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Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 4:27am On Mar 25, 2009
~Sissy~:

ROFLMAO! cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy
LOL what is funny? tongue
answer na
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by No2Atheism(m): 4:46am On Mar 25, 2009
@Ebony-silk, am not yet successful at getting the required contact information,

Sister help out a brother here now,
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by sistawoman: 2:18pm On Mar 25, 2009
I see there is some concern over child services and spankings.

I was told by child services that I can spank my child any place any where as long as I dont leave bruises.

People are so afraid of spanking thier children in public for fear that CS will get them. Dont be fearful anymore. Contact your local Child Services Office and they will tell you the same thing I just said. No bruises no abuse.

The teacher was so happy to have a parent do that in front of all of the offenders that she would have not called CS even if i did leave a welpt. The other offenders were sitting there in shock. Some cried and some laughed. Those that laughed quickly turned to tears when the teacher picked up the phone and called thier parents.

The teacher called me the next day to thank me and said that she wished more parents would do the same because dealing with disruptive children takes away from her teaching time.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 6:24am On Mar 26, 2009
I am sorry guys for being so quiet. Ebony, i hope my apology is accepted? Lol

I can see that av missed so much too. Thanx guyz 4 keeping it real.

Just to add to the peer pressure angle, changing of schools wouldnt be a bad idea either.

And about if Nigerian schools spank, I would say it depends on the school. Most private nursery and primary schools don't spank kids now.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 6:27am On Mar 26, 2009
Here is another question I want us to debate:

How do we deal with rivalry among our kids? U know, whe Tee feels mum likes sissy beta. . . lol
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by C2H5OH(f): 6:30am On Mar 26, 2009
I see no harm in spanking. It's spanking-abuse that I disagree with. Every child deserves a spank or two.
When my parents spanked me I had an inkling of the kinda wrong I did, even without them telling me.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by ekakids(f): 11:40am On Mar 26, 2009
i believe in spanknig a child when he or she is being naughty as far as the spanking was for a right reason.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by sistawoman: 1:13pm On Mar 26, 2009
Tgirl4real:

Here is another question I want us to debate:

How do we deal with rivalry among our kids? U know, whe Tee feels mum likes sissy beta. . . lol

We have mother child days.

Every other Saturday morning or afternoon or evening I have one child that i spend time with. They pick what we do and we go off and do that together.

If they get that one on one time it tends to get rid of all those she likes me best that you get from the kids. Plus it is a great bonding exercise and we get to talk about things that we dont want to share with everyone else. It keeps my kids close to me as they grow.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 6:28am On Mar 27, 2009
Hmm. . . more plz
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 1:44am On Mar 28, 2009
How do you stop your child from cursing?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 2:04am On Mar 28, 2009
hehe tgirl good one there cheesy cheesy grin

sibling rivalry, who didn't at some point in their childhood and some in adulthood experience it tongue  (except of me nah tongue grin)

i remember when my aunt gave birth, she already had a 3 yr, when the new baby came, the little gal couldn't stand it. she did everything to get the attention of her mom cox  she felt left out and she hating the new born. at times if no one is watching, she will go and hit the little one, pinch her, and we can only know what happens when the little one starts screaming on top of her lungs. long story short, sibling rivalry can get worse if not handled,
so I'm glad you brought up the question.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 2:28am On Mar 28, 2009
as for me, i think attention and approval is the keyword


Don't make comparisons, i think every child is unique and in my IMO, shouldn't be compared with their siblings, you know like how sometimes parents would often compare siblings with each other. ( like, in matters much as hard work, and intelligence) the one being descended on might start feeling that his parents hates him/her likes his sister/brother better/ even though that might not be the real intention behind the parents comparison. and this might start some serious jealousy. so i think each child in the family should be given his/her own goals and levels of expectation that relate only to him/her at least. and encouraging them really helps a lot. like HI John, Great JOB!. words of encouragement is a big a boost at least IMO

Don't dismiss their angry feelings. Contrary to what many people think, anger is not something we should try to avoid at all costs. It's an entirely normal part of being human, and it's certainly normal for siblings to get angry at each other. They need the adults in their lives to assure them that mothers and fathers get angry, too, but have learned control and that angry feelings do not give license to behave in cruel and dangerous ways. This is the time to sit down, acknowledge the anger ("I know you hate John right now but you cannot hit him with a stick"wink. and talk it through.

Try to avoid situations that promote guilt in siblings. First we must teach children that feelings and actions are not synonymous. It may be normal to want to hit the baby on the head, (lol like my little niece) but parents must stop a child from doing it. The guilt that follows doing something mean is a lot worse than the guilt of merely feeling mean. So parental intervention must be quick and decisive.

