naijaboiy:

That's it o!

They expect you to notice subtle signs as if you don't have better things to do.

And when you don't notice they call it "your loss"

LoL...who is the actual loser? The girl that wanted your attention or you who didn't bother to notice something like that simply because your instincts didn't follow up?

AgapeCharis:
God bless ur soul bro

AgapeCharis:
In most cases, we feel nothing romantic for d one showing d greenlight.

UjSizzle:
If this isn't a conscious move, rather people acting out biological scripts, why the hell do men take it that she has a particular interest in any one person? For all she knows, you all (everyone who picks the signals) fall in one category: Possible mates if you fulfill whatever criteria she's set.

When she's playing out the script, they name her a flirt.

When she starts kicking applicants off the list, she's a biitch, and playing with people's feelings.

When she decides some are keepers but not mate material, then she is a serial friend zone-r.

You want to explain why?

Mynd44:
I didn't think I will be writing one of these, I don't like writing one of these, I don't want to write one of these but eff it, one of these has to be written.

So people have come up with signs that a girl/guy wants a romantic relationship with them. They see these signs in someone and they think "this person likes me romantically and wants to be more than what we are" so they plunge in to ask the person to be more than friends and if it she/he says no, the go into confusion wonder what happened as according to them, they have been given all the "signs" or the "green light" so it must be that the person is stalling. But most times, they are wrong.

Lets make one thing clear, there is no green light. There is no clear signs that a person wants to be more than friends. More often than not, it is our minds playing games with us and we see things that are not there or we translate things the way that is comfortable to us.

"The whole, she looked at and smiled sheepishly" might be that she saw a picture of a cute rabbit behind you and she loved it. The whole "he came to my rescue even though I did not call him" might just be because he is a natural protector and he did not want to see anyone get hurt not just you(stop taking things so damn personal). The truth is that we are bloody narcissists who admire ourselves too much and we automatically assume everyone else does so when we see someone go out to do something, we start thinking things in ways we should not think it.

If you are friends with someone or you met the person do not assume they showed you any signs, find out what the signs mean.

I am not talking about when you exceptionally like someone and you feel well "let me try and see how it goes" here, I am referring to when you see subtle signs of "like" or "love" and you want to take a step. Just calm down and do these:

Take a deep breath and eliminate all other factors why you think that person is doing what you call "green light" When she looked at you lovingly, are you sure she was not thinking about the guy she met at the mall or the waiter that served you?

When he took off his jacket cos you were cold, are you sure he was not just being a good friend?

Now you have to validate those signs. It is easy. Communication, ask a couple of questions and see how it goes. Questions you say...let me give you examples.

If she likes guys from a certain profession(law for example) which you are not ask her "would you date a banker?"

Or "would you date outside your tibe?" Or "would you date an unemployed guy?"

Keep the questions going but make sure those questions represent you. Make sure the qualities you ask her if she/he will date are what you have and she knows you have if to any of those questions, the answer is negative, ask why then ask "if she is a banker but stays out of town would you date her" if he says he can't a lady who stays out of town.

When you have asked these questions and you are sure you still have the "green lights", ask this simple question "would you date me?" there is where you will get the real "green light"(not totally dependable but close to it) But when asking these questions make sure you are not overly too serious so it does not seem like and interrogation and not so playful that she/he thinks it is just some lousy game.

These questions form the "green light" it is only when you have these answers you can boldly come out to say you have seen the green lights, because before that, you might as well have seen a traffic light or the whole goddam color spectrum.

So the next time you think you have gotten the green light, dig and be sure

BuddhaPalm:


Good questions.

Women are not interested in any one person. They are interested in males who meet certain biological/social criteria. Same for men.

For men, mainly biological; for women, mainly social.

And, she didn't set these.




Lol.

Really, no one owes anyone an explanation. "All's fair in love and war", said some dude. People are going to whine, whatever decisions you make, anyway.

Ishilove:
Una too like gist...

AgapeCharis:
ur point doesn't rule out d fact that there is such a thing as greenlight. In most cases, we feel nothing romantic for d one showing d greenlight.

muafrika:
This is just making life complicated @ihedinobi2. I think you are one of those people who never give a smile to stranger just for the sake of it. So how will I befriend people I like If I can't look at their eyes when they talk, I can't touch them, do things like walking, talking together? Green light.

Can friends be loved? I mean just a simple love with no strings attached. Will absence of that even be a true friendship or just a shallow network? I think networks are just for convenience and only last as long as it is convenient. I guess thats why it is the more practised in todays individualistic society.

Can I get excited when we meet, per a million chance, with one of my favorite NLers without being misunderstood?

If possible, how far should this friendly gestures go? As in how to keep a friendship - some are worth keeping - without the other party getting it twisted.

ihedinobi2:

I actually smile at strangers and acquaintances, wave, say hi, ask about their day and so on. There are women I keep up with. Friendliness, neighborliness. These things aren't confusing.

But when you start laying things on heavy, why get surprised if someone thinks you mean something more? When you take time out every single day to hang out, ask about her day and try to fix every single problem, are you still being just a good friend or a contender for her heart?

It's just a sense of decency that we need. A willingness to acknowledge the existence of limits so that life continues to make sense.

muafrika:

Good to know you are friendly.

Does this mean that the limits lies in the frequency of deeds that would otherwise be friendly? Of course I agree with descency.

ihedinobi2:

That is one very strong sign. A husband is one who is bound by a vow to stand for a woman at all times and through all weathers. A wife is a woman who is bound by a vow to stand by a man at all times and through all weathers.

"Stand for" and "stand by" are qualities of friendship. That is why your spouse is generally expected to be your best friend, your confidante, your most trusted ally.

How do you then choose your spouse? Would it not be by watching to see who stands with you or for you no matter what and even when it is supposed to be inconvenient for them?

AfricanApple:
seriously speaking, guys get it wrong most of the time, they mistake friendly speech, smile and gestures for green lights

the koko is that just like op said, your mind might just be the one playing games with your heads and this is so because u actually want her to show u some green light

thats why i dont play or joke with guys anyhow, i maintain my level always

Caseless:
u gals are guilty of this- u take every gesture for green-light. *coughs*

AfricanApple:
u are right but u know dat most of the times, guys do all that because they really wanna have something to do with a lady, so it makes us confuse it for a guy who has no such intentions

ihedinobi2:

So there are things guys do that make you think they have romantic intentions?

Why then do you argue that your men should read no meanings into the behaviors of women?

UjSizzle:
You should stop quoting me since I obviously don't want to have a conversation with you

Dannylux:
It'd be awkward asking someone these set of questions. I'd read right through the girl's intention when these questions suddenly pop up in our conversation. You're already making your intention known to the person with such questions so you'd still get heart broken if you eventually discover you're not her type.

Questions like these do bring up other boys into the conversation and that's not Good for your agenda. When she'd try to use one of your friends to describe the kind of person she likes? isn't that worse than getting a no for a response?

jaybee3:

So you are comfortable mortgaging your time, wallet and fragile heart on a mere promise?

Jeanfortune:

hehehe, this got me laughing, 'mortgaging ur time' indeed

jaybee3:

But na true na

Why invest in something for years then receive zilch return at the end of it?

It simply ain't worth it

abeg dash me any light this morning jare

Jeanfortune:

u dey find light abi