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Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? - Romance (1) - Nairaland

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Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Estharfabian(f): 10:09pm On Jan 02
Benita27:
You said it all.
smiley

thanks love!

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Diplomaticbeing(m): 11:01pm On Jan 02
0neal:


Sire
Are you a psychologist?

Hmmm! Formally, no.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Quintessential1(f): 11:07pm On Jan 02
EmperorLee:
Due diligence? Naah, people change. I might have been a player all my life, what if at that moment, I am really ready to settle down ?

Then she needs to know that you were once a player... And make a more conscious decision to marry you regardless, knowing what may eventually happen.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by 0neal(m): 4:56am On Jan 03
Diplomaticbeing:

Hmmm! Formally, no.
I know you are versatile, intellectually Always something new to learn from your post Happy 2017 more success and productive achievement.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 10:44am On Jan 03
Estharfabian:
You're Misconstruing something.
Courtship should be platonic, Then, Dating usually isn't.

Well, I'd still Choose Dating, Courtship Over Due-Delligence.

In due-deligence, They have no context of who they are, past decision making or an idea of what they are looking for in a spouse...

The problem is that arranged marriage(Due-delligence) is not a good fit for Us. Most people value individual liberty more than life itself. Giving this most important decision to someone else is not something many of us are comfortable with.

How can you know what personality you fit well with if you don't DATE the other person? The result can be a mismatched couple and a marriage that is difficult to sustain.

Like allowing Parents or Any other Overgrown Adult to INVESTIGATE Someone I wanna spend my whole life with? Not only is it So Old-fashioned, It's Just ludicrous, Unfathomable and dysfunctional. I feel Like Dating allows you Really get to know someone, emotionally, physically, On a basis Due-deligence wouldn't. tongue

forget the sexual gratification ish..we girls could handle Ourselves. cool so, your point on baseless sexual gratification is flawed. so, I'm sticking with Courtship, Sex and dating! Fück due-delligence!grin

Well this is your opinion but as a guy with a little experience I will advice you do due deligence on the man before you ever allow yourself fall deeply.

The problem with many is that they allow their feelings to deter them from doing the needful.

Due diligence first before courtship and if there is no more time for courtship then due diligence it is....in fact ladies should do more of due diligence than courting.

2 Likes

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 10:12pm On Jan 09
And yet another one lalasticlala
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Odunharry(m): 7:01pm On Jan 11
Frontpage hmmm.


In other news, those who applied for the Annual Xfire scholarship quiz should check this thread and verify their details again

http://www.nairaland.com/3565797/xfire-nairaland-undergraduate-competition-instructions/5#52724958

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by pocohantas(f): 7:01pm On Jan 11
I don't know where you are from, in my region...due diligence is compulsory and done by the parents.
Accepting the outcome of their investigations is where issues arise.
I can't say any is better, marriages crashed in the past when due diligence was the norm, another percentage were merely tolerating each other in the marriage, the remaining enjoyed their marriage... success of any marriage is dependent on parties involved.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by nonjebose(m): 7:02pm On Jan 11
Nutase:
Due diligence In naija Without any reliable information how do you do your due diligence? ??

Just curious.
I think by networking. There is always someone that knows someone sort of thing. Due diligence, as old fashioned as it may sound, can be quite effective for serious relationship. A combination of both due diligence and dating or courting in that particular order can be beneficial.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by chronique(m): 7:07pm On Jan 11
I prefer due deligence. I like to know what I'm getting into, so I don't end up wasting my time.

1 Like

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by nonjebose(m): 7:13pm On Jan 11
There are just too numerous cases of divorce arising from lack of information about a partner, when there are enough around to serve as pointers or guide, I have come across many like that. The demerit here is that you may open doors to rumour mongers or lies peddlers who may want to discredit one of the interested party.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by sweetestever(f): 7:55pm On Jan 11
i think the two should be applied
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nobody: 7:56pm On Jan 11
.Some people are just talking Nonsense !!

if I like a lady and marry her through due diligence with out a courtship and eventually realised we aren't compatible who would I blame

maybe I'll blame due diligence

you can also suggest people to start buying cars without test driving it..all you need is just get info about the car manufacturer and it's done
.
.

2 Likes

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by AyoolaIgwe(m): 8:13pm On Jan 11
Toks2008:
COURTSHIP OR DUE DILIGENCE?

When it comes to starting a purposeful affair with a possible marital union we tend to apply caution and we will try to know about the other person hence we say we are in courtship.

