Infidelity/Cheating is something that always causes a lot of emotions amongst men and women. Men accuse women of cheating, and women just assume all men cheat. Often times people in relationships go about their business in relationships until someone is caught cheating. What happens if someone confesses though? Is it the same? Should the guilty party feel less guilty? I’ve been married to my husband now for about 2 years, and just like any marriage after such an amount of time, the honey moon phase is over. Things have settled into reality and all those stars and sparks have pretty much died down. We don’t have any kids yet but we plan on having children as soon as he’s done with his post graduate studies. I love my husband very much, and I couldn’t ask for a better man, but the only issue is that he’s off in the UK completing his studies, and I’m based in Kampala working for a certain Bank. I would have left my job to move to the UK with him, but since we both decided it was a temporary thing, I decided to stay back in Uganda and keep home. It’s a bit difficult because I only get to see him once every 4 months, and it’s usually not for long. Sometimes a week or two, and sometimes it’s for an extended weekend. Recently I met a guy at a work conference, let’s call him Eric. Eric is tall, handsome, built like a those models you have seen in TV commercials, and by any woman’s standards is very attractive. We became good friends (plutonic) and started having lunch together randomly during the week. I felt comfortable with Eric because I knew he was married and he never tried to hide that from me. His wife too was never around as she is a diplomat in European Union and travels a lot. For the most part I just really enjoyed his company. A few months passed and Eric and I have gotten pretty close. We started going out for drinks, movies in the evening, and talking on the phone at night and before we knew how we had come that far, we had gotten attached to each other. Initially my husband was aware of our lunch dates, but I stopped telling him when Eric and I would go for drinks or talk on the phone at night. I felt like he would get jealous, or maybe a part of me felt a bit guilty. One evening after having drinks, we decided to go see a movie since none of us were rushing to go home for the night, and it was Friday. After the movie while we walked to our cars he held my hand, and I didn’t remove because I found it comforting. When we got to my car, he leaned over and kissed me, and it felt really good, but bad at the same time. All my hormones started raging and so I invited him over to my place, and we had sex that night. I felt bad right afterwards, but as the days went by we continued to have sex, and it almost became a routine. Every 3-4 days, we hang out, we have sex, and that it. I’m getting very attached to him emotionally now, and I beginning to feel like I might get jealous whenever I do see him with his wife, But who am I to even get jealous? I’m married, and my husband has no clue what is happening. I want to confess to my husband, but I’m not sure if our marriage will survive it. I love my husband and don’t want to lose him. On one occasion I was having sex with Eric, and I saw my wedding picture on the night table and had to stop because I felt so bad. At that point I knew I still had a conscience but somehow can’t get myself to stop or to come forward and tell my husband. My husband will be back in 2 weeks, and I’ve been battling over this decision for quite some time and don’t know what to do. I know what I’m doing is bad, and I’m willing to stop. If you were in my situation, what would you do? Would you confess? How do I even go about confessing this?

I just can't phatom what will make me cheat on my spouse

Rubbish! God forbid that I have ur type as a wife, cos I will murder u in cold blood.Animal

U hv to repent totally, ask d holyspirit to help u (if only u r a christian)


i dnt fink u shud tell him but living in lies really hurt n d marriage is still young, ah! God help u.

Kondo been confusing women since the days of RUTH
#ButDazNoneOfMaBusiness

yes u beta confess bcaus one way or the other he will find out

go to hell and f**k the devil, bitch !

Since u haven't complained abt his absence to him,sex starving and closeness...i think he will not like it...b'cause both of u had an agreement...
u are nt the first to cheat...but if u continue it makes u look like a fool...even the eric wl not regard u and rem u hv no place in his heart...
go for confession and never do that again....

if u like sex ur hubby shld kn....and its not ideal to starve u of it....please don't tell him...

There are two things involved.
1) it's either you keep quiet and get blackmailed later by the guy u cheated on your husband with. This will be more painful for your husband.
2) you tell him yourself and accept whatever comes along with it
Either way you should be sorry and promise not to cheat again

u guys r busy bashing the woman.. u don't know if d hubby is also cheating on her... my advice for u is to pray to God and then cut all connection u v with dat eric and den u tell ya husband u never can tell he might understand

Cutehector:
I just can't phatom what will make me cheat on my spouse

Maybe when u get a spouse then u can "Phantom"

mrkay101:


Maybe when u get a spouse then u can "Phantom"

lol for sure... Nw we no knw

classicB:
There are two things involved.
1) it's either you keep quiet and get blackmailed later by the guy u cheated on your husband with. This will be more painful for your husband.
2) you tell him yourself and accept whatever comes along with it
Either way you should be sorry and promise not to cheat again

Keeping quiet is very bad and more devilish and "promise not to cheat again"..!! Does this sound like a Sunday school class?

