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Stats: 1236199 members, 1645089 topics. Date: Saturday, 19 April 2014 at 06:16 AM
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 11:47pm On Mar 18, 2009|
@LadyT, it's really a sad case. . . what a high level of moral decadence.
@d smoking question, at what age would u advice ur child to stay clear from dat friend considern d fact dat children are considered adult when they are 18 and above?
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by ~Sissy~(f): 11:48pm On Mar 18, 2009|
lol, if only 20th century parents were up to current tech.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by LadyT(f): 11:49pm On Mar 18, 2009|
Best advice is to talk to YOUR child people dont like to hear that their own children are actually arseholes. They like to think they are angels unless you are my mother who questions everything.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 11:50pm On Mar 18, 2009|
~Sissy~:LOL. very true
Tgirl4real:LOL some kids are now smoking around their middle school age.
All they need is to pay an adult to but the poo for them.
Of course, if your child is 18 and up, there's nothing you can do but advice her or tell her to move out of your house.
Let's say the child is below age 18. . . .(trust me, I've seen less than 15 year olds smoking)
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 11:54pm On Mar 18, 2009|
Yes o. Even primary school kids for naija now smoke
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by ~Sissy~(f): 11:55pm On Mar 18, 2009|
yea, thats old anotha problem cox u can control (not dat kind of control) them when they still young adolescent but once they over 18/21 next thing u will is "mom u cant choose my friends 4 me or tell me who to hang out with, I'm an adult now i make my own decisions" but i would still advise them and educate them on the health risk of smoking and especially second hand smoking and tell them to at least try to avoid that friend of theirs? wot do u think?
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 12:17am On Mar 19, 2009|
I think it's sound enough. Ebony got a point too. U may need to come down on d child since he claims he is now an adult
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Epi: 12:55am On Mar 19, 2009|
Tgirl4real link=topic=:Don’t think it's politically correct to tell a child fight back. What if the bully has a knife or gun? I’ll suggest talking to the Principal and the parents of the bully. If it doesn’t stop, then the police should be involved.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by ~Sissy~(f): 1:01am On Mar 19, 2009|
wot do u guys think on this one,
what would you do with your daughter if she comes home pregnant? u knw how naija unlike the US has this stigma attached with out of wedlock pregnancies, the shame it brings to the family and everything. Ebony-Silk, Tgirl, Sistawoman and co oya over to you
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 1:21am On Mar 19, 2009|
~Sissy~:Oh my!!! Oh dear!!!
I'll chase her out of my house with a broom.
I really don't know what to say about this. . . .Over to sistawoman and Tgirl
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by **osisi(f): 2:20am On Mar 19, 2009|
My 9 year old little girl just went thru this and my advice to her was to:
This sistawoman of a woman is not well o
How can a mother promote violence ?
how's Femi coping with this kain ajakaja woman
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by *Hauwa*: 2:41am On Mar 19, 2009|
lol you no see her, na real jaguda lol. am sure she got southern or western blood in her vein lol, they must fear her children o. i like that sha.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by sistawoman: 6:17am On Mar 19, 2009|
Not promoting violance but preventing further violance against my child.
You see in the inner cities it is kinda like the weak die or hide. and my children wont do either.
They dont hit first but if they are hit on they are equiped with the tools to fight back.
all of my children take martial arts. They all know how to fight and defend themselves because that is what you have to do.
My daughter came to me first to tell me what happened at school and asked for permission to hit back. So I told her that if she put her hands on her again that she should see the girl after school and that is what she did. Having done that the girl and the rest of them in the 4th grade have decided that my daughter is the wrong one to try and bully. this butt whipping she put on the girl will last her at least until she moves to middle school in the 6th grade then she may have to repeat this on another girl and that one should last her till she graduates.
I am not sure what I would but can only say what I hope I would do.
I would talk to my daughter and try to figure out why she did not come to me or one of the other two women that are her confidents to tell one of us that she is having sex, going to have sex or thinking about sex so that we can get her BC. I would also try to figure out why she did not feel safe enough to go to her doctor, who she has been told cant tell me, and get the BC.
then I would hope that my daughter would come with me to abort the baby.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Iranoladun(f): 8:33am On Mar 19, 2009|
I really hope not! However, I'd try to ask her who is responsible for the pregnancy, has she inform the guy,does he want her to keep the baby, is she going to keep the baby. I will let her know the sacrifices she & her boyfriend would need to make if they want to raise the kid and I'd get her to see a gyneacologist if she wants an abortion
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by benedictac(f): 9:44am On Mar 19, 2009|
Thank you all i have really leant alot from your various posts but my challenge now is that:
i had a child out of wedlock who will be 7 this year and now i am married, my hubby has requested i bring the child to help me at home that he doesnt like house helps. Now how do i face it as in i have not been with this child for about 6years.
i think i own him that motherly love that i have dennied him in the past but how do i do all these and still not make my hubby feel bad that my attention is shifting to my son as we are still trusting God for our own child.
