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HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? - Romance - Nairaland

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HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Mascotizer: 9:09pm On Feb 22, 2016
Dear Romanlanders, pls hear me out on this.
ordinarily I am not the type that shares his relationship matter with people, but on this I earnestly need your opinion, cos I want to be very sure dat am nt just thinking from one perspective.

I met the girl over a year ago. I got attracted to her the first day we met but had to let go of my emotions, I decided to just be her friend for almost a year to know her better, besides she was in a shabby relationship then. We became good friends, we would even talk abt her relationship, exchanged calls n all (though nt so frequent)...but after a while i gave her some space, due to her relationship with d oda guy.


Fast forward, mid last year she called me, and we talked as usual, den she told me she had eventually broke up with d guy. so i was like whaaoo maybe dis is d right time. we started making out again like it was before, den after a while i began to get some cue from her ¤more like green light¤. Eventually I asked her out in about 3 months time. Then things went well for a while, but shortly after dat she started being reticent, she would always keep to her self, when ever we talk on phone (for hours) I do more of the talking. We hardly see eachother, cos she's an indoor/introvert type. She doesnt really show much care like (well as far as I could decipher tru her actions) although she always claim she does-However, this were some of the issues she's always said the guy she was intially dating complained of.
And morover, she had told me long before we started dating and even on the night she said 'Yes' that she's not an emotional person. But my response to her was dat God made every human with some level of emotions, n dat having emotions/feelings is what makes us human. d fact dat she's nt expressing it is smth else but she have it in her; it's recessive.

about 2 months later she travelled out of the country, at yes we still maintained the relationship. But now tins av turned really sour between us. Our comminication is 'zero'. n wen we do she doesn't say much, always terse and succinct.

I av tried to talk to her about this several times but she'd jst listen but nt ammend, it began to seem like the more i complain to her the worse the sitution becomes.

We do chat often, but trust me wen i say the chat is 'super boring' i always try to cheer her up but she just wouldn't comply.

But before u conclude dat she's seeing someone else. Even while she was here in 9ja she had always being like dat, she confided in me that she lost all d relationships she's ever had cos the guys always make same complains. She's boring, rude, selfish blah blah blah
infact she told the day we started dating dat she afraid that the relationship might not last, because of the type of person she is.

I love her so much, infact I often tell her am willing marry her. But her unfriendly attitude is 'killing' my love for her gradually. I reallly want to help, and make the best out of her though. But I av lost all d clues on how to achieve dat.

Now i've come to a 'rough' conclusion, by simply asking myself this question. "how long will I continue with dis" i decide to end the relationship, infact I shud do it tonight cos we'll talk on phone as soon as am done typing but I need to see u guys opinion. So i decide to make it 2morro, i ll jst act normal with her on phone tonight.

I am sheer in need of ur opinion guys, should i end or salvage it. If the latter.... how?
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by adren(m): 9:18pm On Feb 22, 2016
are you asking for a solution to her own prob or you are asking for a way to get the cookie


leave her biko.. na she get her life.. you cannot influence...


there are 15 other girls somewhere that you are missing.. . focus on them..

3 Likes

Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by saraphina(f): 9:19pm On Feb 22, 2016
should I borrow ur hammer?
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by saraphina(f): 9:20pm On Feb 22, 2016
should I borrow u hammer?

1 Like

Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by jamex93(m): 9:22pm On Feb 22, 2016
Chai

Seriously I don't know wat to say
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Nobody: 9:26pm On Feb 22, 2016
Titanic
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Nobody: 9:29pm On Feb 22, 2016
saraphina:
should I borrow u hammer?
To nail it right...bad gal.
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Nobody: 9:29pm On Feb 22, 2016
[quot
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by saraphina(f): 9:31pm On Feb 22, 2016
cdorv01:
To nail it right...bad gal.
he needs it man.....

1 Like

Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Cmiller(m): 9:31pm On Feb 22, 2016
The solution to your problem is simple:

*length x width x height = result*

|while you are waiting for answers, oga go and develop yourself before you end up as an usher in her wedding
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Glowbaby(f): 9:43pm On Feb 22, 2016
Give her time to miss u bt is nt an assurance bro bt it might work.No need to thank me bro.