When possible, let brothers and sisters settle their own differences. Sounds good but it can be terribly unfair in practice. Parents have to judge when it is time to step in and mediate, especially in a contest of unequal in terms of strength and eloquence (no fair hitting below the belt literally or figuratively). Some long-lasting grudges among grown siblings have resulted when their minority rights were not protected.

Set the rules and regulation in the house and stick to it: having rules in the house especially about respect, no violence etc will definitely curb their attitudes towards each other.

spend time with each kids, like one on one with each child, helps it. cox then no one would feel left out or that they don't get any attention blah, blah

family meeting is also great. during the meeting i'd suggest maybe encouraging each person to share their inmost feeling especially about something they don't like in the house, how things are being handled, about each others behaviors, how they can be changed, etc.

lastly i'd suggest family fun together, Yay!!!. cracking humor, playing ball, or anything the family can enjoy as a whole is definitely fun and it lightens the mood.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 2:34am On Mar 28, 2009
Ebony-Silk:

How do you stop your child from cursing?

good one ebony wink

this days cursing is the norm and kids do learn quickly

first the parents/ adults MUST not use any curse word in the house especially when the child is around because then the child would think it is okay to curse after all mommy and daddy does it, so why not try it.

secondly, whenever, the child uses a curse word they must be corrected immediately, this tells them that it is not right to use such words and a little spank on the bum bum wouldn't hurt grin tongue
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 3:20am On Mar 28, 2009
~Sissy~:

good one ebony wink

this days cursing is the norm and kids do learn quickly

first the parents/ adults MUST not use any curse word in the house especially when the child is around because then the child would think it is okay to curse after all mommy and daddy does it, so why not try it.

secondly, whenever, the child uses a curse word they must be corrected immediately, this tells them that it is not right to use such words and a little spank on the bum bum wouldn't hurt grin tongue


Thanks wink

I drove to pick up my cousin from school a while ago.
This si elementary school we're talking about.

A group of kids starting shouting Bleep you and all these derogatory words. I was shocked, these are 5 to 10yr old kids. shocked shocked

If they're corrected and often hears it in school, how can we stop them from saying it?

As an Ekiti woman, I feared my mom. She was hot and cold the same time. I never in my life cursed at home. Never even said silly. I odn't know what method she used, but she never spanked us.
That was because I was born in Naija.
But what of the kids born here? Would the same method work?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 3:25am On Mar 28, 2009
When I said never spanked us, I meant never spanked us when e say the "bad" word
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 3:55am On Mar 28, 2009
Ebony-Silk:



If they're corrected and often hears it in school, how can we stop them from saying it?
But what of the kids born here? Would the same method work?

you know kids that young using such words dont really IMO, understand the meaning behind it, or its implications.

so, even if they learn the word in school, and you hear them use it, you still have reinforce it to them that is not acceptable. tell the child that although they will hear or hear curse words every day of their lives, in school, etc it does not make it right. sometimes they will tell you, "but, my friends, blah blah, uses it and so on" still, you have to give them an example to show them that because David uses it, doesn't mean you should use it. tell him, if david jumps off a cliff, does it mean that they should do it too ? ( lol i know that example, is kinda scary but just similar things to show them, it is not right to use it no matter who uses it).

set punishment, maybe your mom didn't spank you when she heard a curse word tongue but kids born outside of 9ja, especially in these time and age needs some punishment just to show them that such words ain't right. or try to explain to them how hurtful/bad the meaning of the words are ( in a way they will understand,) however, i dont really suggest punishment whenever, they use it instead use that opportunity in a gentle way to remind them that the use of such words are unacceptable.

it takes time, and patience but with time and good reinforcement, they will learn that such things are unacceptable.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 4:05am On Mar 28, 2009
~Sissy~:

you know kids that young using such words dont really IMO, understand the meaning behind it, or its implications.

so, even if they learn the word in school, and you hear them use it, you still have reinforce it to them that is not acceptable. tell the child that although they will hear or hear curse words every day of their lives, in school, etc it does not make it right. sometimes they will tell you, "but, my friends, blah blah, uses it and so on" still, you have to give them an example to show them that because David uses it, doesn't mean you should use it. tell him, if david jumps off a cliff, does it mean that they should do it too ? ( lol i know that example, is kinda scary but just similar things to show them, it is not right to use it no matter who uses it).

set punishment, maybe your mom didn't spank you when she heard a curse word tongue but kids born outside of 9ja, especially in these time and age needs some punishment just to show them that such words ain't right. or try to explain to them how hurtful/bad the meaning of the words are ( in a way they will understand,) however, i dont really suggest punishment whenever, they use it instead use that opportunity in a gentle way to remind them that the use of such words are unacceptable.

it takes time, and patience but with time and good reinforcement, they will learn that such things are unacceptable.


