Is He A Cheater? - Romance - Nairaland
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| Is He A Cheater? by TEXASGIRL(f): 2:06pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
I love my boyfriend very much. I have meet his family and spend the weekends at his home. I have also meet his daughter. Everything has been perfect until this weekend. In the middle of the night his phone kept ringing. I tried to turn it off and saw a message from some other girl. I looked at all of his messages (he is very angry I did this). I found that he is still involved with a woman from Nigeria. She lives in his home there, and he says they have a business dealings. He says he has tried to break it off with her but she will not go easily. The messages I read were all innocent, like call me etc, When we first started dating he a picture of her on his facebook. When I asked about it he took it off. He also has pictures of another woman on his facebook but states she is a friend on his comments. I do know his sister in law is trying to hook him up with her. The next day when I put up pictures of he and I that said my love he removed them. He says the girl in Nigeria will take his money if she hears about it. I messaged another woman on his page who posted "I miss U". She says she has been seeing him on and off for a couple of years. He was so angry I did that he blocked me from his page! I feel justified in what I did as I was trying to decide if he was a cheater & whether I should continue the relationship. He would barely speak to me the next two days, he acts like this is all my fault. I called him (while drinking) and told him he was stupid to do that to me & called him an a**. He says he is not sure if he wants to continue the relationship and will not tell me "I love you". Finally last night he said he does want to be with me still and we will come back together like we used to be. I am a very attractive woman, and could easily move on. But, I love this man. I feel like he is my soul mate. Am I being stupid by wanting to continue the relationship? Is he a cheater? Was I wrong for what I did? Any advice is greatly appreciated. I do not know how things work in Nigeria, but we occasionally have misunderstandings due to our cultural differences. 1 Like |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by Vealkyrie(f): 2:08pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
^^^it's too early to tell. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by amebono11: 2:10pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
another white woman in distress correct me if i am wrong?  |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by biola44: 2:17pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
amebo numero uno!  |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TEXASGIRL(f): 2:27pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
Yes I'm white. I am 33, and have been married most of my adult life (that ended about 8 months ago). Howerver, I am not dumb and can usually recognize game. Either I have lost it or he is a master playa, lol. I never thought he would cheat on me. I truly believed he loved me and wee will eventually get married. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by amebono11: 2:29pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
shebi i talk am say na oyibo pepper get this thread |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by whitelexi(m): 2:34pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
@Poster: Am I being stupid by wanting to continue the relationship? No, u r not stupid for wanting to continue with the relationship but u were stupid for trying to end it in the first place. A man sometimes finds himself in a messy situation, he will wanna fix the mess without his woman getting seriously involved. . . Women generally make up their minds quicker than men and act on it faster especially where another woman is involved - in some cases they're wrong and this could turn things sour. Let me give u an example: I had a gf so many yrs ago whom i loved very much, when i left the naija for london, i didnt call for a while and things were just on and off between us, I told her things were a bit rough for me and i could only call a few times a week. . . After a while she left me thinking things had been rough for way too long. I moved on and then things became good, then i started getting friendly with another girl over here and somehow my ex came back into the picture. My ex would call and call until i would switch my phone to silent in order to get some sleep, and the girl i was with didnt like that at all, she always wanted to get involved but i didnt want that and made it clear. She got my ex's number and dialled her to insult her - i felt betrayed and asked her to get the hell outta my life. There are certain issues that are best handled patiently, it doesn't always mean a guy is cheating if he doesnt want u to get actively involved. 1 Like |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TEXASGIRL(f): 2:36pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
Thank you, Whitelexi. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TheSeeker(m): 2:41pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