1 Like

Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by sayyid(m): 9:53pm On Feb 22, 2016
the girl already told you her problems from the start but you chose to ignore it now you are complaining. well don't jump into the conclusion that you want to break up with her just give her a little time, study her find out what she likes doing or talking about try and talk about those things maybe like books e. t. c maybe from there things can actually change for the better if you truly love her as you've said
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Nobody: 9:55pm On Feb 22, 2016
Since its sinking put on life jacket jump inside d ocean float till u see land there u stand up nd move on
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Mascotizer: 10:34pm On Feb 22, 2016
Cmiller:
The solution to your problem is simple:

*length x width x height = result*

|while you are waiting for answers, oga go and develop yourself before you end up as an usher in her wedding

It has nothing to do with my self development bro. Am doing fine with dat.
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Mascotizer: 10:42pm On Feb 22, 2016
sayyid:
the girl already told you her problems from the start but you chose to ignore it now you are complaining. well don't jump into the conclusion that you want to break up with her just give her a little time, study her find out what she likes doing or talking about try and talk about those things maybe like books e. t. c maybe from there things can actually change for the better if you truly love her as you've said

truly she did, and I accepted her like dat. as for studying her, I have been her friend for a long time before we started dating, n I knw quite a few abt her, tried some but didnt augur well.
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Mascotizer: 10:45pm On Feb 22, 2016
Glowbaby:
Give her time to miss u bt is nt an assurance bro bt it might work.No need to thank me bro.

How would u suggest I do dat? Nt calling or chatting her up for dat stint? Won't it be too obvious dat am trying to avoid her?
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Cmiller(m): 10:49pm On Feb 22, 2016
Mascotizer:


It has nothing to do with my self development bro. Am doing fine with dat.
ok
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Mascotizer: 10:51pm On Feb 22, 2016
saraphina:
should I borrow u hammer?

I belive u got my drift sis/ma.
Perharps u can give me ur 'female perspective' on the issue. Seems u ladies understand each other better. If u were her, what could make u be so emtionless, what could resuscitate it...i dnt mind some pointers too
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by tosyne2much(m): 11:02pm On Feb 22, 2016
Bro, one thing I detest most in people is that they expect people to take them as they are, while they are not in any way ready to change.. I just can't imagine myself getting acquinted to someone who's nursing her flaws with "shebi you know that's the way I am" attitude


What I will suggest you do is that, henceforth, let your frequent calls, sms, care and affection head on diminishing returns and watch her reaction afterwards. If possible, stopping calling her and even if she calls you, act like you no longer care about her.

However, you can as well start giving her monosyllabic replies during chat
just to signal to her that your affection and interest in her is dwindling. If truly she loves you as she claims, she will come of her shell and start doing things in a different way in a bid to have you back. And if she doesn't still give a damn and still acts the way she has been acting, you don't even need to tell her that it's over, just let the relationship die like that


I hope this helps

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Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Glowbaby(f): 12:30am On Feb 23, 2016
Mascotizer:


How would u suggest I do dat? Nt calling or chatting her up for dat stint? Won't it be too obvious dat am trying to avoid her?
mayb datz wot u nid because frm d look of tins,she is less interested in the relationship.i'd rather advice u to dust ur butts nd move on..

1 Like

Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by firstking01(m): 12:47am On Feb 23, 2016
Mister man, start acting cold towards her too, start behaving like an introvert, warreva attitude she shows you, show it back to her....do this and see if she will complain, if she doesn't complain knw that she's not into you...move on asap.

1 Like

Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Pwettyella(f): 2:44am On Feb 23, 2016
tosyne2much:
Bro, one thing I detest most in people is that they expect people to take them as they are, while they are not in any way ready to change.. I just can't imagine myself getting acquinted to someone who's nursing her flaws with "shebi you know that's the way I am" attitude


What I will suggest you do is that, henceforth, let your frequent calls, sms, care and affection head on diminishing returns and watch her reaction afterwards. If possible, stopping calling her and even if she calls you, act like you no longer care about her.

