mecussey:


U dey dull na, why u no compare the old man with his mates wey be ministers and presidents.

a day came...nd we(me nd my brothera)..threw such to my dad..he laughed nd promised Neva to do d comparison again..
but he soon forgot nd resumed d comparing

d comparisons dosnt get to me anymore so I thought... until we fought

now I wished he had listened nd stopped

For fighting ur big broda alone me hav no comment for u on d issue. Here in africa we respect our seniors.

it's really a serious issue especially coming from parents, our parents seem to share similarities on this matter especially when it involves church but what I did was plainly tell them, I can't live hypocritical life, most of those compared with me ain't actually all saint like they portray them to be and Frankly said I don't need such comparison.

You must tell urself that you won't allow your emotions be ruined by these actions and never allow it breed negative relationship between you and others.

Work on yourself and make yourself a better person than you already are.

You should be protective of your brother, your elder for that matter. Wise men they say control their temper.

Acode:
Recently I got into a fight with my elder brother..nd I broke his nose..it was a very bad thing for me ..but its jst d end product of wat my dad has been planting inside of me

It all started THUS

My dad is a master comparer ..wen we wer younger ...
he wuld compare us (me nd my brothers) to anyone he deems fit even if dat someone is worst Dan us..

.comparisons like

*--.why are we not leading d youth choir in our church like d pastor's son
*--why can't i take d first position in my class like Camoru Omo Iya alata
*-- why cant I win d scholarship like lagbaja even if my school is not offering any

I could remember last two years..a relative came visiting..dis guy recently came back from Obodo oyibo..nd he was forming all single nd holy..

here comes my dad again..comparing us to him..saying d guy has gone to a foreign land nd he was successful all because he was holy nd he abstained from women..

nd all we do here is think and gist about women(we are 6 boys)..we didn't take it lightly wit him..but we let it slide.

.only to get invited to a party by dis holy obodo oyibo guy..nd we met him rocking d biggest ukwu we've ever seen..Chai!!..God punish devil

Back to my main reason for writing dis..
My dad ridiculed me so much with my brothers success.. he wuld use every opportunity to compare me nd him

my brother is a graduate nd works for a big tech company.. while i'm still a 300level student

The comparison got so bad I started hating my brother..not because he's already successful Dan me...but my dad rubs it on my face always..like I should jst graduate sharp sharp nd start working

long story short.... we fought nd I broke his nose
NOW MY QUESTION IS
I know my dad wants to motivate us with d comparisons
But is it ideal to motivate someone( brother.. friend..anyone) by comparing him to another person..

nd if ur a victim like me..talk ur story

if I were ur elder brother , I would kill u. You are just so useless ,rude and brainlesss. You can even kill ur brother through envy.

some of africa parents are like dat ,my dad usually said dat ,were 2 boys in our families ,some time we eat outside because of dat .were all huztling every day ,despite am still a student ,well my senior
brother had graduated.

skuribeebo:
if I were ur elder brother , I would kill u. You are just so useless ,rude and brainlesss. You can even kill ur brother through envy.

OK

Tolupage:
it's really a serious issue especially coming from parents, our parents seem to share similarities on this matter especially when it involves church but what I did was plainly tell them, I can't live hypocritical life, most of those compared with me ain't actually all saint like they portray them to be and Frankly said I don't need such comparison.

You must tell urself that you won't allow your emotions be ruined by these actions and never allow it breed negative relationship between you and others.

Work on yourself and make yourself a better person than you already are.

God bless u man..tanks

Acode:


I was ready for all dis comments before I posted d writeup..nd no am not yet a graduate.. but would soon be one
am not a rebel..nd neva been a violent person... it was a huge mistake from my part...I could av jst walked away from him..but I stayed back nd let d devil used me..

Apologize to your brother, and stop making excuses.
Its not enough to feel bad and sorry for your actions. The most important thing is how you have made amendments, and corrected the wrongs.
If your dad brings up all his comparisons, report him to your mum, and let her know he's breeding enmity between her children.

Take your problems and questions to www.quora.com


You can't get any reasonable advice here.

What I detest in my life is comparison. MUMSIE get PHD for that stuff. I remembered when I wrote my first GCE exam in ss2 and I failed all the subjects. It became my morning, afternoon and evening greeting .... ”You failed all the subjects everything time, you busy watching television, look this persons child she passed all her subjects but u u can't” . it was a nightmare I prayed and wished it to go away but it never did . even at the slight provocation , she will say it. When I wrote my wace exams in ss3 and another GCE exam that year I rubbed my results on her face too cos my mathematics skills was top noch A both in GCE and wace.

I passed the exams and I begged her to please stop comparing me with someone else it is really annoying.. So she stopped.

This guy broke his brother's nose because the dad compared them? Watch out, this is a potential murderer!

eyinjuege:


Apologize to your brother, and stop making excuses.
Its not enough to feel bad and sorry for your actions. The most important thing is how you have made amendments, and corrected the wrongs.
If your dad brings up all his comparisons, report him to your mum, and let her know he's breeding enmity between her children.

apologise done already....