But in my opinion I don't see courtship as a prerequisite for choosing a spouse but I would rather go for due diligence.

While courtship is regarded as a period where two people in a romantic affair gets to know each other in order to have a proper understanding of who they are...due diligence can be said to be an outright investigative process to clearly ascertain the persona of someone.

Yes we know that neither of the two guaranty a great marital union,many people could pretend during courtship no matter how long the courtship lasts,but due deligence will reveal a better picture of who that person is.

In fact I believe that the secret to the longevity of our parents marital union is due diligence where the two families of both bride and groom meticulously take time out to know relevant details of the family as well as the person their son or daughter intends to marry.

For me I will go for due deligence rather than the flimsy charade called courtship which is just a means of wasting your time and indulging in endless sexual gratification.

While most Men will choose courtship,I will employ the ladies to go for due diligence on the man they intend to marry to avoid time wasters and baseless courtship that is never a sure pass for a good union.

I don't know if this makes sense.

Happy new year Nairalanders.
Due-diligence comes before courtship. The two processes don't hamper each other.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Annalise(f): 8:22pm On Jan 11
You don't make sense to me sha. One of the purposes of courtship is due diligence.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nobody: 8:44pm On Jan 11
Choose due diligence at your own peril.

Courtship is by far better.. If u are smart u will know what u are getting into within a month! No matter how cunning or amiable your spouse may be.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 8:46pm On Jan 11
chronique:
I prefer due deligence. I like to know what I'm getting into, so I don't end up wasting my time.

My point exactly...there is a certain age you get to that courtship becomes a total waste of time and if it must happen it should not be more than few months.

Courtship is no guaranty of a good union cos people can pretend a lot but you can't be too smart to hide the real you from some friends,Co workers,family members or colleagues which is why due diligence us far more effective than the facade called courtship.

If you like court for a million years...people can still pretend but due diligence of just a month will give you a better picture of that person.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nobody: 8:48pm On Jan 11
Toks2008:


Well this is your opinion but as a guy with a little experience I will advice you do due deligence on the man before you ever allow yourself fall deeply.

The problem with many is that they allow their feelings to deter them from doing the needful.

Due diligence first before courtship and if there is no more time for courtship then due diligence it is....in fact ladies should do more of due diligence than courting.


so because in your other thread ladies attacked you for posting a thread that criticises women you decided to come up with this and insisting it favours women

well, in Catholic Churches couple are asked before wedding how long they've dated to ascertain if they would be able to tolerate each other and that have gone a long way in reducing divorce cases amongst catholics
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 8:48pm On Jan 11
Amelian:
Choose due diligence at your own peril.

Courtship is by far better.. If u are smart u will know what u are getting into within a month! No matter how cunning or amiable your spouse may be.

SMH! pray not to jam.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 8:51pm On Jan 11
carmag:


so because in your other thread ladies attacked you for posting a thread that criticises women you decided to come up with this and insisting it favours women

well, in Catholic Churches couple are asked before wedding how long they've dated to ascertain if they would be able to tolerate each other and that have gone a long way in reducing divorce cases amongst catholics

Like seriously! because I was attacked? please say something else..do I look as if I care?

If you check very well this thread was written before that thread you are referring to just that the mods choose which one comes to fpage before another.

And yes it does favour ladies more because they need to be more careful.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nobody: 9:02pm On Jan 11
Toks2008:


SMH! pray not to jam.



I don jam in the past with due diligence angry

And those periods were the worst period of my life. The worst ever!

In my early twenties, my parents got me engaged to a psychopath. They did their due diligence. His family is well known and royal. Likewose ours too. Whether am. In love or not was irrelevant. When my ex fiance saw me he liked me and fast forward the engagement. Everybody was happy.. What perfect families coming together as one wow! Mum was beaming with smiles, very soon her daughter will get married. 6 months before the wedding proper .. Things started to onfold, ugly things from the groom started to unfold right in front of my eyes. He had series of dark sides no one knew about. Except his dad and mum who knew.. And to the outside world, he's a great catch , while I was virgin, untouched like a prize to the groom family.

My dear lemme not talk much but at the die moment of the wedding . I ran away.. Far far away ..or else two corpses would have gone to. Meet Baba God that day.

He usually keeps a shotgun in his house, known only by me and him and he taught me how to shoot. So invariably it's either he kills me or I kill him.. But definitely I ain't marry that sadistic psychopath!.

