Nairaland Forum

Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / Login / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 1257611 members, 1695260 topics. Date: Tuesday, 21 October 2014 at 11:22 AM

Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child - Family (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child (60697 Views)

Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? / Parental Guide:the molest Of Teenage Girls And Minors In Nigeria / I Regret Bringing My Wife Abroad (1) (2) (3) (4)

(0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) ... (43) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 3:19am On Mar 21, 2009
Ebony-Silk:

Nice write up! wink

Oh yea, he's noisy.
You know how these ppl are. . . ."so cute", "awww" etc.

Well, sometimes he makes me laugh, I won't lie.
In church when I scowl him, he points his index finger at me and moves mouth. Because that's what I do when I scowl him, points at him and tells him to stop it.

When the pastor starts preaching, he screams amen.

Bring toys to church so he can throw them and make noise with them abi? shocked shocked

And there was this time he almost pulled this lady's weave off. She was sitting in front of us and he pulled her weave.


I loff am o, but he's too troublesome. Imma have to start leaving him with his father on sundays angry

abeg no kill me with laughter here o cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy grin grin grin grin

the toys dnt really have to be gianatic, it could be just little superman/hero little statues, cars/ just any little thing that could help keep him busy since the church dont have any special room/programs for the kids and i dnt suggest keeping him at home
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 12:13am On Mar 22, 2009
Lol @ Ebony. I feel u sooo well. Those kids can be sumthn else.

Here is what we did in my church when we had a similar problem. We created a small corner in d large room we worship in and asked for some women volunteers who will take d kids rotationally. They have picture books, notes, games, and even watch cartoons some times.

I know it doesnt solve the problem entirely, but it reduces their disturbances. But, in a situation where this wont play out, then, u need to take him out briefly to play outside doing sermon . I know kids are generally restless, so u need a pile of activities to match this.

At worst, let him stay home till he is a bit more matured. Lol
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 12:15am On Mar 22, 2009
Going back to the teenage pregnancy issue. Is abortion the best solution in this case?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 12:42am On Mar 22, 2009
My daughter who turns 7 in 3 weeks was being bullied in school in London at the age of 5, she complained to me a few times and my wife had a word with the teachers but it continued i then took my daughter out one weekend to London Aquarium and i spoke to her at length (please dont think a 5year old is too young to be spoken to) during the train ride and advised her to give the boy a good going over knowing fully well my girl is the tallest in her class anyway, i explained to her that she must not be coming home to tell mum and dad of such things again and must learn to stand up for herself.
About a month after, we got a letter from the school that we should come in and i went to see the school head who informed me that my daughter gave a boy a black eye and the boy is off school i simply told the head to check her records and find out how many times during that term has my wife come in to complain about bullying my daughter and nothing was done about it i then informed her that i should be contacting my solicitors to write the school and warn them of the consequences of their incompetence. Maybe she thought i was kidding, 4 days later my solicitors wrote the school and theatened to take legal action if nothing was done; the school head beat a retreat, wrote me a 3 page letter apologising and promising that the boy will be kept under watch from now on and also admitted that indeed other kids had complained about Jamie.
I dont like violence but in my daughters case we were at our wits end because we know that she is not someone to be messed with but at the same time she wont hurt a fly today she is in her school council as the representative of her year.


This is more like it. I don't understand why they refused to take action when your wife came reporting. In Nigeria the bully would have been severely beaten, talking from experience.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 2:38am On Mar 22, 2009
Tgirl4real:

Going back to the teenage pregnancy issue. Is abortion the best solution in this case?

i honestly hate abortion and i can honestly say i will never allow my daughter if she comes home pregnant to even consider abortion. the guilt of it will never allow me to sleep and chasing her out is even worse cox then my BP/guilt will definitely go up lol thinking how she is doing/where she is/ what is happening etc. it will be painful though you know to see your daughter who you thought knew better than not to come home pregnant but then she is still mine and i will accept her. so abortion is not an option for me.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Pepeye(f): 9:19pm On Mar 22, 2009
Parenting techniques differ person to person; traditional parents want to go strictly by the books. .
but a more modern approach being touted in western culture encourages dialogue and subtle negotiations
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by 4Play(m): 9:27pm On Mar 22, 2009
For goodness sake, what a boring topic! Just look at all the women. . . blah,blah, blah. . . about raising kids. Even Morenike dey put mouth. shocked
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by tope2000(f): 9:33pm On Mar 22, 2009
4 Play:

