bushdoc9919:
Very sad story.

The problem is, the man was not ready to fight for his marriage.

I wonder.....what type of marriage did he want? One where the woman would ''be sensitive to his every needs''?

Sorry, but I have no sympathy for the man. He forgot that his role in the marriage was not to be served, but to serve.(Goes for the wife too).



If we men stop behaving as if marriage is all about our needs....and start seeing marriage as an opportunity to serve....then there would be a lot less breakdowns, and a lot more stable homes.

TO The OP...

Your man has let you down. But now....even though I hate to say this....forgive him, don't curse him and move on. If you can't, that is OK....you can ask for God's help to forgive him. Because as the Lord's Prayer says....Forgive us our sins, even as we forgive those who sin against us. Your husband has sinned against you and your children. Now, forgive him and leave the rest to God.

Tough, huh. But no one said that Christianity is an easy religion. Too often, it involves a calling to forgive others even as Christ forgave us and served as a sacrifice for our sins.

veave:



Okay. Me sef dey wait. I never sleep.
@op.

Dearie, lets know how it started.
Please do not leave out anything # even your faults.
So we know how to tackle it with you.

humilitypays:
yes it is possible, and for the fact that he has money (from what the op said), will make most single desperate ladies to rope him into serious commitment by all means- diabolical or emotional.

The op's husband might be under a love spell...anything is possible

hatelove:


I got married when i was quite young without proper education then my husband just got employed.
His family introduced me to him when he wanted to get married because according to them then i met his requirement.

my husband have a good paying job so i can say he have it all good

At a point in our marriage i became insecure, i went snooping on his phone, calling some of his contact , warning people unnecessarily i never knew i was destroying my marriage.
MY HUSBAND been a very patient man warned me to stay off his phone and all but i didnt listen.

When my last daughter was three i called one of his senior colleage to stay off him which made my husband angry and said im being hostile to him so he wants a divorce, the issue became so big that my husband and i got seperated.

my husband is the traditional type that doeesnt do any house chores, i taught there was no way he was going to saty without me but to my greatest surprise he stayed without me for 3 months plus he rather had his neice stay with him than myself.

His family had to interven before he reconciled with me, when we got back together i noticed he had a girlfriend this time with so many love text messages on his phone, i got emmotional n deleted them all, he noticed i deleted them without saying a word he passworded his phone by then i already had the contact of the girl unknown to him but because of our initial dissagrement i was reluctant in calling her but it got serious, my hubby started making night call , talking to her on phone for hours, visiting her n coming home back late.

It got to a point i called her and warn her to stay off my home, she wanted to know who the caller was but i ended the call, after sometime i noticed she called hubby and hubby ask her to give him the number of the caller so he can check if he knows the person, she gave him anh he told her to go bed there is nothing to worry about. he came to me and ask me why i did that, i pick up quarrel with him but he didnt say anything afterward, the next he went out and came back by 11;20 in the night. He doesnt talk much so i tried confronting him about the woman but he didnt say anything but he kept seeing and talking to her. i called the woman again to tell her to stay off my husband but she told him and that cause another misunderstanding between us, then hubby told me that he will marry her and there is nothing i can do

I got married when i was quite young without proper education then my husband just got employed.
His family introduced me to him when he wanted to get married because according to them then i met his requirement.

my husband have a good paying job so i can say he have it all good

At a point in our marriage i became insecure, i went snooping on his phone, calling some of his contact , warning people unnecessarily i never knew i was destroying my marriage.
MY HUSBAND been a very patient man warned me to stay off his phone and all but i didnt listen.

When my last daughter was three i called one of his senior colleage to stay off him which made my husband angry and said im being hostile to him so he wants a divorce, the issue became so big that my husband and i got seperated.

my husband is the traditional type that doeesnt do any house chores, i taught there was no way he was going to saty without me but to my greatest surprise he stayed without me for 3 months plus he rather had his neice stay with him than myself.

