bigmodo:

Hi,
I am sorry for all the hassles. Bear in mind that all men are not the same. I am single and searching, if you know what i mean. I ain't a cheater, so if you are interested say hi. Hope to hear from you.  

STFU u tout a woman under distress is asking for advise u r here trying to make contacts that will take u abroad like u so wish,its not by force to travel out,sit ur dry ass in nigeria,u rotten old pig

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Cheating is ok for the man but the lady is different story. A man can not eat same food each day. For man it is like a food. You need a different one all the time.

Says
This are the kind of people that corrupt the society we are in today.
If you grow up with such education, well i pity you. Keep yuor ideas or thought to yourself dont come out and polute
others especially those seeking for advice on Nairaland ok.nonsense[flash=200,200]http:// [/flash]

I think this bacterium of a guy is an idiott of unimaginable magnitude. There's no justification for cheating on your partner. If it happens in a relationship, such can never remain the same. We're humans for Christ sake, let's be real here. The foundation of a relationship is very very important. Communication is the backbone, while sex keeps it going. If there's a break in communication, that's the beginning of problem in any relationship, whether u admit it or not. Once infidelity sets in, things can never be the same even if it get resolved.

@ Enitan and Sisi Jinx
Kudus Both of you make sense

Life's a bitch. Marriage is a snitch.
Why r there no perfect or near perfect marriages anymore?
These days its either the woman's cheating,the man is cheating or both are!
Jeez, this trend is bout to reshape my ideologies in marriage.
hell, i don't even understand y they got to coexist as man n wife,
well mine wasnt so bad only my dear mom had to expire 13yrs back, because of tumor complications,
used to say i'll get maried before i'm 27, but these days i don't know if i ever want to take the vow. . .
n i got a little sis who, because she thinks she's in love wants to go get married next year. . .
prolly soon we would be called to settle the bickerings, accusations n counter accusations, f@*K. . .
well its an institution God founded so i guess we'll all just have to fulfil it,
but not rushing into it to fulfil all righteousness.

Wallt, don't lose hope concerning marriage institution. The solution is to turn to the person who instituted it if you really want to know the meaning and enjoy it. Most at times we've tried to use our own understanding and experience of others to condemn that institution and that would not be fare.
If you want to know the original intention of marriage, then turn to the initiator.
Operating any sophisticated equipment without the manual will lead to its destruction. When God is out of any marriage it is nothing but a mirage.

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I think this bacterium of a guy is an idiott of unimaginable magnitude.

Exactly what i had in mind. Infact the right word to use in describing him

Once infidelity sets in, things can never be the same even if it get resolved.

   
That's very correct

If no cheating how many of you will be alive? I know that not many. Cheating is ok. If I marry I will do, you will do. No need for lying. Please!

If no cheating how many of you will be alive? I know that not many. Cheating is ok. If I marry I will do, you will do. No need for lying. Please!

Somebody needs a mind surgery here!
I wonder what the world is turning to. Is it so hard for you to accept the fact that not everybody has your kind of mindset?
We still have sane people out there for Christ sake. To let you know, i've been married for good seven years now, nothing of such and there will never be. Purge your thinking.

@ doubtul one(s)
am a nigerian to the core,check my conversation with dontexe it is in yoruba,you can also check my previous posts.
am not the religious type by the way am just a moralist.

bacterium:

If no cheating how many of you will be alive? I know that not many. Cheating is ok. If I marry I will do, you will do. No need for lying. Please!

man living wt no brain,idiot

@ poster, I personally cannot advice you whether to leave your husband or not, but I will simply pray for you.

For sure, I know God answers prayers.

Our Dear Heavenly Father.
We thank you for all your love and care for Chukwuify and hubby.
We thank you for bringing them together and joying them as husband and wife.
We thank you for blessing them with a baby boy.
Holy father, we know there is nothing too difficult for you.
You change hopeless situations. You make a way where there seems to be no way.
With man it is may be impossible but with you, God, all things are possible.
Father, we pray this moment that your divine peace overshadows Chukwuify and her husband.
We ask that if any wrong has been done, may there be forgiveness with renewed love and harmony again in their marriage.
We know you will hear and respond to our humble prayer for this couple and their baby boy.
And we believe it shall be well with them.
IN JESUS NAME!!!
AMEN

Hello @ poser, ask yourself those advising you where are they? Are they married or have been in your shoes now or before? its easier to point to others mistakes.  To me forget that you have a baby for him , is the baby your love? He is not the one u married, u married your husband, many have given you the way 4ward please pray you will later enjoy him beyond your imagination. Please think b4 u jump because d wild ones are waiting 4 u to leave and the next minute there replace u. They advise you to jump but they take bigger and better ship than u. Love him, care for him do things he will wonder is it u. Irrespective of his action he will come back to his senses. That is my believe. Thank you

I dont know if this has been advised but here it is:

You know that he is a cheat and that you will not be staying but slow down a few moments and gather what you need to make a clean exist.

