I'm a 21 year old female and I have a year left in college. I want to get married and have children by the time I'm 24 or 25. Apparently my parents do not expect me to be dating, yet they expect me to get married a few years after I graduate and get a job. I want to be able to know the guy for about 3 to 4 years before marriage but in order to do so I have to start dating now. My mom is confusing because she doesn't want me having a boyfriend but she already has a guy in mind that she prefers. She also doesn't want someone who is not Nigerian. It's apparent that my dad doesn't want me dating at all. I've been low key seeing an African american guy for 8 months. We hardly see each other because my parents would not be happy that I'm dating him. I love him and I see marriage potential in him so I have not broken up with him. He's already graduated college and has a job so there's no doubt he is able to take care of me when we get married. We have allot in common and we're both Christians which is a plus for me. I want to be free to date who I chose and I want to get married because I am in love with the person not because they are a Nigerian with allot of money. I believe that I should have a talk with my parents but I do not know how to approach them. Any advice? thanks.

DikSin:
Summarize that Odu Ifa passage of yours and watch solid advice pour in

I presume you have no solid advice for me?

At 21 you don't know how to approach your parents even Davido wasn't this naive.

I I'd prefer u switch into your action mode instead of holding a meeting that has little assurance for a brighter day. You're an Elephant, don't allow the chair like weight of your Parents plan on how to live your life stand as Obstacle at experimenting the dating art with the one you've fallen for. Girl, jez do what you feel is alright for U , holding the opinion of everybody and anybody at all under the circus of outright nonchalance. The story either ends being a lesson for life or a blessing for Life, Either way, You're the Winner! ... How? Your experience will cure U of the disease Naivety. U kwim?

Don't date but you are getting married soon . . . Some African papas n mamas for you. Remind them they won't be with you forever n you have to know why they 've decided for you so you can manage things well in future. Use this to get their into their head(s) n know what they are thinking.

sauceTDA:
At 21 you don't know how to approach your parents even Davido wasn't this naive.

Why so rude? I suppose your parents are easy to talk to abi? My parents are NOT easy to approach. If they were I wouldn't be asking for advice ONLINE from people I don't know....

Sibrah:
Don't date but you are getting married soon . . . Some African papas n mamas for you. Remind them they won't be with you forever n you have to know why they 've decided for you so you can manage things well in future. Use this to get their into their head(s) n know what they are thinking.

Do'u work for FBI, CIA or better still SSS?

You dont have to tell me Thur thruf.

When u get to 40 they ask u to bring anybody..


Dating in my house is not "spiritual".. But i broke the spell.
As cool and eligible as I may appear, I had my first gf at 27. I really tried to make it work, thinking I'll have to marry the first girl I date ( fallacious fantasy).

Right now, I am unto my second bae.. And i am very glad I did move on from the first.

U have a heart and a head, use them well.. Quit long distance and date some real nigga that has respect for ur choices when it comes to education, career, sex, spirituality and aspirations.

Thank me later

Uhm.... I can assure you he's a "real nigga" who respects me and everything I'm doing. Pardon me he's graduated and we live 10 minutes away from each other so it's not long distance anymore.

kilokeys:
When u get to 40 they ask u to bring anybody..


Dating in my house is not "spiritual".. But i broke the spell.
As cool and eligible as I may appear, I had my first gf at 27. I really tried to make it work, thinking I'll have to marry the first girl I date ( fallacious fantasy).

Right now, I am unto my second bae.. And i am very glad I did move on from the first.

U have a heart and a head, use them well.. Quit long distance and date some real nigga that has respect for ur choices when it comes to education, career, sex, spirituality and aspirations.

Thank me later

TobiBabiOO:
Uhm.... I can assure you he's a "real nigga" who respects me and everything I'm doing. Pardon me he's graduated and we live 10 minutes away from each other so it's not long distance anymore.

Then u don't have a problem. Ur parents rebelled to be together most likely. So they'll understand if u do too

True... Thankyou

kilokeys:


Then u don't have a problem. Ur parents rebelled to be together most likely. So they'll understand if u do too

Op, Im not sure you'll get the advise u need here.

I think the best bet for you is to come out open with your current relatnship and see how your parent would react.. uno you can't hide it forever..

Their reaction will determined your decision.. it your life and happiness that's involve not theirs.. unless they tell you their parents did same to them too.

But even at that everyone has got liberty to choose what's best for them. Your parents may mean well for you but the final decision is still yours and at 21 u've the liberty to do so. But u will have to be prudent and thread carefully about it.

When the time arise be diplomatic and not rebellious when talking to your parents.. so you can earn their blessing at the end of the day.. Goodluck

Here's what I think: Dump that Dude! He's no good

I'm the kinda Guy you need in your Life Baby. Let me Be your King and You, my Queen. I Promise to rock your World or Bed

So we'll date and have fun for a while, say 3 months, then you can Leave me and go back to that guy.

Dearie, you have to make your parents understand that it's your life and you're the one getting married not them, they won't come experience marital issues with you so should allow you choose your spouse yourself . The thing is parents wants the best for us and they always think they know the best for us but that's not always true, you have to stand for yourself against your parents with all love and respect.


My advice is this, since you've been able to keep the relationship for 8 months then i suggest you keep it till you graduate before you show him to your parents, your parents still see you as a child and they don't believe you can make the right decisions for yourself as regards marriage so you have to change that notion.


I can say i'm experiencing same except that i have none in mind and my mum is already on my neck to show her my Boyfriend/fiance before i graduate which is gioing to be this coming year but i've decided not to date because of her pressure but when i come across someone that catches my fancy i'll date.

At 21 you shouldn't be this concerned about marrying I suppose you channel that energy to other achievements other than marriage,and not make it like a do or die affair that you must marry in 2-3 years,to prevent yourself from making a terrible mistake.

About your parents, you should face them, it's about time you show 'em are grown up, back up your ideas with facts and convince them , see it as a challenge.

from ur post it seems ur parents are the strict type.but u should know u are an adult and have right to make certain decisions concerning ur life .try to sitdem down on a cool evening after a nice dinner and talk to them heart to heart