For goodness sake, what a boring topic! Just look at all the women. . . blah,blah, blah. . . about raising kids. Even Morenike dey put mouth. shocked

its not a boring topic angry

@topic
im loving this thread wink
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by 4Play(m): 9:36pm On Mar 22, 2009
tope2000:

its not a boring topic angry

@topic
im loving this thread wink

I love this thread. I love anything you love. Bia, why you remove your picture?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by tope2000(f): 9:39pm On Mar 22, 2009
4 Play:

I love this thread. I love anything you love. Bia, why you remove your picture?

lmao. . . . .ofcos u must love everything i love cheesy
i just wanted to change my profile pix tongue
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by 4Play(m): 9:43pm On Mar 22, 2009
To be honest, I can't stand kids. They are a selfish, whinging collection of parasites, rather like a lot of Naija women actually.

Please change your profile back. The sight of you melts my heart.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by tope2000(f): 9:49pm On Mar 22, 2009
4 Play:

To be honest, I can't stand kids. They are a selfish, whinging collection of parasites, rather like a lot of Naija women actually.

lmao. . . . are u serious?? shocked shocked
I want to have lot of kids ooooo tongue


Please change your profile back. The sight of you melts my heart.

Awwwwwww. . . . kiss
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by onyinye2(f): 9:51pm On Mar 22, 2009
4 Play:

To be honest, I can't stand kids. They are a selfish, whinging collection of parasites, rather like a lot of Naija women actually.
I love how you just described yourself tolotolo
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 11:45pm On Mar 22, 2009
Pepeye:

Parenting techniques differ person to person; traditional parents want to go strictly by the books. .
but a more modern approach being touted in western culture encourages dialogue and subtle negotiations

that's more reason why our dearest Tgirl opened this thread so the 4rom east to west, north, south, old, new, can share their ideas/tips/discuss their own individual or cultural methods of parenting.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 9:44pm On Mar 23, 2009
Pepeye:

Parenting techniques differ person to person; traditional parents want to go strictly by the books. .
but a more modern approach being touted in western culture encourages dialogue and subtle negotiations
That's the point wink

Tgirl4real:

Lol @ Ebony. I feel u sooo well. Those kids can be sumthn else.

Here is what we did in my church when we had a similar problem. We created a small corner in d large room we worship in and asked for some women volunteers who will take d kids rotationally. They have picture books, notes, games, and even watch cartoons some times.

I know it doesnt solve the problem entirely, but it reduces their disturbances. But, in a situation where this wont play out, then, u need to take him out briefly to play outside doing sermon . I know kids are generally restless, so u need a pile of activities to match this.

At worst, let him stay home till he is a bit more matured. Lol
I was thinking that, but then the Lord said "Let my children come to me" grin grin
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 10:31pm On Mar 23, 2009
Lol
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:39pm On Mar 23, 2009
Another scenario (esp for Sissy and TG) wink :

Your teacher keeps complaining that your kid(s) is/are misbehaving in school, disrupting her lessons and messing around. What do you do?

Obviously, excess spanking grin and warning at home does not help the situation
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 4:52am On Mar 24, 2009
what is the class level of the child, cox i would have to implore different spanking degree depending on which level they are grin
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by sistawoman: 3:50pm On Mar 24, 2009
Ebony-Silk:

Another scenario (esp for Sissy and TG) wink :

Your teacher keeps complaining that your kid(s) is/are misbehaving in school, disrupting her lessons and messing around. What do you do?

Obviously, excess spanking grin and warning at home does not help the situation

I have had this happen with three of mine here is what i did:

Remember that every child is different and requires a different approach to discipline to work, keeping that in mind parents must adjust their discipline techniques to suit each child.

My now 11 year old was in 1st grade and the teacher called me at work to complain that he was leading the class in being disruptive and that it was so bad she had to call.
This was a lucky break for me but not so lucky for him because the teachers at the University where I worked were on spring break and I was all alone and 10 mins from his school.
I went to the school, pulled off my belt and spanked him in front of the class.
That one movement of embarrassment followed him each year, the children would tell the new teacher what happened and tell them to call me if he ever acted up, until we moved to Baltimore. The fear that I would do it again has kept him on the str8 and narrow since then.

The embarrassment that my 11 year suffered was told to my 9 year old girl and has kept her from cutting up because she knows I am more than capable of coming to her school and doing the same thing. I have never received a call from a teacher for her.

