xtervaganza:
I'm seeing far too many stoopid advisers here and it upsets me deeply.



Why would you hide your intention of helping your bro from your wife? Why? Is it because you fear her or respect her?


If you fear your wife then you're a big old fool (sorry to say) and you're a poocee too.


If you claim to respect her by not telling her b4 you help your fam then you're stoopid again and it means she does not respect you in any way.


When you get home today, sit her down and tell her you'll continue to help your brother for as long as possible and let it be the last time she will be angry at you helping your family.



Let her know she will see hell the next she queries your good deed

Everyone sees marriage from a different perspective, but to some, the peace part is most important..
A lot of women have the devil being in them that should not be activated...

Even if the man is a sissy, and she got angry, what prompted her to call the "elder" brother.
If you follow that kind of woman with what she deserves, in 12 months the marriage will crash

True talk bro cus ur broder is ur blood

mutiply:
I don't understand why you will want to help your brother and your wife will let hell loose. I think you are soft on her, you need to tell her you are the man of the house. If you have more than enough, please do assist him cause you never can tell how your tomorrow will be.

We Women and pretence sha anyway @Op I would like to advice that you sit her down and explain reasons why you will always help your family members. God forbids o, If anything happens to you today na your family go remain. I've seen a similar experience that the man had a deadly disease and he was left for his family to take care of him. Help your family members when you can afford it and also take care of your wife.

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

Well like you said since you married her things started going really well for you, I will advice you stop begging her, she will definitely come and beg you, you can't leave your brother to suffer, sit your wife and talk to her.

Don't do anything nasty oo, remember since you married her things are going smooth. God bless your marriage and give you guys the spirit of understanding.

Ask for a divorce. If she asks why tell her that she's a selfish human being. That you'll rather help your sibling than not help at all. You want a wife who will support you helping others.

Some ladies don't have conscience. Is the money hers? Please ignore her once you know you meet her needs. She should have manners. What right have she to call your elder brother to say such nonsense? Nawaooooo

yemi16:
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour...

The reason for d collapse of her previous relationship ain't important ryt? U forget say rain wen dey fall for duck house go still fall for fowl house abi? Marriage is a lifetime commitment so try n change her orientation by being generous to her kith and kin. All d best bro.

mizquote:



its funny that women re d first to throw stones at their fellow women.

the woman might not have a problem with d giving aspects but she needed to be informed before her husband gives out those properties.


imagine the man comes to pick her sewing machine or tv without her husband informing her.

What i dont understand is why the man need to inform the wife before he gives out properties to his own brothers and properties that have been replaced. I dont get it. If it were people outside his Immediate family circle, that is understandable. Look, by marriage that her husband brother automatically becomes her brother and she should treat him same way he will treat her own blood brother.

Most women are like that. Women are not naturally good with giving except you tell them that if they give their gift will bring back a reward in a certain amount of time. Women are always scared of their husband's wealth being consumed by outsiders leaving her children with nothing, and some of them take it too far. If you want to help someone help the person in her absence or else she would start imagining that she is suffering in your house while others are enjoying your money. Insecurity is what causes such mentality. If there is a way to make them to feel more secure then men will have peace. A woman will bug you until you spend your salary to the end. She will only be happy if you keep the salary with her then she will not want to buy unnecessary things. If she holds your money, tell her, darling send 10,000 naira to your siblings and give me 20,000 to give to my brother, you would be surprised how she would gladly give you the money without complaining because she has started feeling more secure.

Let me give you a candid advise, stop "carrying your wife along" as it relates to what you do for your brother and how you do them. You can call your brother up when you are in the office. You can do transfers into his bank account during work hours and do not need to have your wife know about that. I see no risk in that except you think she has good reasons why she wants to restrain you from helping your brother. Stop talking about your brother whilst she is near. Before her, act like he does not exist for the while and when opportunity calls remind her that tables turn most times and the one who receives could be in a position to give and the one who gives would be in the position to receive.

Bro, if that is the case, never tell your wife anything you want to do to your brother. This is the time your brother need you most. you need to help him
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Yes, I believe you married the wrong lady. She seems mean. But if the only serious problem is her having problems with you helping your brother (who is really in need), I would not advise for divorce.
You can sit her down and have a serious talk with her to let her know why you have to be there for your family. Let her know that you and her could find yourselves in similar problem in future. Assure her that this is a temporary situation.
Does your wife work? How does she feel about helping her own family? If she contributes to your family income, then it might make sense for you guys to operate a joint account into which each of you would pay a percentage of your income monthly for family expenses. Then you can do what you want with the leftover. Same for her. That way, you don't have to tell her when you need to help a family member.