However, you can as well start giving her monosyllabic replies during chat
just to signal to her that your affection and interest in her is dwindling. If truly she loves you as she claims, she will come of her shell and start doing things in a different way in a bid to have you back. And if she doesn't still give a damn and still acts the way she has been acting, you don't even need to tell her that it's over, just let the relationship die like that


I hope this helps
Seconded

3 Likes

Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Tkini(f): 7:34am On Feb 23, 2016
I think I exhibit some of the characters of op girlfriend. av had 2 boyfriend's and they all complain DT am boring. the problem is DT I don't kW how to hold a conversation, it just gets boring and i actually don't av emotional feelings to anything or anybody. @op get to kW her and make her trust you she wld be able to confide in you. it may be DT she has be hurt by someone before and finds it difficult to love again,like me.
good luck.
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by tosyne2much(m): 7:48am On Feb 23, 2016
Tkini:
I think I exhibit some of the characters of op girlfriend. av had 2 boyfriend's and they all complain DT am boring. the problem is DT I don't kW how to hold a conversation, it just gets boring and i actually don't av emotional feelings to anything or anybody. @op get to kW her and make her trust you she wld be able to confide in you. it may be DT she has be hurt by someone before and finds it difficult to love again,like me.
good luck.
But only a failure dwells in the past... I just can't imagine myself dating such a person

2 Likes

Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Cutehector(m): 7:52am On Feb 23, 2016
Tkini:
I think I exhibit some of the characters of op girlfriend. av had 2 boyfriend's and they all complain DT am boring. the problem is DT I don't kW how to hold a conversation, it just gets boring and i actually don't av emotional feelings to anything or anybody. @op get to kW her and make her trust you she wld be able to confide in you. it may be DT she has be hurt by someone before and finds it difficult to love again,like me.
good luck.
awwww. Hi
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Mascotizer: 10:22am On Feb 23, 2016
tosyne2much:
Bro, one thing I detest most in people is that they expect people to take them as they are, while they are not in any way ready to change.. I just can't imagine myself getting acquinted to someone who's nursing her flaws with "shebi you know that's the way I am" attitude


What I will suggest you do is that, henceforth, let your frequent calls, sms, care and affection head on diminishing returns and watch her reaction afterwards. If possible, stopping calling her and even if she calls you, act like you no longer care about her.

However, you can as well start giving her monosyllabic replies during chat
just to signal to her that your affection and interest in her is dwindling. If truly she loves you as she claims, she will come of her shell and start doing things in a different way in a bid to have you back. And if she doesn't still give a damn and still acts the way she has been acting, you don't even need to tell her that it's over, just let the relationship die like that


I hope this helps

Thanks bro, i'll do exactly what u said. Actually I have done it before though but nt for long (abt 2 weeks) and She complained bitterly abt it n indirectly threatned that she may end the relationship if tins continue that way...so we talked abt it , n give ways to vivify the relationship. I av been playing my part since then, buh she has refused to play hers...she's still her normal self but expecting a lively relationship.
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Tkini(f): 10:26am On Feb 23, 2016
tosyne2much:
But only a failure dwells in the past... I just can't imagine myself dating such a person
its not abt dwelling in d past..............u kW some people hurt u soooooooo much u can't just trust and love again.
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Tkini(f): 10:27am On Feb 23, 2016
Cutehector:
awwww. Hi
hello
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by xtervaganza(m): 10:27am On Feb 23, 2016
I've met a lot of ladies like your girl and I managed to bring out colorful friendship and gist from them



1st you need to know her passion and hobbies. Believe me, no matter how boring a person is she must have things she likes. Things that lights her up and sometimes annoy her when u talk about it
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by vicstar(m): 10:31am On Feb 23, 2016
Cmiller:
The solution to your problem is simple:

*length x width x height = result*

|while you are waiting for answers, oga go and develop yourself before you end up as an usher in her wedding

this dude must be a comedian grin grin
Anyway,op just get on with ya life,you would have left things on friendzone
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Mascotizer: 10:35am On Feb 23, 2016
Tkini:
I think I exhibit some of the characters of op girlfriend. av had 2 boyfriend's and they all complain DT am boring. the problem is DT I don't kW how to hold a conversation, it just gets boring and i actually don't av emotional feelings to anything or anybody. @op get to kW her and make her trust you she wld be able to confide in you. it may be DT she has be hurt by someone before and finds it difficult to love again,like me.
good luck.

Really. I'd like to see from ur perspective o....
I once asked her abt the hurt tin, but she said no, i even asked if she has been molested (sexually or physical) by a man before but said no still. But can't phantom y she's so irrational and callous.

so back to u, what exactly do u think can make u begin to have true emotions n feelings. How are u working on it? Or av u simply concluded that this is who u are n who u'll ever be.
Re: HELP! My Relationship Is Sinking. Should I Break Up With Her OR Salvage It? by Mascotizer: 10:38am On Feb 23, 2016
vicstar:


this dude must be a comedian grin grin
Anyway,op just get on with ya life,you would have left things on friendzone

Abi o, sometimes i think in dat direction too.

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