My now 7 year old. When he was Kindergarden he had a hard time adjusting, listening and performing well in school. spankings at home and time-out, restrictions, nothing was working.
There were 2 female teachers and one male teacher. I asked the school at the last resort to move him from the female teacher class to the male teachers class. He stopped cutting up and became the head of his class. This male teacher still checks in on him this year and is keeping him on track. With him it really was nothing that I did per say but what the male teacher did for him.



Before I move to spankings I talk, talk and talk somemore. I ask them to be honest, tell me what challenges they are having and how can I help them succeed. It seems that this approach is working more and more with the older children, because they realize I am not faking it but mean it. So they open up more. They tell me just what is on their minds and dont hold back. At first they thought I would get mad but I tell them this is your one moment in time to be completely honest about me, you and everything else and I am not allowed to get mad, to hit or throw a fit. I give them an opportunity to talk freely w/o the fear of disrespect. Something I wished my parents did with me.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 9:44pm On Mar 24, 2009
sistawoman:


I went to the school, pulled off my belt and spanked him in front of the class.
LOL, I'd have love to see this.

But won't this being seen as CHILD ABUSE? undecided

sistawoman:

Before I move to spankings I talk, talk and talk somemore. I ask them to be honest, tell me what challenges they are having and how can I help them succeed. It seems that this approach is working more and more with the older children, because they realize I am not faking it but mean it. So they open up more. They tell me just what is on their minds and dont hold back. At first they thought I would get mad but I tell them this is your one moment in time to be completely honest about me, you and everything else and I am not allowed to get mad, to hit or throw a fit. I give them an opportunity to talk freely w/o the fear of disrespect. Something I wished my parents did with me.
Sounds like someone I know.

"Toyin, mo fun e ni 1st and second warning. O moh wipe tin ba mu e ni eemeta ma fe lu e ku" cheesy cheesy

That actually worked. Because if they misbehaved after excess warnings, they don't have any ground to stand to get angry. They knew they were warned, not once, not twice but more than three times wink
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by tiffcisco(f): 10:43pm On Mar 24, 2009
Hi,

I thought I'd ask a question on here. Are spankings very common in Nigeria? I would assume so. I am just wondering as I am American and my fiance is Nigerian. I know we will live in Nigeria. In my family there were a necessity. If my parents didn't spank me, I'm sure I would have turned out to be quite the little terror. My fiance is the most patient and calm man I've met, but I'm sure he does believe in spanking, though we have not discussed this too much. Just wondering is it common practice. Or have they jumped on the silly notion that children can be disciplined and never have to be spanked. Also, just wondering, Sistawoman, are you American?? I think so, but just wondering, lol!! I really enjoy reading all of your posts!!
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 3:47am On Mar 25, 2009
@ Ebony-Silk

if i get those "teachers calls" he/her has some serious explaining to do.

first i would start by confronting him/her with the teachers complains, and we would have serious discussions about the instances, i would warn him/her, advice them to change their behaviors and that i don't want to get those calls again from the teacher and if i do there will be serious consequences. if the calls persist, i would schedule a meeting with the teacher, with him/her included, and i would tell the teacher the discussion i had with him/her and the complains they had, and i would allow the teacher and the child to negotiate without interference to see if the problem is going to be solved. i would  Follow up with the teacher and the child as to how things are going and i will be ready to mediate.

and if things don't get resolved after the meeting and the follow ups, then i would show my colors cause they cant really do that, cox during my time i didn't. i would have to establish serious rules and must sure i stick to them.  grounding them would be on the list, privileges would be taken away, and i would be coming to his/her classroom to check on them during class period no matter the embarrassment it might cause him or her. spanking and flogging wouldn't be excluded. when it comes to education, i don't mess with it and i will definitely show them what i am made of if they scroll around. handle them with tough hand and they will learn you ain't joking
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 3:52am On Mar 25, 2009
~Sissy~:

@ Ebony-Silk

if i get those "teachers calls" he/her has some serious explaining to do.

first i would start by confronting him/her with the teachers complains, and we would have serious discussions about the instances, i would warn him/her, advice them to change their behaviors and that i don't want to get those calls again from the teacher and if i do there will be serious consequences. if the calls persist, i would schedule a meeting with the teacher, with him/her included, and i would tell the teacher the discussion i had with him/her and the complains they had, and i would allow the teacher and the child to negotiate without interference to see if the problem is going to be solved. i would Follow up with the teacher and the child as to how things are going and i will be ready to mediate.