I have to be blunt with you here, so it'll hurt a little. First of all, you're stalking: Why do you have to keep stalking his contacts all over? Would you be happy if he did that? Really, would you? You keep tabs on him makes him look like he's a player, which you can't truly say for now he is. He may have different people he had relationships with, and maybe didn't properly and finally break them off before he got involved with you --- but does that make him a player? If he had wanted to lie to you, he couldn't have told you she was living in his house in Nigeria. Second, you're insulting, intolerable and being unnecessarily bitchy: Why did you have to insult him? Why calling him names? How will you have reacted if the table was to be turned around? Now, with all your stalking, what results have you come up with? Nothing! You have successfully turned him off of you. No one likes being stalked about, whether or not you have anything to hide. Everything has to work out naturally. It'd have been much better if you asked him who these people are instead of contacting them behind his back(that's so vile). I will also add that, you don't trust your man. Saying you've been married before sure should have taught you that in every relationship you have to trust otherwise everything will go on to crash. You sure don't act like you're 33. Work on your trust issue because as far as I can see from here, I don't see the guy lying to you -- at least just yet --- judging from what you've said on here. Need I say to you, that men don't like a woman who loses her cool and starts cussing out. You have to work on that, or you'll be irritable to men. No man wants a woman who cusses all the time. If you know you love him, go back to him, talk over your doubts and have them resolved. Don't converse with his contacts behind him. Don't check his phones until he's comfortable with it(you can ask him why). Talk things out with him, OK? |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by yme1(f): 2:45pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
you dont have any evidence yet, so dont make the mistake of leaving him you guys just met so you really need time to get to know more about him no body is a saint you know, having a heart to heart talk with him can also help |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by Rogo: 2:59pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL report the issue to papa God and HE will cage him for you. that is what i did to person and it work out for me by the grace of papa God. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by GEW: 3:10pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL:i dont have my crystal ball today but i see hurt coming. sadly liars dont come with handle with care warning labels. get some anti depresants ready cos you may soon need it |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TEXASGIRL(f): 3:13pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
Seeker; Yes the truth hurts and you are 90% right, lol. I am only human and my marriage ended due to cheating. I thought I was over that, but this has brought it up again. A stalker though? Ouch that hurts, but slightly true. Now about the cussing, that is not normally me. I was just soooo hurt. There is more to the story but did not want to take up too much time. I found that he had sex with another woman 2 days after we went on our first date. He says she does not matter because he did not make love to her, only had sex with her. He also thinks that I should except them still talking as long as he does not see her. We had not yet agreed to be exclusive, but it still hurt. The main reason I reacted like that was he would not talk things out with me. He was still angry and trying to calm down. We have never had an argument so I did not know that was how he worked. I have one more question, why take our pictures off facebook? If she is no longer anything to him? Are the courts/ laws not the same in Nigeria? Surely she wouldn't be allowed to just take his money? Even though it hurts to face the truth, I am glad I posted this here. It's good to get feedback from people other than my close friends, who will always take my side. I will be leaving this in God's hands. I know he is the only one who can put forgiveness in both our hearts and bring us back together. I pray that is his will for us. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TheSeeker(m): 3:25pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL:About the sex after your first date thingy, I don't see that contradicting your relationship as long as he told you the truth and promised not to do that again; besides y'all still pretty new to each other then. As for the removal of your picture, you have to ask him why. I can only give you my suspicion and that may not be accurate with his reason. About the woman taking her money away, has he been able to tell you what kind of business they have together? If it's a joint venture it's most likely he can make away with his money and there's nothing anyone can do about it. He's just playing safe from her from all indications and doesn't want her to suspect anything. However, ask him why he wants you and not the other woman he has business with? |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by tosyne007(m): 3:47pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
@poster, i wont mince word wit u over this issue. I think my own opinion is kinda different from others. I blv this guy is a playa and a pro at it. Whether u like it or not, i will advise u to prepare ur mind for the worst. It could happen anytime (for real). All i could deduce from ur mails as per his actions is that he's only trying to keep u and the rest of the fold (i mean other ladies). Like u said, u are 33 and i believe u should know better. Though love makes us look stupid and behave irrationally at times but it doesn't hav to continue like that. Though wat u did was wrong, i mean going thru his messages cos most guys wont like that (some wouldn't mind anyway) but it's not out f dis world for someone u love to do that. Ur cussing, i dont like that either so be careful in the future cos no man will want a foul mouthed lady/woman for a wife. Though u dont hav any facts to pin against him about the lady over, wat about the one he slept with next door? wat reasons did he give? believe me, some ladies wouldnt take half of wat u've taken dear. So i will advise u to cut out of this relationship while u still can though it will hurt u badly. best of luck. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by DaudaAbu(m): 4:18pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
