oweniwe:
what do u really mean by dat?

shebi you can read English language

The signs are always there before marriage, you're either too in love to ignore them or it didn't matter at that juncture.

She can't just turn out nagging like that... She must have always nagged and you think you could live through it and so on and so forth.

Marry your best friend, don't date for 6 months and think you know your wife,.... You'll be shocked.

LordReed:
I just wonder why people think marriage is a magic formula that makes people perfect and Happy. Marriage is work, two people working together to achieve goals and dreams. So one person drops the ball and you think all will be well? If I go cheating I don't expect my wife to take it calmly similarly for her. You must hold up your end of the bargain. Lapses and errors can be mitigated but to wilfully jeopardize your union and still expect a pat on the back is craziness.

Once again MARRIAGE IS NOT MAGIC.

What sweet my belle for This post na say two people work tomake it work and one person drops the ball, all will not be well

The truth is that if both parties work at it, there is about 90% chance of success

LordReed:


LoL! So spending millions is now equal to good preparation for marriage?

you don't know?

there are people who buy shares and properties for their unborn children... What do you call that?

Some People think the amount of money you spend on your wedding.... You will be setting standard that others will follow...

For example, those who go to Dubai, france, london to wed... thats it... they're setting "standards"....!!..

oweniwe:


you don't know?

there are people who buy shares and properties for their unborn children... What do you call that?

Some People think the amount of money you spend on your wedding.... You will be setting standard that others will follow...

For example, those who go to Dubai, france, london to wed... thats it... they're setting "standards"....!!..

That kind of thinking is just the gateway to problem down the road because the focus becomes money. Money is like grease while the two people involved are like gears in a machine. No engineer buys grease and says he has a great machine when he hasn't set the gears properly. Dubai wedding is great but are the two people involved "set"? Money is nothing if the two don't mesh.

Sophyrocks:


Spot on! That is the problem with people. they always believe all their problems will be solved by their spouse. always believing they can jeopardize the marriage without wanting it to break thereby eating their cake and wanting to have it. How is that possible? What peace of mind is a man who cheats on his wife expecting? People fantasize a lot when it comes to marriage. They dont know marriage is work by both husband and wife.

I pray people learn to dissociate fantasy from reality.

bukatyne:


What sweet my belle for This post na say two people work tomake it work and one person drops the ball, all will not be well

The truth is that if both parties work at it, there is about 90% chance of success

Glad say e dey sweet your belle

I don't blame the poster, there are so many bad stories sadly those with good experiences hardly speak out because speaking about great marriages doesnt seem popular.

If you ever decide to get married here is my advice;

Let it be for the right reasons, not because she can cook or kneels down to greet your mother and does eye service any body can do that, marry someone who mentally challenges you, who is real and whose crap you can put up with

Be the right man. Dont go into the marriage with a lord and slave mentality, it will surely cause friction. Dont marry when you have it in mind to cheat.

Marry a wife who believes in sharing.
Who values you more than she values money.

For me the first step ro happiness was discovering that what people say doesn't matter much. Take actions because you and your spouse agree it works for you rather than what people say or what they will say

LordReed:


That kind of thinking is just the gateway to problem down the road because the focus becomes money. Money is like grease while the two people involved are like gears in a machine..... but are the two people involved "set"?

Bros Lordreed, abegi which kain question be dis nau?

A couple spent millions on their wedding and you're asking if they're set....

Which couple would spend so much to marry when they're not "set"? Na play den organize?

They're set jor.... Just that after the wedding.... Euphoria wears off.... Boring routines sets in.... They start noticing "flaws" in each other (of course, those flaws are usually hidden during courtship).... Gradually, the screws holding the marriage together start loosening....

aisha2:
I don't blame the poster, there are so many bad stories sadly those with good experiences hardly speak out because speaking about great marriages doesnt seem popular.

you're right.... People talk more about marriage issues.... All over the family section, its same thing.... Bad news sells.

