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Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? - Romance - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? (19395 Views)

6 Reasons Why I Prefer Online Hook Up for a purposeful romance. / Which of these is the best option for a guy.?? / 8 Signs Your Union Might Not Last (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 12:49pm On Jan 02
COURTSHIP OR DUE DILIGENCE?

When it comes to starting a purposeful affair with a possible marital union we tend to apply caution and we will try to know about the other person hence we say we are in courtship.

But in my opinion I don't see courtship as a prerequisite for choosing a spouse but I would rather go for due diligence.

While courtship is regarded as a period where two people in a romantic affair gets to know each other in order to have a proper understanding of who they are...due diligence can be said to be an outright investigative process to clearly ascertain the persona of someone.

Yes we know that neither of the two guaranty a great marital union,many people could pretend during courtship no matter how long the courtship lasts,but due deligence will reveal a better picture of who that person is.

In fact I believe that the secret to the longevity of our parents marital union is due diligence where the two families of both bride and groom meticulously take time out to know relevant details of the family as well as the person their son or daughter intends to marry.

For me I will go for due deligence rather than the flimsy charade called courtship which is just a means of wasting your time and indulging in endless sexual gratification.

While most Men will choose courtship,I will employ the ladies to go for due diligence on the man they intend to marry to avoid time wasters and baseless courtship that is never a sure pass for a good union.

I don't know if this makes sense.

Happy new year Nairalanders.

27 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by EmperorLee(m): 12:50pm On Jan 02
Due diligence? Naah, people change. I might have been a player all my life, what if at that moment, I am really ready to settle down ?

6 Likes

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by refiner(f): 12:50pm On Jan 02
Due deligence is much better dunno why people rarely put it into consideration so as to avoid divorce...

4 Likes

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by BrooklynTheBully: 12:51pm On Jan 02
cool
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by BrooklynTheBully: 12:52pm On Jan 02
refiner:
Emperorlee! angry
cheesy grin


Happy New Year, Refinery tongue
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by refiner(f): 12:53pm On Jan 02
BrooklynTheBully:


cheesy grin



Happy New Year, Refinery tongue

Merry new year doooooorrrling! cheesy

Saw my mention yesterday? undecided
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Estharfabian(f): 12:54pm On Jan 02
You're Misconstruing something.
Courtship should be platonic, Then, Dating usually isn't.

Well, I'd still Choose Dating, Courtship Over Due-Delligence.

In due-deligence, They have no context of who they are, past decision making or an idea of what they are looking for in a spouse...

The problem is that arranged marriage(Due-delligence) is not a good fit for Us. Most people value individual liberty more than life itself. Giving this most important decision to someone else is not something many of us are comfortable with.

How can you know what personality you fit well with if you don't DATE the other person? The result can be a mismatched couple and a marriage that is difficult to sustain.

Like allowing Parents or Any other Overgrown Adult to INVESTIGATE Someone I wanna spend my whole life with? Not only is it So Old-fashioned, It's Just ludicrous, Unfathomable and dysfunctional. I feel Like Dating allows you Really get to know someone, emotionally, physically, On a basis Due-deligence wouldn't. tongue

forget the sexual gratification ish..we girls could handle Ourselves. cool so, your point on baseless sexual gratification is flawed. so, I'm sticking with Courtship, Sex and dating! Fück due-delligence!grin

20 Likes 1 Share

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by EmperorLee(m): 12:54pm On Jan 02
refiner:
Emperorlee! angry

Yes, Refiner sad
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by refiner(f): 12:55pm On Jan 02
EmperorLee:


Yes, Refiner sad

Did u read the post before booking space? angry
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by ikp120(m): 12:56pm On Jan 02
As for me, dating is courtship, courtship is dating! cool cool cool
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 12:56pm On Jan 02
EmperorLee:
Due diligence? Naah, people change. I might have been a player all my life, what if at that moment, I am really ready to settle down ?

Lol! at least she will know the fact and it's up to you to promise her you will change.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Timelezz: 12:57pm On Jan 02
Due diligence has been jettisoned by the independence/freedom education and religion have handed to us.

