Sweetlemon:


Sure I have! And ain't no way no nigga's gonna marry me out of pity!
Lord have mercy! What have we done to our self-worths?

How will a lady be changing religion for a man she's not YET married to? Say wetin happen nau? You don't make such "sacrifices" to someone you're not yet married to. We ladies need to learn how to love with dignity. By all means love your boyfriends but don't give him your all until he has paid your bride price in full and you have fixed a date for your court or church wedding.

That grl was desperate to hook the OP. She wasn't making sacrifices or being a good girl. She was desperate. Simple! The OP's fault here is that he shouldn't have kept dragging her along till now. He's always known he's just not that into her but he kept pitying and pitying until he started pitying himself.

alright.i see you point...its left to him

naijaboiy:

You insult am.

Because na her opinion be that and e no even sound childish at all.

And you,if you truly be woman I wonder if you go dey happy to discover say your husband dey marry you out of pity and if you be woman I sure say you no go like for your sister or any female friend to go through that experience.

Reason am well.

naijaboy. Read his post well, read it very well. What was the only flaw he stated? "She looks older", he loves her, always had. But just 2weeks to his wedding, he thinks she is too old, I know d op's thoughts are just being manipulated by d devil.

misspicy:

his priorities are totally misplaced...like what do men really want?
bros whether this marriage is out of pity or not there is no turning back...marriage is not all about love,why did you not notice her looks before she changed her religion,before you proposed etc...na now when time don go for the lady you know all this....do you know what it takes to change ones religion for a man,i bow for that lady because i left a perfect relationship of two years because of religious differences,unless you wanna be selfish just go ahead biko





i still maintain my stand i no go fit sacrifice my anything for any guy....imagine talk

na real imagine talk o

Michellla:
A girl gives up almost everything for you.

One week to your marriage you're contemplating on whether or not to marry again.


isnt that wickedness?

Real wickedness from d bottomless pit of hell

Op is yet to tell us all the real truth.

If i may ask, you guys have been dating for like how long?

As much as i want to agree with what you said i still have my doubt. Maybe it is now that you are attracted to another lady by the side and coming up with excuses. This new found attraction is also making you have a rethink.

I believe you know her age before you start dating and you also know what she looks like, so why now with all the flimsy excuses?

I will advice if the lady truly loves you go for her. Happy marriage is never in the age nor in the look but love, understanding, trust and truth in all dealings among all other things.

Patented:
Haba did she start looking older 2day or just yesterday? i smell a rat or 2 there is more to this than has been written in this thread

you are right. Op hope you are not the spiritual type that has visited some prophets. Say the truth there is definitely more to the ageing bullshit .

Cholls:
My brother what can i say?. C'mon marry her first and later on in the marriage things will work out fine if you fit trust me. The devil is a joker bro.

pls wetin concern devil for this mata now?

6fit:


pls wetin concern devil for this mata now?

my sister devil works on the mind.

marriage serious business. if you have doubts then dont. simple.

after knacking AKPAKO you come here dey give excuses
mumu boy.

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

Love is a choice not a feeling. You choose to love a person everyday even when you don't like them. The only thing that I see as a red flag is she changed her religion. Did she change because she saw truth or did she change just to be with you?

bronzegoddess:

Ur a child obviously.

what is the matter with you

I aired my view,why nt kindly give your advice afterall we are entitled to our own opinion...



It my opinion,if you see it as childish it is your problem not mine.

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

This is half or one-third of the story, its your own side of the table.

Could you be honest enough to tell us the things you benefited from the relationship within the period you dated? Is it admittable that you didnt benefit anything and you stayed on for this long/

I will comment more elaborately when you give us the full details of everything that transpired btw you two

@Op; to love some one is a beautiful thing. When one is in a relationship that they think would lead to marriage, there are certain factors you need to consider before taking the “I DO STEP” viz; Love, Compatibility, Respect and Friendship.

Some people do have cold-feet to the period leading up to their wedding day. In your case, I’ll say in all honesty, you are not being sincere to yourself as to what exactly you want in a wife. You are also picking on mundane things such as her being your age mate to justify your actions. From my observation, it takes a man a few weeks/months and not few years to know if the lady he is with WOULD END UP BEING HIS WIFE.

You didn’t come out here to say she’s rude, disrespectful, nagging, dirty, lazy, can’t cook, can’t clean, doesn’t love you, not caring, dbla dbla dbla etc (then I’ll have understood your stance) rather you pick on the fact that you are both age mates as a factor for justifying your doubts.

This woman who has sacrificed a lot for you deserves someone better; if the only thing that you have a problem with is her being your age mate and looking older than you.

What I can’t understand is why you even said HELLO to her initially let alone going ahead to date her for a few LONG and LONELY years;, engage her, and then do an introduction; when you knew from day one that both of you are age mates and she looked older than you; I just can’t bring myself to understand it.

Has it ever occurred to you why some men marry a woman based on the external traits that they want her to posses? It’s simply because if the wife lacks in that department and they eventually marry her there is a high percentage of them straying when the opportunity presents itself.

Note these 2 points;

1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) that the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

It would be in your best interest to DECIDE NOW IF YOU CAN PUT UP WITH HER BEING YOUR AGE MATE. She is a woman whose biological clock is thicking and if you honestly wouldn't be able to look beyond this age factor; PLEASE FREE HER AND FREE YOURSELF. Don’t have a selfish attitude (No offence hope none taken) where you want to have your cake and eat it by keeping her and STILL HAVING DOUBTS.