If you ever decide to get married, Let it be for the right reasons, not because she can cook or kneels down to greet your mother and does eye service any body can do that, marry someone who mentally challenges you, who is real and whose crap you can put up with

Be the right man. Dont go into the marriage with a lord and slave mentality, it will surely cause friction.

I disagree with this one 100 %.....
People marry because of what the other person has to offer.... Even you... Can you marry a man who has nothing to offer you? If i marry a lady because i want her to be cooking my breakfast before i go to work and set supper before me when i come back, what is wrong with that....??...

If she wake up one day and say she can't be preparing my breakfast/supper again cos she's "too busy", should i start eating in mama put when i have a wife at home.....??.. she's looking for trouble....!!...

Why should i put up with my spouse's bad habits or craps when it has potential to be "chasing" me away from the house...??... Habits that your spouse dont like are meant to be done away with, not tolerated.... A time will come when you cannot tolerate again and will just explode......!!...

Its not about lord-servant marriage... Its about the roles/duties you have to perform to keep the marriage going.... If a wife's kneeling down every morning to greet her husband will make him happy, kini big deal....??..

Dont marry when you have it in mind to cheat.

like i said earlier, na inside blood cheating dey.... Its not intentional.... How do you expect a man or lady who have had over 20 girlfriends/boyfriends before getting married to stay faithful in marriage....??... It will be very hard to stop... Just like drug addiction....

Marry a wife who believes in sharing. Who values you more than she values money.

eh eh.... For find that kind woman.... Man go waka waka tire. Money is as important as love in marriage.... "I Love You" doesnt pay bills.... What do you expect me to have that will make my wife value me more than money...??... Big Prieck....??...

I have seen many scenarios where a man who "have money" and "lovely, caring wife" loses his job and after a year or two, the wife packs away

thats why i said i don't envy guys who marry on monthly salary.... If sack letter enter.... Even if the wife is earning 150k monthly, she will never be happy to be the the one paying the bills.... You know naija women nau.... Small time she will start grumbling....!!....

bukatyne:


What sweet my belle for This post na say two people work tomake it work and one person drops the ball, all will not be well

The truth is that if both parties work at it, there is about 90% chance of success

such statement coming from a lady.....
na una dey optimistic pass

Am not suprised

oweniwe:

you're right.... People talk more about marriage issues.... All over the family section, its same thing.... Bad news sells.
I disagree with this one 100 %.....
People marry because of what the other person has to offer.... Even you... Can you marry a man who has nothing to offer you? If i marry a lady because i want her to be cooking my breakfast before i go to work and set supper before me when i come back, what is wrong with that....??...
If she wake up one day and say she can't be preparing my breakfast/supper again cos she's "too busy", should i start eating in mama put when i have a wife at home.....??.. she's looking for trouble....!!...
Why should i put up with my spouse's bad habits or craps when it has potential to be "chasing" me away from the house...??... Habits that your spouse dont like are meant to be done away with, not tolerated.... A time will come when you cannot tolerate again and will just explode......!!...
Its not about lord-servant marriage... Its about the roles/duties you have to perform to keep the marriage going.... If a wife's kneeling down every morning to greet her husband will make him happy, kini big deal....??..
like i said earlier, na inside blood cheating dey.... Its not intentional.... How do you expect a man or lady who have had over 20 girlfriends/boyfriends before getting married to stay faithful in marriage....??... It will be very hard to stop... Just like drug addiction....
eh eh.... For find that kind woman.... Man go waka waka tire. Money is as important as love in marriage.... "I Love You" doesnt pay bills.... What do you expect me to have that will make my wife value me more than money...??... Big Prieck....??...
I have seen many scenarios where a man who "have money" and "lovely, caring wife" loses his job and after a year or two, the wife packs away
thats why i said i don't envy guys who marry on monthly salary.... If sack letter enter.... Even if the wife is earning 150k monthly, she will never be happy to be the the one paying the bills.... You know naija women nau.... Small time she will start grumbling....!!....

