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Stats: 1,915,515 members, 3,926,457 topics. Date: Wednesday, 22 November 2017 at 04:54 AM
|Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by fataisulaiman: 12:08am On Sep 07|
I'm a regular member of Nairaland, but for privacy's sake, I decided to create a new moniker to ask for mature member's help in this issue I find myself in.
Right from my undergraduate days in a university in Oyo state, many people had known me as a cool, gentle, and quiet guy. Many of my friends, particularly the ladies, really liked me to help them out in their assignments and other things and i duly obliged. i didnt see anything wrong in giving people a hand or two, but my room mate and closest buddy told me to tone it down a bit as they, particularly the girls, may want to take advantage of my kind nature.
I remember this particular set of three girls who came to my room regularly. One of them really caught my eye and I tried to ask her out a couple of times, but each time she'll just laugh and tell me she can't date her "brother". I took my roommates advice and decided to shun her, but each time she'll wail and whine till I take her back. This continued until one evening we were both coming from evening service on campus. I was trying to make her see my point on why I wanted her to be my girl, but she just kept laughing. Suddenly a car pulled up to us and a guy I had never seen before called her name. You need to see how this girl squealed in excitement. Without even acknowledging or respecting the fact I was standing there, the guy asked her where she was going and before I knew what had happened, she had turned, gave me a quick hug, told me she'll see me later, and had jumped into the car. I just stared like a fool at them as the car zoomed off.
She didnt call me until the following day. When I didn't pick her call, she came to my room trying to explain away why she left me standing there at the side of the road, but I had had it already. She tried using her baby tactics on me but I got angry and yelled at her. Soon we were having a shouting match. She told me she owed me nothing, and she can go with anyone she pleases. She stormed off in a huff and even though I wanted to call her after my anger had boiled down a bit, I decided not to. Things weren't the same between us afterwards and I didnt talk to her again till I graduated.
Almost a similar thing happened to me when I went to Rivers for my youth service. I met a girl I really liked on camp and we hit it off. As usual, I tried to be the nice guy, treating her with kid gloves, right up to the point she started misbehaving too. She once told me I'm the only person she knows who can take all her poo, and that I'm the kind of guy who goes the extra mile for her in anything she wants me to do. Our "relationship" didn't even last up to 3 months when I found out she was dating another Corper guy who, through some connections of his wealthy parents, was serving in Shell. I had called her one Saturday evening to hang out with her, but she told me she wasn't feeling well. I asked her if she wanted me to come over but she told me not to worry, that she'll see me the following day after church.
I decided to go hang out by myself at a popular joint somewhere near the Choba Campus of UNIPORT. i had just ordered a bottle of Small stout with some nice peppersoup and was about doing justice to it when out of the blue, this girl and the guy walked in arm-in-arm. I was so shocked, I almost fell out of my chair. To make matters even worse, they took the empty table beside me and once she saw me, she didn't even act like she knew me. I called her name several times but she just ignored me. The guy she came with himself was wondering why I was calling her name. I simply stood up, paid the waiter, and left without touching my food.
I made up my mind to harden my heart, not to allow any girl into my life. So many other girls tried to get to me but I kept pushing them all away. I wasn't interested in women again. i stayed that way for the next couple of years. I got an admission to study for my masters and i left the shores of Nigeria.
Even during my studies, I decided not to have any meaningful relationship. I did actually meet a couple of girls, even had sex with one or two and made out with some, but I didn't open my heart to any of them. It was merely physical.
And then Hadiza came into my life.
Pretty. Bold. Fit. Fair. Average height. Had all the curves in the right places. Shy, beautiful smile. Black glasses. nice round boobs and lovely hips. I met her in the library in the Graduate study room. I noticed she had a folder of my alma mater. I asked her if she attended the school and she said yes. I told her I attended the school too and later found out she was in 100 level when i graduated. We chatted a while and exchanged numbers.
Soon we started hanging out. We would study together, gist together, and do many other things. I was still a bit wary, but it seemed she was different. She seemed more reserved, quiet, and flirtatious. We gradually got closer and closer.