Pls i really need good advice.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 12:23pm On Mar 19, 2009|
Ha! This is a dicey one.
@ Ebony, that isn't a good idea girl. You need not throw her out. She has done something terrible, I agree, but you need to be patient before she does something even more terrible like going behind u to abort. You also need to let her see her mistakes and not think you are endorsing her wrong behaviour.
Afterwards, u need to help her recover psychologically and be closer to her then. It is not easy, but she will love and respect you more.
I hope no be theory i just dey yarn so. lol
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 12:31pm On Mar 19, 2009|
Wow. I would have said outrightly that you bring the child in. well . . . I believe you know your husband best. You can tell if he will accept the child as his own, if not, I will advice you keep the child with whom he/she is with and make sure you always find time to visit. The child surely deserves a motherly affection too.
If your husband see the child as his own, the issue of attention wont be a problem. I blame you though. You should have sorted that issue out even before marrying him.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by mohawkchic(f): 12:53pm On Mar 19, 2009|
~I Find the highligthed bits very disturbing to say the least!It's Obvious You're are not emotionally attached to your son,So you prolly see no wrong in your hubby requesting you bring Your son home on the basic of helping you w/ housework! That is so wrong!
~If the purpose of you having your son back in your life is to help you out & not on the grounds of You having a mother & son r/s. . . making up for the years lost,i'd advice he's better off where he is! Me think You're torn between your consceince of not been in your son's life but scared of the consequences of having him in your life . . most of all you're worried about how it will affect your r/s with hubby . . .
~Reading your post,it came across like you already have a life planned out w/ your hubby that didint include your son,now all of a sudden your faced with making a decision that could well affect the whole dynamics of your marriage/relationship . . which is more Important to you? Your Son Or Your Hubby?
~Prior to your hubby Requesting you bring your 7 year old to come help out as an househelp in your home have you ever considered having the child back in your life?
~My only Advice is Answer the questons i've asked & reflect on it,I hope you'll be able to come to a decision . .
~Oh BTW this is as objective as i could be given the info you provided,am not trying to be Judgemental in any way!
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Tgirl4real(f): 3:33pm On Mar 19, 2009|
Ha! Thanks Mohawkchic. Yes, it's very wrong to bring the child in cos u need help with house chores
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by isuomo: 4:13pm On Mar 19, 2009|
My daughter who turns 7 in 3 weeks was being bullied in school in London at the age of 5, she complained to me a few times and my wife had a word with the teachers but it continued i then took my daughter out one weekend to London Aquarium and i spoke to her at length (please dont think a 5year old is too young to be spoken to) during the train ride and advised her to give the boy a good going over knowing fully well my girl is the tallest in her class anyway, i explained to her that she must not be coming home to tell mum and dad of such things again and must learn to stand up for herself.
About a month after, we got a letter from the school that we should come in and i went to see the school head who informed me that my daughter gave a boy a black eye and the boy is off school i simply told the head to check her records and find out how many times during that term has my wife come in to complain about bullying my daughter and nothing was done about it i then informed her that i should be contacting my solicitors to write the school and warn them of the consequences of their incompetence. Maybe she thought i was kidding, 4 days later my solicitors wrote the school and theatened to take legal action if nothing was done; the school head beat a retreat, wrote me a 3 page letter apologising and promising that the boy will be kept under watch from now on and also admitted that indeed other kids had complained about Jamie.
I dont like violence but in my daughters case we were at our wits end because we know that she is not someone to be messed with but at the same time she wont hurt a fly today she is in her school council as the representative of her year.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by benedictac(f): 4:25pm On Mar 19, 2009|
Thank you mohawkchic, i am very emotionaly attached to the boy that is one. b4 we got married the issued had been settled during our marriage counseling we agreed that the boy will leave with us after wedding.
i requested for a househelp which he refused. i also asked if i could get his nice to leave with us and he also refused then he said that i should go and bring my son not becoz he wanted him as a househelp. His reason was that he wasnt ready for any house help/madam probs and all that.
B4 our wedding till now he has been payin his school fees and i send any other thing i can send but for the school it has been his responsibility i thank God for that.
Besides, i dont like his leaving conditions. he leaves with his grandma who is above 70years of age i know she has really been of help but i just need him.
I think and believe he loves my son as his. men are generally jealous when you pay much attention to your children even if they are the producers of these children.
This is where i am confused coz u really cannt understand men.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by D1KeleVra(m): 6:55pm On Mar 19, 2009|
Wow! What a speech!
I have no contributions. Thanks.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by LadyT(f): 10:03pm On Mar 19, 2009|
Fantastic GO DADDY!!!!!!!! lol
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by LadyT(f): 10:11pm On Mar 19, 2009|
I suggest if your husband does not want a house help he must do chores himself. Your son is a child and must be treated as a child whether or not your husband gave birth to him or not. At the end of the day your son myabe be better off with his grandmother. He did not ask to be born you gave him an invitation letter to come and join you on planet earth and for many years of his early life you have ignored him to "MOVE ON" with your life which is very very common amongst us Nigerians.