@ poster. U want him cos u know he'd other choices right? mayb the lady he slept with he has been arranginging her for along time and just cant giv up a golden opportunity. Now jst relax and giv him time and urself aswell. y would you wanna rush in2 another serious r/ship when u jst got out of 1 recently? |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TEXASGIRL(f): 8:16pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
Thank you all for the advice. We are working things out, but I will be very cautious from now on. By the way. He meet the other lady after our first date! He was with her two days after. Again, I normally don't cuss. Also, most American women will go thru their husbands/ lovers phone. No one I know sees anything wrong with that. They shouldn't be doing anything they don't want their partner to see, so they shouldn't have anything to hide. As far as the business goes, he owns it but she collects the money and holds it for him. Still confused about why he has to go get it? Is there not Western Union? |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by Vealkyrie(f): 8:47pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL: ^^^^^^^Something is definitely fishy somewhere. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by touchmeder: 9:39pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL: Please i dont think this sounds nice. how old is this man? Are you guys living together already you spoke of a child of his. where is the mother? what did he say about her? i hate to bring this up but is he in the states legally? what sort of business partner is this woman? A business woman who gets jealous over her business partner's lover . sounds strange very strange. i would say exercise caution. By the way i'd say ur excessive checking up on him phone and all is simply unnecessary. if it were to be a healthy relationship and a good man u'd drive him off for nothing. 1 Like |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TEXASGIRL(f): 10:33pm On Jul 29, 2009 |
He is 40. I opened his phone beacuse it kept going off in the middle of the night. When i tried to shut it off, i accidentaly opened the message. It was from another woman. He is here legally. No we don't live together She is not his business partner, she is his ex girlfriend (according to him), who still lives in his home and collects the money from his business. He goes home twice a year to collect the money from her. I was supposed to be going with him in September. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by GEW: 10:19am On Jul 30, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL:shine your eyes. naija man dont give business money to girl friend you hear. the guy is 40 if he is nigerian he probably is married to the girl with some kids so stop being naive. he is telling you lies and at 33 you cant catch a liar. iyakadit man also had a man with papers so it is not papers. a liar is a liar and a liar. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TEXASGIRL(f): 11:47am On Jul 30, 2009 |
And a liar he is. Yesterday we meet and made up. He was coming to my house for the night (we live an hour apart). He stood me up! No show no call, Then I go on facebook this morning to find a message from a friend that he posted that some other girl is his "main boo". So yes I got played & hard. No more tears over this one. My heart is hurt but I have to remember it was all an illusion. People can be so heartless and mean, and it doesn't matter where you are from/ what color you are. He should realize that God will take his revenge for hurting women (surely I'm not the first)like that. You always reap what you sow. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by MrWaters: 11:53am On Jul 30, 2009 |
Listen to your Heart 1 Like |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by GEW: 12:54pm On Jul 30, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL:sorry to hear that. i feeel for you and dare say always open your eyes when dealing with nigeian men. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by tosyne007(m): 1:12pm On Jul 30, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL: well, sorry to hear that too. But i told u in my previous mail, this guy is a pro playa and a gold digger as well. Like someone said, no naija guy will allow a lady to keep his money (business or no business) and if at all he wants to do that, definately not wit a naija babe (my apologies to the naija babes in the house). I aint trying to paint naija babes bad but it's the reality. I will advise u pick up ur life and move on. keep ur fingers crossed and u will find someone that will truly love u. Dont u try or blv the making up stuff with him cos he will only end up hurting u one way ot the other. take kia. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by whitelexi(m): 1:19pm On Jul 30, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL: Me thinks u drove him to another woman with your cursing and name-calling. . . I told u earlier that it was a silly thing to place all those tabs in the first place, i think when a man discovers that his partner does not as much as trust him in a relationship - the result is usually simple and straight-forward. Beyonce sang a very silly song and called it irreplaceable, truth of the matter is that no woman is irreplaceable - no matter how good she is. . . If one woman cannot replace u, 2, 3, or 4 will make up for all your abilities - it is not that easy for a woman to do the same. Some men will tolerate your mess for longer than other men, but some will not tolerate it at all. If i were him, i'd have walked a long time ago. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by prittigrrr(f): 1:43pm On Jul 30, 2009 |
