JeffreyJamez:
My Dad didn't Talk to his mother and his siblings for 16yrs until she died and he wasn't even moved.... why?...she gave him same choice "your wife or me?" And knowing the kinda women his wife(my mum) and his mother were he gladly chose his wife over her and his siblings took the side of his mum....and why all this? simply because my mum called her a Witch to her face!!.... and when my Dad was Confronted you know what he told his mum "if you didn't act like a witch she wouldn't call you one ".

What's my point?..... why would your mum slap a grown married woman if she wasn't looking for trouble?.... better stick to your wife..... your mama time don pass.... After the Bible sef talk am.

NmaGOD44:
what a stupid and silly advice....u think we are still in the dark age......keep deceiving urself

crowns2:

Wow!!! your wife must be a very lucky person to marry a supportive husband like you. African men like this are rare to find.

Dragonking:


So if the elderly MIL slapped you you see it right to hit back? smh. Why not report the issue to the husband and let him deal with her in his own way instead of complicating issues. Now she will be begging every tom, dick and harry in law just to get their forgiveness. Which one would have been better?

BTW the advice wasn't meant for you but other ladies willing to learn as you are already showing your attitudes little by little here. If you like go and show your MIL that you have power more than her by beating her to comma. That one na your headache.

JeffreyJamez:
My Dad didn't Talk to his mother and his siblings for 16yrs until she died and he wasn't even moved.... why?...she gave him same choice "your wife or me?" And knowing the kinda women his wife(my mum) and his mother were he gladly chose his wife over her and his siblings took the side of his mum....and why all this? simply because my mum called her a Witch to her face!!.... and when my Dad was Confronted you know what he told his mum "if you didn't act like a witch she wouldn't call you one ".

What's my point?..... why would your mum slap a grown married woman if she wasn't looking for trouble?.... better stick to your wife..... your mama time don pass.... After the Bible sef talk am.

MadCow1:



My Father sent his mum packing from the house after she had blatantly refused to allow his new wife then (my mum) have any peace at home. Infact one day my grandma came from the village with a girl and started evicting my mum from the house. Needless to say my mum stood her ground and threw my grandma out of the house with the girl. When my dad returned from work and saw his mum outside, he found out what happened, gave her money to go find a hotel to stay the night and return to the village with an instruction not to return until she was ready to respect and accept his wife.

Needless to say, but after many years (over 6 years) of no communication, they reconciled and became the best of friends and became even closer than my Dad was to her.

I remember when I went through a serious fight with my mum and went to my Dad to mediate, he said something to me that I would never forget; He said I know your mum is wrong and I have told her in my own way, but if you expect me to take sides with you on this matter against my wife then you are stupider than I would have thought. My dad always made it clear that in every situation, his wife comes first even before us his kids.

That is the same mantra I hold till this day. Find a good woman and marry her and hold her close to your heart. Protect her with all you have against everyone and everything including yourself and even your kids. Never make your wife feel like she is an outsider, never take sides with anybody against her. Never reprimand her in the presence of a third party. Treat her like you would treat yourself as she is an extension of you not a third party.

Even my mother knows she can't touch my wife.

MadCow1:



My Father sent his mum packing from the house after she had blatantly refused to allow his new wife then (my mum) have any peace at home. Infact one day my grandma came from the village with a girl and started evicting my mum from the house. Needless to say my mum stood her ground and threw my grandma out of the house with the girl. When my dad returned from work and saw his mum outside, he found out what happened, gave her money to go find a hotel to stay the night and return to the village with an instruction not to return until she was ready to respect and accept his wife.

Needless to say, but after many years (over 6 years) of no communication, they reconciled and became the best of friends and became even closer than my Dad was to her.

I remember when I went through a serious fight with my mum and went to my Dad to mediate, he said something to me that I would never forget; He said I know your mum is wrong and I have told her in my own way, but if you expect me to take sides with you on this matter against my wife then you are stupider than I would have thought. My dad always made it clear that in every situation, his wife comes first even before us his kids.

That is the same mantra I hold till this day. Find a good woman and marry her and hold her close to your heart. Protect her with all you have against everyone and everything including yourself and even your kids. Never make your wife feel like she is an outsider, never take sides with anybody against her. Never reprimand her in the presence of a third party. Treat her like you would treat yourself as she is an extension of you not a third party.

