Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,140,507 members, 7,770,276 topics. Date: Tuesday, 19 March 2024 at 08:28 AM

I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. - Family - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. (6240 Views)

Poll: Is Marriage In Africa Against Women?

Yes: 55% (44 votes)
No: 32% (26 votes)
Undecided: 11% (9 votes)
This poll has ended

2-Day Vigil Cost Woman Her Marriage In Delta / Sex Denial Threatens 6-year-old Marriage In Lagos / Do you ever think Marriage Is Overrated? (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply) (Go Down)

I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by peacettw: 6:23pm On Feb 15, 2010
If the husband is at fault, u re the cause. If he suddenly starts drinking, smoking, it is your fault. If u earn more money than him, it is a crime. If u spend that same money on the family, u re showing off. It's a no win situation. Please why re we always at the receiving end?
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Nobody: 6:33pm On Feb 15, 2010
you think?

women themselves uphold this status quo just as much as the men

1 Like

Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Nobody: 6:56pm On Feb 15, 2010
your topic is so intriguing, but your post make no sense
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Fhemmmy: 7:06pm On Feb 15, 2010
Only the women will have to be the one to end it, if they dont like it.

1 Like

Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by peacettw: 7:24pm On Feb 15, 2010
rokiatu:

your topic is so intriguing, but your post make no sense
Sweetie, if u need an essay, then that will take me a day to finish it. I have lots of things to do, marriage, kids, work and all so pls make do with d summary.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Nobody: 7:38pm On Feb 15, 2010
peacettw:

Sweetie, if u need an essay, then that will take me a day to finish it. I have lots of things to do, marriage, kids, work and all so pls make do with d summary.
no biggie hun grin
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by coolier(f): 8:02pm On Feb 15, 2010
It's a popular belief, 'behind every successful man there is a woman'! The woman is first a friend, a wife, a mother, a confidant, a caretaker and most times adviser, so she ends up being blamed for not performing those roles well when things go wrong or fall below expectations in the family.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by peacettw: 8:20pm On Feb 15, 2010
To broaden the topic, i can't help but wonder why at the resolution of virtually all the divorce cases, the woman goes back to her parents' house with NOTHING! It is almost as if she never existed in the first place despite the time, labor, and money she must have contributed into building her home(really do not want to go into d fact, that her uterus was licensed to habour a fetus for 9 months, once every 2 years for 8 years, if not more). And of course, let's not forget the plight of the widows, female genital mutilations, honor killings, It is a jungle out there, and we the women are clearly the VICTIMS.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Tsiya(m): 8:22pm On Feb 15, 2010
And when he get tired of you. He send you packing. . . after loosining your beautiful body. . . and in some cases after too much beating

1 Like

Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by H2O2: 8:24pm On Feb 15, 2010
:-x
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Tsiya(m): 8:25pm On Feb 15, 2010
peacettw:

To broaden the topic, i can't help but wonder why at the resolution of virtually all the divorce cases, the woman goes back to her parents' house with NOTHING! It is almost as if she never existed in the first place despite the time, labor, and money she must have contributed into building her home(really do not want to go into d fact, that her uterus was licensed to habour a fetus for 9 months, once every 2 years for 8 years, if not more). And of course, let's not forget the plight of the widows, female focal place mutilations, honor killings, It is a jungle out there, and we the women are clearly the VICTIMS.

Because we do not have family laws. There are certain individuals in the society who are hell bend on preventing family laws.

Moreover, in Nigeria, justice is never done. We have no laws. The little laws we have, are not enforce.

It is a pity. In some part of Nigeria women are treated like commodity.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by peacettw: 8:28pm On Feb 15, 2010
peacettw:

To broaden the topic, i can't help but wonder why at the resolution of virtually all the divorce cases, the woman goes back to her parents' house with NOTHING! It is almost as if she never existed in the first place despite the time, labor, and money she must have contributed into building her home(really do not want to go into d fact, that her uterus was licensed to habour a fetus for 9 months, once every 2 years for 8 years, if not more). And of course, let's not forget the plight of the widows, female focal place mutilations, honor killings, It is a jungle out there, and we the women are clearly the VICTIMS.
[b][/b] Seun, sweetheart, i can understand ur need to replace the word R A P E with despoil but to replace my word G E N I T A L with FOCAL PLACE, haba, is taking it too far. Please, calm down, inugo
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by coolier(f): 8:50pm On Feb 15, 2010
peacettw:

[b][/b] Seun, sweetheart, i can understand your need to replace the word R A P E with despoil but to replace my word G E N I T A L with FOCAL PLACE, haba, is taking it too far. Please, calm down, inugo

What is focal place?, seun will kill me o!!! grin
peacettw biko, ndo.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by peacettw: 8:53pm On Feb 15, 2010
coolier:

What is focal place?, seun will kill me o!!! grin
peacettw biko, ndo.
Lol, see me see wahala
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Nobody: 8:55pm On Feb 15, 2010
the black woman's burden.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by H2O2: 9:14pm On Feb 15, 2010
and marriage in the west is against men.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Nobody: 9:28pm On Feb 15, 2010
^^ in what way?

last time I checked, men still have higher incomes than women. And bounce back from a divorce faster. (octoplet's dad anyone? )

In any case, African women in the west still carry the same burden they have at home.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by H2O2: 9:40pm On Feb 15, 2010
tpia.:

^^ in what way?
last time I checked, men still have higher incomes than women. And bounce back from a divorce faster. (octoplet's dad anyone? )
why in most cases do men have to divulge the bulk of their wealth to women per divorce?