Hmm, you're very knowledgable when it comes to children.
I applaud you wink

You still did not answer my previous question: Are you Nigerian, if yes, of what tribe? tongue
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 6:32am On Mar 28, 2009
Ebony-Silk:

Hmm, you're very knowledgable when it comes to children.
I applaud you wink

You still did not answer my previous question: Are you Nigerian, if yes, of what tribe? tongue

i love children, they are my passion cry cry cry cry and it seems you, Tgirl n sistawoman do too wink wink kiss kiss

my papa, my mama all of them be nigerians oo cheesy cheesy cheesy grin grin grin cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 6:46am On Mar 28, 2009
i have this one

How do you start up a conversation/ discussion about sex education with your kids?

You know many parents feel uncomfortable talking with their children about sexuality. Some are afraid of providing too much information, while some don't know how to start up the conversation.

and those who neglect to tell their kids hope it will be taught in school, that isn’t always the case and I can remember back in my high school, my biology teacher didn't teach us anything about sex ((he was at least suppose to).

however he was busy only telling us who to sleep with, he'd be like oh, you girls shouldn't go out with those short guys or dwarfs Cox u think they r small but then they will get you pregnant blah blah. . . That was the only sex ed. lesson he'd teach, gladly I knew all about sex before hand.

curiously waiting on you guys thoughts cheesy grin
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by invisible2(m): 11:40am On Mar 28, 2009
Just call the kids aged 5 and above one bright saturday morning, look into their eyes and tell them what sex is all about, the uses, the dangers and the way to avoid getting into trouble.

Review the meeting monthly.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 6:06pm On Mar 28, 2009
~Sissy~:

i love children, they are my passion cry cry cry cry and it seems you, Tgirl n sistawoman do too wink wink kiss kiss

my papa, my mama all of them be nigerians oo cheesy cheesy cheesy grin grin grin cheesy cheesy cheesy
Yea, they're also my passion. I love children, esp below the age of 10.

~Sissy~:

i have this one

How do you start up a conversation/ discussion about sex education with your kids?

You know many parents feel uncomfortable talking with their children about sexuality. Some are afraid of providing too much information, while some don't know how to start up the conversation.

and those who neglect to tell their kids hope it will be taught in school, that isn’t always the case and I can remember back in my high school, my biology teacher didn't teach us anything about sex ((he was at least suppose to).

however he was busy only telling us who to sleep with, he'd be like oh, you girls shouldn't go out with those short guys or dwarfs Cox u think they r small but then they will get you pregnant blah blah. . . That was the only sex ed. lesson he'd teach, gladly I knew all about sex before hand.

curiously waiting on you guys thoughts cheesy grin

This is a very popular parental topic.
You know, my mom never talked to me about sex. She didn't have to, I had sex ed classes, TV helped, I read magazines and newspapers and talked to friends. Friends: Vital part of your life. They can break or make you wink Anyways, that's where I got my knowledge about sex from.

If you're the kind of parent that wants to educate your child about sex, this is my plan:

1. Sit her down and let her father do most of the talking tongue jk.

2. Tell her that she's no longer a small child. With increasing age comes responsibility, and she has an obligation to uphold her responsibility.
Let her know the reproduction process, let her know the organs it concerns.
She might have some explicit questions, just try your best to answer them or you can use style to ignore them cool cool
Don't tell too much, because then curiosity comes along. And with curiosity comes discovery (we don't want her discovering anything till she's 18 and over cool ).

(When she gets to high school)
3. Let her know some old tricks boys use to assure that they "won't get pregnant",
Tricks such as "I'll come out when I want to come" etc.
As much as they like to think, they can't control their expulsion most of the time, they can't control their explosion.

4. Basically, just tell to stay away from boys or else you'd beat the nonsense out of her tongue grin

5. Step 1 - 3 also go for them.
Just let him know you ain't taking care of no baby and baby mama. He best be ready to move out. Or that you'd disown him if he brings "shame to the family".
(That's what my mom always tell me. Scared me, and still does grin grin ).

And oh yea, no AA.

tGIRL CAN ADD HER OWN wink
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 1:31am On Mar 29, 2009
Ebony-Silk:


This is a very popular parental topic.
You know, my mom never talked to me about sex. She didn't have to, I had sex ed classes, TV helped, I read magazines and newspapers and talked to friends. Friends: Vital part of your life. They can break or make you wink Anyways, that's where I got my knowledge about sex from.

If you're the kind of parent that wants to educate your child about sex, this is my plan:

1. Sit her down and let her father do most of the talking tongue jk.

2. Tell her that she's no longer a small child. With increasing age comes responsibility, and she has an obligation to uphold her responsibility.
Let her know the reproduction process, let her know the organs it concerns.
She might have some explicit questions, just try your best to answer them or you can use style to ignore them cool cool
Don't tell too much, because then curiosity comes along. And with curiosity comes discovery (we don't want her discovering anything till she's 18 and over cool ).