Look I suggest you are honest and you think hard because you will only live to regret if this innocent child is maltreated by you or your husband.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 2:52am On Mar 20, 2009|
isuomo:I like this!
Tgirl4real:Patience. . . .is something I don't have, for teen pregnancy
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 1:44am On Mar 21, 2009|
Sissy, I see you're online. yay!! Got a question to ask you. . . .
What do you do about a kid who doesn't want to go to church? And if he goes to church, he only goes to disrupt the service?
Do you allow him to stay home (meaning he wins) or do you continue to force him to go (meaning you win)? Or is there no winner in this situation?
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by ~Sissy~(f): 2:20am On Mar 21, 2009|
what is the age bracket of the children?
i would like to know his reasons for not wanting to go to church and why he disrupts others in the church, however, i don't really think any reason he gives me will deter me to allow him to stay home and eat the pot of rice! he MUST continue to go church with me. you know, when you let them get away with things like this especially at the early stage, it is kinda hard to bring them back. and i wouldn't want them to go off without knowing the God that i worship. cox i believe that taking them to church starting at the early stage would be a crucial element in their faith formation.
i recognize that sometimes children do disturb and distract others, however you have to work hard to teach them how to behave at Service. you could tell them; "Wiggle if you have to, but Be Quiet!". Also i'd suggest maybe sitting in the front row so that they could see what the pastor/priest is doing and maybe it will get their attention, when things do start to get "vocal", you could just whisper to them "Look! Look at pastor/ priest! See what he is doing!" This may seems to settle them down and grab their attention.
Dont allow them to stay home, no matter their little sounds, take them with you, and maybe if your church has sunday school or other types of children program i'd suggest you enroll them. and maybe depending on the age of the child, you could try to explain to him the importance/reasons of going to church.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 2:33am On Mar 21, 2009|
I'm not talking about a specific child. The scenario seems likely to happen to any child. . . .okay, let's say age 5 and up
Hmm, so you think the child should be forced to go to church?
Well, okay, I have an example. My little cousin (below 5) practically follows me to church (roll eyes ).
He can be very troublesome. He always wants me to carry him, cries when anybody else whats to carry him.
When he gets bored he starts making noise and moving around. I take him to the bathroom and give him just a little very little spanking. He quiets down a while and starts again.
Okay, so I carry him like a little baby and put his head on my chest to sleep. But no, he won't keep quiet.
I was so embarrassed once when the pastor talked to me after service to try to hush him up.
I mean, I can't leave him if he wants to follow me, but he disrupts the church.
I bring fruits and drinks for him now. Works but not much.
I know he's still a baby, but how do you keep such age quiet at church, esp when they're bored.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by ~Sissy~(f): 3:04am On Mar 21, 2009|
i sure do know what you mean ! cox in my church i have these little kids making noise, every loud (their parents dont really give a damn and during announcement you could hardly hear! they only take them outside when they start crying) and the little boy even brings his toy car to drive on the church seats! you can imagine the noise
since he is still a baby, i'd maybe suggest bringing materials for him . This can be children's liturgy books, picture books, crayons, and small snacks, just to keep him a little busy, cox yes like u said sometimes it gets a little boring and dry for adults not to talk of kids!
Ignore comments that belittle your effort to make him part of the church life. People who make these comments about behavior of children have little understanding of what the Church is about or God's acceptance and welcome of little children. I'd suggest you to have found low tolerance level and his behavior may appear to be worse when you are more concerned about what people are thinking rather than concentrating on encouraging him during service to keep quite. Don't let "bad" days discourage you. Evaluate what has happened, change expectations if necessary and try again. You are not alone to seek advice from others with kids in the church as well.
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 3:12am On Mar 21, 2009|
~Sissy~:Nice write up!
Oh yea, he's noisy.
You know how these ppl are. . . ."so cute", "awww" etc.
Well, sometimes he makes me laugh, I won't lie.
In church when I scowl him, he points his index finger at me and moves mouth. Because that's what I do when I scowl him, points at him and tells him to stop it.
When the pastor starts preaching, he screams amen.
Bring toys to church so he can throw them and make noise with them abi?
And there was this time he almost pulled this lady's weave off. She was sitting in front of us and he pulled her weave.
I loff am o, but he's too troublesome. Imma have to start leaving him with his father on sundays
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by mohawkchic(f): 3:13am On Mar 21, 2009|
~ Dont they have like a creche in your church for kids? Some churches i've been to have a special room for all the kids . .they teach/play w/ them depending on the age & their understanding
|Re: Parental Guide: Bringing Up A Child by Nobody: 3:16am On Mar 21, 2009|
mohawkchic:We used to.
My church is not a big one, like a big room or so.
(Nigerian and Haitians and others mixed)
I think they rented the playing room to some other people.
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