His family had to interven before he reconciled with me, when we got back together i noticed he had a girlfriend this time with so many love text messages on his phone, i got emmotional n deleted them all, he noticed i deleted them without saying a word he passworded his phone by then i already had the contact of the girl unknown to him but because of our initial dissagrement i was reluctant in calling her but it got serious, my hubby started making night call , talking to her on phone for hours, visiting her n coming home back late.

It got to a point i called her and warn her to stay off my home, she wanted to know who the caller was but i ended the call, after sometime i noticed she called hubby and hubby ask her to give him the number of the caller so he can check if he knows the person, she gave him anh he told her to go bed there is nothing to worry about. he came to me and ask me why i did that, i pick up quarrel with him but he didnt say anything afterward, the next he went out and came back by 11;20 in the night. He doesnt talk much so i tried confronting him about the woman but he didnt say anything but he kept seeing and talking to her. i called the woman again to tell her to stay off my husband but she told him and that cause another misunderstanding between us, then hubby told me that he will marry her and there is nothing i can do.
After that ive called her once or twice again and it was disaster between myself and my hubby.

I completed uni after being married to him and he didnt allow me to work saying i dont want my wife to be looking at another man and answering sir.

Now my husband says he his getting married to his love for the first time
He said he love her, he never had the opportunity to choose
He said he choose her himself and he is happy to be in love
He said she knows how to communicate him which i dont
he said he needs a friend, someone who sees marriage as love not as responsibility.
He said i sees marriage as responsibility

He asked his people to pass the message to me

He said he will still be responsible for me and our kids
He will keep us under one umbrella n everybody will be happy, its natural if i get emmotional but he is not going to hurt me
He is sorry if he is hurting me but i should know that i destroy our home not his incoming wife.

I feel terrible i cant help but regret, i taught it was a joke but to my greatest surprise its reality

I JUST SAW MY HUSBAND INVITATION CARD

PLS BE SINCERE TO me did i relly destroy my home?

Yes you did,you started the problem where there was none initially. You dare the Man but now it turns to regret.Just pray and live your life,you you can make it in life,STOP CURSING HIM.This is not a new thing.

humilitypays:
yes it is possible, and for the fact that he has money (from what the op said), will make most single desperate ladies to rope him into serious commitment by all means- disbolical or emotional.

The op's husband might be under a love spell...anything is possible.

@Andromida, I love your advice to the op but u people should stop making it seem like its because she met her husband via recommendation or match-making. Many couple are living happily even though they met via matchmaking while some childhood lovers who also got married are facing rocky moments in their marriages, so its all about our character and how we handle our marriage partner that determines how our marriage will be.

anumide:
chai! Just when I decided to let go of my fear of marriage and accept bae's proposal? Why did I come to nairaland this morning sef.
Mizmycoli say something

Almeida:

The genesis!! Am I the only one seeing this?? All was good, but you suddenly became insecure. Why??. You invaded his privacy severally, he warned you. You didn't listen. This tale is one sided. Sorry to say, but you have to come clean if you sincerely want unbiased views and comments on you situation.

MizMyColi:




Follow your heart.

andromida:


I think i read the man expressly said he now has his love or something like that and yes in this instance the matchmaking didn't pan out well like everything in life matchmaking also has its risks. Character is important but if we are to start blaming it won't end so she is jealous for her hubby, insecure but he was cheating until he found a new wife who do we blame the most? the jealous wife of the man who couldn't keep his marriage and thought to hell with his wife after all he didn't choose her? Everyone did what they thought was best for themselves unfortunately she is worst hit. Blame solves nothing so i don't want to dig but if i were to dig what was he doing that got her insecure and how many women of her age at that time, with their world built around a husband would've been calm and cool, smiling at him, all warm and welcome when they are feeling scared?

Mzgracie:
One major reason why I am scared of marriage. Even the good ones (wives) still suffer from their cheating husbands. Life is changing. Marriages change and evolve into somethings we can't really do not want. What is the way forward? What can we do to make our marriage an outstanding one? What can I do to make my marriage an outstanding one? I think it depends majorly on the woman. What if the man is not helping matters? What if he is not the understanding and the caring type? These and many more are questions bothering my mind.

humilitypays:
Really a sad situation, the husband didn't try at all, at least for the sake of his innocent kids, some men are brainless sha, sighs. Though I suspect the new wife must have used spell on him, its possible.