I dont think you "drove" him to another lady. That was already in the works. Learn from this and move on. By the way, I am American and never read my Nigerian fiance's phone, texts, emails, etc. I think it is inappropriate. I hate for a guy to do it to me. Either you trust me or u dont. By the time you start having doubt and distrust, you already know the real truth. No one has to tell you. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TEXASGIRL(f): 1:44pm On Jul 30, 2009 |
Whitelexi, Are you serious? I cursed in front of him one time! I called him one name! Are you men that thin skinned? I think not. The bottom line is he was seeing/ talking with other women when we had agreed not to see anyone else. Of course I'm going to be upset when I find out! I am not going to be calm and rational, I'm going to be hurt and angry. Looking back I should have said a lot worse to him. But, I wasn't brought up that way. If he had truly loved me as he said he would have forgiven that. Of course he never loved me, it was all a game to him. When you really love someone you will not walk away from them over something like that. He walked away because I was messing up his game, and because he realized I was not that easily controlled. And men are replaceable just as women are. There is no difference. This morning at 5am he sent me a text message, it said " I can't live without you. I'm dying to feel you at nite. Sweat is drippin down my body, I want you, I need you. Come on air conditioner." I have received that message before and it's always funny. Just not so much in this situation. See, he is playing games. He is being hurtful. And why? because I cared enough to try to fight for my man. He just couldn't have that mess up his game with other women which is what I did by posting pics on Facebook & messaging another women he was cheating with. But I digress. I am a beautiful women, I have a lot going for me, and I am an excellent wife & mother. I promise you he will be replaced by the weekend if I choose. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by TEXASGIRL(f): 1:47pm On Jul 30, 2009 |
Another thing I learned about this is to always trust my "women's intuition". I should have checked him out earlier. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by Phemour: 1:51pm On Jul 30, 2009 |
Long story  |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by whitelexi(m): 2:05pm On Jul 30, 2009 |
TEXASGIRL: Well, go ahead then and keep checking everyone out, but u need to know that some of we naija men absolutely hate it when a woman sticks her nose into what does not concern her. When you have just started seeing someone, there will always be loose ends to tie up, there will always be girls on the side whose relationship have to be tidied out. . . u dont just come into someone's life and start placing tabs on them or start posting pictures of the 2 of u everywhere to scare off other women, leave him to tidy things out first - the time for all that will come when you will be free to post anything and have his support. . . u have no right to call up his friends to ask or gossip about him - without his permission, that is just unacceptable - u have no right to do that. . . u have no right to curse him to his face, once is good enough to let u go - no matter what he feels for u at that stage, he can decide not to put up with that part of u. It doesnt make him thin-skinned or less of a man, no, it is a way of avoiding stress which will be caused by u when the relationship matures. Finally, it may be worth your while to know that u dont force things when u've only just started a relationship, u need to turn a blind eye for a period of time and then slowly start asserting your control otherwise u create a wrong impression at an early stage. Keeping tabs on your husband is different from keeping tabs on a bf u only just started seeing. In all u do though, i still wish u the best, however if he's a naija man, it may not go far until u learn to accord a good level of respect. |
| Re: Is He A Cheater? by tosyne007(m): 2:18pm On Jul 30, 2009 |
i'm really getting confused here. I dont understand why some are blaming the poster. Wat she did is not out of this world considering wat she's gone thru in the hands of men (according to her mails) All she did was to check out on her guy and she found out he's been messing around behind her back and her explosion and anger is definately expected of a rational human being. Let's turn the table around and see how it feels. One way or the other, guys do thesame thing i mean checking up on our girls from time to time except when there is no love lost. Woman, i still believe and insist that u move on. That man doesn't deserve u and no matter the text messages or sweet words he tells u, he aint gonna change and u will end up being hurt. I understand why some pople are putting up defense for a fellow naija guy but c'mon, let's call a spade a spade. Wat he did was bad. He shouldn't have reacted the way he did just because u went thru his messages if he really loved u as he claimed. He should hav pacified u and rebuild the love and the trust u hav in him. Moreover, from ur mails, i wnat to blv u guys hav had a similar issue in the past and u went back begging. That's exactly wat he's trying to do (i mean working and toying wit ur emotions) but i pray u wont be fooled again. Be strong and blv u can always get a better person irrespective of ur age. all the best. |
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