Acode:

lolz..I saw a lot of people talking about how foolish I am..nd how stupid of a young man I am..nd how proud I am for breaking my brothers nose...
i stated it clearly.. I felt bad..I couldn't sleep..we are good padis ...or rather we were

This is saddening, your innocent brother had to bear the blunt of your reckless father. You're more detailed right here than the original post. I don't care to know whatever that caused the fight, but please, fix that bond between you and your brother, at least for the sake of your poor mom

Parents always make the mistake of raising their wards same way they were raised in ancient days...

Your dad is TOTALLY wrong...

But

I have learnt one invaluable lesson...

Never argue with elders, they are already set in their ways....and never take what they say to heart especially if it tends to hurt.....its just the way they are, they will NEVER understand.

Or maybe you can ask them why they are not senators and presidents (like their friends in high places whom they always claim to know ) lol.


On the flipside, I think you and your brother should be mature enough to actually TALK about this thing....to TELL him that your dad has made you loathe him....instead of keeping it to yourself....
Once he knows, trust me he will do everything within his power to make sure both of you are on good terms....
He will "understand" where your actions and behaviour come from.

This is very simple. just look ahead ,for a day shall come, when a younger brother will break your jaws too.

@Acode
if we tell you here that your father is to blame, it wont make things better or worse. You know why, he won't come and read our comments. But you should seek our advice on how you can become a better person. First you need great and good friends, not agbaya people onh,people that will come to your mind to go to when this hate come up and I believe when you finish talking over with them, your anger should have boiled down.
secondly, there is an adage that says "with Time we shall know who is foolish ".See,if your dad is the typical Nigerian man no amount of your talking with him will make him change. And if you try to please him, you may end up selling your soul to the devil for sucess. do your best and leave the rest for God. Do what you can, I wish I could talk to you more. so you understand.work hard,face your studies.work hard.the end shall tell. Never, I repeat NEVER you put your anger on your brothers, you know why they are going through the exact same thing as you. learn from them
You guys should mak your dad see what gifts he was blessed with as sons. If you need to talk, you can reach me

4dor:


Your dad might have issues but the real issue I can deduce here is that you are a fooolish young man. Why? see the the parts I emboldened, do you expect you and your ELDER brother to be at the same level? Instead of breaking his nose if you hit his neck and he dies will you tell the judge your father caused it? Why cant you focus this energy you have into your studies so you can achieve something for yourself? The fact that you even had the audacity to raise a hand against your elder brother shows the type of person you are and maybe you really deserve how your father treats you.

Spot on.

please acode fix the relationship with your brother back to pre fight days.ask him about the bussiness you guys wanted to do together.know whether he still wants to do it if yes continue from where you guys stopped .meet your mum and complain to her about how your father caused the fight and tell her to have a talk with your dad.it is well bro.

Tazdroid:
Just a few questions....

Have you helped fix your brother's nose?

If yes, how does he feel now?

If no, what are you waiting for?

Did your brother break your nose too?

If yes, have you fixed yours?

If no, why didn't he break yours?

I don't usually quote ppl, but this i must say is the most brilliant post of the 2nd quartile of the year.

OP,you don s h I t for church.
You sey you dey 300L and you noh fit coordinate yourself.You think sey to go uni na just to get good grades for courses.check uni degree dem dey award am base on character too.Wetin enter your head to break your elder bro nose?you be agbaya for that action.
Why you go envy your blood brother.
Young man,this life na per head.every one get he destiny.
Yes,you don tell us sey your old man dey over dey ginger una.okay na.but you suppose use your 'aka nuche' take know sey every body get his own life to live.
You be still small boy.So I advice you to go apologize to your brother.Your old man go soon 'lego'based on old age things.but you and your bros go still dey life dey run things.
one good thing about blood is that we quarrel,fight and settle.
so go beg your brother and think of how to live your life.
life na per head.

Acode:
Recently I got into a fight with my elder brother..nd I broke his nose..it was a very bad thing for me ..but its jst d end product of wat my dad has been planting inside of me

It all started THUS

My dad is a master comparer ..wen we wer younger ...
he wuld compare us (me nd my brothers) to anyone he deems fit even if dat someone is worst Dan us..

.comparisons like

*--.why are we not leading d youth choir in our church like d pastor's son
*--why can't i take d first position in my class like Camoru Omo Iya alata
*-- why cant I win d scholarship like lagbaja even if my school is not offering any

I could remember last two years..a relative came visiting..dis guy recently came back from Obodo oyibo..nd he was forming all single nd holy..

here comes my dad again..comparing us to him..saying d guy has gone to a foreign land nd he was successful all because he was holy nd he abstained from women..

nd all we do here is think and gist about women(we are 6 boys)..we didn't take it lightly wit him..but we let it slide.