Even my mother knows she can't touch my wife.

richyblink1:
Let me be straight with you. No woman(even your mother) will appreciate anybody coming to take an item from her home without permission from them. Yes she is your mother as well as her mother in law, but her authority is in her husband's (your father's) house.

The right thing to do is to politely ask for those pictures and if your wife refuses, she should have allowed you to come back without confronting your wife. So far as I am concern, a house is made up of a man and his wife. Every other persons are intruders no matter their relationship to you or your wife.

The deed has been done already. Get your wife to apologize by sending your mother an SMS since she won't want to see her. Then look for a way they can see that's after your mother must have been calmed so your wife can ask for her forgiveness.

Then trace the root cause of their issue and ensure it is resolved amicably. They are the 2 most important people in your life, and as such you can't chose between them.

As for your mother suggesting you ask your wife to leave, NO WAY! Stand your ground now or you will have your family running your home. Equally endeavor to make it clear to your mother or any other extended family that they should clearly ask for permission (from you or wify) before collecting anything from the house.

TheFilmmaker:


You sound like a potential mother inlaw beater.

crowns2:

LOL. And you sound like a potential mother and father in law beater combined.

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

iiichidodo:
Yeah,whatever.Instead of fhucking our mother for offsprings we will go one futher and better to laying our lives for our mothers,a shame you suffered so much abuse that you wouldn't hesistate throwing your mother under the speeding bus. The Op is a man and will teach his wife some lesson for drawing blood from his mother, if not now but later maybe in some domestic battering in the near future therefore tis best we preempt that by giving him the power to act right, act strong and send her away.That some babies have the misfortune to be motherless don't mean op throws away his bond with his mother because of some female fighter...

ottizz:
I respect the action(s) of your dad. I have been faced with a situation like this before, though not as dire. I had to make the painful decision of having my mother leave my house. This is why OP's wife should not have retaliated physically. She should have let the husband handle the matter himself. Having reacted physically to the elder, she has virtually taken away that power from the husband.

SmartChoices:
Hmmm hmmm perfectionist... Since you're perfect I believe you can make Smartchoices...

MadCow1:


I am not a perfectionist like the OP, I am a realist.

His wife has not left him so there is no point assuming the worst. And just so you know mothers do abuse their kids and even abandon them so let's stop painting mothers to be saints. Secondly every mother is a wife as well (assuming she was married) so technically they are both equal in status.

Mother's should be forgiven I agree but that also means mothers are not above making mistakes.

In this case, his mother was wrong on all counts and the mature thing would be for her to apologise to his wife for coming into her home to cause such chaos.

You must understand that this is a matter of principle for me. My mother always advised me to never take sides with anyone Including her against my wife as that can cause bigger problems in my marriage than I can ever understand.

Any man who can't place his wife above his immediate family does not understand the sacred institution of marriage and has no business being married.

I would give you classic cases involving my own paternal grandma and my mum but this is not about me. But the one lesson I learnt from that case was that my Dad never sided with his mum and after the quarrel had stayed for so long, both women resolved their differences and became so close that my grandma would always go to my mum to get whatever she wanted from my dad.

If a man allows his mother to rule over his wife inside her home, then he shouldn't be surprised when his wife acts like a single woman because that is not how a man covers his wife.

greatgod2012:
Another MIL-DIL thread.



Why is your wife suspicious of your mother?
What has their relationship been like?
Why will your wife refuse your mother to take her grandchildren's picture?
Can she do the same with her own mother?
This is what we're saying, your wife couldn't tolerate your own mother, but i'm sure she will with her own mother.
Anyway, let your wife realise that what she did is wrong, except you're the one who instructed her to do what she did. Then take her to go and beg mama. Before then, beg your mother to forgive you for your own sake and the little kids' sake to please forgive your wife, tell her (your mum) to always ask you what she want instead from your wife and thereafter take your wife to go beg her with all sincerity from her.

My personal opinion, please.

perfectionist:


My wife would gladly do that but my mother has threatened fire and brimstone if I ever show up at her place with my wife.

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.