carefreewannabe:


She already has a child and the father is absent. Then she marries again, a man she barely knows and falls pregnant again so QUICKLY, like really?
Is it sensible?

Apart from this, there is something called family planning, even when you are married or do you want to have as many kids as possible when you get married?

carefreewannabe:


She already has a child and the father is absent. Then she marries again, a man she barely knows and falls pregnant again so QUICKLY, like really?
Is it sensible?

Apart from this, there is something called family planning, even when you are married or do you want to have as many kids as possible when you get married?

Nonso23:



If you cannot see the glaring disparity between those two posts then there is no reason to pursue this issue further.

Regarding what i would have done; my stance so far is a mirror image.

DieeDiee:


Lady you make no sense. That is the problem with judgmental people like you. You are so quick to judge you fail to think first. Firstly, who told you she barely knows him? She never said that. In fact they have been married for over a year, in fact they are in their 14th month now.

Pregnancy lasts 9 months and she is premature which means she only fell pregnant after 6 months of marriage.

You do not decide to get married now then get married immediately there are licenses to be applied for arrangements to be made all which take time. Secondly, now just because her first baby daddy is a douchebag she's not allowed to have another child?

Thirdly, since when has two children been many? Who made you judge of how many children are many?

Do you know this woman's finances to decide for her if she has more children than she can take care of? That is the whole aim of family planning -- to make sure couples don't have more children than they can afford. If she can afford 16 children she can have 16 children.

Fourthly, human beings are deeper than the ocean. You can know someone for a hundred years but never really know them.

Fifthly, IT'S HER HUSBAND AND HER BODY SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX SHE WANTS WITH HIM

mutter:


and to make sure that all his money belongs to her and that he never goes home again. I READ!

Nonso23:

No. That is what she intends to do and she is seeking advice to find out if there is a better alternative route; which obviously there is.

What is the emboldened supposed to mean. Do we leave people to commit suicide or crime because 'that is what works for them'?
Good. Since you know an alternative route to take aside the one she has crafted out why didn't you suggest it in the first place instead of urging her to go on and literally self destruct?

DieeDiee:
@Nonso23 leave Carefreewannabe she is confused she doesn't know what she wants to say. She keeps contradicting herself.

oyb:
imagine if obamas mother had followed the drunken loser who fathered him to africa

end of.

DieeDiee:


Stop looking for ways to punish him, you are only punishing yourself (and will be punishing your son). Remember he and your son are connected what you do to him, you do to your son. Similarly what he has done to you, he has done to his son and he WILL pay for it. Maybe not today or tomorrow but he will. Let the ancestors or God deal with him. If you divorce him, the fact he will not be able to be father to his son the way he should is already punishment. There are certain important points in a man's life, one of them are well in his life (around 40-60 years) when he looks back at his life and what he has built so far (depending if he is a douche or not) he will either feel pride or regret. He'll feel regret he wasn't there all the time for your son and that it was because of him that had happened. This will hit him even more so if your son is his first child or son because your son is the one to carry his name and lead the next generation but now he won't be able to because your husband won't be able to teach him all he needs to know. Your son will grow up in America. He will not know his people or his roots the way he should and THAT will hurt your husband maybe not now but definitely later in life. If he feels regret he will try to make things right with you and your son to prepare himself for his next phase because he has to go into old age in peace so that when the time comes he can cross over in peace. This and how he handled it will definitely be one of his regrets but by that time I sincerely hope you will not care (ie you won't have carried this in your heart over the years) and neither will you be bitter.

But don't go and tell him all this. You just be a lady of beauty and pride - let him be and take care of yourself and your children. Demonstrate dignity to your children. It hurts I know. I'm a woman, I know how you must be feeling right now -- betrayal hurts to the core.

Stay strong, you are beautiful (I saw yoir pic). Believe me there are many decent, honest, faithful men who truly deserve the title "man" (yes even African men lol). Just don't give him the power to turn you bitter. Take this as a lesson learned and proceed with caution.

By the way hun, he probably planned this from the onset. He probably planned to divorce you as soon as he got citizenship and bring his Nigerian wife to America. Babe you were played. Think about getting out as soon as possible before he can leech any more from you. Next time, forget all this bull dust of modern relationships -- a man needs to be a man. HE NEEDS TO BRING HOME THE BACON!!! DON'T EVER TAKE CARE OF A MAN AGAIN!!! You can help out but NEVER assume his role.

samtol4:
ancestors still dey punish peopel?Lkmao

DieeDiee:
@Nonso23 leave Carefreewannabe she is confused she doesn't know what she wants to say. She keeps contradicting herself.

DieeDiee:


You are clearly looking for my attention, try me tomorrow I'm busy right now.

Ps it's "they" it may sound like a "d" to the ear but it's spelled t-h-e-y

DieeDiee:


You are clearly looking for my attention, try me tomorrow I'm busy right now.

