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Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? - Romance (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? (20094 Views)

6 Reasons Why I Prefer Online Hook Up for a purposeful romance. / Which of these is the best option for a guy.?? / 8 Signs Your Union Might Not Last (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nobody: 10:35pm On Jan 11
Toks2008:


My humble advice..no matter how sweet talking a guy may be, no matter how smooth he may appear and no matter how unassuming you may portray him to be...please and pplleeaasseee...do some under ground investigations..this is about your life, your happiness and your emotions...

Some guys are Gold diggers but you will hardly know and some guys are real snakes but they wil appear like an angel until you realize its too late.

Before you start courting any man at all or before you allow your emotions to get the best of you..please do your due diligence by yourself and you will be sure to discover the real him and only then can you truly make up your mind if you still want to go on.





Abeg keep your advice.. It's not needed.
I didn't even ask for it

Use it for yourself

Am good 2 go where I am.


So don't worry about me

Ok?
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 10:37pm On Jan 11
carmag:


with my experience so far in life couple getting married without a courtship is as good as gambling the chances of having a blissful married life is 50 50

This is my point bro..there is a stage you gget to and the sound of courtship is like a cacophony to your hears.

As far as im concerned, the lady i will marry will be surprised at the speed it will take. I don't give a hue about courtship and if i must court you maybe for the fun of it.

Real men know what they want.

1.If you are pleasing to my eyes then you have gotten me 70%
2.If i make my findings and i discover you are good enough for me than i marry you..simple.

Why waste time sexing each other in the name of courtship? why do i have to waste my time observing what could be pure pretense?

If you meet someone, go near those that know him,his neighbors,colleagues,friends.family members,ex if possible... no matter how they all try to hide him i believe you might just have a very clear picture of who he or she is and that will make you more prepared.

This is marriage we are talking about and not just mare fling.

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Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 10:43pm On Jan 11
Amelian:





Abeg keep your advice.. It's not needed.
I didn't even ask for it

Use it for yourself

Am good 2 go where I am.


So don't worry about me

Ok?

In a cultured world where i belong, a proper cultured and well mannered lady would respond by writing something more dignifying and not this ..
A guy who does due diligence on you would know with this single comment that you are very saucy,arrogant and uncultured..please try and adjust. Your response to that innocuous post is totally sarcastic and unwarranted.


I guess im done with you lady..whatever rocks your boat.

Good night.

1 Like

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nobody: 10:54pm On Jan 11
Toks2008:


In a cultured world where i belong, a proper cultured and well mannered lady would respond by writing something more dignifying and not this ..
A guy who does due diligence on you would know with this single comment that you are very saucy and uncultured..please try and adjust. Your response to that innocuous post is totally sarcastic and unwarranted.


I guess im done with you lady..whatever rocks your boat.

Good night.




Hahahahahahaa grin grin grin

Toks2008, u can argue for Africa and u want everyone to accept your advice.. Well sorry every one of us have our own mind and beliefs.. I told u from day one, no need clarifying your reasons cos I won't accept because I have my own personal reasons.
All this your unsolicited advice is uncalled for.
I had to be sarcastic and saucy to make u stop
Or else we will argue back and forth tonight

And me? Am. Not ready for your writeups tonight

Am even way more cultured than you. So don't even go there

No. Need throwing insults all over again..
U should. Be matured in what u are he'll bent on saying.

I don't need it.. No need clicking on my. Mentions.. Just focus on other audience.

Is it so hard to for u?
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by abike12(f): 11:51pm On Jan 11
Toks2008:
COURTSHIP OR DUE DILIGENCE?

When it comes to starting a purposeful affair with a possible marital union we tend to apply caution and we will try to know about the other person hence we say we are in courtship.

But in my opinion I don't see courtship as a prerequisite for choosing a spouse but I would rather go for due diligence.

While courtship is regarded as a period where two people in a romantic affair gets to know each other in order to have a proper understanding of who they are...due diligence can be said to be an outright investigative process to clearly ascertain the persona of someone.

Yes we know that neither of the two guaranty a great marital union,many people could pretend during courtship no matter how long the courtship lasts,but due deligence will reveal a better picture of who that person is.