"faster" is no reason to strip a man of his hard earned lifelong earnings. should fast now be implemented in the law? nevermind, it already is.

the woman gains custody of the children most times does she not? and is securely protected by the law to continue embezzling money from her ex, now financer, in the form of child support.

those are few examples i can think of right off the bat.
th western concept of marriage is dictated by feminism and completely flawed.

In any case, African women in the west still carry the same burden they have at home.
whose fault is it that they have failed to take advantage of the liberation they're afforded by western laws.

some women just prefer being confined to certain kinds of men.  they are binded by their own personal laws of attraction, irrespective of what any law sets.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by peacettw: 10:30pm On Feb 15, 2010
I think that we should incorporate the western laws concerning marital dissolution in our laws and frankly speaking, i am shocked it hasn't been done till now. We all cry out for women empowerment and yet, even the most educated of men in this country is still against tilting the laws to favor the women more n that is unacceptable. I look forward to the day these changes will be cos that will be the first step to attaining true civilisation.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by H2O2: 10:35pm On Feb 15, 2010
peacettw:

I think that we should incorporate the western laws concerning marital dissolution in our laws and frankly speaking, i am shocked it hasn't been done till now. We all cry out for women empowerment and yet, even the most educated of men in this country is still against tilting the laws to favor the women more n that is unacceptable. I look forward to the day these changes will be cos that will be the first step to attaining true civilisation.
what's true civilisation in your opinion? a shift to matriarchy?


do you want the laws completely tilted to all things western, where women are unilaterally rewarded for breaking their marriages even when they cheat?

please note that i'm all for female empowerment.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by H2O2: 10:36pm On Feb 15, 2010
regardless of your viewing lens a.k.a whatever angle you choose to look at it from, we're all eventually fuc'ked by what marriage has fast become.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by peacettw: 11:13pm On Feb 15, 2010
H2O2:

what's true civilisation in your opinion? a shift to matriarchy?


do you want the laws completely tilted to all things western, where women are unilaterally rewarded for breaking their marriages even when they cheat?

please note that i'm all for female empowerment.
i can clearly see that. It is really funny when we all say and agree that women are the weaker sex, but when it comes to passing that into law to support us since we re clearly the weaker sex, the typical African man balks at the idea. Regarding ur statement, u are human, so am i, we breathe in d same air, eat the food and i guarantee u dt we both cheat on our spouses but that does not n will never negate the simple fact that we are still the weaker sex and need the law to empower us. It's really that simple.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by oyinda3(f): 5:07am On Feb 16, 2010
peacettw:

I think that we should incorporate the western laws concerning marital dissolution in our laws and frankly speaking, i am shocked it hasn't been done till now. We all cry out for women empowerment and yet, even the most educated of men in this country is still against tilting the laws to favor the women more n that is unacceptable. I look forward to the day these changes will be cos that will be the first step to attaining true civilisation.   


trust me, it has been attempted in many african countries grin
but how can such law be passed when the people who create and decide the rules are all  males. besides, it has to be introduced slowly since most africans still consider gender equality as some radical crazy idea.

anyways, it was WW1 that sparked the move toward gender equality in the western world. these people quickly realized that[b] two heads are better than one[/b]. I hope Africans realize that soon as well.




the woman gains custody of the children most times does she not? and is securely protected by the law to continue embezzling money from her ex, now financer, in the form of child support
.

some rare case of a high profile marriage break up in the media doesn't represent the millions of women out there who are single handedly raising their children without any form of financial support whatsoever from the "fathers." many of whom are actually required to pay child support but are not involved at all in their kids' lives.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by oyinda3(f): 5:29am On Feb 16, 2010
what's especially ironic in all of this is the fact that african women enjoyed more rights in the pre-colonial era than now (it was far far from perfect as we had polygamy and what not but still better than what colonialism left us with).
the west colonized us when they were still living in their victorian era where women had little rights and brought this system to Africa (yea they brought education but they gave it only to males. they brought a national form of govt but gave all the power to the males as well, they brought catholicism, anglicanism etc but only males were allowed to hold leadership positions etc ) but now that these europeans are gone and have advanced to have a system with more gender equality, many parts of africa are still stuck with the european Victorian era style.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Nobody: 5:59am On Feb 16, 2010
did African women really have more rights during precolonial times? Granted colonialism doesnt seem to have improved their situation much.