Please don't get married, you will be doing the world a favor.

aisha2:


Please don't get married, you will be doing the world a favor.

You gave up on him

goofyone:

You gave up on him

no
actually, she couldn't handle reality; she just couldn't handle the truth.

oweniwe:


Bros Lordreed, abegi which kain question be dis nau?

A couple spent millions on their wedding and you're asking if they're set....

Which couple would spend so much to marry when they're not "set"? Na play den organize?

They're set jor.... Just that after the wedding.... Euphoria wears off.... Boring routines sets in.... They start noticing "flaws" in each other (of course, those flaws are usually hidden during courtship).... Gradually, the screws holding the marriage together start loosening....

LoL you are one of those who think the amount of money spent is equal to preparedness. Sorry to bust your bubble, it does not correlate. You can spend millions and still not be prepared. If the euphoria is what is carrying you forward then you have already exposed your lack of preparation. Relying on euphoria to push your marriage is tantamount to living in fantasy land and of course the reality of marriage will soon disabuse you of that.

aisha2:


Please don't get married, you will be doing the world a favor.

i never said i wont get married. I said i am not really keen about it unlike most pple that eargerly look forward to saying "i do" ....!!...

aisha2:
I don't blame the poster, there are so many bad stories sadly those with good experiences hardly speak out because speaking about great marriages doesnt seem popular.

If you ever decide to get married here is my advice;

Let it be for the right reasons, not because she can cook or kneels down to greet your mother and does eye service any body can do that, marry someone who mentally challenges you, who is real and whose crap you can put up with

Be the right man. Dont go into the marriage with a lord and slave mentality, it will surely cause friction. Dont marry when you have it in mind to cheat.

Marry a wife who believes in sharing.
Who values you more than she values money.

For me the first step ro happiness was discovering that what people say doesn't matter much. Take actions because you and your spouse agree it works for you rather than what people say or what they will say

Solid

All these bought women like aisha2 n cococandy should please shut up! @OP great write up...All these fake feminists no go let us hear word here.The moment a bride price was collected over your addled brain....you have no right to come and start talking about slave- master mentality...pls shut up...you became a "slave" the moment you were bought..that is why you loose your identity and take on the surname of your husband...until you change all that you remain clowns

^^^^^ Ah!! See whining!! What an emotional man!! Always emotional and frustrated. Stalking people he claims to detest. The famous woman hater of nairaland is here as usual to sniff pants and attack!!

Always complaining!! What frustration. Dnt worry 2015 will get better for you. Just make sure stroke doesnt kill you.

dinachi:
cc: oluwaseunla; LordReed; bukatyne; aisha2,

leave them feminists... Their mata don tire me... Anytime a man-woman case comes up, even if its the woman that's at fault, they will defend the woman and blame the man.... A girl dupes a guy of N6,000... The girl is smart while the guy is a broke azz maga.... "what is N6,000"??.... But if you look into those heavy bags they carry about, they dont even have N200 inside.... They dont know what they're doing.

A newly married lady insist she will not go to her husband's church at all even for harvest or special programs.... Whereas, the husband married her in her church.... If we got married in your church, then why cant you come to my church even for harvest? If the husband get angry over that... He's a kid.... He's not ready for marriage... He has no patience with his wife..... Bla bla bla...

No really committed husband will see his wife as a slave... Even the seemingly heavy handed ones.... The reason why men put up stony, strong faces at home is because if they start helping out with chores, the wife will start looking down on them and start their shabbish mentality.... The moment a man begin to treat his wife as equal, that wife will start giving all manners of excuse why she cannot cook, sweep or wash again.... If the husband start complaining, it the same women that will open mouth and say he cannot control his wife...!!...