So trust me Toks2008 I know what am saying.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nobody: 9:08pm On Jan 11
Toks2008:


Like seriously! because I was attacked? please say something else..do I look as if I care?

If you check very well this thread was written before that thread you are referring to just that the mods choose which one comes to fpage before another.

And yes it does favour ladies more because they need to be more careful.

with my experience so far in life couple getting married without a courtship is as good as gambling the chances of having a blissful married life is 50 50
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 9:32pm On Jan 11
Amelian:




I don jam in the past with due diligence angry

And those periods were the worst period of my life. The worst ever!

In my early twenties, my parents got me engaged to a psychopath. They did their due diligence. His family is well known and royal. Likewose ours too. Whether am. In love or not was irrelevant. When my ex fiance saw me he liked me and fast forward the engagement. Everybody was happy.. What perfect families coming together as one wow! Mum was beaming with smiles, very soon her daughter will get married. 6 months before the wedding proper .. Things started to onfold, ugly things from the groom started to unfold right in front of my eyes. He had series of dark sides no one knew about. Except his dad and mum who knew.. And to the outside world, he's a great catch , while I was virgin, untouched like a prize to the groom family.

My dear lemme not talk much but at the die moment of the wedding . I ran away.. Far far away ..or else two corpses would have gone to. Meet Baba God that day.

He usually keeps a shotgun in his house, known only by me and him and he taught me how to shoot. So invariably it's either he kills me or I kill him.. But definitely I ain't marry that sadistic psychopath!.

So trust me Toks2008 I know what am saying.

Why are you all twisting this write up? who leaves the parent to do due diligence these days? of course you can do it yourself...

If I meet a lady who is too secretive I just run as far as I can cos that is a red flag.

These days it is very easy to do due diligence rather than waste your time with courtship which can be full or pretense no matter the number of years.

Some married men date a single lady and lie they are single and just a little due diligence would have revealed the secret buy the lady would rather believe him and allow initial gragra to cloud her sense of reasoning and at the end she will start crying over what a he could have easily avoided.

Please you guys should stop bringing parents to present day due diligence.

1 Like

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 9:37pm On Jan 11
carmag:


with my experience so far in life couple getting married without a courtship is as good as gambling the chances of having a blissful married life is 50 50

Lol! and in my over 4 decades of life I can tell you that courtship is a facade...Due diligence must be paramount and yes people do change but you will at least know the person to an extent and then you start the courtship just to be sure.

My point is that courtship is not a good template cos people can pretend for years but you can't change your past.

1 Like

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nobody: 9:38pm On Jan 11
Toks2008:


Why are you all twisting this write up? who leaves the parent to do due diligence these days? of course you can do it yourself...

If I meet a lady who is too secretive I just run as far as I can cos that is a red flag.

These days it is very easy to do due diligence rather than waste your time with courtship which can be full or pretense no matter the number of years.

Some married men date a single lady and lie they are single and just a little due diligence would have revealed the secret buy the lady would rather believe him and allow initial gragra to cloud her sense of reasoning and at the end she will start crying over what a he could have easily avoided.

Please you guys should stop bringing parents to present day due diligence.




You are the one twisting it

What does a 21year old girl know about due diligence? Even about courtship? What do ladies in 20 or early 20s know.

U are talking blinding.. U are not seeing the bigger picture..
Pls I take God beg u.. No need arguing with me tonight.. Just focus on your topic and try convince other to accept your due diligence..
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Tajbol4splend(m): 9:39pm On Jan 11
Estharfabian:
You're Misconstruing something.
Courtship should be platonic, Then, Dating usually isn't.

Well, I'd still Choose Dating, Courtship Over Due-Delligence.

In due-deligence, They have no context of who they are, past decision making or an idea of what they are looking for in a spouse...

The problem is that arranged marriage(Due-delligence) is not a good fit for Us. Most people value individual liberty more than life itself. Giving this most important decision to someone else is not something many of us are comfortable with.

How can you know what personality you fit well with if you don't DATE the other person? The result can be a mismatched couple and a marriage that is difficult to sustain.