Make sure you stay and be kind for just a little while longer.  During this process you need to set up your own bank accounts if you dont have one.  Start to put money to the side to provide for you and your son.

You will need at least 6 months living expenses before you command him to pack his bags and go.  

Do not get on his back about the other women just continue as you were before.

During this time he may feel a bit of remorse and be more forthcoming with money and gifts, just put them up and plan your exit.

Talk to your family and let them know of the situation.

Gather your support group around you and build your support structures that you will need once you pack him out of your house.

Speak with a lawyer to start the process of severing any ties to this man.

Pay attention to 401K or investment portfolios that you have together.

Pay attention to any shared property and find out the laws that govern the division in your area.

Hold on to any evidence of the cheating and give this to your lawyer.

How far is he in the process of getting citzenship?

Sistawoman, i trust you, na so so essay and keypoint

U suppose go write book!

@Post

Tricky situation and i would say cheating is not good at all!

I cant say a lot more

All the best

bacterium:

If no cheating how many of you will be alive? I know that not many. Cheating is ok. If I marry I will do, you will do. No need for lying. Please!

Orthopeadic retard!

How can you say such a thing?!

@ bacterium,
i prefer to be in an era of the homo-habilis than having a brain like yours
condom should have been used in preventing against your conception.

You are big fool please!!!! If no cheating you are not here, trust me. The world now more men then women. How will they make sex? One man have to cheat on the wife. Maybe he marry her or no. No need speaking of condom I am already here of proper birth not bastard Thanks .Dont speak me like this I will break your baboon face. PLEASE!!!!

bacterium:

You are big fool please!!!! If no cheating you are not here, trust me. The world now more men then women. How will they make sex? One man have to cheat on the wife. Maybe he marry her or no. No need speaking of condom I am already here of proper birth not bastard Thanks .don't speak me like this I will break your baboon face. PLEASE!!!!

see  u,tell me who will even consider u as a friend sef not to talk of considering u as a lover,reasons

1.u type like a kindergarten child

2.u r so immature

3.ur english is as terrible as ur two assed brain

did ur parents cheat to produce u?i wonder why they did not miscarry u,ode


polluted cow,i used to think every human that walks on this earth have sthg upstairs,but u r a real proof of a man wt no brain,toad

enitan2002:

@ bacterium,
i prefer to be in an era of the homo-habilis than having a brain like yours
condom should have been used in preventing against your conception.

You are big stupid Please no speak me!!!!! I am not English boy like you big Africa man. If I dont have brain how you can speak me? Then you are fool to speak to something with no brain like chair or table. BIG IDIOT. If you are not agrreeing me then shutup your smelling mouth you ASS. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why i even waste my precious time for dis bacteria guy sef,i don see say him head no correct from from inception

buahahahahahahhahahaah see english,and na them go dey make noise pass for dis forum wt their grammars

Na wetin una sabi be this to dey drink panadol for people headache then fight each other

Ur hubby is an ungraetful human being God will bless him 4 wat he has done to u. C one thing i ave to tell u is that take good care of ur baby boy and God will c u through in wat u are going through he is an ingreat.

@bigmodo
i see say something dey worry u for head,we dey talk how to solve probkems here,u dey talk rubbish,maybe u go even do the worse self.

which man is not a cheat. which man can ever say he has never cheated on his wife not even once

What you need now is just to pray to God to guide you in whatever decisions you will make, if not you will end up regreting it.
This may be difficult for you, but the guy seemed to have used you in getting his papers. It is now only Gods Favour that can make him come back except you have something else to offer him.I assume you guys dont stay together so this will be tough, try all ways to please him,send text messages to him,dont use your child as a front,talk directly to him,impress him in all ways you can,go to any family member or friend you know (not reporting him but just explaining how you will really want him back).Do this for a while and see if there will be any change.You believe his your man so you have to fight to win him back.

[!]At what point did women start making decisions to move in and out of marraige and who told them they had the right to make these decisions? Woman, sit in your husband's house until he tells you to move out!!![/!]

bigmodo
Hi,
Bear in mind that all men are not the same. I am single and searching, if you know what i mean. I ain't a cheater, so if you are interested say Hope to hear from you.

That's what my hubby said too when we met. Good luck to you -with someone else.


ehie007
@ poster, are you a white european, am sorry to say, but ur nigerian husband or fex huband never loved in the first place, he just used you to settle in europe, these are the brothers giving Nigeria a bad name, but have this as a word of hope, "what goes arond definitely comes around" his mite be worse when the table turns, just take heart, you have been a victim to this bad experience, your not the first and definietly wont be the last to have ths heart break, advice ur fellow european sistas to be weary of nigerian or african men, who come over there for asylum sake, am sorry once more and using this mmedium to apologos on behalf on Nigerians, take heart and May the good Lord find you another Man, ur perfect man, if ur story is true sha

Yes, I am a white European and what you wrote that's what I'm afraid of too
During these past weeks now I've noticed my inlaws and my hubby's brother don't behave the same way as before. They try to avoid me, don't answer any questions and infact talk to me in a quite rude manner. So I guess they all have been keeping things away from me and now, as everything hidden is out open, they are annoyed about the situation. As I don't think any of them is ashamed but they are disappointed I've found out what's been going on. After I've read some of these replies you nice people have written here I've realized that to be a proper, decent and good nigerian wife I should just swallow this all and continue my life as it's my duty. Well, I'm sorry, I can't take infidelity. As a good christian my hubby claims to be he then shouldn't cheat on his wife, don't you think?

