our parents make us do it. For legal covering/back in case of other matters---


But you can be committed for life to someone without marrying them.

It's just that our society demands it and it's a family pride. Other than that I don't c what married ppl do that 2 ppl who are not married but in a r/ship cannot do

@ OP, why do WE marry is a difficult question to answer because you are asking for a general answer to an individual question. I think a person can only say why they got married/they want to get married. General answers like societal expectations etc have no bearing on this as marriage is an individual thing. Also there is nothing on this earth that is not abused so looking at people who are making a mess of their marriages/families should not rule out marriage as an institution. One cannot just say it is better not to marry, what of all the people who have wonderful marriages. Marriage was working once, that the negatives are now outweighing the positives means that something has gone wrong. It's like saying it's better not to have kids.

That being said, this is MY answer, MY opinion and why [b]I [/b]got married. I got married because I love my husband, I desired to live with him, have his kids, achieve our dreams and share our lives together. To do this I needed to get married as God has declared in the bible. Yes I am religious with no apologies. Others might be enjoying all this without "getting married" but to me that would not be right. And so far it has been working just fine for me. So I did it for myself and because God said so.

Ejadamen:

@ OP, why do WE marry is a difficult question to answer because you are asking for a general answer to an individual question. I think a person can only say why they got married/they want to get married. General answers like societal expectations etc have no bearing on this as marriage is an individual thing. Also there is nothing on this earth that is not abused so looking at people who are making a mess of their marriages/families should not rule out marriage as an institution. One cannot just say it is better not to marry, what of all the people who have wonderful marriages. Marriage was working once, that the negatives are now outweighing the positives means that something has gone wrong. It's like saying it's better not to have kids.

That is very true, but can still be answered, and most people lived by examples and learn by it, and if most of what we see in marriages are nonsense and people making a mess of it, why would one still wanna get into it.

Ejadamen:


That being said, this is MY answer, MY opinion and why [b]I [/b]got married. I got married because I love my husband, I desired to live with him, have his kids, achieve our dreams and share our lives together. To do this I needed to get married as God has declared in the bible. Yes I am religious with no apologies. Others might be enjoying all this without "getting married" but to me that would not be right. And so far it has been working just fine for me. So I did it for myself and because God said so.

That is all great and happy for you.
But here is my question to you.
Is it not possible to have still love the same man without being married to him?
Is it not possible to live together and have kids without marriage?
It is not possible to achieve dreams together? BTW i have noticed that in relationships, dreams is always not the way it was while you were single, cos someone else is now involved, especially when it is not possible to handle both dreams at same time.
I have noticed that couple tends to live one person's dream while the dream of the other party is left to wait.

What made it right? You, society or parental views? who defined the wrong and right?

just passing

Fhemmmy:

That is very true, but can still be answered, and most people lived by examples and learn by it, and if most of what we see in marriages are nonsense and people making a mess of it, why would one still wanna get into it.

That is all great and happy for you.
But here is my question to you.
1. Is it not possible to have still love the same man without being married to him?
2. Is it not possible to live together and have kids without marriage?
3.It is not possible to achieve dreams together? BTW i have noticed that in relationships, dreams is always not the way it was while you were single, cos someone else is now involved, especially when it is not possible to handle both dreams at same time.
I have noticed that couple tends to live one person's dream while the dream of the other party is left to wait.
4. What made it right? You, society or parental views? who defined the wrong and right?

It is a person's choice to go into marriage, wondering why on people's behalf is like taking paracetamol for someone else's headache. Yes some people are making a mess of it, but if a person decides to marry then i think the person should go into it with the determination to make it work which includes marrying for the right reasons in the first place.

To answer your questions:
1. Yes it's possible to love a man without being married to him
2. It is possible, in fact it is being done but like I said I am religious and I firmly believe this should be done in marriage.
3. Some couples manage to achieve their dreams together but they would have to learn to balance things. Marriage involves the man and woman wearing many hats so balance is important. Yes the situation you described happens but I think that compromise should be made by both partners.
4. A bit of all you mentioned and God

IMO, you sound like you think people shouldn't marry probably because of the alternatives available. I think it boils down to a person's perception and belief. Marriage is an old institution so old I doubt it can fade away. Despite the negatives observed, some people still have faith in it even respect for it. That, I think, is why people still marry.

