandering? Have u sat him down to ask him why he is cheating on u? I know for sure that, that a man cheats on his wife does not mean he doesnt love her anymore. If he does it secretly, it means he still respects and loves u. How about a man who cheats and even tells his wife to take a hike if she cant stand it? I suggest u talk to him and iron things out with him.

My sister, having gone through some members contributions and advise, please you have to becareful when taken advise from people, becos many could be misleading, and i know you want to learn that was the reason you came to the room. my advise for you is to stay in that marriage becos of your son, i beleive every marriages has thier own challenges, it will come and go, i came from a broken home and i know what it is means not to leave with your parents under the same roof. another thing i find out about your relationship with you husband is that it wasnt built on true love, becos the guy needed to stay back in europe and you got married to him becos you done want him to be deported, now the guys has gotten what he wanted. i beleive in prayers, pls go to God in in prayers and beleive HIM, your husband will come back and you will be a happiest woman on earth, mariage is ordained by God and the bible says God hates divorce. so my sister hold on God, i wish you best of luck.

Am sorry to say u are just making a mountain out of a molehill. Infidelity or extra marital affairs is something that is rampant among men(Nigerians or foreigners) We live in a world where sex is now a phone call and a click away, due mainly to the way your fellow women dress and shamelessly throw themselves at men. So, it will take the special grace of God for men to be faithfull to their women. I think u should consider yourself lucky your husband is not even thinking of marrying any of his mistresses. But are you sure U yourself are not the reason for his philandering? Have u sat him down to ask him why he is cheating on u? I know for sure that, that a man cheats on his wife does not mean he doesnt love her anymore. If he does it secretly, it means he still respects and loves u. How about a man who cheats and even tells his wife to take a hike if she cant stand it? I suggest u talk to him and iron things out with him.

@moves

If you are going to offer somebody advice on matters like these  I think you should not read selectively.
You understand my vindictiveness because I am a woman.
Frankly if it was a man who had posted a similar story about his wife I may well have said exactly the same thing.
How am I being vindictive?

Unfaithfulness, neglect and disrespect know no gender. The issue at hand here is lack of good breeding and home training.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you o jare!

The OP has stated numerously that this man has been neglecting his family, for about 2 years now.
You are talking about a slip up

There are 2 other women involved in his life (and she knows he is definitely having sexual relations with one of them by his own admission), spends no time with his son, His pastor will not help her, and you are saying there is no evidence of any abuse by the husband?

I think I specifically said she is being emotionally and mentally abused by this man.
He is unfaithful, neglectful, disrespectful of her not to mention the probability of infecting her with only God knows what diseases he may be picking up in his philandering escapades.

You can still sit there and post that there is no evidence of abuse by the husband and he may have slipped?
Slipped where exactly?  Out of his marital home into his mistresses bed?

How exactly would you define abuse?

Hisssssess


May I suggest with all respect  that you take your own advice that you gave to another poster " if u don't have reasonable advice; it is not compulsory to give one"

shetan:

Am sorry to say u are just making a mountain out of a molehill. Infidelity or extra marital affairs is something that is rampant among men(Nigerians or foreigners) We live in a world where sex is now a phone call and a click away, due mainly to the way your fellow women dress and shamelessly throw themselves at men. So, it will take the special grace of God for men to be faithfull to their women. I think u should consider yourself lucky your husband is not even thinking of marrying any of his mistresses. But are you sure U yourself are not the reason for his philandering? Have u sat him down to ask him why he is cheating on u? I know for sure that, that a man cheats on his wife does not mean he doesnt love her anymore. If he does it secretly, it means he still respects and loves u. How about a man who cheats and even tells his wife to take a hike if she can't stand it? I suggest u talk to him and iron things out with him.

@ If men have no intention of being faithful to their women then WTH do they go and take a vow that they will?

Is it by force to get married? Where is GOD in all this when the man is betrayig his marital vows? ***smh*** rubbish!!

In these days of AIDS and all that , if a man wants to have multiple sexual partners what gives him the right to drag another person ( in this case 2 other  people) into his web of lies and deceit?


And Why oh Why must it be the woman's fault that a man cheats and lies?  The fact that he does not have the courage of his convictions to sit her down and tell her that he wants to move on IMO makes him a man in name only.
Where I come from and where I was raised, Good or Bad the man will stand by his word and his decision.

Honestly
Some of you are men only because you have a "third leg", because your action surely do not say anything manly about you.
Any so called "Man" who is doing what this man is doing is an abusive, emotionally retarded coward.

Shikena!