Having said that, you’re not yet married to your fiancé and as you’re already having doubts, it is better for both of you to count your financial loss and shame before the wedding takes place; than when the wedding occurs, you start misbehaving and engaging in the cheating act.

In all, people can only advice you about the pros and cons about going ahead with this marriage but can’t decide for you as only you can make that final decision. No one else would be there with you in your marital home as you’ll be the one who would live with whatever situation that arises if you go ahead with the marriage. Let me remind you that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

It'll be totally out of a selfish interest to allow her to chase other men away (one man’s meet is another man’s poison) with her knowledge that she has met her husband; meanwhile her man is in doubt if he has met his wife; as that’s the way it looks at the moment. I’ll strongly advice you to think deeply before pulling the plug on the relationship. Also note that you might find a younger lady (who might deal with you mercilessly through her character) but might not be a “Wife material”.

As it stands, don’t rush into anything CALLED MARRIAGE FOR NOW AS YOU DON'T COME ACROSS AS SOMEONE WHO IS READY TO TAKE THAT STEP YET (apologies for being brutal).

On a side note, with a good diet/health regime, coupled with a good exercise routine, she probably will age gracefully; hence, you might not need to worry too much about her looking older than you.

FOR LADIES, PLEASE AND PLEASE don't ever wait and stay glued to a man that is having doubts about you. Never allow desperation overtake your thinking and say there might not be another man available to love you for who and how you are as that would be a fallacy and totally wrong. You probably might be chasing other men who meet your criteria away by remaining with the one you are managing to your own detriment.

I rest my case.

this is one of the consequences of dating ur age-mate

When u were phucking, was it out of pity?she made sacrifices for u, CHANGED HER RELIGION, now few weeks to marriage, u discovered she is looking old...I pity your life, seems u got another beautiful young damsel u eyeing abi? Guy don't lose a diamond while picking up stones, I have seen few of her type, u better go ahead and put ring on that finger.....ingrate.olojukokoro

Something just came to my mind as I read your comment.

@OP, sit her down and discuss ur fears with her. Who knows, she might have same thought towards you but not bold enough to voice it out.

Nelgenius4me:
Marriage is a life time commitment... What we call love in marriage is nothing more than a coincidence of interest. If you are convinced that you do not have the energy to love your fiance till death do you part, please forget marriage. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. I must also advise that you shouldn't take undue advantage of a lady who has given her all to you. Also, note that you can only make a woman be what you want her to be... Finally I pray you make the right decision that will be best for the two of you.

JumpingChicken:


After fvcking her in and out, up and down you are begining to look for a stupid excuse abi? I see why its best to treat guys ur type like shit, becos that's the only way you hold your ladies in high regards. Now you will start getting advice here that " you should not marry out of pity" from people who know nothing about ur relationship.




You are a fool.

Mr man, u r a big shame 2 d generation of responsible guys. Imagine, u just make dis babe dey insult boboz. If u no marry d@ gurl ehn, d kind thunder weh go fire u & d new gurl weh dey deceive u dey pre-season 4 russia. Idii...ooottt!

Cruisenaani:
Mr man, u r a big shame 2 d generation of responsible guys. Imagine, u just make dis babe dey insult boboz. If u no marry d@ gurl ehn, d kind thunder weh go fire u & d new gurl weh dey deceive u dey pre-season 4 russia. Idii...ooottt!

Bros wetin I do?

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

So from your write up, your only resentment is the fact that she looks older than you..... Please break up and go pick a younger girl that will be in the stock market with lots of investors

[
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.
[/size][/i][/font][/b][/color][/quote]

guy you dey mean oo! which one be emulsion paint again.

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

guy! you dey mean oo! which one be emulsion paint again?

Jollyjoy:
what is the matter with you

I aired my view,why nt kindly give your advice afterall we are entitled to our own opinion...



It my opinion,if you see it as childish it is your problem not mine.

I have no problem my dear. I only aired my opinion, just as u did, urs

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

You are not going through with the relationship out pity, instead you are trying so hard to convince yourself not to marry her.

You are better off with a woman that can make sacrifices just to make a relationship work than one who is younger but self-centred.

Go ahead with the marriage, you'll be glad U did.

Love is all that matters.

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

You are a seriously sensible person, God bless your head!

Cutehector:
yea right. Marriage ish.. Sometimes we think we hav to marry evry partner we go out on a date with....
Sometimes, I am yet to understand the whole point of the relationship thing.. Two people fall in love, d next thing, dey break up..


U eva thought abt that befor?

I think nowadays, all the love tins r scrap. Na lost (satisfy our sexual desire)

I know am not married but I believe marriage is what you make of it and not what you assume it to be.

How would you feel if that lady told you the same thing?

You know you love her, that evident but you're looking too far into the future and it would surely scare you.

erumena:


You are not going through with the relationship out pity, instead you are trying so hard to convince yourself not to marry her.

You are better off with a woman that can make sacrifices just to make a relationship work than one who is younger but self-centred.

Go ahead with the marriage, you'll be glad U did.

Thank you....i appreciate

Thank you....i appreciate[/quote]
@Fammo,I believe by now you have done the wedding,congrats!