I took her to the mall one evening to get her something for her birthday. I was going to be out of town on her birthday and she wasn't happy about it. As I parked in front of her apartment complex, just as she gruffily said good night and was about to open the door, I held her arm gently, and when she turned, I leaned in and gave her a kiss on her lips. I kissed her for a few more moments and when she broke free she murmured "What took you so long?"
To cut a long story short, we became inseparable after then. She spent most of her free time with me. I was still a bit skeptical about opening my heart again. I didn't want to get hurt. I decided to play the bad boy. I started acting up on her for no apparent reason. i felt behaving like the "tough" guy everyone says attracts girls was gonna work. I was wrong. i began to scare her away. I started making her cry. I started getting annoyed with her over the smallest offence, things that weren't worth it at all. I thought I was being the bad guy all ladies love.
One day, after a particularly nasty argument, she got up and left. I didn't hear from her for almost a week. I didn't see her in school either. I tried calling her several times but she never picked up. She sent me an email -
You're scaring me. You used to be a very sweet, understanding guy. I don't know this animal you have become. Where did the man I fell in love with go? I don't know you anymore.
I felt really bad. I knew this wasn't me. I know she didn't deserve all I the poo I gave her. What do I do? I know I owe her an apology. She's the girl of my dreams and I don't want to lose her, but at the same time I don't want to open my heart to another girl and be dashed again. Pleae help.
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by Kimcutie: 12:26am On Sep 07|
Sorry for your un-intended predicament, girls want "bad" guys but after every thing, they end up with good guys vice versa, Op you acted like a bad guy, I suppose you clean up your mess!
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by MrCuteking(m): 12:28am On Sep 07|
I think you should stop acting like a slowpoke and be the man you used to be. Too much of everything is bad, just open your heart half way just Incase you get dissapointment again.
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|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by Balistic4: 12:34am On Sep 07|
Bro to be frank with you, girls are very difficult being. You need all your head and a bit of your heart to survive in nowadays relationship. Be nice but make sure she doesn't take it for granted by giving her the chance to be nice too. Apologize very little or not at all. Give her chance to miss you even when you guys are together. Never allow her read you completely. Could say more but...
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|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by Ayomicome(m): 1:54am On Sep 07|
I don't even know how to advice you...but one thing I know you'll never be happy trying not to be yourself.
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by ikp120(m): 2:29am On Sep 07|
I just said lemme pity you and epp you small.
You transitioned from being a pussy nigga to being an absolute asshole. (Hey, don't even flare up before I descend on your with my cane. I am your counsellor, so sit the fvck down and pay attention )
You think the guys you call bad are absolute assholes because you don't even know who the so called bad guys are. If you don't know me and you wanna be me, how the fvck are you gonna be me? (Dude, don't even try to flare up because I just dey manage my vexation spirit for here o. How dare you misrepresent the brand of niggas called bad guys? Huh, bro? E dey pain me )
The solution to your problem is very easy. I shouldn't be giving it out for free but the image of the bad guys is at stake mehn.
1. First of all, understand that a real man (bad guy) doesn't try to impress ladies because he, the real man, is the boss. His life does not depend on the lady. A pussy nigga on the other is a fake man who lives all his life trying to impress a lady. Without the lady he will be contemplating suicide. He has no balls in his amu sack
2. DO NOT apologise to her under any circumstance because it was just an argument. You didn't hit nor insult her. It was mutual. There are two ways to hand over your balls to a woman: saying "I am sorry" over nothing and saying "I love you". Don't go near those regions. I know say pussy niggas dey come for me for saying this.
3. This is the real deal!
Wait for 6 and half days (Morning till night na one day. Half day na wetin then? Rhetorical question please ) from today, 7th September, 2017. If she doesn't contact you, just send her this text on the 6 and "halfth" day.
You're gonna send the ball to her court (reverse psychology. Somebody holla "back to sender!" . Pay attention to the totorial o ).
Send this message to her via email and text:
"You said that you love me but for over a week now you haven't even checked on me to know how I'm doing. If I had died 2 days ago in that hospital you would have come to my graveside shedding tears and telling everyone about how much you loved me, right?