@ Amakaone- not in anyway trying to join issues with u; just wondering how u came to the conclusion of him being abusive; the poster has not mentioned such; no one is in dispute that the guy cheated; which is what the poster alludes to no mention of any form of abuse. I do not condone a guy being abusive to the wife in anyway be it physical; emotional or mental. Bill clinton cheated on his Wife of mmany years; can we now deduce that he was in anyway abusive to hilary clinton.

And in relation to my advise to bigmodo- That was due to his suggestion to the poster to Kill the guy; who is someone's father, brother and son. Especially to someone living in finland with highest gun ownership.

My dear all I will tell you is to pray to your God to bless your marriage and visit these dating website for advice, cos heaven help those who help themselves.

http://www.dating-advice-for-women.net/
http://www.topdatingtips.com

well, if u decided to call it quit, enjoy ur freedom while it lasted or keep it forever by staying away from men. become a sister in d convent. but if u still have in mind to get involved with any man in the future, then deal with it : men all over the world sleep with women not their wife. bill clinton did, former french president kept mistresses , etc. Even king david in the bible did it. countless. so lady, i beleive it is a short-curcuit in the male brain. some men have been able to bridge this circuit with serious spiritualism and it works, but majority of men all over the whole does not have the tilt toward spiritualism. it is ur choice.

Hey folks! I saw this post yesterday and tried to follow through but didn't have time to make mine. Really its been interesting reading some posts. I still find it difficult to understand why some guys have become emotional and insultive; thats not necessary, if you ask me. Like I said before, the responses here have been too many for me to follow, but let me make some observation.
First, it seems to me that the lady in question is enjoying herself reading some of the comments here. She seems quite pleased to reply and tell gory tales of her hubby.
That, to me, paints a picture of somebody who wants a reason to leave (divorce?) him. Whatever it is, some things are not for sharing with the public. Fine, I agree she needed advice(?), but going into ugly details will only help viewers to make hasty judgements.
Again, it seems she is trying very hard to convince herself (and everyone else!) to call it quits and alot of us are just helping her. Like someone said in one of the comments, who knows what the other side of the story is? I've just re-read a recent response from her and, wow! she seems like a saint. Is there anything like that word?
We should not be in a hurry to help her with her divorce. If she claims she love(d) him, then she should prayerfully fight for her love; moreso when there is a son involved. I'll post some more after I read more responses

Lady, I want to appreciate your effort atleast for being patient for a period of four good years. butwhat have you been doing before things got out of hands?

And more so, are you sure you yourself had a genuine love for him I mean when you started your relationship. was it love for real or lost in another place. It is not too late to correct things. I think I will suggest the way out when you supply answers to my questions accordingly.

Shadeko Ifeoluwa
07032283616

Bigmodo, you must be a bit wicked, how could you advice a lady to kill her husband. whatsoever must have happened or still happening, the gentle man is her husbad cos they have union already. and there is a kid between then. So lady. keeep on praying for there is nothing too difficult for God to do that's if you believe anyway.

Wish you positive change.

Ifeoluwa Shadeko
07032283616

@poster, I hop eyou don't sleep with your so calle dhusband again. He is messing around with a woman wh ocould be even a prostitute. They come to europe and use and abuse white women, shamless dogs.

leave them to their own! thats where they belong. May they go to blazes!

@poster, seperate from him immediatly and don't sign papers for him. Tell your immigration service that your marriage is no longer subsisting. You shoudl try your best to get him deported actually to be frank.

Yes they do cheat on their own wives from their own country, just not as openly though as they wouldn't want her family to know, also in Nigerian culture marriage is 'til death do them part' whereas marriage to a white woman is only a moraless piece of paper. Dont ever blame yourself b'cos its too late now. Move on, teach your child well cos he won't give a damn.

You need to also tell the police about the lady he is involved with, its sounds like she is a prostitute, I don't think prositution is legal in finland, so many african men are probably going to her for sex cos they need a black booty. Only God knows what diseases run through their veins.

@Amakaone
Are you married

Leilah:

@poster, seperate from him immediaty and don't sign papers for him. Tell your immigration service that your marriage is no longer subsisting. Y[b]ou shoudl try your best to get him deported. [/b]

why should she?cos he cheated on her or wat?shes not d first to be cheated on neither will she be d last

Leilah:

You need to also tell the police about the lady he is involved with, its sounds like she is a prostitute, I don't think prositution is legal in finland, so many african men are probably going to her for sex because they need a black booty. Only God knows what diseases run through their veins.

oh shut up,idiot,what kind of advise is this?how do u know shes a prostitute?how do u know so many africans go to her for sex?where is ur proof?just shut the hell up

poster please don't mind leilah,shes d worst person to give out advise on things like this

I really am sorry about you and your husband, it makes me wonder about this love thing sef

@poster
Stay with your hubby and pray for him to remain yours and yours alone! If you divorce him,the taste will not be not good at all.But didn't you see him well before marring him?