Like allowing Parents or Any other Overgrown Adult to INVESTIGATE Someone I wanna spend my whole life with? Not only is it So Old-fashioned, It's Just ludicrous, Unfathomable and dysfunctional. I feel Like Dating allows you Really get to know someone, emotionally, physically, On a basis Due-deligence wouldn't. tongue

forget the sexual gratification ish..we girls could handle Ourselves. cool so, your point on baseless sexual gratification is flawed. so, I'm sticking with Courtship, Sex and dating! Fück due-delligence!grin



You sha make sense
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by kazeemolami: 10:05pm On Jan 11
The way you painted due diligence here makes it looks easy but on this century it is easier said than done. Thankfully you cited our parents as example. Then due diligence was best but now courtship is best. Things have changed.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 10:15pm On Jan 11
Amelian:




You are the one twisting it

What does a 21year old girl know about due diligence? Even about courtship? What do ladies in 20 or early 20s know.

U are talking blinding.. U are not seeing the bigger picture..
Pls I take God beg u.. No need arguing with me tonight.. Just focus on your topic and try convince other to accept your due diligence..

Did you skip that part that says :PURPOSEFUL UNION?"

I am not writing about flings or affairs that has no real intent..what on earth does a guy who just wants to bleep a lady and move on has to do with due diligence and what concerns a lady who knows she is just playing around with due diligence?

I am referring to union between two responsible adults who have serious intent and not just any boyfriend girlfriend union

2 Likes

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nobody: 10:19pm On Jan 11
Toks2008:


Did you skip that part that says :PURPOSEFUL UNION?"

I am not writing about flings or affairs that has no real intent..what on earth does a guy who just wants to bleep a lady and move on has to do with due diligence and what concerns a lady who knows she is just playing around with due diligence?

I am referring to union between two responsible adults who have serious intent and not just any boyfriend girlfriend union


Am not talking of boyfriend and girlfriend either.


Am talking of a relationship or intent that leads to marriage .
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 10:23pm On Jan 11
kazeemolami:
The way you painted due diligence here makes it looks easy but on this century it is easier said than done. Thankfully you cited our parents as example. Then due diligence was best but now courtship is best. Things have changed.

I made it quite clear that guys willmostly not give a bleep about due diligence cos they are rarely at the recieving end.

But when a lady refutes due diligence for courtshup then i just wish such lady luck.

How manty ladies have gotten pregnant for a married man? How many ladies have ended up with cultists? ritualists? Armed robbers.yahoo boys without having a single clue?

Due diligence is very easy if you want to do it but people just get carried away by the initial rush of desire a.k.a initial gragra and they throw caution to the wind and just a little digging,they would have saved themselves future headache but they depend on courtship which could be faked

How many guys have married oloshos just to know after marriage? How many guys have been sent to their early grave just because they are having affair with a married lady who lied to them she is soo single?

2 Likes

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 10:29pm On Jan 11
Amelian:


Am not talking of boyfriend and girlfriend either.


Am talking of a relationship or intent that leads to marriage .

My humble advice..no matter how sweet talking a guy may be, no matter how smooth he may appear and no matter how unassuming you may portray him to be...please and pplleeaasseee...do some under ground investigations..this is about your life, your happiness and your emotions...

Some guys are Gold diggers but you will hardly know and some guys are real snakes but they wil appear like an angel until you realize its too late.

Before you start courting any man at all or before you allow your emotions to get the best of you..please do your due diligence by yourself and you will be sure to discover the real him and only then can you truly make up your mind if you still want to go on.

1 Like

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by tomdon(m): 10:34pm On Jan 11
Estharfabian:
You're Misconstruing something.
Courtship should be platonic, Then, Dating usually isn't.

Well, I'd still Choose Dating, Courtship Over Due-Delligence.

In due-deligence, They have no context of who they are, past decision making or an idea of what they are looking for in a spouse...

The problem is that arranged marriage(Due-delligence) is not a good fit for Us. Most people value individual liberty more than life itself. Giving this most important decision to someone else is not something many of us are comfortable with.

How can you know what personality you fit well with if you don't DATE the other person? The result can be a mismatched couple and a marriage that is difficult to sustain.

Like allowing Parents or Any other Overgrown Adult to INVESTIGATE Someone I wanna spend my whole life with? Not only is it So Old-fashioned, It's Just ludicrous, Unfathomable and dysfunctional. I feel Like Dating allows you Really get to know someone, emotionally, physically, On a basis Due-deligence wouldn't. tongue

forget the sexual gratification ish..we girls could handle Ourselves. cool so, your point on baseless sexual gratification is flawed. so, I'm sticking with Courtship, Sex and dating! Fück due-delligence!grin


Oshe!!!
De fukk de go jare.
No lele

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