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Why Do They Keep Coming Back? - Romance - Nairaland

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Re: Why Does He Keep Coming Back / Why Does He Keep Coming Back? / My Ex-boyfriends Keep Coming Back (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by lolarde(f): 7:56am On May 22, 2009
Nairalanders, please I need your advice.

I am 25 yrs,good looking and very modest. I have met a number of Guys in the past,they like me get close to me and based on my upbringing,they like my personality. The funny thing is that, it takes a short period for those guys to start seeing other girls, but will still claim they love me. Most times I am heart broken,but i bounce back fast,knowing life goes on.

The amazing thing is that these guys definitely come back begging for a second chance. An elderly friend of mine told me that when they get out there that is when they realise what they have left behind is better than what they have now.

I dont give 2nd chances,but i did give one of them a second chance,he messed up again and now he is begging for a 3rd chance.

These Guys are not kids,they have ages ranging from 28-31,with very good jobs.I feel they want to settle down, finding what is good is not so easy so they look back to the opportunities they have missed.

Right now I think i want to take a break from guys,but I m scared of missing a sincere opportunity too.

Right now I have two of such Guys wanting to come back,what should I do?
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by topup: 9:43am On May 22, 2009
I'm always very iffy about guys who are coming back.

However, what is most important is that you sort out what you want, I mean who cares about the two guys who want to come back, do you want to get back with them, that's the question. Then if you answer yes, you need to check the sincerity of your answer, why do you want to get back with them?? Because, you think you can manipulate them or gain access to a quick marriage because they are begging to come back to you, now??

If you are spiritual or even not, you might want to pray, but wisdom is not something to be ignored. I'm sure you're a smart girl, stop letting these guys decide what comes in and leaves your life.

The doors are yours to open and close, take control!!

You can do it.

Think very well about what you want, what you sincerely need and do any of these current guys meet the criteria.

1 Like

Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by luxoire(f): 9:54am On May 22, 2009
@topup - well say

@poster - look hun - what do you want?? - i have never given any guy a second chance and i don't intend to - that is why i try to give a r/ship 200% - infact more often than not - i am the one who gets dumped cry - so no way in hell he is coming back wanting to lick his vomit and thinks i will take him back - arrant nonsense angry angry

cut off from those guys and move on - take time out and do what you want - change your number if need be, but you have to be hard on them to be kind on yourself - having them clouding your mind and phone doesnt help - so tell them to butt off - take a break and assess what you want from a relationship and marriage. Pray and choose a guy that you think will give you those things and give him 200% to make it work

Who said God no dey?
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by topup: 10:04am On May 22, 2009
luxoire:

@topup - well say

@poster - look hun - what do you want?? - i have never given any guy a second chance and i don't intend to - that is why i try to give a r/ship 200% - infact more often than not - i am the one who gets dumped cry - so no way in hell he is coming back wanting to lick his vomit and thinks i will take him back - arrant nonsense angry angry

cut off from those guys and move on - take time out and do what you want - change your number if need be, but you have to be hard on them to be kind on yourself - having them clouding your mind and phone doesnt help - so tell them to butt off - take a break and assess what you want from a relationship and marriage. Pray and choose a guy that you think will give you those things and give him 200% to make it work

Who said God no dey?

Nice response. If you don't break up with them, then you force them to make the decision to leave the 'good thing'.

Giving 200% - that's like me, give it all you've got, so if they leave, they have no excuse to say you pushed them away or wasn't good enough - it would be because of their own silliness.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by biola44(m): 10:14am On May 22, 2009
@poster: giving 2nd chances makes pple take advantage most times(beware) & a guy who has not slept with u has all d reasons to come back(watch out), but what makes them leave anyway?
surely ur own man will never leave, maybe u r not @ ur last b/stop yet.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by vanderjo(m): 10:23am On May 22, 2009
@poster,
It is not always adviseable for you to go back to your ex cuz once there is a breach of trust in a relationship,believe me it is hard to get it back and there will always be that insecurity if one goes back to an ex.

I advice try and take time out of relationship for some time and ask yourselves questions,you might also made mistakes too.Take steps to correct them and get to know who you really is.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by lolarde(f): 10:31am On May 22, 2009
Tks topup.
you know when guys want to play they know the kind of girls they go for.
When its tym to settle down,they know what qualities they want and would go all out to get it.
The guys are people I know I want as in they fit into all my criteria.
Its just that these days the guys out there are hard to trust,and the old saying is the devil you know is better than,
I have not made any conclusions just want to take my tym,besides they are the ones who would want to get married soon not me,i am not in a hurry.
tks.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by topup: 10:42am On May 22, 2009
You seem like you know what you want. Just be wise with your steps, I'm sure you know what to do, just don't rush anything and never feel like you have to pick from what's in front of you. If your dream guy is not in the list of guys you know, don't compromise would be my advice, because if you ever meet him, you will always wish you waited - because he would be worth it.