and if things don't get resolved after the meeting and the follow ups, then i would show my colors cause they cant really do that, cox during my time i didn't. i would have to establish serious rules and must sure i stick to them. grounding them would be on the list, privileges would be taken away, and i would be coming to his/her classroom to check on them during class period no matter the embarrassment it might cause him or her. spanking and flogging wouldn't be excluded. when it comes to education, i don't mess with it and i will definitely show them what i am made of if they scroll around. handle them with tough hand and they will learn you ain't joking
Truth be told, I can't be a teacher cuz I'd bruise any kid that disrupt my class.

And what is the alternative if none of your suggestion works?

What if your child is being disruptive in class due to peer pressure?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 3:54am On Mar 25, 2009
@ Sistawoman

i'm really  shocked shocked shocked by your strategy

the teacher didn't report you to child services for the belt spanking?

oh well! if that settles the case, then . . . but then i rather do the spanking at home
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 3:59am On Mar 25, 2009
No2Atheism:

@Ebonysilk , how i fit contact @toyosi
lmao. . . . .what am I?
Her secretary?

Ok, to get to her, you gotta bribe me.
I have her YIM and number cheesy
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 4:00am On Mar 25, 2009
~Sissy~:

@ Sistawoman

i'm really shocked shocked shocked by your strategy

the teacher didn't report you to child services for the belt spanking?

oh well! if that settles the case, then . . . but then i rather do the spanking at home
That's what am saying.
children and family would have come to get the kids from her
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 4:10am On Mar 25, 2009
Ebony-Silk:

Truth be told, I can't be a teacher cuz I'd bruise any kid that disrupt my class.

And what is the alternative if none of your suggestion works?

What if your child is being disruptive in class due to peer pressure?

yes, peer pressure is a very powerful force that can seriously hinder a child's academic achievement, so if i pin- point the cause of the child's distraction in class as PP, then i would definitely focus on it and helping him/her get through it / or avoid it totally cause no matter how hard it may seem it is totally resolvable.

if all my initial plan doesn't resolve the issue, and lets say pp is not the problem, and if he exhibits the same pattern of behavior at home, i would get him/her evaluated for Attention-deficit disorder
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 4:12am On Mar 25, 2009
tiffcisco:

Hi,

I thought I'd ask a question on here. Are spankings very common in Nigeria? I would assume so. I am just wondering as I am American and my fiance is Nigerian. I know we will live in Nigeria. In my family there were a necessity. If my parents didn't spank me, I'm sure I would have turned out to be quite the little terror. My fiance is the most patient and calm man I've met, but I'm sure he does believe in spanking, though we have not discussed this too much. Just wondering is it common practice. Or have they jumped on the silly notion that children can be disciplined and never have to be spanked. Also, just wondering, Sistawoman, are you American?? I think so, but just wondering, lol!! I really enjoy reading all of your posts!!

yes Nigerian parents and teachers do use spanking and flogging to discipline children
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 4:14am On Mar 25, 2009
~Sissy~:

yes, peer pressure is a very powerful force that can seriously hinder a child's academic achievement, so if i pin- point the cause of the child's distraction in class as PP, then i would definitely focus on it and helping him/her get through it / or avoid it totally cause no matter how hard it may seem it is totally resolvable.

if all my initial plan doesn't resolve the issue, and lets say pp is not the problem, and if he exhibits the same pattern of behavior at home, i would get him/her evaluated for Attention-deficit disorder
Hmmm.

tooto lo so. sugbon bawo ni waa se nan omo e and send him to school with marks?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 4:18am On Mar 25, 2009
Ebony-Silk:

Hmmm.

tooto lo so. sugbon bawo ni waa se nan omo e and send him to school with marks?

translate oo cheesy cheesy grin
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 4:20am On Mar 25, 2009
Aren't you yoruba? shocked shocked
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 4:26am On Mar 25, 2009
Ebony-Silk:

Aren't you yoruba? shocked shocked

ROFLMAO! cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy

(0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) ... (43) (Reply)

Can You Suck Mucus Out your Childs Nose With Your Mouth? / Wife Storms Church, Scatters Husband's Wedding To Another Lady (Pictures) / Woman Delivers Freak Black And White Twins

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2014 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See Nairalist and How To Advertise. 130
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.