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Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child - Family - Nairaland

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Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 4:10pm On Mar 18, 2009
Hi all,

I would like us to share issues that bothers on child upbringing here. We can ask questions and as well share our experiences.

Let's try as much as possible to be objective in responding to other people's comments and questions.

Where are all d mothers and would be mothers in da house  wink not neglecting the fathers. lol

Plz, let us make it an interesting one.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Hauwa1: 5:19pm On Mar 18, 2009
Tgirl, here as in Naija, oversea or this world? which one now sister wink
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by skimma: 5:21pm On Mar 18, 2009
hello good dat u brought this topic

1 Like

Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by skimma: 5:23pm On Mar 18, 2009
houwa pls comment on the topic
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Hauwa1: 5:34pm On Mar 18, 2009
i love reading o. just wanted to help make it more clear.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Epi: 7:18pm On Mar 18, 2009
@poster:

While reading your post, I found these two interesting threads @ the bottom

Diciplining Children

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-71675.0.html

Children raised in Nigeria are better

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-188339.32.html
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 7:34pm On Mar 18, 2009
Thanx epi.

@ Hauwa,
more like training up a child the way he should go despite what d society says. I mean proper upbringing no matter d location
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 7:38pm On Mar 18, 2009
I have an issue I will like us to discuss . . .

What instruction should one give a child that is being bullied in school? Do u ask d child to fight back or to report to d teacher?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by michelin89(f): 9:37pm On Mar 18, 2009
Whether abroad or in Naija, there is always a good way of raising your kids up.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by sistawoman: 9:43pm On Mar 18, 2009
Tgirl4real:

I have an issue I will like us to discuss . . .

What instruction should one give a child that is being bullied in school? Do u ask d child to fight back or to report to d teacher?

My 9 year old little girl just went thru this and my advice to her was to:

Kick that little girls butt and let me deal with the fall out.

The girl was poking her with pencils and my daughter was trying so hard to ignore her that is why she came to me.

The next day the little girl tried it again. My baby, I am so proud of her, she waited until after school and beat the girl up. Now all the girls leave her alone and dont mess with her.

5 Likes

Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by michelin89(f): 9:57pm On Mar 18, 2009
I prefer other methods to physical violence, but then sometimes it becomes necessary especially for those who don't understand when someone is being matured by ignoring them and think instead that they are being weak.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by sistawoman: 10:04pm On Mar 18, 2009
michelin89:

I prefer other methods to physical violence, but then sometimes it becomes necessary especially for those who don't understand when someone is being matured by ignoring them and think instead that they are being weak.

That is exactly the problem in inner cities. The kids have to stand up for themselves, usually only once, then the rest of the back down.

For instance when we moved from DC to Baltimore the kids in the new neighborhood tried my children. All it took was one good Bottom whooping and now all the kids have nothing but respect for the sistawoman household.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 10:19pm On Mar 18, 2009
What to do if your child is being bullied (this what i learned)

Encourage your child to share his or her concerns. Remain calm, listen in a loving manner and support your child's feelings. Express understanding and concern. You might say, "I understand you're having a rough time. Let's work together to deal with this." Remind your child that he or she isn't to blame for being bullied.

Learn as much as you can about the situation. Ask your child to describe how and when the bullying occurs and who is involved. Ask if other children or adults have witnessed any bullying incidents. Find out what your child may have done to try to stop the bullying.

Teach your child how to respond to the bullying. Don't promote retaliation or fighting back against a bully. Instead, encourage your child to maintain his or her composure. He or she might say, "I want you to stop now," and then simply walk away. Suggest sticking with a friend or group of friends while on the bus, in the cafeteria or wherever the bullying seems to happen. Remind your child that he or she can ask teachers or other school officials for help.

Contact school officials. Talk to your child's teacher, the school counselor and the school principal. If your child has been physically attacked or otherwise threatened with harm, talk to school officials immediately to help determine if the police should be involved. Don't contact the bully's parents yourself. You may also want to encourage school officials to address bullying as part of the curriculum.

Follow up. Keep in contact with school officials. If the bullying seems to continue, be persistent.

Boost your child's self-confidence. Help your child get involved in activities that can raise self-esteem, such as sports, music or art. Encourage your child to make contact with friendly students in his or her class and develop his or her social skills.

Know when to seek professional help. Consider professional or school counseling for your child if his or her fear or anxiety becomes overwhelming.