That reminds me... If you ask ladies what qualities she want in a man,... You know what they will say.... "i want a man who can control and dominate me, i cant date a man who cannot control me.... I want a man who is proactive and can protect me.... I want a big, tall guy...."

so... Why are women complaining about master-servant relationship....??... Is that not what they wanted...??... You want a man who can dominate and control you.... If he dominate and control you, he's being wicked and heavy handed.... If he treat you as his equal, he is not "man enough"

its ok for a wife to hit and slap her husband if she's angry... But if the man retalitate, he's a monster... "no real man beats a woman"... what do you call that kind of reasoning/mentality..

For a wife to kneel down and greet her husband/inlaw is master-slave marriage... What are her duties as a wife? Ok... Maybe it is the husband that should be kneeling down to greet his wife

Arsenate:
no
actually, she couldn't handle reality; she just couldn't handle the truth.

Thank you sir....

No be today dem dey prefer lies to the truth

oweniwe:


leave them feminists... Their mata don tire me... Anytime a man-woman case comes up, even if its the woman that's at fault, they will defend the woman and blame the man.... A girl dupes a guy of N6,000... The girl is smart while the guy is a broke azz maga.... "what is N6,000"??.... But if you look into those heavy bags they carry about, they dont even have N200 inside.... They dont know what they're doing.

A newly married lady insist she will not go to her husband's church at all even for harvest or special programs.... Whereas, the husband married her in her church.... If we got married in your church, then why cant you come to my church even for harvest? If the husband get angry over that... He's a kid.... He's not ready for marriage... He has no patience with his wife..... Bla bla bla...

No really committed husband will see his wife as a slave... Even the seemingly heavy handed ones.... The reason why men put up stony, strong faces at home is because if they start helping out with chores, the wife will start looking down on them and start their shabbish mentality.... The moment a man begin to treat his wife as equal, that wife will start giving all manners of excuse why she cannot cook, sweep or wash again.... If the husband start complaining, it the same women that will open mouth and say he cannot control his wife...!!...

That reminds me... If you ask ladies what qualities she want in a man,... You know what they will say.... "i want a man who can control and dominate me, i cant date a man who cannot control me.... I want a man who is proactive and can protect me.... I want a big, tall guy...."

so... Why are women complaining about master-servant relationship....??... Is that not what they wanted...??... You want a man who can dominate and control you.... If he dominate and control you, he's being wicked and heavy handed.... If he treat you as his equal, he is not "man enough"

its ok for a wife to hit and slap her husband if she's angry... But if the man retalitate, he's a monster... "no real man beats a woman"... what do you call that kind of reasoning/mentality..

For a wife to kneel down and greet her husband/inlaw is master-slave marriage... What are her duties as a wife? Ok... Maybe it is the husband that should be kneeling down to greet his wife

You just showed yourself, it's not marriage you dislike it's actually women. Now all you've been writing begins to tie together.

LordReed:


You just showed yourself, it's not marriage you dislike it's actually women. Now all you've been writing begins to tie together.

maybe.... Not that i hate women.... There's some women that're my role models, but they're only elderly women above 50.... The younger ladies, i dont trust. I kinda see most women as being same.... After seeing a seeming loyal, loving and caring wife of over 15yrs sell off an uncle's house behind his back after he was laid of.... If you tell me there're women who stay with a man without money... I will just scoof....

That why i pity guys getting married on monthly salary.... If i dont have 3 business generating steady income for me, i nor dey marry be dat.... The thought that a wife will pack, sleep around or become rude/look down on you if you cant meet her "requirements" alone is enough to make any man miserable...

oweniwe:




maybe.... Not that i hate women.... There's some women that're my role models, but they're only elderly women above 50.... The younger ladies, i dont trust. I kinda see most women as being same.... After seeing a seeming loyal, loving and caring wife of over 15yrs sell off an uncle's house behind his back after he was laid of.... If you tell me there're women who stay with a man without money... I will just scoof....

That why i pity guys getting married on monthly salary.... If i dont have 3 business generating steady income for me, i nor dey marry be dat.... The thought that a wife will pack, sleep around or become rude/look down on you if you cant meet her "requirements" alone is enough to make any man miserable...