Mary was there; Jones was there; Terry was there; David was there; but the one who claims to love me wasn't there. Wow! Is that how love works? If that's how love works then I don't want to have anything to do with love"
My brother, no pick her call o. No reply her messages again o. No go her house again o. Start forming for her. She WILL come asking after what happened at the hospital, IF she really loves you. Just DO NOT worry about her again.
You have successfully fired the ball into her court. She will be the one apologising now and begging to know what really happened.
PS: All the names in the message are names of people you know.
Don't thank me bro. Thank reverse psychology. That's what girls use on guys.
Bad guys are actually the guys who beat these girls to their games using the same tactics they deploy
4. DO NOT behave like an asshole again by being harsh unnecessarily. That's inhumane bro. Anyone who does that ain't even human, talk less of being a bad GUY.
If after doing all these and she doesn't apologise in 10 days after sending the message, I WILL DEACTIVATE ALL MY ACCOUNTS ON NAIRALAND!
Harddon, I'm very correct na
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|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by MrMcJay(m): 2:40am On Sep 07|
You weren't a bad boy, you were just foolish and using your past negative experiences to prevent your future positive experiences. A bad boy is a devil outside but an angel to his woman. He makes her feel secure around him and he treats her like a Queen.
There's a difference between treating your lady like a Queen and treating yourself like the slave of a Queen.
Do you remember what attracted that lady to you? Do them again and see her return to you. Mind you, don't go kneeling and begging, let her know that she's going to be happy and safe around you. However, if she decides to leave, it simply means she's not cut out for happiness and its going to be the biggest mistake of her life.
Every girl wants a bad boy who would be good just for her. Be that guy.
7 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by ibkkk(f): 5:22am On Sep 07|
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by iamadonis2(m): 6:04am On Sep 07|
A girl taught you the 21st Century Men' code:
"You do not owe a woman neither do you own her"
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by 912(m): 6:27am On Sep 07|
Don't be a fool. Don't punish a good lady for the bad attitude of your past girlfriends ( she's got nothing to do with that).
Clearly, she likes the sweet, caring and loving side of you so don't be silly. Just go back to her and apologise before you lose her. Good women aren't many these days so when you get one you best know how to treat her right.
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by Edipee(m): 6:44am On Sep 07|
You are telling my story.
But I was lucky to call back mine on time.
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by partnerus: 7:12am On Sep 07|
You just taught me something great today bro. Seriously I am typical description of a guy whom a lady has gripped where she wanted and now I am seriously locked down. But with this your write-up, will start implementing it and following it religiously. In fact, will read it daily till it becomes a part of me. Thanks dude.
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by ITbomb(m): 8:03am On Sep 07|
One girl zoom off with a guy with a car, the other with a corper working in Shell and you are the guy who the other girl refer to as "can take all my poo"
The problem with people like you is that you might transform from the soft gentleman to a real aszhole cos of heartbreaks.
The bad guys girls want are not dickheads, they are cool and confident guys who can blast his girl for making him late.
and it seems you are falling in love with girls who are not yet ready to be in a committed relationship, you are drawn towards fair skin beauties.
If you just want a gf, be the bad guy they want : Bold, confident, with some dole.
Girls are soft beings, they don't need another softie, they need an Alpha male they can show off to their friends and ex
However, if you are the type that goes for only committed stuff. Get a good job, nice apartment, keep yourself clean and make friends
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by pocohantas(f): 8:10am On Sep 07|
Till I get to understand how being confident, makes a guy a bad guy...I will continue to consider threads like this and people who generalise it, as dumb...no offense.
A confident guy, is a confident guy...not a 'bad' guy
A pushover isn't a nice guy...he is a pushover.
A bad guy, is an evil guy. One who engages in all sorts of vices.
Any girl that loves such a guy, is either a bad girl, hiding under the cover of a good girl...and using the guy to fulfil her fantasies.
...she has issues.
...or she has something relatively good keeping her with that 'bad' guy.
I personally avoid men and women who engage in all sorts of mind games to prove a point in relationships. No time for nonsense.
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|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by HARDDON: 8:11am On Sep 07|
Preach on Preacher, Preach !