However, most traditional African culture has a strongly Semitic/middle eastern bent, and in traditional Semitic cultures, women dont have much say either.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by peacettw: 6:31am On Feb 16, 2010
oyinda.:

what's especially ironic in all of this is the fact that african women enjoyed more rights in the pre-colonial era than now (it was far far from perfect as we had polygamy and what not but still better than what colonialism left us with).


Didn't know we had any rights during the precolonial era. Had tot dt era was bad for women wit d circumcisions, early marriage with its consequent problems, killing of twins, persecution of witches, polygamy, etc. I will really like to know some example of those rights. Can u tell us some?
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by H2O2: 6:48am On Feb 16, 2010
oyinda.:



some rare case of a high profile marriage break up in the media doesn't represent the millions of women out there who are single handedly raising their children without any form of financial support whatsoever from the "fathers." many of whom are actually required to pay child support but are not involved at all in their kids' lives.

please stop smoking cheap weed. i know the prevalence of what i said and never denied that there are women who raise children on their own because the men are dead beat. are you insinuating that it's better the other way around, where they should expect an automatic check all the time? most of them end up spending the darn money for their personal fashion upkeep rather than using it to nurture the children as they're expected to anyway.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by H2O2: 6:51am On Feb 16, 2010
peacettw:

i can clearly see that. It is really funny when we all say and agree that women are the weaker intimacy, but when it comes to passing that into law to support us since we re clearly the weaker intimacy, the typical African man balks at the idea. Regarding your statement, u are human, so am i, we breathe in d same air, eat the food and i guarantee u dt we both cheat on our spouses but that does not n will never negate the simple fact that we are still the weaker intimacy and need the law to empower us. It's really that simple.
did you just call women the weaker vessels? lol . with the way you think i doubt you really want the marriage situation in africa to change. that sort of mindset could be twisted to validate why women in marriage are undermined in african societies.
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by Nobody: 7:24am On Feb 16, 2010
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by peacettw: 9:24am On Feb 16, 2010
chaircover:

Nigeria and the West are two different cultures when it comes to dating an marriage.

In the West the woman is to a certain degree protected, usually through the children; Courts always take the Children's welfare into consideration first.

I am sticking my neck out knowing fully well that I will yapped, but lets tell the truth. How many Naija women actively and selflessly help their husbands achieve success. The woman say that they don't want to help the man because he may end up going off with another woman; which is some case is true and some men are ingrates truly and truly.

Lets start from the dating scene; A Naija girl will typically expect the guy to buy her a recharge card if he wants her to call him, I say average as I accept that not all girls are like that.

Moving on to the first and subsequent dates the girl expects the guy to pick up all of the tab, she may even invite her friends along, Then they graduate to shopping; again the guy paying for everything. Even if a Naija girl has money she is not prepared to spend it on a man.

The wedding is planned and once again the man pays for most things, girls generally speaking want to marry a man that is already financially settled so most things are in place before she even moves in. Even after marriage, some women refuse to spend their own money and expect their man to pay 100% of the bills. (We have had topics like this thrashed on Nairaland) and the consensus is that bills are the mans responsibility.

I can therefore see the reluctance of men parting with half their property & money if there is a divorce.

In the West, women generally speaking see themselves as equals to men and act as equals from the start. I am not saying that Western women are not attracted by fame and fortune (The Wags are good examples) but an oyibo woman will have her money in her purse on a date and will expect to pay her own half of the meal. She doesn't not wait for her boyfriend to top up her T-mobile phone before she calls him, nether does she wait for her finance to have his own house before they get married.

Neither laws are perfect; the Western man who loses his property to a cheating wife or a Naija wife who is sent packing with nothing because the husband has installed a younger model.

Much work can be done on both laws to ensure that both parties have something that they can fall back on after the divorce.

well, never tot about it this way. I think u ve a point there though it would have been perfect if majority of the women in the African setting are well educated giving them the opportunity to get good jobs like their male counterparts to contribute to half the expenses. Unfortunately, that is not the case, hence the discrimination and lack of female empowerment
Re: I Think Marriage In Africa Is Against Women. by beknown(m): 1:43pm On Feb 16, 2010
@Poster,

I beg to disagree with you.

Marriage in Africa is not against women. However, I cannot make you or anyone change their own opinion on this matter.

If you really want a candid meaning of the word 'marriage', you have to return to the Bible because God specifically instituted it. This is why it is not for kids.

If you look closely at marriages in the western world, you will realise that the marriage concept as God truely destined it does not exist anymore.

I think this topic points more towards women liberation. Unfortunately, women liberation is not helping the world, instead, it is destroying the family and the very backbone of society.

People who think marriage in Africa is bad should be careful when adopting and accepting the alternative.

(1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply)

Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? / Happy Children's Day! / I Dont Want To Bring My Husband Abroad .

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 68
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.