fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need you help. I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going throug h with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.
Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

Guy u must marry that lady. Please let me ask u, who do u want to leave her for? after sucking all the juice in her, u now remember u guys are age mate, blah blah blah blah blah, abeg, adjust make u find better excuse give. Habaa! U have being dating a girl all these while, and u said it yourself that u guys have been through a lot together, to the level of introduction, now all of a sudden, u now remembered she is ageing faster than u, please fear God. Think of how she was when u first met, think of her good characters and those beautiful things in her that made u stick to her upto this day and then think deeply and think again, if those things are still there, then u have no problem with her. We all must age at one point in our lives or the other, package her well and forget all these side chick's hovering around to destroy beautiful love God has bless one with and enjoy your precious wife. Abeg, send me my invitation for the wedding, I will gladly attend. God bless your future home.

Jollyjoy:
wonders!!

You are advising her to marry out of pity to the poor woman uuuh


Listen,no matter how painful letting her go will be it still far better than making her miserable for the life of her....

My guy, op is just confuse. He has to Marry the lady. He is not going to make her life miserable rather with time, op eyes go clear.

quit

I just feel the need to advise u, sincerely...

In my own opinion, her facial beauty or rapid ageing shouldn't be of concern if u really love her as u claim.

You said she has made sacrifices to make the relationship work (especially that religion changing part) you need to make sacrifices too, bro!

I will also like to inform you that there are many age defying and looks enhancing supplements you can both take advantage of. They are natural and effective without side effects.

You are Welcome!

Michellla:

and what happened to it?

Nothing, just asking at least if person put status for bbm, he/she would want to change it after some days/weeks/months. But no problem, I know you would change it when you see something else that inspires you.

I hear people say one shouldn't marry out of pity, then this guy pour out his mind. Some said he's wicked, some said he should atleast pity the girl because of all the sacrifice she has made. Then I think maybe this guy has been in this relationship all this while out of pity for her, maybe he has been fighting this thing for long in his heart.

I don't support your idea @Op, but I think many people are going through what you're passing through and even millions of couples marry each other out of pity. You can give it a shoot too.

Just pray, I believe whatever your decision is, GOD will help and guide you.

Some people are so poor and the only thing they have is money..

Laveda:
He should call it a quit just like that? Like seriously?
After everything she sacrificed, not like she did anything wrong.. I think the Op is confused nd needs some brain resetting, you can do better rather than asking him to quit.

miss it obvious op now see that lady as a burden...


Imagine he is feeling pity for her,the last thing i will do is to advise a man to marry out of pity no matter the sacrifice...


I will keep on emphasing on that mutual frndship and fondness....



The lady deserve more than that btw how am i nt even sure he have seen a lady he probably wished to be his...


This kind man deserved a hot bath

Youngpo413:
Some people are so poor and the only thing they have is money..

how is this quote relevant

ststyreal:

My guy, op is just confuse. He has to Marry the lady. He is not going to make her life miserable rather with time, op eyes go clear.

if the lady is still in her 20s then op will be doing himself,the lady future alotta good......

Jollyjoy:
how is this quote relevant

some have brains but can't use it.

Fact is, there is ALWAYS going to be somebody seemingly better than the person you are going to marry. Note: SEEMINGLY.

The longer you stay in a relationship, marriage or pre-marriage, the more likely you will feel that way.

Agreeing to stay with somebody for life is NOT a feeling, it is a DECISION....based on good judgement, not on fleeting feelings.

If you have stayed together already, so long that your "feelings" are begining to fade -seemingly, then it is time to make a decision. But not a decision based on feelings again.

If you had married her at the outset, you would still be feeling same way you do now...the reason many marriages appear to be failing after a few years.

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

the priorities are not misplaced. men commit adultery because of the emulsion paint and stature. it is therefore necessary to get someone you are attracted to avoid fornication.

It would be misplaced priorities if he doesn't see beyond youth though.

ststyreal:

Guy u must marry that lady. Please let me ask u, who do u want to leave her for? after sucking all the juice in her, u now remember u guys are age mate, blah blah blah blah blah, abeg, adjust make u find better excuse give. Habaa! U have being dating a girl all these while, and u said it yourself that u guys have been through a lot together, to the level of introduction, now all of a sudden, u now remembered she is ageing faster than u, please fear God. Think of how she was when u first met, think of her good characters and those beautiful things in her that made u stick to her upto this day and then think deeply and think again, if those things are still there, then u have no problem with her. We all must age at one point in our lives or the other, package her well and forget all these side chick's hovering around to destroy beautiful love God has bless one with and enjoy your precious wife. Abeg, send me my invitation for the wedding, I will gladly attend. God bless your future home.

when these girls r young they dont know wat they have until they lose it. its the time for them to get the best mate.

i will be more inclined to date a 20 year old till she 26 then marry her even if her face is appearing old i dont care because i married her young!

Chanchit:



Nothing, just asking at least if person put status for bbm, he/she would want to change it after some days/weeks/months. But no problem, I know you would change it when you see something else that inspires you.

lol.i hardly notice the signature thingy..
reason i'v never changed it.lol.
now that you'v mentioned it means it must be pissinq some other people off too...i should change it

fexyrich:
Big time wickedness my dear..He thinks its a jok or something..Playing with someones life and emotions..No wonder some ladies dump some guys and marry ready made and ready to mary men instead of waiting for their man..Cos of wicked men like this who would dump them after they have waited for so long for him.

i tell you.after they'll come here to complain again

Michellla:

i tell you.after they'll come here to complain again

I do agree though. its not a good thing to do. the man should be clear of his intentions from the onset.