All the best, it seems that you already know what to do.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by Feelitx(m): 10:44am On May 22, 2009
@Topup,

Well said: You can give useful advises when you chose to.

@Poster,

Define the men you want and stick to it. What are the qualities I want in a man? How dependable must my man be? set specific goals and targets as regards the kind of man you want and accept nothing less.

Goodluck.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by touchmeder: 10:54am On May 22, 2009
Great response so far
but m just curious y do they leave 2cheat in d first place?
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by milad4real01(m): 10:57am On May 22, 2009
Hi,the reason they keep coming back is their feeling for you,they dont value when u are wit them whereby you are the most precious to them when you are away,they dont deserve you.just think about it
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by iice(f): 11:02am On May 22, 2009
Half the time they don't need a second chance because it will be no different from the first time, but sometimes they can surprise you. So just do what you must do.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by shanda(m): 12:20pm On May 22, 2009
A wanderer keeps wandering. That's all I have for u.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by lovestorm(m): 12:32pm On May 22, 2009
maybe its that quality you posses they are coming back for, maybe they are desperate to settle down so soon, maybe maybe maybe,
who says second chances are no good?! you can be surprised what you may experince with a second chance. though in your case it maybe different but i disagree to a complete impossibility of that generally.
i believe you know these men well enough, you know which of them you agree much with, if you love any of them that much irrespective of the circumstance you have time to think it over.
besides you spoke much about them having a good job and ready to settle down but didn't mention much about you. are you also ready? can you support yourself also, are you self confidence to agree to their proposal?
it all lies with you.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by SOMTO2(m): 12:34pm On May 22, 2009
second chances dont necessarily mean brand new xters.
however, some have proved differently.
think you are in a position to know if they are worth it or not.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by AmAlone: 12:35pm On May 22, 2009
If A Guy Break Your Heart
Your Slippers Don Cut Be That
Madame Make You No Go Try Amend Am
Because It Can Never BE Like Before cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by ikeyman00(m): 12:37pm On May 22, 2009
@@@@@ post

do u do black magic lipsrsealed
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by agath(f): 12:46pm On May 22, 2009
may be am always lucky, though i don't go out with any guy i meet, i consider alot before giving guys opportunity, ever since i started dating, i have never been gilted by a guy, i always quit my relationships any time i noticed that the guy is no more responding well, am very sensitive, so before u jilt me, i make sure i do it first, that why i won't feel the pain so much, as per giving second chance, i have once given a second chance to someone i jilted and it worked out good.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by bsanya(f): 1:16pm On May 22, 2009
same thing is applicable 2 me
This guy keep coming and they wont let us go because they knew we are 4rm a good home, we are best cook , we are responsible and all other qualities we cant mention. And they know if they miss us they wont get a good and responsible lady to get married to.
ALL THE LADIES IN DA HOUSE KEEP UP UR GOOD BEHAVIOUR
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by JJYOU: 1:22pm On May 22, 2009
bsanya:

same thing is applicable 2 me
This guy keep coming and they wont let us go because they knew we are 4rm a good home, we are best cook , we are responsible and all other qualities we cant mention.  And they know if they miss us they wont get a good and responsible lady to get  married to.
ALL THE LADIES IN DA HOUSE KEEP UP UR GOOD BEHAVIOUR

and the choir said  AMEN
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by 9jacrip: 1:27pm On May 22, 2009
It's not only guys who come back, girls do too. I once had a girl I was in a "serious relationship" with for 3yrs but she cheated so I had to quit even though it wasnt easy, now she realized she shouldn't have let me go because she hasn't found someone who will take her serious as much as I did and now she wants in, the sad part is that I'm now wiv someone else and I don't/can't cheat or play games. So girls too also return not just guys!
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by donsponky(m): 1:29pm On May 22, 2009
amen amen cool cool
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by Meldrick(m): 1:44pm On May 22, 2009
agath:

may be am always lucky, though i don't go out with any guy i meet, i consider alot before giving guys opportunity, ever since i started dating, i have never been gilted by a guy, i always quit my relationships any time i noticed that the guy is no more responding well, am very sensitive, so before u jilt me, i make sure i do it first, that why i won't feel the pain so much, as per giving second chance, i have once given a second chance to someone i jilted and it worked out good.

then you have never loved any of them. you quit when u like because u don't love them.

