craziebone:
As much as i SUPPORT, RESPECT and CHERISH the HOLY marital instituion called POLYGAMY, i do not support what this man has done, if the story is true.

Going into polygamy without the full consent of your WIFE, means utter DISRESPECT for the woman in question. How on earth do you want a GROWN individual to be a part of polygamy without her full consent?

Even if the lady was being too pesky, he shouldn't have just got up and entered into another marriage without first properly dissolving the one he was into, if it was the only way out.

Men like your husband, op, are the reason people look down on polyamy. His likes are the reason feminists have the gut to talk to us the way they feel like.

Those men here saying "this is Africa" are only being immoral and unreasonable! Polygamy does not equate to unfairness, incosideration and immorality. Infact, the HOLY institution of marriage called Polygamy is contrary to all what you men, who are telling her "it's aFrica" stand for.

To the feminists here saying men telling their wives to be housewives only means an attempt to control, i would quickly like to point out to you that the op never mentioned that her remaining a housewife was a criteria she had to agree to before the got married. She did not mention it that even after they got married, the man made sure she got no education. That the man made sure that she did not work while they were married. So i cannot understand how we can draw up, from her story, that the man controled her because she isn't empowered! Haven't you seen where a man left an 'independent' woman for someone else? So what do we tell the man who is not too 'empowered' and married to a woman who is 'independent'?

Ilovenigeria:

Thank you very much!!!
This is what happens when women think that when you get married and offer him your virginity, that will be all.
Don't be surprised that the lady the hubby intends marrying Might be a runs girl but she really knows how to make the man happy and stay out of his hairs?

I wonder why some women can just relax and enjoy their marriage to the fullest.
When you nagged and pushed him away, where do you think he goes to drink and rest?
Enjoy your marriage, instead of looking for who to fight or nagg just focus that energy on your kids.

Some nights ago, I saw my neighbours hubby selling his wares @ikeja under bridge around 9:30pm shouting on top of his voice. Only for me to later see his wife fighting him for coming home late that same night.

Honestly we should help our men for our marriage to work. Sometimes give then benefits of doubts, trust and respect them, give them their space and time, and above them show them love and kindness.

babyosisi:


What is this bunkum?

hatelove:
Thanks @ all for your advice

When my husband came for reconcilation, he informed my brother and my father that he would be getting married again and the new wife has accepted to stay with me, he also wanted to know if i will be willing to stay with her if not we can get a divorce.

My brother said he told him not to inform me then that when he is ready to get married he should inform me afterward i make my decision myself.

My brother said polygamy is not a sin, its better than divorce but im free to make my decision because my husband had confirded in them that he is not comfortable with me, if he remains with only me he might die of hypertention has he had already develop high blood presssure, he said if he wants to die the death should at least be natural not for something he can aviod.

HE said he is not letting go off his responsibility that he wants to be happy since i decided not to be happy
He deserve to be happy and the new wife will teach me how to love.

Unfortunately since i called the new wife and warned her on phone she changed her mind of staying in the same apartment with me and gave my husband condition of providing a seperate accomodation for her before she can go ahead with the marriage which my husband accepted saying afterall he has two houses.
My husband said nothing has changed between the two of us apart form him not being comfortable with only me since he dont want to divorce me and i should be thankful to the new wife because its her family that told him to reconcile with me before they can give him thier daughter so that they can be sure that no matter what happens in their marriage they can be assured of reconcilation since their dauhter has choosen him even with his married status.

HE said i shouldnt go about gossiping him because there is two side to every story.

I shouldnt even try bringing the bibble n western culture to him because he wouldnt buy them
I should be happy that africa provides altternative for divorce.

If i want divorce he will settle awesomely so that i can go live my life and get the happiness i truly deserve if that is my wish

MY husbands heart is made up
He didnt come home yesterday because some of the girls family is threatening fire and brimestone over her decision
They said they will scatter their marriage that their daughter cannot be in a polygamous marriage so the girl left home because of the stress and he went to be with her and got her an hotel for them to relax.
He told his family that they should be ready for any form of embarrasment in the marriage just in case but he is not backing down on the girl because the girl taught him how to love.
I saw my husband being very emotional and behaves as if his life depends on the marriage.
HE is about 15 years older than her but my husband age is only but a number. well it goes on n on but i dont want to so spying on his life anymore

Since he already had hbp i dont want him dying on me, his obvious his family is in support of the marriage because they dont want thier son /brother to die over uneccessary stresss.

I ACCEPT ALL MY WRONG DOINGS AND I CANT HELP BUT REGRET, maybe i took advantage of my husband being such a quite man but his brother who seems like a father to him told me today that whenever he is angry he always go mute.

TO MY HUBBY IM SORRY FOR CURSING i was only being emotional

I TAKE BACK ALL THE CURSE AND CANT SAY MUCH THAN MAY IT BE WELL WITH YOU and may you find all the love you are looking for.