Ps it's "they" it may sound like a "d" to the ear but it's spelled t-h-e-y

samtol4:
Lkmao .....my "dey"is pidgin so don't try to test your English skill on my quote.

findingtruth:
I don't plan to enslave him. I plan to live the same life we set out to build from the beginning but i am going to do it with reassurance that he has nothing to gain if he intends ill.
This is really nothing more then divorce court would give me. In the usa i can get 50% of a mans pay for support of his child. I am just ensuring that what we build is secured for my son and myself. I am entitled to half in divorce court i just want to ensure that the other half is my sons and won't be shared with another woman nor will he enjoy it so i am only asking him to waive his half. I only want to make sure whatever is built is built for my son and his life is never bothered changed or torn apart. And yes i am going to secure my own future. I don't plan to treat him bad hold him hostage or any of that. I only intend to have assurance if he has ill will i lose nothing and can share the life i work to build with another man.

Mondisweets:
hehehe she will have her assurance when she is 6ft under and the African wife moves into her house when the OP is done with her mortgage payment

mutter:


Accepting her co wife is certainly more reasonable and decent than all the plans she has come up with till now.

Onegai:


dear Mutter, you sound like SUCH a matured married woman, you post here a lot (I'm assuming your hubby is well-to-do) and you have no problems with Polygamy. Therefore, i have a proposition:

I've got a friend, in her 30s, working class and pretty. It would be nice to see her settled down and since your hubby is financially capable and you are a reasonable lady, perhaps we can all come to an understanding. Your hubby will feel even more Love from 2 women and you and your co-wife can always catch a bite together, chatting about kids, your shared man and household duties.

This could be great! Btw, I'm not kidding, I'll be expecting your pm, pass your number, so you and your hubby can meet the girl and decide if she's the "2nd one" for your husband

Onegai:


dear Mutter, you sound like SUCH a matured married woman, you post here a lot (I'm assuming your hubby is well-to-do) and you have no problems with Polygamy. Therefore, i have a proposition:

I've got a friend, in her 30s, working class and pretty. It would be nice to see her settled down and since your hubby is financially capable and you are a reasonable lady, perhaps we can all come to an understanding. Your hubby will feel even more Love from 2 women and you and your co-wife can always catch a bite together, chatting about kids, your shared man and household duties.

This could be great! Btw, I'm not kidding, I'll be expecting your pm, pass your number, so you and your hubby can meet the girl and decide if she's the "2nd one" for your husband

Onegai:


dear Mutter, you sound like SUCH a matured married woman, you post here a lot (I'm assuming your hubby is well-to-do) and you have no problems with Polygamy. Therefore, i have a proposition:

I've got a friend, in her 30s, working class and pretty. It would be nice to see her settled down and since your hubby is financially capable and you are a reasonable lady, perhaps we can all come to an understanding. Your hubby will feel even more Love from 2 women and you and your co-wife can always catch a bite together, chatting about kids, your shared man and household duties.

This could be great! Btw, I'm not kidding, I'll be expecting your pm, pass your number, so you and your hubby can meet the girl and decide if she's the "2nd one" for your husband

BluIvy:



Exactly what I am worried about. You can never close in a snake to punish it. By the time people open the door you would be a gonner and the snake would have taken over.

Word is enough for the wise!

chaircover:
@findingtruth as advised, I told you to sit back relax, have your baby and THEN think of what to do
Now is not the time, You are not thinking straight . Emotions and hormines are very high right now.

From what you say, you want to Hold on to a man that HAD no intention of having you.
A man who never wanted you for you from the onset. He only wanted what he could get from you; papers and someone to lie with and feed and cloth him until he was satisfied. I am sorry to be so blunt
This is not an affair he picked up along the line; he always had his woman back in Nigeria. Its very sad, but you were not in his plans.

Now you want to enslave him and take half of what he earns . . .what half? . . of what earnings? What if he decides to stay back in Nigeria? will you chase him down to Nigeria looking for your half.
You dont seem to understand; he doesnt want to be with you, so he will do everything within his power to free himself. You want to live under the same roof as a man that doesnt want you . . .This is a dangerous route you are taking.

You want to box into a corner a man who scammed you for years without you knowing a thing . . . No disrespect but dont you think that he will always be one step ahead.

Like I said. Take it easy, have your baby, then sit down and calmy look at the specific details of thos case and look at what can be done. You may be better off just cutting the guy loose and getting him to pay child maintenance from wherever he is. You can still look your child in the eye. You have done no wrong. Better to grow up in a peaceful single parent household a crazied bitter abusive 2 parent household.

The route you want to go down could be a very bloody one. I watch the CI channel and have seen people kill/be killed for less.
You owe yourself more than that. You owe your kids more than that.

DieeDiee:


She's married, why would she use contraceptives with her husband