May God help the poster overcome this difficult period, sad

Tashamania:


Really?

Could he have gotten acquainted with this new girl within a space of 3months-plus to the extent of knowing shes someone he can live with?

adorable29:
Typical Nigerian mentality!

Blame the woman for the husband's cheating ways! So, she isn't perfect. So she outta love, insecurity and fear of losing her husband snooped on her husband's fon and challenged her husband's mistresses. Is that enough for him to betray his 3 kids and wife and discard his family?

easy4beno:
Firstly, I would like to say that I don't base my judgments on one side of a story, and I also have to say that your husband MAY be doing the wrong thing which I am made to believe that something must have triggered a man to go to that very extreme length.

However, from what I have read so far about your illustration, I think you are using the very wrong approach to handle an already wrong situation. They say two wrongs do not make a right and I think he's wrong and you are as well wrong with the curses you have been raining on your husband..

Now to my question, I want to believe that a man would not just wake up in a day to marry someone else, the question is, what has been happening all these days without you being sensitive to? Who has your husband been rolling with in terms of friends lately? Now to you, I want to believe that the marriage hasn't been working for a while now and you refused to do anything about it, for your husband's family to wake up one day to unseat you shows that you have not had a sound relationship with them for a long time, for crying out loud, this is someone you have given birth to three children for, so any forces from relations to crumble the marriage MAY be baseless because this is africa where you have to give birth to children for your in-laws to be pleased with you..

So my conclusion is that you played a significant role in pushing your husband out to another woman's hands and now I guess you are paying for it dearly, I understand that I may be wrong but something tells me I'm being just and fair with my conclusion. Now my advice for you now is to just be seeking the face of the Lord, pray HARD for God's direction, miracle may suddenly happen and it may also mean that you may have to move on with your life and children because dragging the kids to this kind of matter may be harmful to them and to their future..May two cents for you, I hope that you will take the right step!

Almeida:

The genesis!! Am I the only one seeing this?? All was good, but you suddenly became insecure. Why??. You invaded his privacy severally, he warned you. You didn't listen. This tale is one sided. Sorry to say, but you have to come clean if you sincerely want unbiased views and comments on you situation.

Gabbysky:
Dear Lord, I pray that every family going through tough times this season will find love, joy, peace and your blessings now and always through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Woman, please apologise to your Hubby, pray for him and your kids
God be with you all

neoapocalypse:


Read and comprehend , the husband wasn't cheating on her before they separated and it was her ways that made them separate. It was evident that the man was fed up with her prying , nagging and insecurity before the separation , he even asked for a divorce before he started seeing someone else

babyosisi:



You have a degree ,good
You need to look for a job and I pray you get one fast

This is why I hate that word " housewife"
No wife should ever agree to that plan ,it keeps you stuck with No voice and eating shait because you have no means
People think when men say they don't want their wife working,it is always out of love for them,many times it is their mode of control and that is exactly what happened here

Ilovenigeria:

Thank you very much!!!
This is what happens when women think that when you get married and offer him your virginity, that will be all.
Don't be surprised that the lady the hubby intends marrying Might be a runs girl but she really knows how to make the man happy and stay out of his hairs?

I wonder why some women can just relax and enjoy their marriage to the fullest.
When you nagged and pushed him away, where do you think he goes to drink and rest?
Enjoy your marriage, instead of looking for who to fight or nagg just focus that energy on your kids.

Some nights ago, I saw my neighbours hubby selling his wares @ikeja under bridge around 9:30pm shouting on top of his voice. Only for me to later see his wife fighting him for coming home late that same night.

Honestly we should help our men for our marriage to work. Sometimes give then benefits of doubts, trust and respect them, give them their space and time, and above them show them love and kindness.