(When she gets to high school)
3. Let her know some old tricks boys use to assure that they "won't get pregnant",
Tricks such as "I'll come out when I want to come" etc.
As much as they like to think, they can't control their expulsion most of the time, they can't control their explosion.

4. Basically, just tell to stay away from boys or else you'd beat the nonsense out of her tongue grin

5. Step 1 - 3 also go for them.
Just let him know you ain't taking care of no baby and baby mama. He best be ready to move out. Or that you'd disown him if he brings "shame to the family".
(That's what my mom always tell me. Scared me, and still does grin grin ).

tGIRL CAN ADD HER OWN wink

yes oo, boys can be very tricky when it comes to that, with their sweetest lips, some gals just fall prey to them, some will even tell you don't worry i will take of it if it happens, then when it does, it is then they would suddenly start hearing voices. some will even tell you how they heard you slept with every little fly that passed you by etc. all in the name to avoid their responsibility angry

[/ And oh yea, no AA.]

LOL cheesy cheesy cheesy, too many baby mamas, the goods ones are hard to find these days, or they are already taken

so at what age, do you think is proper to start the lessons
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 1:42am On Mar 29, 2009
~Sissy~:

yes oo, boys can be very tricky when it comes to that, with their sweetest lips, some gals just fall prey to them, some will even tell you don't worry i will take of it if it happens, then when it does, it is then they would suddenly start hearing voices. some will even tell you how they heard you slept with every little fly that passed you by etc. all in the name to avoid their responsibility angry

[/ And oh yea, no AA.]

LOL cheesy cheesy cheesy, too many baby mamas, the goods ones are hard to find these days, or they are already taken

so at what age, do you think is proper to start the lessons
Rotlfmao. . . .have you ever watched the video "Run Away Love" by MJB and Ludacris?

But I can't blame the boys, what do they know about responsibility? Sometimes, we women need to use common sense and realize that if with no job and no finished education, no man is ready enough to bring forth a child.
The Lord says multiple. . . .I'm sure he meant at the right time. wink

Lol, I've heard enough lies and stories to get tricked. . . .Now, it's like a broken record. Oh, I'd take care of you blah blah, like shut up. N*gg*, take care of yourself first undecided tongue

@What age you, say?
I believe age 10 is the best. That's when they begin middle school and starts getting exposed to sex edu class and sex talk by fellow school mates
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 2:28am On Mar 29, 2009
10? the other day i heard a 9yr gal got pregnant shocked shocked
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 2:38am On Mar 29, 2009
~Sissy~:

10? the other day i heard a 9yr gal got pregnant shocked shocked
WDH?
What?!!!!!
Oh why oh why!!
The boy should be thrown in juvenile detention.
What a mess?

I mean, 10 is even too young.
At age 8, what do they understand about sex?

~Note: Spend more time with my kid. Sign them up for extracurricular activities such as sports or dave.

Kai!
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by lexdino(m): 10:49am On Mar 29, 2009
~Sissy~:

10? the other day i heard a 9yr gal got pregnant shocked shocked
from where?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by invisible2(m): 4:31pm On Mar 29, 2009
9 yr olds do get sexually violated everytime, some of these result in pregnancies. Watch out what your kid does everyday.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Hauwa1: 5:22pm On Mar 29, 2009
let me ask this question for everyone of us who will be future parents and for those who are already parents.

How Do You Teach Young Boys To Be Gentlemen?
At What Age Should We Start?
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by invisible2(m): 5:30pm On Mar 29, 2009
*Hauwa*:

let me ask this question for everyone of us who will be future parents and for those who are already parents.

How Do You Teach Young Boys To Be Gentlemen?
At What Age Should We Start?



As early as they can talk.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Hauwa1: 5:39pm On Mar 29, 2009
Ok, i asked because we hardly have black gentleman, shocked :-Xvery few who are gentlemanly in their behavior undecided.

i
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by invisible2(m): 6:17pm On Mar 29, 2009
*Hauwa*:

Ok, i asked because we hardly have black gentleman, shocked :-Xvery few who are gentlemanly in their behavior undecided.

i


You were talking of teaching young boys some early manners, gentlemen are different, they are supposed to relearn manners when they grow up. tongue

And adapt to the situation around them, if they meet with soft environment, they mellow and if they hit someone haaard, they will change their manners to suit the situation.
Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Sissy3(f): 7:11pm On Mar 29, 2009
Ebony-Silk:

WDH?
What?!!!!!
Oh why oh why!!
The boy should be thrown in juvenile detention.
What a mess?

I mean, 10 is even too young.
At age 8, what do they understand about sex?

~Note: Spend more time with my kid. Sign them up for extracurricular activities such as sports or dave.

Kai!

some girls do develop very early, so any mess up, next is belly.

invisible!:

9 yr olds do get sexually violated everytime, some of these result in pregnancies. Watch out what your kid does everyday.

very true

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