Ejadamen:

It is a person's choice to go into marriage, wondering why on people's behalf is like taking paracetamol for someone else's headache. Yes some people are making a mess of it, but if a person decides to marry then i think the person should go into it with the determination to make it work which includes marrying for the right reasons in the first place.

To answer your questions:
1. Yes it's possible to love a man without being married to him
2. It is possible, in fact it is being done but like I said I am religious and I firmly believe this should be done in marriage.
3. Some couples manage to achieve their dreams together but they would have to learn to balance things. Marriage involves the man and woman wearing many hats so balance is important. Yes the situation you described happens but I think that compromise should be made by both partners.
4. A bit of all you mentioned and God

IMO, you sound like you think people shouldn't marry probably because of the alternatives available. I think it boils down to a person's perception and belief. Marriage is an old institution so old I doubt it can fade away. Despite the negatives observed, some people still have faith in it even respect for it. That, I think, is why people still marry.

This is why i always like to read your posts.
Now lemme put a different twist to this.
Let us assume that God now decided that He wont mind you having fun without marriage, he wont mind yuo having kids without marriage, and he said, how we can just have fun and all that.
WILL YOU DO ALL YOU HAVE DONE WITHOUT MARRIAGE?

Ejadamen:

@ OP, why do WE marry is a difficult question to answer because you are asking for a general answer to an individual question. I think a person can only say why they got married/they want to get married. General answers like societal expectations etc have no bearing on this as marriage is an individual thing. Also there is nothing on this earth that is not abused so looking at people who are making a mess of their marriages/families should not rule out marriage as an institution. One cannot just say it is better not to marry, what of all the people who have wonderful marriages. Marriage was working once, that the negatives are now outweighing the positives means that something has gone wrong. It's like saying it's better not to have kids.

That being said, this is MY answer, MY opinion and why I [/b]got married. I got married because I love my husband, I desired to live with him, have his kids, achieve our dreams and share our lives together. To do this I needed to get married as God has declared in the bible. Yes I am religious with no apologies. Others might be enjoying all this without "getting married" but to me that would not be right. And so far it has been working just fine for me. [b]So I did it for myself and because God said so.

The highlighted to me is the reason why you and many people are still getting married. And I know so many people are very religious. Honestly remove the highlighted, I don’t think it worth it.

OAM4J:

The highlighted to me is the reason why you and many people are still getting married. And I know so many people are very religious. Honestly remove the highlighted, I don’t think it worth it.

Finally someone understand what i have been saying all along.

OAM4J:

The highlighted to me is the reason why you and many people are still getting married. And I know so many people are very religious. Honestly remove the highlighted, I don’t think it worth it.

Ah but that is your opinion I think it is worth it.

Fhemmmy:

This is why i always like to read your posts.
Now lemme put a different twist to this.
Let us assume that God now decided that He wont mind you having fun without marriage, he wont mind yuo having kids without marriage, and he said, how we can just have fun and all that.
WILL YOU DO ALL YOU HAVE DONE WITHOUT MARRIAGE?

You're trying to put words in my mouth. It won't work. When God says that then I shall follow.

Ejadamen:


You're trying to put words in my mouth. It won't work. [size=28pt]When God says that then I shall follow. [/size]

hahahahaha, u have answered the question already.
it means you only did it cos God said, it is a good thing, dont get me wrong oh, cos i blv so much in God as well.
So that means you did not get married for you, but for others, and for God.
i don catch you

Ejadamen:

Ah but that is your opinion I think it is worth it.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in God too, Because God says it, it worth it. Who am I to question God?

But what I am saying is that, If God has not say so and if it is not a sin to have sex outside marriage, then marriage aint worth it.

What is most common to man is change. People change, opinions change, desires change, feelings change, ambitions change, and goals change. Whatever reason you have for wanting to get marry can change, and then what happens to the marriage? All the people who are divorced now or tired of their marriage used to be best of friends and lovers, what happened? They change!!! Trust me apart from God saying it, it aint worth it.

Fhemmmy:

hahahahaha, u have answered the question already.
it means you only did it cos God said, it is a good thing, dont get me wrong oh, cos i blv so much in God as well.
So that means you did not get married for you, but for others, and for God.
i don catch you

No. Why would I marry for others? I married because I wanted to.   I'm wondering why the emphasis on the word marriage. What is marriage? A commitment to another person witnessed by others, written on paper blah blah blah. Why slug marriage simply because of the negatives one has witnessed? I cannot understand that but I rest my case. I cannot see or imagine God ever saying have fun outside marriage or abolishing marriage so no kain. Maybe that makes me narrow mided. I like marriage and I would encourage people to marry.