2 Likes

Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 10:54pm On Mar 18, 2009
@Sissy, nice one there wink


Contact school officials. Talk to your child's teacher, the school counselor and the school principal. If your child has been physically attacked or otherwise threatened with harm, talk to school officials immediately to help determine if the police should be involved. Don't contact the bully's parents yourself. You may also want to encourage school officials to address bullying as part of the curriculum.

Follow up. Keep in contact with school officials. If the bullying seems to continue, be persistent.

It's the school's responsibility to ensure that your kids are safe in school. If any physical or verbal disturbances are interfering with your child's education or peace of mind, it is their duty to clear it.


Police officials never get involve in this kinda case, it should not reach that level.

It's better if the school officials set up a parent to parent conference with the parents, students, and teachers involve.
Some teachers are very useless, they may act clueless tot he bullying going on in their class.

If you've talked to the school officials and still no result, ask that your child's classes be changed or the bully be removed from his/her class. If the bully then starts happening out of school, that's when the police steps in.

You know how we like to say "oh, just befriend him/her. Just be nice." Hell no, NEVER EVER tell your child to befriend the bully. Let him/her choose her friends. Don't let him/her adapt useless behavior from befriending bullies.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 11:03pm On Mar 18, 2009
Lovely piece Sissy. That is one process that involves dedication. I kinda support that approach too. But letz consider Sistawoman's case for instance. I think d neighbourhood determines a lot in deciding the approach to take.
And what about if d child is the odd one out with no group/gang to roll with? I really need to hear from you guyz.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:07pm On Mar 18, 2009
Tgirl4real:

Lovely piece Sissy. That is one process that involves dedication. I kinda support that approach too. But letz consider Sistawoman's case for instance. I think d neighbourhood determines a lot in deciding the approach to take.
And what about if d child is the odd one out with no group/gang to roll with? I really need to hear from you guyz.
I'd prefer it if my child does not roll with any gang.

They have the habit of getting involved with something atrocious.

First of all, he should have atleast a friend or two he rolls with. Advice him to find a friend embarassed embarassed No child should be walking alone.'

Over to Sissy and Sistawoman.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 11:13pm On Mar 18, 2009
Yea, over to them. While they are at it, they should consider if it's d child's first few days in dat school.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 11:15pm On Mar 18, 2009
you know the problem with fighting back is,  what if the bullier is stronger both in height and in strength than the person being bulled? i mean trying to fight back would be a mistake cox then it maybe result in more injury or harm but i do think it is a good idea if the person being bulled is up to the challenge cox i honestly i think the kids who bully are just empty vessels that just use fear, n intimidation to manipulate other kids so once you hit them back they realize u have shined ya eyes and they will definitely stop. so that one is a also a good bet.

or maybe if the bullying is too much why not change school for the kid? or the kid dont have any groups to hangout with maybe joing a club or a sport will provide him/her the friends to support them

and oh Tgirl i like this thread and i hope they will be no fighting embarassed so we can continue with our parenting ideas/ discussions wink
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by LadyT(f): 11:17pm On Mar 18, 2009
When my brother was being bullied at school my mother went down to the school and disgraced the bullying childs mother right in front of the child himself.  After that it stopped.  We were always told when some hits you you hit them back.  But you never go around hitting others for no reason.

Its hard and there is no perfect answer.  But we were never made to feel weak or silly because we didnt fit in.  I was always the tallest and most skinny at school I hated it, it was depressing but my mother was always reassuring me I was normal and sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me.

I hope when I too am finally a mother I can be a rock for my babies too
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:17pm On Mar 18, 2009
What do you do if you observe your child's friend smoking?

Do you tell him to stop befriending his friend or do you try to help the friend out by talking to the parents?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:21pm On Mar 18, 2009
LadyT:

When my brother was being bullied at school my mother went down to the school and disgraced the bullying childs mother right in front of the child himself. After that it stopped. We were always told when some hits you you hit them back. But you never go around hitting others for no reason.
I don't think it's appropriate for any mother to give her children that advice.

I was always told to report to my teacher or principle.

When I was in Naija, I used to fight a lot, esp with the boys. It wasn't a problem because the school officials never intererf or did anything about it cool When I moved, story changed.

Advice your child to do anything possible to avoid fighting because it WILL mess up their school record. Those suspensions follow everywhere.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 11:22pm On Mar 18, 2009
i will definitely tell him to stop the friendhip cox smoking is an addiction and sometimes it is very hard to stop. so i would not want my kids to play role of the doctor in trying to stop it and also he/she maybe tempted and pressured by his friend to give it a try. you know peer pressure is a very powerful force so i wouldn't take that risk and second hand smoking is even more deadly

Ebony-Silk:

What do you do if you observe your child's friend smoking?