I was warned before I got married, I was warned even after we got married. And if Dan, who used to stay in Denmark ever reads this: sorry I didn't believe when you told me he has his all-time-sweetheart waiting for him there in his hometown,

I have warned other women so many times not to marry too fast -and then I make that mistake myself. But as it's told here that all these African men, especially Nigerian ones, only marry us for papers, I guess I wanted to show to everybody that not all of them. Oh well, test failed


enitan2002
What the hell has to with the innocent child in this case, there're so many children who grew up without the love of their father, and they made it successful, e.g Ben Carson (famous neuro-surgeon) lacks fatherly care, you can see what he's made up of.
IOt is better for a child to grow up without a father, than growing up when a useless one is around.

Yes, I do agree with you. I don't think my child would ever miss a father who he doesn't know at all.

enitan2002
Prayer don't change those that are not ready to change, and the funniest part is that people of such kind are very religious, they beleive that by going to church regularly all their atrocities will be forgiven of the previous week, and they go into it the following week. So the next sundey they go for cleansing, the act just keep up going all that way round.

As awful as it may sound but that's how many people do. It's terrible to realize that your own loved one is acting the same way


dontexe
It is the neglect of timely repair that makes re-building necessary. Come to think of it, even if you guys were able to sort things out, do u think u can ever trust him again ? Nope. Unless u want to deceive yourself. A leopard can never change its spot. If at that age of his, with a kid at home, doesn't have time for his family, that's high level irresponsibility on his part. Don't be blinded by love, or care neither subject yourself to humiliation just because u r trying to save ur marriage. I doubt if he's ready to change. He's not even guilty of his actions. He'll end up dumping you and your kid and find his way back to his wife here in Nigeria. I won't be surprised to find out if another man is servicing is wife here in Nigeria. because karma exists.

There's no way u wouldn't have noticed sths about him before u got married, it necessarily does not have to be about the opposite sex alone. Probably u overlooked a lot of things. U put yourself in ur present situation, by getting married to him the first place, even though u think he was different then. Maybe he was even pretending all those time, he's now showing you his true colour. You've talked about this a couple of times, and he's still not ready to change. Do you think he'll change, when he has other ladies out to satisfy him. There's no point crying over split milk.

I've nothing to add, you've said it all. And I have only myself to blame, there were some signs. But he's a damned good actor too.


@ nomanicole
Sorry if I confuse you (or anybody else) with my name. It's my nick, not my real name.

do you know if he had someone in nigeria before you met?someone he's in love with?

He had. He told they couldn't marry as her parents didn't allow and that she married someone else and moved to USA. He has a daughter with that woman. And yes, I actually suspect she's the one who he's called his sister and aunt and who's pictures I found.

And no, I didn't tie him with a baby. We both were very much willing while making him I told you he changed, just suddenly.

And to those who suspected he had to go elsewhere as his bed was too cold at home: I'm a woman who never suffers from 'headaches'. Infact now as I think back, it's been him who started to be toooooooo tired quite often around that time when that little slut came along -no wonder one could say now. On those times I just thought it was his work tiring him and didn't push him.

I've now waited for 2 years for him to get his act back together again. He's been treating me badly for a long time and now I understand where it all came from. He's never been committed to our marriage, he's never respected me. And to find out in the end that there's even been other women involved, it really frustrates me and makes me to realize that he's only been using me for his own purposes. All that hurts because I truly loved him, I still do. But I don't see any future for us together. I can't make it to happen on my own even if I wanted to.

@ bigboyslim
The only problem why I can't be absolutely sure about this all is that his paperwork isn't totally finalized yet. To finalize it he needs at least his son and quite franckly I don't know how he's gonna fix the situation. Yet it's not my problem either, not anymore.

@ tick
we weren't all THAT fast


am not the religious type by the way am just a moralist.
Me too

but still
@ question
thank you

@ sistawoman
Financially we'll be fine with my boy.
I've talked to my family and friends and got a lot of support. I've also talked to his family, they've left us in silence.

And to all of you I didn't mention, thank you all. I've laughed, I've cried when I've read what you all have written. And it was a big surprise to see how many wanted to take part in this issue. You all have helped me to see things from many different angles. Thank you

chukwuify:

I will tell you what no one said so far. The lady in Nigeria is very likely your husband's "real" wife or girlfriend who he plans to marry and he only used you to get the Finnish equivalent of a Green card.
I'm sorry you fell for this but experience is the best teacher. In very rare cases, it's really love but in most cases illegal residents are not the best people to give your heart to.

I see you love hip-hop, recognize your signature. The opening song to the greatest album ever.