Lest i forgot the new wife really appeared to be a good person with all the warnings and curses i rained on her there was a time when myself and huby was together and it appeared she was having issue with hubby, she called him all day without him answering d call continued d next day same thing, then she called me and ask if my husband was with him, i shouted at her then huby was there, the next thing i saw was him sending her an sms. the next day he went out probaly to reconcile with her when he came back that same day, i heard him asking her on phone
WITH this words exactly, honey so you love me that much after that they continue their conversation which i went to bed because it was in the night and sometimes my hubby makes call with her all through the night. he even set alarm not to over sleep so he can talk to her.

I CAN GO ALL N ALL BUT THE DEED HAS BEEN DONE hubby has even given me a clear warning to stay off his marriage if not he will divorce with nothing and there is nothing anybody can do
thanks @ ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE. Thanks @ all for your advice

thanks @ ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE. i have both male n female children n didnt cheat n never cheated infact i got married as a virgin same with hubby, the both of us had no ex, hubby said he better walk the aisle again with someone he love than to cheat for those that asked.

Sweetlemon:



Gbam!

Don't mind all these wannabe feminists.

My aunt no sabi book but that woman can ask her hubby for N1m this minute and he will her N2m instead.

It's all about finding the right one for you. making sure you don't accept just any Tom, D.ic.k, or Harry's ring just because you want to marry.

Babyosisi and co should be preaching more of choosing the right partner than having education, jobs, etc. Those things are important for the woman yes. But that does not mean that a university girl cannot marry while still in school if she meets a nice guys that is financially comfortable enough. Finishing her education and getting a job before marriage to have "something to fall back on" does not automatically guarantee anything.

jaybee3:
This is a classic example of when it's absolutely necessary to date someone before marrying them. Say no to matchmaking especially when it comes from the family.

@OP
You cannot force yourself on a man. His mind is pretty made up and absolutely no point you staying in an unhappy environment when it's almost certain the situation will eventually snowball into uninvited health challenges.
Learn to love yourself and know you deserve more.
Your life and happiness ought not to revolve around a man. He has at least agreed to provide financial assistance for the kids so make something out of your life period

bushdoc9919:


Look at it from her perspective....her husband ran away from home because he was not man enough to be faithful to his vows.

Some of you people....and am sure you go to church on Sundays.

Thing about marriage....it is not one long road of enjoyment. It is where you learn the important human lesson....that people can be loved inspite of how bad they are.

And the husband is a weak willed person.....he is incapable of loving people inspite of their weaknesses.

Sorry.....but he isn't a man. He is a failure. And the woman...for all her issues...did not go and conduct an affair behind her hubby's back.

Sweetlemon:


Nice write up madame.

But I have seen illiterate women enjoy their marriages more than professors.

What makes a marriage goes beyond all these decorations. It take more than that. It takes the hearts and determination of both parties

babyosisi:



Upbringing and culture has a lot to do with this
These are the sort of stories you hardly hear in Igboland
That a man will be wanting to marry a second wife and the family of that second wife asks him to go reconcile with the first one before marrying their daughter
What nonsense is that
to make matters worse he even had the guts to inform your family ahead of time that he is marrying another wife but will pity you and stay with you and your family accepted this
You end the first marriage and move on to the other wife
This is 2014 for heavens sake
All this communal bed sharing
Una never hear of HIV
Where are you from because this is all strange to me
This is just so messed up
First your parents give you out in an arranged marriage and now negotiating to keep you after the man has replaced you,are you no longer their child?


Sorry at poster,all these your tales sound very pathetic
You better get out of that environment before you go crazy


If this were me,no man will have the guts to stand and tell my father this
Fear no go gree am,say wetin happen,was I chiseled out of a stone
Is he doing me a favor by marrying me or what?
Biko grow some backbone,there are three children depending on you

Juzzybabe:
So sad. Dono what to say...because am just like you,always looking for what I didn't lost in my husband phone. I check even his parents phone to know who's against me but I think I have to learn from your mistake. I must learn!

Sweetlemon:



Gbam!

Don't mind all these wannabe feminists.

My aunt no sabi book but that woman can ask her hubby for N1m this minute and he will her N2m instead.

It's all about finding the right one for you. making sure you don't accept just any Tom, D.ic.k, or Harry's ring just because you want to marry.

Babyosisi and co should be preaching more of choosing the right partner than having education, jobs, etc. Those things are important for the woman yes. But that does not mean that a university girl cannot marry while still in school if she meets a nice guys that is financially comfortable enough. [s]Finishing her education and getting a job before marriage to have "something to fall back on" does not automatically guarantee anything.[/s] However, I must admit that finishing her education and getting a job before marriage automatically guarantees she has "something to fall back on", and at the very least isn't completely helpless to herself and her children in case of the ever-so-common scenario above, death, or any other unseemly circumstance she may face.

humilitypays:
I pity most women shaa.

But all these ladies advising her and other ladies to have a career, have a PhD, have money, bla bla bla before u marry as a lady, does that solve the problem

If u like be richer than Mrs Alakija or Serena Williams, if u have bad behaviour and character, no man in his right thinking sense would marry you and remain with you forever!

