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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Divorce Journal (30680 Views)
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Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 9:07pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Your position makes sense. Writing is therapeutic for me. On the contrary, I feel less depressed when I write. And i really wanna come back to this tgread in a few years to check my development. I'm a nerd remember? Lool crackhaus: 6 Likes |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 9:08pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
I agree totally. Self realization it is. LordKO: |
Re: My Divorce Journal by crackhaus: 9:19pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Risingphoenix12:It has to be. I wish you a good life my man. 4 Likes |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 9:19pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Pretty intense huh? Lol ModusOperandi: 1 Like |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 9:23pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Thanks. Wish you the same. May the forces be with you. crackhaus: |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Dyt(f): 9:42pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Kotieyemi Oyinbo ti poju |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Martin0(m): 9:53pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Dyt:ẽṣe ti iwọ sọ bẹ |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 9:56pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
1 Like |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 9:57pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Janeyinspires(f): 10:03pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Risingphoenix12: You call all this 'quite a few?' They are deep. You projected yourself as a "good samaritan." Someone who'll make her happy,fill in her inadequacies without taking your own happiness into consideration Marriage isn't a help institution.You apparently turned yours into one..Lemmi leave you with this:marriage is God's idea.Don't lose faith yet.Let God into your marriage. |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Martin0(m): 10:04pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Risingphoenix12:hahahahah ti o ko ba nilo lati wa ni binu, Mo si gangan fe lati mo re idi ti idi ti mo beere .. |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Dyt(f): 10:31pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Martin0(m): 10:52pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Dyt:hahahahah thought you wanna use yuroba?? |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 10:58pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Yea. In retrospect... I was quite naive and immature. Lol @ let God in. Most definitely. He can step in. As for me, I'm out. Janeyinspires: 1 Like |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 11:00pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Lool. Mehn you lost me... Martin0: |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Martin0(m): 11:32pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Risingphoenix12:ok ooo |
Re: My Divorce Journal by goldenruby1: 11:47pm On Aug 01, 2017 |
Risingphoenix12:Wow! @the bolded.. I sincerely wish you all the best |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 3:36am On Aug 02, 2017 |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 4:08am On Aug 02, 2017 |
Lol... almost like clockwork... 4.08am... This feels so surreal. Like I'm having an out of body experience and watching my own life play like a script. At this moment, I question ideals I once held sacred and sacrosanct. Emotions have gone through a myriad of manifestations - anger to despair to uncertainty etc. For once, now I feel hope. People say I laugh a lot and I'm not taking this seriously. Even that makes me laugh. I'm just built that way. I laugh when I'm stressed, even when I'm frightened. Others say run to God... well... I have... I am...at what point do you say you've reached Him? Still pondering on that... Maybe the whole essence is to share in a journal so I (and indeed others) can learn something in future. Something positive I hope. Life really is unpredictable and everybody, irrespective of what they look like, how they live, the frequent smiles/ laughs, has something they are dealing with. There's really nothing called a perfect life. Enjoy what you have. Experience love. Give. Receive. Be happy. Take risks. Never be afraid to start afresh. Enjoy nature. Don't be in a haste. Breathe. It is well.... Even in the well... it is well. 23 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Dyt(f): 6:57am On Aug 02, 2017 |
Deeep sighhhh |
Re: My Divorce Journal by shaybebaby(f): 8:00am On Aug 02, 2017 |