It is not only about changes.
Human make promises and decision based on information/data that is available to us at that time, and like you said, the only thing that never changes is change, so change is always change and all that, and cos of this, human will change and so many things will affect those promises and at the end of the day, we feel like we have made the wrong choices.
BTW Promises are nice and great, but are meant to be broken

OAM4J:

What is most common to man is change. People change, opinions change, desires change, feelings change, ambitions change, and goals change. Whatever reason you have for wanting to get marry can change, and then what happens to the marriage? All the people who are divorced now or tired of their marriage used to be best of friends and lovers, what happened? They change!!! Trust me apart from God saying it, it aint worth it.

People will get married anyways because they want to love someone. Its part of their life purpose whether the person changes or not.

In this day and age, If people can't take ordinary friendship seriously---- how will they take marriage seriously----  Both parties need to understand the importance of marriage and the main reason why they are getting married.  People need to stop marrying simply because of what others think.

Ejadamen:

No. Why would I marry for others? I married because I wanted to.   I'm wondering why the emphasis on the word marriage. What is marriage? A commitment to another person witnessed by others, written on paper blah blah blah. Why slug marriage simply because of the negatives one has witnessed? I cannot understand that but I rest my case. I cannot see or imagine God ever saying have fun outside marriage or abolishing marriage so no kain. Maybe that makes me narrow mided. I like marriage and I would encourage people to marry.

Marriage is a commitment to another witnessed by others [size=18pt]written on papers[/size]:
u can be committed to your Man without the papers.
There are people around your place that see u and him everyday and that means they are witness to you and your man's union.
I think the paper is what most people are marrying for.
Well, at least now i know that you marry cos of God, and not really cos of you or cos of your husband.

Fhemmmy:

Marriage is a commitment to another witnessed by others [size=18pt]written on papers[/size]:
u can be committed to your Man without the papers.
There are people around your place that see u and him everyday and that means they are witness to you and your man's union.
I think the paper is what most people are marrying for.
Well, at least now i know that you marry cos of God, and not really cos of you or cos of your husband.

Duh! I was trying to define marriage. I disagree but you are entitled to your opinion. I don't want to even begin a debate on what you just wrote. Or let me, what do you mean? That I walked up to my husband and said let's marry cos God said so? There are many things that lead to and make up a marriage but no need mentioning them as that also would be subject to debate. Now that I understand how you view marriage, there's no need to debate because i doubt that we shall agree.

Ejadamen:

Duh! I was trying to define marriage. I disagree but you are entitled to your opinion. I don't want to even begin a debate on what you just wrote. Or let me, what do you mean? That I walked up to my husband and said let's marry cos God said so? There are many things that lead to and make up a marriage but no need mentioning them as that also would be subject to debate. Now that I understand how you view marriage, there's no need to debate because i doubt that we shall agree.

yes oh, we can never agree.
BTW, u dont have to walk to your husband and ask him to marry u cos of God, all i am saying is that sometimes, there are some reason at the back of our minds that give birth to other reasons.
You yet to understand my view about marriage.
I just wanna know WHY WE MARRY.

OBVIOUS:

People will get married anyways because they want to love someone. Its part of their life purpose whether the person changes or not.

In this day and age, If people can't take ordinary friendship seriously---- how will they take marriage seriously----  Both parties need to understand the importance of marriage and the main reason why they are getting married.  People need to stop marrying simply because of what others think.

Sorry, what is the importance of marriage that cannot be achieved in friendship?

OAM4J:

Sorry, what is the importance of marriage that cannot be achieved in friendship?

I llove that

OAM4J:

Sorry, what is the importance of marriage that cannot be achieved in friendship?

marriage has a legal backing, friendship doesn't. Anyways, I think marriage is important but I HATE WEDDINGS. I do agree with Femi's school of thought that you can be committed to someone for life without "marrying them"

OBVIOUS:



marriage has a legal backing, friendship doesn't. Anyways, I think marriage is important but I HATE WEDDINGS. I do agree with Femi's school of thought that you can be committed to someone for life without "marrying them"

I understand you. Just that sometimes I think the legal backing creates more problems than good. Makes it difficult for us to settle our differences amicably without the complication of seeking divorce. If things change as friends or we find it difficult to relate as friends we just move on, but not that easy with marriage because it has legal backing, that looks more like a bondage than a good thing to me. - just my opinion.

