yapapa:
oya wayre ni? who be your papa mate?

Jollyjoy:
sorry,i dont understand.

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

fammo:

Thanks

AVRecruit:


sorry boss im on a mobile device. only the 4th sentence of that post applies to u. the rest were my opinion.

well females being educated pursuing career and being empowered by feminism till 32 keep doing that. its ur life!

fammo:

Thanks

Jollyjoy:
wonders!!

You are advising her to marry out of pity to the poor woman uuuh


Listen,no matter how painful letting her go will be it still far better than making her miserable for the life of her....

misspicy:

his priorities are totally misplaced...like what do men really want?
bros whether this marriage is out of pity or not there is no turning back...marriage is not all about love,why did you not notice her looks before she changed her religion,before you proposed etc...na now when time don go for the lady you know all this....do you know what it takes to change ones religion for a man,i bow for that lady because i left a perfect relationship of two years because of religious differences,unless you wanna be selfish just go ahead biko





i still maintain my stand i no go fit sacrifice my anything for any guy....imagine talk

You are not even ready yet.

When you are ready you'll change your stand.

Who loves someone without sacrificing something?

bronzegoddess:

Ur a child obviously.

bronzegoddess:

Ur a child obviously.

Simply because you don't agree with her opinion?

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

Cutehector:
Its not normal cold feet. U should be very much worried...


U said it
I love her out of pity.


Neva eva marry out of pity...

Instead, take her picture and while lookin at her, take a pen and paper and write out good reasons why u wr attracted to her in d first place.. What makes her so special. Look at the good sides and list dem out... While doin dis, ask for an alone time from her to think. One week should be enough.. No communication...




Wen d week is ova, thank me later

MadCow1:


Actually, I agree with her point.


NEVER GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE OR STAY MARRIED TO SOMEONE OUT OF PITY


It never ends well.

eroticboy:
My friend a lot of men have found themselves in the situation you are in......

some have gone ahead adapted and tried to find joy in their marriages......
some are seeing hell in their marriages....
some have gone ahead and divorced......
some have had and are running numerous affairs etc......

the first thing in any relationship ,contract , business or whatever it is that binds two or more human beings together is the consummation of self interest.....

any relationship that does not serve your interest IS NOT i repeat IS NOT IN YOUR BEST INTEREST

before a man or woman gets married, their decisions and whatever they do will should be them. you will always have alternative options and can always backtrack on a decision relatively easily.
at that point you have a choice on what you want, how you want it and when you want it.
when you get married to someone you lose that freedom of choice and cannot pivot on your choices so easily.

Once a marriage contract is signed, you at that point have signed away your freedom and power. you have lost automatically your ability to make decisions which are based strictly on the premise of your own personal self interest.

Marrying a woman means you have decided to take personal responsibility for her, it means you have signed away your rights to make decisions based on your self interest. it means you accepted her with her faults and good points.

It gets a hundred times harder to backtrack on a bad decision at that point.

it means when you have decided to base all your future decisions not on your self interest but in the interest of your family.
Any and every decision you will take after marriage will have serious and long term consequences on your family, her family and your future generations.

if at this point of reading this, you are becoming alarmed at what you are reading, then you should really reconsider the decision whether to go ahead or not.

the decision to marry anyone MUST and I repeat it very boldly MUST BE BASED ON YOUR OWN SELFISH CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT INTEREST. Please note the word CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT . you need to know what you want in a woman and be sure its the best thing for you.

You don't need to serve any other person's interest and this is inclusive of any woman you want to marry, your father your mother or anyother person's needs. Trust me any and every woman who wants to marry or get married is doing so on the basis of self interest. You dont owe nobody a thing.
You came into this world alone and by God you are goin out the same way......

Forget all these pity party and what anyone tells you.
Forget the "you used her and want to discard her" bullshit accusations anyone wants to pin on you
Forget the "She has done a lot for me so i owe her" bullshit emotional blackmail
Forget it all
IT BELONGS TO THE DOMAIN OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS AND WEAK PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER YOU
You don't owe anybody Jack Shiiiiit but yourself.

If what you have is not meeting your standards{whether it be fickle things like beauty or money}, then it is important for you to decide to do the right thing based on your OWN SELFISH INTEREST


Please spend some time alone away from everyone and clearly define what you want for yourself.
If you are a religious, you should spend time with your God seeking for guidance but you do need to do the above alone.

When you are clear on what you want out of life. Go after it, if what you have isn't what you want cut it out of your life immediately.
if what you have is what you want thenby all means do go after it.

PLEASE NEVER COMPROMISE ON THE STANDARDS WHICH YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO SET AND MAKE A REALITY FOR YOURSELF
you have only only one life. you owe your future the best possible decision you can make for it to come true....
cheers

naijaboiy:

Simply because you don't agree with her opinion?

simplisity:
Who is pitying who? The lady suppose to pity the man bcs he didnt not know what he wants, atleast the lady knows what she wants and have gone for it. If u think u r pitying d lady by deciding to marry her, ur very wrong. I think u shld look beyond that and see that marrying her, is doing what is the right thing to do. The problm we men have is the ego to alwas absolve ourselves frm our wrongs and responsibilities, even when we cheat we must have reasons to absolve ourselves and still push the whole blames to women, failing to keep d vow we make in the beginning. We shld all know that we are not doing women favour by marrying them, that is how God has made it frm the begining which without living on earth would have been miserable. So, my brother, as long as u look beyond or take away that pity notion and take her as ur wife, the better for u, bcs u might have the same notion towards another lady, bcs thats jst d product of mind. Marriage is a union of two imperfect being, who came together to accept their imperfection.