In fact I believe that the secret to the longevity of our parents marital union is due diligence where the two families of both bride and groom meticulously take time out to know relevant details of the family as well as the person their son or daughter intends to marry.

For me I will go for due deligence rather than the flimsy charade called courtship which is just a means of wasting your time and indulging in endless sexual gratification.

While most Men will choose courtship,I will employ the ladies to go for due diligence on the man they intend to marry to avoid time wasters and baseless courtship that is never a sure pass for a good union.

I don't know if this makes sense.

Happy new year Nairalanders.

This makes a lot of sense and thanks for sharing. These days people spend courtship having sex and feeding each other lies. Due diligence will put you in a better position to make an informed decision. It's not by force to marry someone with from certain type of background or with baggage, and instead of sitting around to let them romance you and tell lies you're better off going to find these things out yourself. The only problem is for people outside the country, how do we go about verifying the many tales that Nigerian men tell us here? Some people's oriki should be omo oniro lati iya oniro to loyun fun baba oniro. Tufia!

1 Like

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by xest(m): 12:36am On Jan 12
Estharfabian:
You're Misconstruing something.
Courtship should be platonic, Then, Dating usually isn't.

Well, I'd still Choose Dating, Courtship Over Due-Delligence.

In due-deligence, They have no context of who they are, past decision making or an idea of what they are looking for in a spouse...

The problem is that arranged marriage(Due-delligence) is not a good fit for Us. Most people value individual liberty more than life itself. Giving this most important decision to someone else is not something many of us are comfortable with.

How can you know what personality you fit well with if you don't DATE the other person? The result can be a mismatched couple and a marriage that is difficult to sustain.

Like allowing Parents or Any other Overgrown Adult to INVESTIGATE Someone I wanna spend my whole life with? Not only is it So Old-fashioned, It's Just ludicrous, Unfathomable and dysfunctional. I feel Like Dating allows you Really get to know someone, emotionally, physically, On a basis Due-deligence wouldn't. tongue

forget the sexual gratification ish..we girls could handle Ourselves. cool so, your point on baseless sexual gratification is flawed. so, I'm sticking with Courtship, Sex and dating! Fück due-delligence!grin
Bae u said it all n that is how it should be
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 3:10am On Jan 12
abike12:


This makes a lot of sense and thanks for sharing. These days people spend courtship having sex and feeding each other lies. Due diligence will put you in a better position to make an informed decision. It's not by force to marry someone with from certain type of background or with baggage, and instead of sitting around to let them romance you and tell lies you're better off going to find these things out yourself. The only problem is for people outside the country, how do we go about verifying the many tales that Nigerian men tell us here? Some people's oriki should be omo oniro lati iya oniro to loyun fun baba oniro. Tufia!

Thanks sis.

You made a valid point I must say.
As regards someone in abroad in an affair with someone in Nigeria I guess one needs to be more cautious.

But then one can still do a little due diligence based in the info you have.

Then watch out for red flags by asking yourself some deep questions like...does he ask for money? why does he want to be with you? are there no decent ladies in Nigeria? Can you video chat with him and his family members?

Ask for his Facebook Twitter or any social media ID and check his records pics and so on...if you are OK then go to step two...

No matter how distant you are at least you should have someone in Nigeria you can trust a little...let this person find out certain things about this guy based on the info he provides...

The last line of action is taking the risk by filing a k1 visa which is fiance visa or intending to marry ....if that scales through then you two can be together in your country for like 6months to court each other..if he misbehaves just move on..at least you are not married to him but if he proves to be genuine...you marry him and hope for the best.

My submission.....some will see it as stressful doing due diligence but remember that marriage is a veery big deal

1 Like

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by jozz(m): 8:00am On Jan 12
Toks2008:


I made it quite clear that guys willmostly not give a bleep about due diligence cos they are rarely at the recieving end.

But when a lady refutes due diligence for courtshup then i just wish such lady luck.

How manty ladies have gotten pregnant for a married man? How many ladies have ended up with cultists? ritualists? Armed robbers.yahoo boys without having a single clue?