Ain't no b**ch can stop me 4rm reaching out to my siblings!!!

Ain't no b**ch can stop me 4rm reaching out to my siblings!!!

freecocoa:
I can understand but if we are being totally honest, you ignored the signs for real.

When someone says they left a partner because he was helping his family, then you have to think it through, anyways, you already married her so you just have to do your part to make it work, which includes letting that woman(I'm sorry to refer to your wife like that but she has pissed me off )know, your family is a very important part of your life and should be treated as such, you have to put your foot down, she needs to readjust.

It's not even just about helping family alone, a little kindness here and there hasn't killed anyone.

thanks...i quite agree i overlooked the signs....its no so easy especially when in deep luv....

Is it her money u're spending? stingy wicked wife of urs. U need 2treat her messup and make sure she go back 2ur broda n apologise. She's a wrong wife.

[/color][quote author=yemi16 post=43028631]

I absolutely agree with you on this....I am not even helping my brother because of the unknown future or because he is my brother...i am helping him because he deserves to be helped....
I sincerely am still in shock why this should be a problem for anyone....let alone my wife.... [/q[color=#990000]uote]


That's the truth, you should be able to render help to anyone in this life as long as you have the means

The reason God blesses most people is just so they assist others around them

I pray you don't go broke(God forbid), because this your woman might not be there for you financially till you get your feet back on ground, am not talking about divorce, but she might find it difficult to render financial assistance to you too, or decides to spend her salary on herself alone while you try to bounce back and get yourself together.

mizquote:



its funny that women re d first to throw stones at their fellow women.

the woman might not have a problem with d giving aspects but she needed to be informed before her husband gives out those properties.


imagine the man comes to pick her sewing machine or tv without her husband informing her.

Did you read where the OP said that he a left a refrigerator in his former apartment because she wouldn't allow his brother to pick it?

There's absolutely no justification for her actions.

josite:
until she stabbed you in the neck and u are certified dead,it is only then a lawyer can say if you married a wrong wife.this is how the other idiot waited for the second stab before returning the wife from hell back to the sender.be4 it is too late,reasses your choice and either affirm your choice or dissaffirm it.

why will a man remain married to an unkind woman.the one that killed her hubby showed definite murderous instinct/traits and the idiotic hubby ignored it.

Easy bros....easy.....i appreciate the concern but....e never reach this level abeg...This is not the time to say its over or call it quits bro....Let me give it my all first with the help of God...and then i will decide next steps if things dont work out.

thanks all the same!

ammyluv2002:
Yemi16, i get your point. I know, we(women) can be annoying sometimes. I'm not in support of the way she goes about it, she shouldn't stop you from helping your blood, but there are few things ,i would want you to know;

1) The first five years of marriage is usually very difficult. This period, a lot of things happen and if you guys aren't careful, those stuffs can lead to divorce.

2) I think, you guys lack serious communication. why would you decide to give out those old electronics to your brother without communicating with your wife? I mean, who wouldn't panic? if you had communicated with her then this wouldn't have happened. In marriage, decision taking should come from both parties. don't play "the man" card in your home. Seriously, i think you owe her an apology for not telling her of your plans. Its a simple logic, it should have been like this "Dear, since we are moving, i think it would make sense if we get new set of electronics so i can give the old ones to bros" This is understandable! No woman will say no to this, we love new things.

In order for peace to reign let her know, you re sorry! then make it clear that you will continue to help your brother till he gets a job. She's your wife and i think, you owe her that explanation. Don't assume she understands, carry her along. Act like you really need her opinion.

Thanks for reaching out to me privately....reading your post, i 'd like to say apologizing to her is completely out of it. ...i have done this severally in the past and its is making her more powerful by the day.....a man is gat to be a man sometimes.....firm, rigid and yet fair and just...no sentiments...!

thanks for advice though!

nasha1:


If it was him doing this to the wife,will u have said all this? You claimed that you bought "a house" without ur husband knowledge because it is ur money and as u lot call it "enemy of progress" whenever the husband demand 2 know.so why are u now telling him 2 explain 2her?
u can't just keep being one sided and demand 4 equality anytime it's about a woman.be objective sometimes.
She is EVIL,period and he has everyright to help his brother as long as it is HIS MONEY.

Wow! at her buying a house without her husband's knowledge and she is here talking about the op having to consult his wife before giving things to his dear brother. That is clear-cut hypocrisy right there.

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Onegai:


No, actually the message is right. People are the issue.