Once kids leave home for higher education, they return home with emotional entanglement and a mindset of knowing more than their parents. Kids are so rebellious today they can sabotage their parents' efforts at investigating their prospective Partners. So dating and courtship still hold sway.

And then the church, you won't believe 85% of Nigerian girls ages of 21 to 35 still strut around their spiritual masters and seers inquiring who their marriage partners are. They will never accept for their parents to investigate anyone their pastor or seer has "proclaimed" as their divine partner.

That's how irrational and illogical girls can be. There goes due diligence as you put it.

Parents have been rendered powerless to investigate and have even an advisory role in most marriages of their kids.

8 Likes

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by BrooklynTheBully: 12:58pm On Jan 02
refiner:


Merry new year doooooorrrling! cheesy

Saw my mention yesterday? undecided

cheesy grin




No, I didn't Ma'am cry ... You probably mention the wrong moniker... Don't worry, I'll be back on my main soon tongue
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by EmperorLee(m): 1:00pm On Jan 02
refiner:


Did u read the post before booking space? angry

Yes na grin. You wan carry FTC grin
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Nutase(f): 1:00pm On Jan 02
Due diligence In naija Without any reliable information how do you do your due diligence? ??

Just curious.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by EmperorLee(m): 1:03pm On Jan 02
Toks2008:


Lol! at least she will know the fact and it's up to you to promise her you will change.


Lol true though. Nice write up anyways.


Lalasticlala come make we epp you do due diligence for Berlynn. *PicksRace
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 1:04pm On Jan 02
Timelezz:
Due diligence has been jettisoned by the independence/freedom education and religion have handed to us.

Once kids leave home for higher education, they return home with emotional entanglement and a mindset of knowing more than their parents. Kids are so rebellious today they can sabotage their parents' efforts at investigating their prospective Partners. So dating and courtship still hold sway.

And then the church, you won't believe 85% of Nigerian girls ages of 21 to 35 still strut around their spiritual masters and seers inquiring who their marriage partners are. They will never accept for their parents to investigate anyone their pastor or seer has "proclaimed" as their divine partner.

That's how irrational and illogical girls can be. There goes due diligence as you put it.

Parents have been rendered powerless to investigate and have even an advisory role in most marriages of their kids.

Insightful...but it can still be done.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by refiner(f): 1:05pm On Jan 02
EmperorLee:


Yes na grin. You wan carry FTC grin

grin...wickedness!
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 1:05pm On Jan 02
EmperorLee:



Lol true though. Nice write up anyways.


Lalasticlala come make we epp you do due diligence for Berlynn. *PicksRace

Oh is that lalastic's crush?

I have been wondering who he has eyes for on nairaland.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by johnime: 1:08pm On Jan 02
Due Diligence!!
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by EmperorLee(m): 1:11pm On Jan 02
Toks2008:


Oh is that lalastic's crush?

I have been wondering who he has eyes for on nairaland.

Yes ooh. Berlynn is crushing on Lalasticlala, lala is crushing on her too. I just hope they don't crush each other completely before we see their "Pre-wedding Pictures".

1 Like

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Diplomaticbeing(m): 1:11pm On Jan 02
Meaningful due diligence cannot take place without courtship. However, long duration of courtship cannot guarantee effective due diligence. But achieving self-illumination before venturing into courtship will make one's due diligence an easy task. This is the importance of one knowing his/her ethical leanings first, before seeking for courtship. . . . Man know thyself!

In summary, the following should be the rightful steps:

- Self-illumination
- Courtship
- Due diligence

"Attitude is never a manifestation of an attribute." This is so because while the former can be learned or faked the latter is innate.

11 Likes

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by EmperorLee(m): 1:12pm On Jan 02
refiner:


grin...wickedness!

If it's FTC you want, comman collect it ooh grin

Happy new year missy.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Aregs(m): 1:12pm On Jan 02
Courtship!!!
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Timelezz: 1:24pm On Jan 02
Toks2008:


Insightful...but it can still be done.
It's a tough call ,Toks. The signs of the time is pointing towards individual freedom and more freedom for better or worse.

And history does not bear favourably on marriages done at the behest of parents. Some gave away their daughters/sons for the consolidation of material acquirement and financial rewards.