Do you tell him to stop befriending his friend or do you try to help the friend out by talking to the parents?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:26pm On Mar 18, 2009
~Sissy~:

i will definitely tell him to stop the friendhip cox smoking is an addiction and sometimes it is very hard to stop. so i would not want my kids to play role of the doctor in trying to stop it and also he/she maybe tempted and pressured by his friend to give it a try. you know peer pressure is a very powerful force so i wouldn't take that risk

Very true.

At the same time, you know your child won't immediately cease being his/her friend, esp if it's been a long friendship. So to ensure your child's safety, wouldn't you talk to the smoker and the smoker's parent? wink
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by LadyT(f): 11:26pm On Mar 18, 2009
Theres only so much a teacher can do.  Can they follow you home at home time? Can they protect you on the bus or train?  They cant and teachers cant stop what they cant see and what does not happen on their premises in out of their control.

Ebony-Silk:

I don't think it's appropriate for any mother to give her children that advice.

I was always told to report to my teacher or principle.

When I was in Naija, I used to fight a lot, esp with the boys. It wasn't a problem because the school officials never intererf or did anything about it cool When I moved, story changed.

Advice your child to do anything possible to avoid fighting because it WILL mess up their school record. Those suspensions follow everywhere.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:31pm On Mar 18, 2009
LadyT:

Theres only so much a teacher can do. Can they follow you home at home time? Can they protect you on the bus or train? They cant and teachers cant stop what they cant see and what does not happen on their premises in out of their control.

That's why I said that if it happens off campus premises, the case then belongs to the city police to deal with.
Bullying is a very serious case. Can become lethal if not stopped.

Bus drivers should know what to do if it happens on the bus. pull over, and talk to the students. Or separate the students from talking to each other. Another alternative would be to suspend the bully from the bus.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Hauwa1: 11:32pm On Mar 18, 2009
sistahwoman, did you grow up in nigeria? lol. i have seen some mama tie oja to their wrapper and follow their kids to the bully's home.

let me not talk about what happened next, ww (women war/family war)
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:34pm On Mar 18, 2009
*Hauwa*:

sistahwoman, did you grow up in nigeria? lol. i have seen some mama tie oja to their wrapper and follow their kids to the bully's home.

let me not talk about what happened next, ww (women war/family war)
rotfl cheesy cheesy cheesy so true.
I've had some of them follow me to my aunt's house. grin grin I was not a bully o, but to see those boys cry. . . .ahhhh cheesy
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 11:34pm On Mar 18, 2009
Ebony-Silk:

Very true.

At the same time, you know your child won't immediately cease being his/her friend, esp if it's been a long friendship. So to ensure your child's safety, wouldn't you talk to the smoker and the smoker's parent? wink

you know how sometimes kids wouldn't even let their parents know such things and some parents wouldn't even believe you when you tell them their kids are doing such things. but yea, i think you made good point, cox long term friendship especially when it is kids are not easily broken and i think telling the parent about the behavior is a good idea if only they believe it and if the child would listen.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 11:36pm On Mar 18, 2009
Thanx Sissy. U can be sure I wil keep this thread as clean as possible.

Stil on bullying before moving on to Ebony's question. Its like d contributions we have gotten are from those in the US. Let's hear d naija side too.

LadyT, where are u located plz?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:36pm On Mar 18, 2009
~Sissy~:

you know how sometimes kids wouldn't even let their parents know such things and some parents wouldn't even believe you when you tell them their kids are doing such things. but yea, i think you made good point, cox long term friendship especially when it is kids are not easily broken and i think telling the parent about the behavior is a good idea if only they believe it and if the child would listen.
This is the technology world. . . .catch am off guard and take the child's pic.
Show it to the mother and school officials, because the child might try to smoke on campus (I.E. Restroom)
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by LadyT(f): 11:40pm On Mar 18, 2009
Im in London Tgirl.  Im not sure the british police will like to recieve thousands of phonecalls from kids who are being bullied some of these kids and their parents only understand jungle justice.  I support sistawomans daughter fighting back.  But as I said before theres no perfect answer with the number of kids carrying guns and knifes these days
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:44pm On Mar 18, 2009
LadyT:

Im in London Tgirl. Im not sure the british police will like to recieve thousands of phonecalls from kids who are being bullied some of these kids and their parents only understand jungle justice. I support sistawomans daughter fighting back. But as I said before theres no perfect answer with the number of kids carrying guns and knifes these days
Very Good points wink

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