As someone who has tread this path, you are on the right path. When a union is dead, it's dead. Any reflection is for self development, what could I have done differently, how did I contribute to where I am now... Etc The lessons are to make you a better man, father and in time maybe partner in future. It isn't easy, it never really does but you get used to it. If you are not in Nigeria, try to limit the use of solicitors, they are the eventual winners as their bills pile up the longer you take to reach an agreement. Are there mediators you can use? It's a more collaborative process. What about the practicalities of ensuring your kids wellbeing? It's all good making declarations but how will it work? Who is going to be the primary carer? Whoever it is, their housing needs comes first because the kids need a roof over their heads. How are you going to arrange contact, do you even want joint physical custody where they spend equal amount of times with both parents? I could go on and on, lots of decisions to be made. I wish you and your family all the best in these tumultuous times. This too shall pass and if I can give pointers based on my experience, do let me know. 13 Likes |
Re: My Divorce Journal by jashar(f): 8:38am On Aug 02, 2017 |
Risingphoenix12: I like your sincerity with the emotions you're feeling..... Thanks for the sage words. I read earlier where you said all you could say to God was,'Please, help me'. That's a good place to start in prayer.... I wish you well.... 5 Likes |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 10:14am On Aug 02, 2017 |
Thanks for reaching out. Most of the details are being worked out but I definitely agree that the paramount welfare of the kids remain paramount. All physiological needs are covered. It's more of the time spent with them that's being discussed. If there are areas I need your insight, I won't hesitate to connect. Thanks shaybebaby: |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 10:17am On Aug 02, 2017 |
Thanks. jashar: |
Re: My Divorce Journal by bukatyne(f): 10:24am On Aug 02, 2017 |
crackhaus: Well, you have to sometimes pause and rethink. I am sure there are some things that seemed soooooooooooooo huge and now you laugh pretty hard at yourself. This journal might help him see things in a new light. 2 Likes |
Re: My Divorce Journal by bukatyne(f): 10:25am On Aug 02, 2017 |
LordKO: I totally agree with the bold: Know yourself before getting married and have a life outside your spouse. 7 Likes |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Janeyinspires(f): 11:53am On Aug 02, 2017 |
Risingphoenix12: We don't go looking for happiness;we create it. Pray you find happiness in whatever you create out there. |
Re: My Divorce Journal by shaybebaby(f): 12:24pm On Aug 02, 2017 |
Risingphoenix12:You are most welcome. I daresay there needs to be some degree of flexibility as their needs change over time, and so would yours too going forward. One day at a time.. 2 Likes |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Onegai(f): 2:58pm On Aug 02, 2017 |
Well, don't let me stop you if both your minds are made up about Divorce. I did see an interesting statistic recently: a huge number of people regret getting their divorces, and upto 60% of men regret their divorce more than women. Which is fascinating but understandable, because most people are too caught up in how bad things feel. And things can feel bad for a very long time. Here's a blog you may like: https://mustbethistalltoride.com/an-open-letter-to-shitty-husbands/ He's divorced and he said, he never thought it would happen to him because he didn't do anything wrong, yet was a shitty husband. He also says his wife didn't do anything wrong yet was a shitty wife. And they both regret their divorce. His quote is "Good men and women can make Shitty husbands and wives". 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Zither(m): 5:00pm On Aug 02, 2017 |
Never marry anyone out of pity. They won't pity you when they make you miserable and go through physical and emotional trauma in the marriage. In all such cases, your pity quickly turns to regrets. Love is not the first factor to consider when considering a future partner. Always go for that someone who completes you, inspires you, supports you, prays with you and for you, cheers you on, makes you happy whenever your wandering thoughts perch on her, who looks to your interests as though they are hers or his, makes sacrifices for your welfare and success, respects you, places great value on your company and friendship, builds you up and above all loves you selflessly. Truly, such spouse is hard to come by but through prayer and patience God will connect you with such person meant for you. I wish you all the best in this phase of your life. One thing though is that when you asked her if the tables were turned and you had her condition and you sought to know if she would marry you her reply in the negative would have made you rethink your decision to marry her as it betrayed her selfish acceptance to the marriage because you were not really her choice but an available option by way of circumstances beyond her control. Oh well, you were on a rescue mission so that did not carry much of a weight towards reconsideration. Wish you both all the best. 6 Likes |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 5:23pm On Aug 02, 2017 |
Thanks for the info. There's bound to be some form of regret when one is met with disappointment in any venture - be it physical, emotional, financial etc. More importantly is what you do with it. Onegai: 1 Like |
Re: My Divorce Journal by Risingphoenix12: 5:24pm On Aug 02, 2017 |
Thanks. Points well noted. Zither: |
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