I guess the environment we grow up in affects our perspectives very much. The stories from my family are more focused on the positive long term marriage experiences than on the negative ones. I grew up feeling the collective approval for couples who stuck it through thick and thin so maybe I am biased that way while you are biased by the more negative stories. But the fact remains that we must make our own way in the world whether others are successful or not. Which do you choose success or failure?

LordReed:

But the fact remains that we must make our own way in the world whether others are successful or not. Which do you choose success or failure?

its not a matter of choice or choosing o.... Its a matter of always having what your husband/wife want in you to make him/her stay with you...

If one, for whatever reason, run out of what is keeping one's marriage going, you never know how the husband/wife will react.... What they say is often times different from what they will do if the unfortunate happens.

oweniwe:


its not a matter of choice or choosing o.... Its a matter of always having what your husband/wife want in you to make him/her stay with you...

If one, for whatever reason, run out of what is keeping one's marriage going, you never know how the husband/wife will react.... What they say is often times different from what they will do if the unfortunate happens.

One doesn't live life based on whether or not someone else will do or not do something. If you live life like that your choices become severely limited. I won't live my life like that, I have enough belief in my own choices to know that I can affect my world positively. What others choose to do is their own choice but I believe I can be a positive influence.

Wow! This thread has grown so much. Won't have known if not for the mention.

@Oweniwe, I'll have to agree with LordReed here, seems it's all about each individual's personal experiences. Admittedly, I've seen women that fit into the mold you've put up here on this thread, but my point is, I've also seen a lot of women who don't fit into your description of an average woman. I've seen women who are breadwinners in their homes and never lord it over their husbands. So my point is, it goes down to each person's choices. Choose right, knuckle down and work hard to be a better person, work hard in making your spouse a better person, and you'll have a home that is heaven on earth, no matter the number of failed marriages around you.

By the way, I don't need to Lord over my wife, she follows me naturally. Why? Because she can see traits in me that will make her trust me with everything concerning her. Respect in the real sense of it, is earned and not forced.

By the way, run away from any woman dating you because of the material things you have to offer. They are no good. Trust me on this: There are better choices out there. You may have to look very hard, and tweak your orientation a bit though, if you want to find them.

Happy new year folks!!!

oluwaseunla:
Wow! This thread has grown so much. Won't have known if not for the mention. Not sure where to start from now.

@Oweniwe, I'll have to agree with LordReed here, seems it's all about each individual personal experiences. Admittedly, I've seen women that fit into the mold you've put up here on this thread, but my point is, I've also seen a lot of women who don't fit into your description of an average woman. I've seen women who are breadwinners in their homes and never lord it over their husbands. So my point is, it goes down to each person's choices. Choose right, knuckle down and work hard to be a better person, work hard in making your spouse a better person, and you'll have a home that is heaven on earth, no matter the number of failed marriages around you.

By the way, I don't need to Lord over my wife, she follows me naturally. Why? Because she can see traits in me that will make her trust me with everything concerning her. Respect in the real sense of it, is earned and not forced.

By the way, run away from any woman dating you because of the material things you have to offer. They are no good. Trust me on this: There are better choices out there. You may have to look very hard, and tweak your orientation a bit though, if you want to find them.

Happy new year folks!!!

Well put.

Happy new year.

dinachi:
All these bought women like aisha2 n cococandy should please shut up! @OP great write up...All these fake feminists no go let us hear word here.The moment a bride price was collected over your addled brain....you have no right to come and start talking about slave- master mentality...pls shut up...you became a "slave" the moment you were bought..that is why you loose your identity and take on the surname of your husband...until you change all that you remain clowns

I am guessing you modified your initial post where you mentioned me

I will appreciate if you avoid mentioning me unless when necessary. This is a new year.

Thanks and compliment of the season

oweniwe:


such statement coming from a lady.....
na una dey optimistic pass

Am not suprised

What is wrong with optimism?