I'm a gambling woman and I'm going to make a bet. I bet you N200 that she also acts jumpy when your relatives come around, like she's not comfy but dare not be rude and overdoes the fake smiles sometimes. Did I win my bet?

if that's true, she's suffering from I-Gats-Fight-Needless-Battles Disease. it's a nasty illness, ah tellya. There's a long cure for it and a short cure. Only take the short cure if you are a very calm and in-control person. ONLY IF YOU ARE CALM AND IN CONTROL AND HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR.

if you do, reply this and I'll post the short cure here.

Exactly, am sure she wouldn't want her husband family around to spend the weekend or holiday

I hope she's not trying to do "me and my husband"

As a Rookie in Marital Affairs I'd say OP just have to be patient. She's unarguably selfish but then our women are like a "Porcupine", when threatened it can be deadly. Your act of giving to your sibling is a threat to her as she feels you're more concerned about his welfare than hers.

My submission is that you should find a good day to sit her down and calmly deliver a strong sermon on GIVING and let her know that before you met her you slept on the same bed with ur brother...

That should help.

AFRICANDICEY:
Your brother does not need to come to your house for money; you can do a transfer. Your wife must not always be in the picture. She is not a bad wife but ''over protecting her husband finances''. Be diplomatic with her, always convince her of your reasons. If you can help your brother get a job.

Is she really protecting her husband's finances? The op said that she is happy when he helps her family and that she also helps her family. How about the old items which the op replaced with new ones and the wife still opposes his giving it away to his brother. Let's call a spade a spade.

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

Hell yeah! You did, wait! Didn't you see the reason she left her ex., ladies hate sharing and are very competitive. If her sister is coming over.... Smooth sailing but if its coming from your side, it going to be a rough ride.....didnt you discuss this while courting...... O'yeah..... Don't apologize you are the man of the house it high time you let her know who is boss....simple.
You brother does not need to come to the house you can do a transfer. Inform her that it was your brother that sponsored your schooling and can't let him suffer.
Here are a few things I learnt in this section
Money
Sex are damn important in a marriage
Never let your wife know when you giving your relations money.

Horlufemi:
Ask for a divorce. If she asks why tell her that she's a selfish human being. That you'll rather help your sibling than not help at all. You want a wife who will support you helping others.

Not a good advice. It's not easy getting a wife you can happily live with. Nobody is perfect. The woman seems mean but the op said she has redeeming qualities. I believe they can work around this problem. The op should just understand that he has a selfish, mean wife and work around that fact. He does not have to always tell her when he wants to do something for his family.

Why on earth would she deprive your siblings of their brother's help as long as the Lord bless you help anyone you love and can help,if she is not comfortable with it,she can go to hell and burn to blazes,never let anyone stop you from doing good or helping anyone because that is why God is blessing you;and be prayerful too because if such a wife is a witch she can wreck you in the coven just for you to stop helping your family.be wise.

My post is coming late... I hope u get to c it.

Urs may be a little matter of communication or lack of it. Ur wife may be peeved because u don't consult ( man read; take excuse from) her b4 u take such decisions. If u don't, u should.

Ayam coming...

It does not excuse her method of seeking relevance in ur life ( that's one good reason). She should know better.
Why do u need to consult her?

let me come.

In fact, instead of not telling her, bring her in into d circle of ur close confidants. Tell her things. About u, about ur life.

Now, y do u need to consult her...?

because u r now one. U, the man, are the head. U must not despair, always lead d way.

I have one like that in my house. I trained her in school, have been taking care of lazy and jobless ass for 9 years now. She has been saying the same trash anytime she sees bank teller of money sent to my younger ones. This and other trashy characters have made me to tell off.
I made it clear to her that I can have another wife and she can have another husband but I can't have another brother or sister or mummy. My dad is dead, my mum has reached menopause for long. I told her that I will never stop helping my family. The one I gave shoulder to lean on when he was down now makes more money than me. He has never turned his back from me anytime I need help. To hell with such woman.

yemi16:

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

it won't change anything, one day she will find out …

you made the mistake already you will have to live with it or end the marriage asap the reason is simple, she has not yet shown you her true colors, it could move to your friends or any other person …

if i were you, don't get her pregnant, talk to her, pray, see a counselor,

guy you may not be able to live like this for the rest of your life.

end the marriage before something worse befall you


Do your research and see the number of men that women have killed, from 2010 till date

Acidosis:


You need to see a psychologist.

Thumbs up for you.

In this game of love you need to be very alert. Pay special attention to what is not said rather than what is said, what is not done rather than what is done and most importantly....be bold to walk away if need be.