OAM4J:

I understand you. Just that sometimes I think the legal backing creates more problems than good. Makes it difficult for us to settle our differences amicably without the complication of seeking divorce. If things change as friends or we find it difficult to relate as friends we just move on, but not that easy with marriage because it has legal backing, that looks more like a bondage than a good thing to me. - just my opinion.

Totally. I heard someone say recently "Marry someone who values family as much you do, that will allow you to weed out many people"  and I think that this person makes sense, many people marry for very selfish reasons, or just want to get married and the person that they get married to may not "value family" as much as they do.

The structure of family is very important to me---- however I see commitment more important than marriage.

BUT I HATE WEDDINGS.

OBVIOUS:



marriage has a legal backing, friendship doesn't. Anyways, I think marriage is important but I HATE WEDDINGS. I do agree with Femi's school of thought that you can be committed to someone for life without "marrying them"

why do we have to worry about the legal backing, if most of the responses has been "marriage cos of God" and " cos of family" why cant we just worry about the God's backing and that of the family backing.
How come the woman dont go to the family to seek divorce not go to church to tell pastor that dem no do again, why the court then?

OAM4J:

I understand you. Just that sometimes I think the legal backing creates more problems than good. Makes it difficult for us to settle our differences amicably without the complication of seeking divorce. If things change as friends or we find it difficult to relate as friends we just move on, but not that easy with marriage because it has legal backing, that looks more like a bondage than a good thing to me. - just my opinion.

I think created more problems than good and cos of that, i think is the reason why most people are not satisfied till they get the paper that they can torment you with.

OBVIOUS:

Totally. I heard someone say recently "Marry someone who values family as much you do, that will allow you to weed out many people"  and I think that this person makes sense, many people marry for very selfish reasons, or just want to get married and the person that they get married to may not "value family" as much as they do.

True Dat.
Most marriages of today is just sad, cos how cld u love a woman and yet beat same woman.
How can you love a man and yet insult him, or not respect him.
How cld you have kids in a wedlock and yet all they do is show those kids how the man can beat the woman.

OBVIOUS:

The structure of family is very important to me---- hence I see marriage as important

BUT I HATE WEDDINGS.

Marriages is very very very important, but like you said, how can a preacher that just shagged another man's wife joined a man and woman together in the presence of "god"?

Fhemmmy:

why do we have to worry about the legal backing, if most of the responses has been "marriage cos of God" and " cos of family" why cant we just worry about the God's backing and that of the family backing.
How come the woman dont go to the family to seek divorce not go to church to tell pastor that dem no do again, why the court then?

Exactly---- well abroad--- legal backing matters--- lol, esp for women who marry men for reasons other than love. <hahaha>


But in Nigeria, I think people marry because its the "next thing to do" its like enrolling in University. Divorce in Nigeria ? that woman aint getting jack sh**t

Na so oh my guy.
But even in abroad as long as you have kids, u are on the hook till the kid is 18 years of age.

True Dat.
Most marriages of today is just sad, cos how cld u love a woman and yet beat same woman.
How can you love a man and yet insult him, or not respect him.
How cld you have kids in a wedlock and yet all they do is show those kids how the man can beat the woman.


@Fhemmmy

This is not God's design for marriage, this is what we have made it to be with our selfishness.
If one really looks at the family structure critically one will see the wisdom in marriage.

Shinatu:

True Dat.
Most marriages of today is just sad, cos how cld u love a woman and yet beat same woman.
How can you love a man and yet insult him, or not respect him.
How cld you have kids in a wedlock and yet all they do is show those kids how the man can beat the woman.

[size=18pt]
@Fhemmmy

This is not God's design for marriage, this is what [b]we have made it to be with our selfishness.
If one really looks at the family structure critically one will see the wisdom in marriage.[/b][/size]

ummmmmm, so this simply means that those that are marrying cs of God is not actually doing it cos of God, cos they are not doing it according to God's standard.
This is getting more interesting, cos most people are saying they are married cos they wanna have kids and dont wanna do it outside marriage and yet they are not holding down the marriage according to God's standard and ordinances.
So now, why do we marry?

^^^^ don't mind these confused BATS------  god this, god that.


People marry for MANY and VARIOUS reasons------ its an individual decisions BUT many of those decisions are based on what other people think.

"what would people think if I have sex without marrying that man"
"what do my parents think"
"when are my friends getting married"
what to my friends think

and the list is endless----