When I prepare Well for exams, I am optimistic I will ace it. Same with marriage

Not everyone has bad experiences

Owen,

Good thing you said it yourself that you're planning to have three money spinning machines before you marry
May they never run dry.
We all pray for men with strong head on their shoulders
All hands must be on deck for marriage to be successful. If she is serving you BF/dinner all the time, make efforts to serve her too. And be understanding when she is tired.

Happy new year.

oweniwe:


leave them feminists... Their mata don tire me... Anytime a man-woman case comes up, even if its the woman that's at fault, they will defend the woman and blame the man.... A girl dupes a guy of N6,000... The girl is smart while the guy is a broke azz maga.... "what is N6,000"??.... But if you look into those heavy bags they carry about, they dont even have N200 inside.... They dont know what they're doing.

I read that thread too. More men cussed the guy out than ladies. Are they feminists too?
What's with the obsession?

A newly married lady insist she will not go to her husband's church at all even for harvest or special programs.... Whereas, the husband married her in her church.... If we got married in your church, then why cant you come to my church even for harvest? If the husband get angry over that... He's a kid.... He's not ready for marriage... He has no patience with his wife..... Bla bla bla...

there's nothing wrong with a woman sticking to her faith. Everyone should be responsible for their own salvation. You won't be the one to stand for her on the great judgement day. So the choice of where and how to worship should be the exclusive right of every grown adult.

Problem is they should have been in agreement before marriage. Big mistake

No really committed husband will see his wife as a slave... Even the seemingly heavy handed ones.... The reason why men put up stony, strong faces at home is because if they start helping out with chores, the wife will start looking down on them and start their shabbish mentality.... The moment a man begin to treat his wife as equal, that wife will start giving all manners of excuse why she cannot cook, sweep or wash again.... If the husband start complaining, it the same women that will open mouth and say he cannot control his wife...!!...

All I can say is that you still have a lot of growing to do if you're the one that typed this.

Just get married first. Let's see how your family will make it without you helping out around the house. Except you have a wife who's willing to be a fulltime house wife. No extra job.
If not, you can't get away from house work except you're prepared for a crashed marriage:
Or you literally marry a mule or work horse. Literally.

That reminds me... If you ask ladies what qualities she want in a man,... You know what they will say.... "i want a man who can control and dominate me, i cant date a man who cannot control me.... I want a man who is proactive and can protect me.... I want a big, tall guy...."

you must have met a lot of disturbed ladies. Get them help:

so... Why are women complaining about master-servant relationship....??... Is that not what they wanted...??... You want a man who can dominate and control you.... If he dominate and control you, he's being wicked and heavy handed.... If he treat you as his equal, he is not "man enough"
its ok for a wife to hit and slap her husband if she's angry... But if the man retalitate, he's a monster... "no real man beats a woman"... what do you call that kind of reasoning/mentality.. [/b] if you really know ladies who think like that, stay away from them. Anyone who can beat should be prepared to get beat too.
[quote]
For a wife to kneel down and greet her husband/inlaw is master-slave marriage... What are her duties as a wife? Ok... Maybe it is the husband that should be kneeling down to greet his wife

Why does anyone have to kneel down to greet you?
Duties ke?
Get out of your cave. In which world does kneeling down to greet a husband figure as part of wifely duties? So a husband needs to be knelt down to everyday for him to keep surviving?

So tomorrow you will go and carry one innocent girl from another man's house and make her miserable with your expectations?

Your fear of marriage (from your posts ) so far can be summarized thus:
1) you're afraid of getting married to a woman who won't tolerate your cheating because it is in the blood and you can't help it
2) you're afraid of actually doing your own house work. Your own family home! Smh
3)you may not live a good life if you marry a wife who doesn't kneek down to greet you. What a funny fear

In summary you don't have any genuine fear.
Just the regular spoiled nigerian dude who has been raised to think a dyck gives him extra priviledges and is growing up to realize that life is not really like that hence the fear to go into a kind of life he wasn't aware of until now.

Times have changed. Get with the program or get left behind.