@ poster
who knows? maybe you've given them the hottest sex or Mouth Action of their life and they can't help but just keep running back because they've discovered you are the prof. I mean you are the bomb. grin grin
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by MrCrackles(m): 1:47pm On May 22, 2009
Topic

Because they want to come back!
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by maxtop(m): 1:47pm On May 22, 2009
I am guy and i must be sincere with you ,dont ever give any guy a 2nd or 3rd chance coz he will mess up again especially when they find out you are week emotionally. Am telling you from experience they will only use, bump and grind you into oblivion,all they want is your body especially if you are "good in bed"  grin.
  So my sister,say bye to those two coz i dont see them offering you anything than a broken-heart. What i want you to do is pray and believe your man will come to you at the right time and dont be desperate coz age is not on your side too but take time and dont get loose, now you in total control of you life.
Cheers,
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by Ujujoan(f): 2:15pm On May 22, 2009
@ Poster,

Sorry if my question is embarrassing, but do you have sex with these guys? If yes, do you think you are good in bed?

I'm asking because most guys are very crazy about sex. A guy might not admit it but 60% of what makes him stick to a lady is the sex. A lady might have all the wonderful attributes of a woman but if she's not . . . . you know na. Well, lets just say the guy will look elsewhere. Most of the time, they get carried away with the other lady giving them a nice time in bed that they start misbehaving.

But marriage is a different thing entirely. When they think of marriage, they think of that lady who has the best attribute a woman can possess, then they come running back.

Thats just my analogy anyway, I could be wrong!! smiley
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by kokoye(m): 2:18pm On May 22, 2009
agath:

may be am always lucky, though i don't go out with any guy i meet, i consider alot before giving guys opportunity, ever since i started dating, i have never been gilted by a guy, i always quit my relationships any time i noticed that the guy is no more responding well, am very sensitive, so before u jilt me, i make sure i do it first, that why i won't feel the pain so much, as per giving second chance, i have once given a second chance to someone i jilted and it worked out good.

You are not lucky, you lack confidence and have low self-esteem. That's the only reason you brag about breaking up first.

I'll be surprised if you are a lady.  You sure do sound like a girl.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by Tmoni(m): 2:27pm On May 22, 2009
was expecting the fireworks, they are sorta late on this thread

@poster, am a guy

as the first set of people said, follow your heart

what do u want from guys / relationships, if any of them meet d criteria and u are ok the give it a go

even if it does (not) work out, u can get solace in knowing u did wat ur heart wanted
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by wallex73(m): 2:30pm On May 22, 2009
Well,all i will say is that i am a man and most men do make mistakes when it comes to relationships.We tend to look for miss perfect and there has never been a perfect human being but we can only try to do the best we could. We can never meet perfection however hard we try. When they realise other women out there are not afterall better than Shade,they re-trace their steps and come back to Shade.It is good to give these sort of men a chance when they gebuinely come back to their senses. Who are we not to forgive when we offend God always and we beg Him for forgiveness too. HOWEVER, you as a woman must be sure he is truly repentant and he is willing and ready to make commitments this time around.Don't submit to his sexual demands and with that,his actions or inactions will deternine his level of seriousness. It is then left for you to decide.

Best of lucks smiley
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by Bishopking: 2:32pm On May 22, 2009
on what basis did u give one of them the second chance? Did he jilt you initially? How has he messed up again? By dating another lady? By personality frictions.

Well if he cheated on you, you should not even think of having him back. But if he messed up in another way, think through of whatever he might have done. Dont throw away  bathwater with the baby. For you to have given him a second chance, you must have considered some things. For him to be begging for a third chance, I do not think that he committed the same offence twice.

You are 25? you are not too young to consider marriage.

If you can answer my questions above, then I will know what else to say.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by tpiah: 2:36pm On May 22, 2009
If they're bouncing around like yoyos, then you need to do the same.

Dont be there in any other capacity besides as a friend, when they circle round and "come back" to you.

The phenomenon get name, in case you didnt know. Its called Okafor's law.
Re: Why Do They Keep Coming Back? by Bishopking: 3:30pm On May 22, 2009
on what basis did u give one of them the second chance? Did he jilt you initially? How has he messed up again? By dating another lady? By personality frictions.

Well if he cheated on you, you should not even think of having him back. But if he messed up in another way, think through of whatever he might have done. Dont throw away bathwater with the baby. For you to have given him a second chance, you must have considered some things. For him to be begging for a third chance, I do not think that he committed the same offence twice.

You are 25? you are not too young to consider marriage.

If you can answer my questions above, then I will know what else to say.

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