.only to get invited to a party by dis holy obodo oyibo guy..nd we met him rocking d biggest ukwu we've ever seen..Chai!!..God punish devil

Back to my main reason for writing dis..
My dad ridiculed me so much with my brothers success.. he wuld use every opportunity to compare me nd him

my brother is a graduate nd works for a big tech company.. while i'm still a 300level student

The comparison got so bad I started hating my brother..not because he's already successful Dan me...but my dad rubs it on my face always..like I should jst graduate sharp sharp nd start working

long story short.... we fought nd I broke his nose
NOW MY QUESTION IS
I know my dad wants to motivate us with d comparisons
But is it ideal to motivate someone( brother.. friend..anyone) by comparing him to another person..

nd if ur a victim like me..talk ur story

It's sad when parents do that. Mine was more terrible. The best thing to do is ignore and apologise. Taking actions could lead to unnecessary fights. Mine got me kicked out from my parents house when if you look at it from a better perspective I should be the one they compare to. But I believe everybody has his/her own fate and trying too force someone to be like the other becomes disastrous. Apologise to your family and avoid such scenario by any mean necessary. They're family and no matter where you run to fate will make you need them

4dor:


Your dad might have issues but the real issue I can deduce here is that you are a fooolish young man. Why? see the the parts I emboldened, do you expect you and your ELDER brother to be at the same level? Instead of breaking his nose if you hit his neck and he dies will you tell the judge your father caused it? Why cant you focus this energy you have into your studies so you can achieve something for yourself? The fact that you even had the audacity to raise a hand against your elder brother shows the type of person you are and maybe you really deserve how your father treats you.

Hitting his elder brother was wrong, infact hitting your brother/sister irrespective of age difference is wrong but the father is to blame for this. Who compares a Toyata camry with a Rolls Royce. One has gone far in life and the other is barely starting. Parent like that turn brothers to enemiess

4dor:


Your dad might have issues but the real issue I can deduce here is that you are a fooolish young man. Why? see the the parts I emboldened, do you expect you and your ELDER brother to be at the same level? Instead of breaking his nose if you hit his neck and he dies will you tell the judge your father caused it? Why cant you focus this energy you have into your studies so you can achieve something for yourself? The fact that you even had the audacity to raise a hand against your elder brother shows the type of person you are and maybe you really deserve how your father treats you.

Hitting his elder brother was wrong, infact hitting your brother/sister irrespective of age difference is wrong but the father is to blame for this. Who compares a Toyata camry with a Rolls Royce. One has gone far in life and the other is barely starting. Parent like that turn brothers to enemies

So you are trying to console yourself with the expected comments that your dad is the remote cause of the incident! - Continue.
U had better just have a repentant attitude towards your brother and also stop allowing your father's comparisons get to you - u ain't a teenager for Gods sake! Be more matured in mind.
God forbid assuming in your fit of rage now, instead of nose you broke the whole head and lik that you become a murderer, even if your family saves you from death by hanging, how will you live the rest of your life with the hurt?
You need to be able to pick out the constructive parts about people's criticisms and drop the other part!

Anyways, give yourself a few more strokes of the cane and remedy the situation/your state of mind

4dor:


Your dad might have issues but the real issue I can deduce here is that you are a fooolish young man. Why? see the the parts I emboldened, do you expect you and your ELDER brother to be at the same level? Instead of breaking his nose if you hit his neck and he dies will you tell the judge your father caused it? Why cant you focus this energy you have into your studies so you can achieve something for yourself? The fact that you even had the audacity to raise a hand against your elder brother shows the type of person you are and maybe you really deserve how your father treats you.

Word, it got me thinking too. Nice

The best revenge is staying true to who you are and making the possible best out of it. Your worst critique now will soon be your renowned kakaki blower ... me thinks

Parents should stop comparing their children for the are not the same and can never be the same as individual are different in many aspects. Comparing children will lead to hatred among siblings. Praise, advise and encourage children to be the way u want instead of propagating hatred.

4dor:


Your dad might have issues but the real issue I can deduce here is that you are a fooolish young man. Why? see the the parts I emboldened, do you expect you and your ELDER brother to be at the same level? Instead of breaking his nose if you hit his neck and he dies will you tell the judge your father caused it? Why cant you focus this energy you have into your studies so you can achieve something for yourself? The fact that you even had the audacity to raise a hand against your elder brother shows the type of person you are and maybe you really deserve how your father treats you.

Thanks so much for this...in fact you said it. Bless you

My mum is good at it and it gets me so mad. The most annoying part is she compares me with people I know are way below me in every way.
Especially a cousin of mine who doesn't even know what to do with her life yet but she is quite deceitful, cunning and has hypocritical ways.
I was tempted to tell her one day to go adopt her and leave me the f*** alone, then she'll know how God really blessed her.


I am determined not to make my children go through that, and it kills the child's self esteem.

I think the OP has already clarified things to an extent cos would have insulted him.

Dharniel:
i will apportion the blame on nobody but nonetheless I'll ask you to look inwardly and try to make peace with your brother, father and yourself. no outsider (nairalanders) can understand your family especially your father more than you do. Father's have their respective ways of getting at their boy's, I'm talking from experience, even at that blood they say is thicker than water. try not to look for who to blame, rather, swallow your ego, apologize and make peace with your brother. brothers always gat your back even when your father can't...
you never knows what the future holds.
make peace.

i must confess.this is one of d most matured post i have seen in nairaland.you earn my respect sir(doffs hat)