Media culture and the force of social media has made communication and relationship so easy and discrete, parents are genuinely intimidated.

Some parents do get so desperate they actually follow their kids into Facebook and other such platforms to steer them back into the paths of the good old ways.

I'm afraid it's a generational war of conventions and our parents lack the wherewithal to win this.

1 Like

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 1:36pm On Jan 02
Timelezz:
It's a tough call ,Toks. The signs of the time is pointing towards individual freedom and more freedom for better or worse.

And history does not bear favourably on marriages done at the behest of parents. Some gave away their daughters/sons for the consolidation of material acquirement and financial rewards.

Media culture and the force of social media has made communication and relationship so easy and discrete, parents are genuinely intimidated.

Some parents do get so desperate they actually follow their kids into Facebook and other such platforms to steer them back into the paths of the good old ways.

I'm afraid it's a generational war of conventions and our parents lack the wherewithal to win this.

Amazingly you kept hammering on the parents...

You can do due diligence without involving your parents.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Justeenaleo(f): 1:37pm On Jan 02
Both actually works, you do the courtship, when you think you are ready to settle due diligence can then follow, parents can then do that maybe.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Timelezz: 1:41pm On Jan 02
Toks2008:


Amazingly you kept hammering on the parents...

You can do due diligence without involving your parents.
Yes, the reason I emphasise the parents is because it has always been their lot to investigate and enforce due diligence.

Youths are taken, and naturally so, by the emotions, glitz and whirlblast that come with courtship and dating.

It's a rarity to see a youth dating someone he or she is in love with and at same time advocating for background check. In today's language it is seen as lack of trust.

When sex is involved in the whole dating and courtship thing, logic is often always trailing behind.

4 Likes

Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Toks2008(m): 2:57pm On Jan 02
Justeenaleo:
Both actually works, you do the courtship, when you think you are ready to settle due diligence can then follow, parents can then do that maybe.

This works for young people who still have time to waste.
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by 0neal(m): 9:06pm On Jan 02
Diplomaticbeing:
Meaningful due diligence cannot take place without courtship. However, long duration of courtship cannot guarantee effective due diligence. But achieving self-illumination before venturing into courtship will make one's due diligence an easy task. This is the importance of one knowing his/her ethical leanings first, before seeking for courtship. . . . Man know thyself!

In summary, the following should be the rightful steps:

- Self-illumination
- Courtship
- Due diligence

"Attitude is never a manifestation of an attribute." This is so because while tthe former can be learned or faked the latter is innate.



Sire
Are you a psychologist?
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by 0neal(m): 9:37pm On Jan 02
Toks2008:
COURTSHIP OR DUE DILIGENCE?

Foremost Happy 2017 Sire toks2008

Insightful write-up, buh i disagree on this line "courtship is a waste of time"


Meanwhile checkout this thread I created on preparation before courtship/due diligence

http://www.nairaland.com/3547253/how-meet-soul-mate-effortlessly-unmarried
Re: Which Of These Two Is A Better Option For A Purposeful Union? by Benita27(f): 9:52pm On Jan 02
Estharfabian:
You're Misconstruing something.
Courtship should be platonic, Then, Dating usually isn't.

Well, I'd still Choose Dating, Courtship Over Due-Delligence(...whatever that means)...

In due-deligence, They have no context of who they are, past decision making or an idea of what they are looking for in a spouse...

The problem is that arranged marriage(Due-delligence) is not a good fit for Us. Most people value individual liberty more than life itself. Giving this most important decision to someone else is not something many of us are comfortable with.

How can you know what personality you fit well with if you don't DATE the other person? The result can be a mismatched couple and a marriage that is difficult to sustain.

Like allowing Parents or Any other Overgrown Adult to INVESTIGATE Someone I wanna spend my whole life with? Not only is it So Old-fashioned, It's Just ludicrous. I feel Like Dating allows you Really get to know someone, emotionally, physically, On a basis Due-deligence wouldn't.tongue

forget the sexual gratification ish..we girls could handle Ourselves. cool so, your point on baseless sexual gratification is flawed. so, I'm sticking with Courtship, Sex and dating! Fück due-delligence!grin
You said it all.

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