The way u guys are talking as if having money as a woman solves the problem...there are millions of wealthy career women being butted out of their marriage by their husband, so its not about money or career or education but character and behaviour!

The lady did not complain of money or not having money, she's just insecure that because she didn't go to higher institution that her hubby will be chasing educated/working class women, which made her to start sniffing around her husband's phone, etc and hence killed her marriage with her bare hands.

Ladies stop thinking that having the best career or being so educated and rich will save you from heartbreak or will secure you the happiest marriage, its pure lie!!!

Many rich, working class ladies are single crying for hubby...many rich ladies have been divorced and being divorced, why? Bad character, lack of humility and infidelity!

HUMILITY is a character every man desires in a woman! Not money, not career, not education.

Unfortunately, many ladies become horrible in marriage which scare guys now from getting marriage, and like I hear people say: bad wives come back to their good senses when their husband marries a second wife, and this is what's happening to you.

One of my senior colleague, 50something now said his first wife was so horrible and made his life miserable to the extent he nearly ran mental and ppl advised him to marry a second wife that the wife would change and that once he married a second wife, his first wife became an angel till date....three of them are living happily under one big compound, diff buildings shaa...

So to single ladies reading, be good, don't push your future husband to the wall.

Have good looks and be humble and watch men worship and exalt you!

@poster, sorry, all you can do now is pray and go back to his family that brought you to please help.

Your husband must have endured your bad character for so long before taking this bold step. He didn't do this because he met u via match-making, he did it because you were too insecure, and maybe arrogant, not humble and in fact stubborn! Change, cry to your God in your privacy, confess your sins and mistake and ask God to come to your aid asap!

Don't listen to all these people telling you its because you didn't have a career or education because I know a lady who happened to be a HR staff in one of the top multinational firms here in Nigeria who got butted out of her marriage last year and she almost committed suicide, almost left her job to run away if not for family/friends intervention, in fact, she nearly ran mad....so its not just about career....or money.

I wish you the best but pls renounce those curses you pronounced against your hubby and mistress.

lakamua:
You even left him for 3months hoping he will not be able to cope. Most women over rate their importance o. Hope he has shown you dat every fuckin woman can be replaced like tyre d moment she misbehaves

VenusBetty:
Please don't leave your matrimonial home for whatever reasons. God be with you.

Timbuktou:
Adorable29, I think you're on a wrong thread. Your comment doesn't align with the information of the OP of this thread.

babyosisi:



Upbringing and culture has a lot to do with this
These are the sort of stories you hardly hear in Igboland
That a man will be wanting to marry a second wife and the family of that second wife asks him to go reconcile with the first one before marrying their daughter
What nonsense is that
to make matters worse he even had the guts to inform your family ahead of time that he is marrying another wife but will pity you and stay with you and your family accepted this
You end the first marriage and move on to the other wife
This is 2014 for heavens sake
All this communal bed sharing
Una never hear of HIV
Where are you from because this is all strange to me
This is just so messed up
First your parents give you out in an arranged marriage and now negotiating to keep you after the man has replaced you,are you no longer their child?


Sorry at poster,all these your tales sound very pathetic
You better get out of that environment before you go crazy


If this were me,no man will have the guts to stand and tell my father this
Fear no go gree am,say wetin happen,was I chiseled out of a stone
Is he doing me a favor by marrying me or what?
Biko grow some backbone,there are three children depending on you

Evina:
Na wah oh. The bible is truly the book of wisdom. Indeed a wise woman builds her home while a foolish woman plucks it down.

I don't know if/how to sympathize with the op. Guess you had to go through this, so you can be an example to others. Thank you so much for choosing to share your story and wish you Gods grace and joy.

Sweetlemon:



Gbam!

Don't mind all these wannabe feminists.

My aunt no sabi book but that woman can ask her hubby for N1m this minute and he will her N2m instead.

It's all about finding the right one for you. making sure you don't accept just any Tom, D.ic.k, or Harry's ring just because you want to marry.

Babyosisi and co should be preaching more of choosing the right partner than having education, jobs, etc. Those things are important for the woman yes. But that does not mean that a university girl cannot marry while still in school if she meets a nice guys that is financially comfortable enough. Finishing her education and getting a job before marriage to have "something to fall back on" does not automatically guarantee anything.

egobetatoday:
its just a pity for the women folk. na wa oo. i like the fact that the Op didnt hide the fact that she was at fault. but why will a lady date a married man in the first place? why? How will u feel if u are put thru the same? like my hubby will always say- women are their biggest problem. they a problem to themselves and to other women. its just a pity sha. they will try all they can to make sure they are a part of a married man's life. like say na the national cake be dat. the annoying thing is dat these successful men will not decode that its just because of their money. Do u think that same girl will marry u as a second wife if u were a bricklayer? and once they marry these men they begin to go to all the spiritual places in the world to make sure they tie d man to themselves n d mumu man will be like this is the kind of marriage i wanted not knowing the juju under the bed. flirt as much as u want but for God's sake not with a married man now. there is a word called Karma oo. To think that some of those husband snatchers are here reading it Mtchewwwwwwww. Go n look for your own man ehhnn.