Ur number 2 option is the best option for her cos believe me, one way or the other, the husband will surely find out sooner than later.

Ab025:


Keeping quiet is very bad and more devilish and "promise not to cheat again"..!! Does this sound like a Sunday school class?

Ur number 2 option is the best option for her cos believe me, one way or the other, the husband will surely find out sooner than later.

The main reason I said two choice

I think you should let your husband know

Now this is bad...buh no confess o,just take it to.ur grave and ask God for forgivness

Op,if you coming to seek reliable advice on nairaland then forget it because this forum is like a den full of hypocrites bashing you for being human and others would slam religion/god down your throat like they sunday school teacher.

In my own opinion,deal with yourself,learn yourself more to know how to manage your emotions then you 'd be good,However,confess to your hubby and if truly loves you he 'd respect and forgive you for admitting and revealing your mistakes.

My concern with this article is that am not so sure you have a contrite heart yet. You initiated this situation, in fact, you called for it, worked on it and assiduously made it happen, it was not a one night stand, you 'stood' for a very long time. Which brings me to the question, how long has this been going on? Sure long distance relationship has a lot of challenges but he comes home reguarly. You praised the beauty of this man to high heavens which is troubling for a married lady. Did circumstance beyond your control force you into marriage like been cajooled by relatives, parents etc. You sounded like two years of marriage was decades and in fact, you seemed to justify your action with the claim of long distance and 2 yrs of marriage been stale. Two years is still honey moon in a marriage. So, am not too sure if you were ready and matured for marriage at the time you did. My advice is this: ask yourself how much you really want this marriage not for the public persona of been married. Look yourslef in the mirror and find out whom you actually are. There are three persons in each one of us: the public person, the household person and the real us. You can massage the first two but the third, the real you can't be fooled. To be truly remorseful, the real you must not be decieved with the mumbo jumbo of some cute and irresistable guy defence and excuse. Maybe you are not whom people including yourself think you are, the decent girly wife. I say this becuase if you truly believe in the sanctity of marriage, no defense is probatively weighty enough to justfiy what you are doing/did. Some here posited that who knows if your husband is doing the same, that is not only myopic justification, it is absured and irrelevant. To suggest with no basis that he may be doing the same miss the point because even if he is, two wrongs don't make a right. So, you have to search your conscience diligently and ask yourself if this marriage means much to you because the marriage is in very deep trouble. Sex is only a physiological need not a "sine qua non" and your excuses make absolutely no pragmatic sense. Having said all these, my advise is to confess to your husband, ask for his forgiveness for your willful blindness and hope he forgives. Then also, cease and desist forthwith from further contacts with the playboy from the model magazines. The problem is even if your husband forgives you, it may be inestricablly difficult for him to trust you again. If anything, he may become suspecious of you even when there is no reasonable grounds. In fact, he may throw it to your face during arguments. If you hid it, for how long can you live with the guilt assuming you feel terribly awfull as you should. It is one of those circumstances (catch two-two) whereby you are doomed if you and doomed if you don't. Whatever happens, don't under no circumstance let him find out through a third party because he will not only distrust you, he will hate you for life and regret the day he said, "I DO". Good luck.

I'd advice you take it to ur grave

Op hmm do not listen to people telling you to confess to your husband, If you confess and he is unable to handle d truth in a matured way then ur marriage will be over with your news all over the town maybe village sef.

Even if you decide to tell him and he forgives you, you must understand that he will still use it to insult you sooner or later. Dont be suprise when you two start having kids, one day he may reveal the truth to the children.

You made a mistake, do not scatter your marriage with your own hands.

My advice is for you to cut all links with Eric,
ask God for forgiveness, grace to live a holy life and be a faithful wife,
ask God to cleanse you & keep your marriage.

Lastly Go for deliverance at MFM, WATCHMAN CHURCH OR ANY OTHER GOOD DELIVERANCE CHURCH.