Due diligence is very easy if you want to do it but people just get carried away by the initial rush of desire a.k.a initial gragra and they throw caution to the wind and just a little digging,they would have saved themselves future headache but they depend on courtship which could be faked

How many guys have married oloshos just to know after marriage? How many guys have been sent to their early grave just because they are having affair with a married lady who lied to them she is soo single?

Best comment
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by queencalipso(f): 10:05am On Jan 12
Toks2008:


This is my point bro..there is a stage you gget to and the sound of courtship is like a cacophony to your hears.

As far as im concerned, the lady i will marry will be surprised at the speed it will take. I don't give a hue about courtship and if i must court you maybe for the fun of it.

Real men know what they want.

1.If you are pleasing to my eyes then you have gotten me 70%
2.If i make my findings and i discover you are good enough for me than i marry you..simple.

Why waste time sexing each other in the name of courtship? why do i have to waste my time observing what could be pure pretense?

[b]If you meet someone, go near those that know him,his neighbors,colleagues,friends.family members,ex if possible... no matter how they all try to hide him i belie[/b]ve you might just have a very clear picture of who he or she is and that will make you more prepared.

This is marriage we are talking about and not just mare fling.

Going to meet people will only open room for gossips and lies, some people may feed you lies out of jealousy and contempt for the person and even family members are not exempted in this. Now how will you know if you are being told the truth about the person when you don't know a thing about him/ her? Is it right to judge the person on the basis of what you are being told, right or wrong?

In my opinion, due-deligence can also be done in courtship by your self, you need no external body and if you must listen to people, at least give him/her a benefit of doubt.


And toks, stop forcing you opinion down people's throat, I notice you do that a lot. To each their own.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 1:04pm On Jan 12
queencalipso:


Going to meet people will only open room for gossips and lies, some people may feed you lies out of jealousy and contempt for the person and even family members are not exempted in this. Now how will you know if you are being told the truth about the person when you don't know a thing about him/ her? Is it right to judge the person on the basis of what you are being told, right or wrong?

In my opinion, due-deligence can also be done in courtship by your self, you need no external body and if you must listen to people, at least give him/her a benefit of doubt.


And toks, stop forcing you opinion down people's throat, I notice you do that a lot. To each their own.

Aww! how I wish you did not end your intelligent comment with unfounded sarcasm about me forcing MY OPINION gown people's throat because on the contrary...they are the ones getting so personal and sarcastic just as you just did.

Sometimes I wonder why people can't just state their opinion in a civilized manner without getting personal.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by queencalipso(f): 1:34pm On Jan 12
Toks2008:


Aww! how I wish you did not end your intelligent comment with unfounded sarcasm about me forcing MY OPINION gown people's throat because on the contrary...they are the ones getting so personal and sarcastic just as you just did.

Sometimes I wonder why people can't just state their opinion in a civilized manner without getting personal.

Hey dear!! I didn't get personal, I only stated an obvious observation. But if you feel offended, my appologies. I meant no offence.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 3:50pm On Jan 12
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Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 3:50pm On Jan 12
queencalipso:


Hey dear!! I didn't get personal, I only stated an obvious observation. But if you feel offended, my appologies. I meant no offence.

Fair enough

Now back to the matter. it is true that there is every likelihood that people could lie just to tarnish the person's image and anyone doing due diligence should know this but that is the beauty of it all because there is always an aorta of truth in most lies and that will keep you on guard.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Olanna45(f): 8:58pm On Jan 13
Toks2008:


My point exactly...there is a certain age you get to that courtship becomes a total waste of time and if it must happen it should not be more than few months.

Courtship is no guaranty of a good union cos people can pretend a lot but you can't be too smart to hide the real you from some friends,Co workers,family members or colleagues which is why due diligence us far more effective than the facade called courtship.

If you like court for a million years...people can still pretend but due diligence of just a month will give you a better picture of that person.
Woe betide you if you happen to ask unfriendly friends and jealous neighbours....

The thing is, no matter how long someone pretends, if you are smart enough you will still find out... You can't hide character for too long...

The problem is that most couples intend to overlook some traits and habits exhibited by their partners.... Some are of the opinion that they will change.... While some are just not observant enough...

Due diligence is mostly done to ascertain the family's medical, marital and ancestral history...

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