Cutehector:
yea right. Marriage ish.. Sometimes we think we hav to marry evry partner we go out on a date with....
Sometimes, I am yet to understand the whole point of the relationship thing.. Two people fall in love, d next thing, dey break up..


U eva thought abt that befor?

yes.love doesnt necessarily mean marriage.you can love someone and you both wont be compatible..which tends to lead to break up.
the reasons why we fall in love with different people is still not yet known to man.lol

[quote author=Michellla post=39933685]
lol.i hardly notice the signature thingy..
reason i'v never changed it.lol.
now that you'v mentioned it means it must be pissinq some other people off too...i should c hange it [/quote

kramfonos:

You dated her even when you knew "she looks older".
She's made sacrifices for you and even changing her religion whilst fighting off the rebellious tag by her family.
She, according to you, has been faithful to you.
What else do you need, dude? Yeah, NEED and not WANT.
How sure are you that the other supposed YOUNGER-LOOKING girls aren't being masked by the thick coat of EMULSION PAINT they smear on their faces?

I think your priorities are misplaced.

On point!

Na after introduction u com know all these shits!

OP, I will advice u to quit..

As long as u have started checking out her old appearance before the marriage believe me u can neva stop.

Time will come u start regretting nd u will certainly resort to cheating.

Don't marry out of pity..

Haba did she start looking older 2day or just yesterday? i smell a rat or 2 there is more to this than has been written in this thread

misspicy:

his priorities are totally misplaced...like what do men really want?
bros whether this marriage is out of pity or not there is no turning back...marriage is not all about love,why did you not notice her looks before she changed her religion,before you proposed etc...na now when time don go for the lady you know all this....do you know what it takes to change ones religion for a man,i bow for that lady because i left a perfect relationship of two years because of religious differences,unless you wanna be selfish just go ahead biko





i still maintain my stand i no go fit sacrifice my anything for any guy....imagine talk

This is where the problem starts from, You can't sacrifice but you want a man to marry you Abi? Marriage nor be sacrifice? That's why whites are better than Nigeria girls, they don't see all men as same, that's why real love exist there

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

Your issues are real.

I wish I could advise you in person, but all I would say to you is; Search your soul. Nobody knows you better than yourself. Are you superficial? Would her changing physical appearance bother you enough to create resentment in you? Do you love her enough to weather anything that may be thrown your way?

Remember that looks are fleeting. Even if she were 6 years younger than you, a simple dermatological disease can change all that fast. I am stressing on this point because her aging looks seems to be a big issue to you. The fact that you have started noticing it means you are no longer caught up in the love fantasy clouds and that is not a bad thing. Now that you are seeing clearly, ask yourself; Is her look going to be an issue for you? Like you said, she hasn't started giving birth yet so it will only get worse with each passing years. And if it is that much of a big deal, then it is what it is.. And its not a bad thing. We all know what we like, our tolerances and such.

I believe that love conquers all.. Looks inclusive. If you feel the love bond between you both is that strong, then shake it off and move on. If you feel the love isn't as strong, then you may need to actually have a rethink and reassess your decision.

Goodluck to you both.

]At this junction you can't turn back, you have bought the goods already, she's yours. If I get you right you even have a child with her already, guy abeg,
happy/unhappy married life awaits you.

Bro it would do you good to read before commenting. Did u c anyplc wia he wrote DT De v got children?

misspicy:

his priorities are totally misplaced...like what do men really want?
bros whether this marriage is out of pity or not there is no turning back...marriage is not all about love,why did you not notice her looks before she changed her religion,before you proposed etc...na now when time don go for the lady you know all this....do you know what it takes to change ones religion for a man,i bow for that lady because i left a perfect relationship of two years because of religious differences,unless you wanna be selfish just go ahead biko





i still maintain my stand i no go fit sacrifice my anything for any guy....imagine talk

bby wat abt me? U mean u cnt sacrifice nothing for me!!!!!!!!

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

Are you interested in having fulfillment in your intended marriage or just want to make front page?

My advice to you is to have faith in your spouse , after all she has shown commitment by changing religion, you both have to give the relationship your best shots.

Cutehector:
Its not normal cold feet. U should be very much worried...


U said it
I love her out of pity.


Neva eva marry out of pity...

Instead, take her picture and while lookin at her, take a pen and paper and write out good reasons why u wr attracted to her in d first place.. What makes her so special. Look at the good sides and list dem out... While doin dis, ask for an alone time from her to think. One week should be enough.. No communication...




Wen d week is ova, thank me later

This is a very effective method.

JumpingChicken:


After fvcking her in and out, up and down you are begining to look for a stupid excuse abi? I see why its best to treat guys ur type like shit, becos that's the only way you hold your ladies in high regards. Now you will start getting advice here that " you should not marry out of pity" from people who know nothing about ur relationship.




You are a fool.

You think marriage na play? Marry a girl out of pity and see problems