NB: do not confess to your pastor or the pastor that wedded you unless revealed by revelation.

Well this is my suggestions, Sin no more!

misspicy:
Now this is bad...buh no confess o,just take it to.ur grave and ask God for forgivness

Wat if d man is d type dat reads his wife vig because 4 d main tym dat d man is away her vag sud b more tight

Your husband is most likely cheating as well, most of u men above insulting her cheat as well.... Why is it okay for men to cheat and when a woman cheats it's the biggest abomination ever? My dear lady.... "enjoy yourself baby boo, cos even your boo get a boo"... Life is not that complicated jare

yes

ted1741:
My concern with this article is that am not so sure you have a contrite heart yet. You initiated this situation, in fact, you called for it, worked on it and assiduously made it happen, it was not a one night stand, you 'stood' for a very long time. Which brings me to the question, how long has this been going on? Sure long distance relationship has a lot of challenges but he comes home reguarly. You praised the beauty of this man to high heavens which is troubling for a married lady. Did circumstance beyond your control force you into marriage like been cajooled by relatives, parents etc. You sounded like two years of marriage was decades and in fact, you seemed to justify your action with the claim of long distance and 2 yrs of marriage been stale. Two years is still honey moon in a marriage. So, am not too sure if you were ready and matured for marriage at the time you did. My advice is this: ask yourself how much you really want this marriage not for the public persona of been married. Look yourslef in the mirror and find out whom you actually are. There are three persons in each one of us: the public person, the household person and the real us. You can massage the first two but the third, the real you can't be fooled. To be truly remorseful, the real you must not be decieved with the mumbo jumbo of some cute and irresistable guy defence and excuse. Maybe you are not whom people including yourself think you are, the decent girly wife. I say this becuase if you truly believe in the sanctity of marriage, no defense is probatively weighty enough to justfiy what you are doing/did. Some here posited that who knows if your husband is doing the same, that is not only myopic justification, it is absured and irrelevant. To suggest with no basis that he may be doing the same miss the point because even if he is, two wrongs don't make a right. So, you have to search your conscience diligently and ask yourself if this marriage means much to you because the marriage is in very deep trouble. Sex is only a physiological need not a "sine qua non" and your excuses make absolutely no pragmatic sense. Having said all these, my advise is to confess to your husband, ask for his forgiveness for your willful blindness and hope he forgives. Then also, cease and desist forthwith from further contacts with the playboy from the model magazines. The problem is even if your husband forgives you, it may be inestricablly difficult for him to trust you again. If anything, he may become suspecious of you even when there is no reasonable grounds. In fact, he may throw it to your face during arguments. If you hid it, for how long can you live with the guilt assuming you feel terribly awfull as you should. It is one of those circumstances (catch two-two) whereby you are doomed if you and doomed if you don't. Whatever happens, don't under no circumstance let him find out through a third party because he will not only distrust you, he will hate you for life and regret the day he said, "I DO". Good luck.

Well respected comment. U've spoken like a Village Chief, seconded.

diva90:
Your husband is most likely cheating as well, most of u men above insulting her cheat as well.... Why is it okay for men to cheat and when a woman cheats it's the biggest abomination ever? My dear lady.... "enjoy yourself baby boo, cos even your boo get a boo"... Life is not that complicated jare

Na talk be that

nne4:
Op hmm do not listen to people telling you to confess to your husband, If you confess and he is unable to handle d truth in a matured way then ur marriage will be over with your news all over the town maybe village sef.

Even if you decide to tell him and he forgives you, you must understand that he will still use it to insult you sooner or later. Dont be suprise when you two start having kids, one day he may reveal the truth to the children.

You made a mistake, do not scatter your marriage with your own hands.

My advice is for you to cut all links with Eric,
ask God for forgiveness, grace to live a holy life and be a faithful wife,
ask God to cleanse you & keep your marriage.

Lastly Go for deliverance at MFM, WATCHMAN CHURCH OR ANY OTHER GOOD DELIVERANCE CHURCH.

NB: do not confess to your pastor or the pastor that wedded you unless revealed by revelation.

Well this is my suggestions, Sin no more!

Everyone should be responsible for their action/inaction. She didn't consider the implication of playing away match in marriage. There's nothing hidden under the sun, her best bet is to let it out, she should be ready for the worst, whatever happens she caused it.