Spread the good tidings until every ball held bound by some B00bs be free, until they flow n realise that:
Not For Naughts Were We Born With Balls!
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by HARDDON: 8:35am On Sep 07|
You're getting it twisted. To consider the Badt guy idea literarily tantamounts to wearing a shallow shade of words n their context.
Badt guy here refers to :
1. A guy who can basically get any gurl he wants without as much as moving too many muscles. And the gurl/girls he is with knows it. Hence they r always on their tiny toes
2. A guy who isnt , most always, satisfied with the idea of one guy, one gurl. If he sees what he likes, he goes for it whether he has two or more hawties on his roll call already or not
3. One who isnt afraid to tell a new doll he just met that he has a serious date b4 he goes ahead to wine n bed her.
One who is so sleek with words and its colours. And uses what other average guys are scared of to his advantage.
How do you define a guy that is so bold to tell a new mucheche he just met that he has a fiancee but becomes so irresistable to the new doll that she basically wants him for keeps? Steal him?
4. A badt guy in this context is some1 who got his balls totally in check. One who can be so turned on by a creamy kiss from an endowned Unclad lady but with his d1ck standing strong, tells her he isnt in the mood for fvcks! Wears his boxers and ballzz out!
5. He is a Man who got his life well defined n only welcome a selected few( females) into his abode. So long u are here, u are his guest n u wud hold it a high privilege he let u share his space, spot and sprite. Any inch of trying to take advantage of that, he isnt afraid nor broken to drop you off like a bleeding pack of cards.
6. He is a man that understands that not for naughts was he born with Balls and lives his life protecting that honour. He knows he was born to lead n gallantly shoulders that responsibility without fear .
He knows just how to treat his woman right, teaches her stunts and stuffs, knows the right ways to punish her n make her more enchanted, knows just how to blow her minds out n have her hynotized with love for life. But without actually really saying the three words.
But i don't suppose you wud understand.
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|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by Nobody: 8:37am On Sep 07|
If you like Be rich as bill gates
If u dont do show show no girls will profess fake love
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by pocohantas(f): 8:41am On Sep 07|
Any guy who goes about doing 1-3 is a kid, stuck with mind games and its accompanying qualities. I am not attracted to him...
The guy who does 4 & 5 is a guy who knows his onions, has self-control and would go far in life with those qualities. He isn't a 'bad' guy to me. I stick to my definition, feel free to stick to yours. Have a nice day...
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by Roum(m): 8:45am On Sep 07|
imagine tor me no go marry cuz I no fit form bad guy
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by HARDDON: 8:53am On Sep 07|
He must be a gud / nice guy then?
But ehmmm, How many of the nice guys u know have seen the colours of ur bra before let alone bed you?
Any guy that knows his onion on how to turn on a gurl's heat, heart n head and have her stuck on him no matter the ish he pulls thereafter, is a very badt guy.
For it is not small feat.
Take it from Big Deddy
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by LordKO(m): 9:06am On Sep 07|
Nice (good) guys never finished last but servile guys always do. People should stop mixing up servility for goodness. Also, no sane and sound person (male or female) puts up with a literal bad person, no and never - what many assumes notionally to be bad guys are principled guys (people of goodness who're principled and witty).
OP, you're just a servile guy. Servile guys are always pretentious, hypocritically disingenuous and opportunistic/entitled. For instance, the happenstance you narrated in your first paragraph validated my submission herein - and I didn't care to read beyond the first paragraph.
If you aren't ready to give altruistically materially/immaterially then, set your price/standard and make sure an understanding is reached between you and whosoever you're dealing with first, before you take-up a task that's beyond your free given limit. With this approach no one will feel used or belittled in the end. Truly, that girl you mentioned in the first paragraph owed you no obligation. There's a tiny line between kindness and foolishness.
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|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by ikp120(m): 9:49am On Sep 07|
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by pocohantas(f): 9:50am On Sep 07|
This brain shall remain oiled. I greet you...
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by Sterope(f): 10:05am On Sep 07|
@Firat scenario, I don't know your problem really. I am a girl and I ahv experiences that with my girlfriends, I don't tfeel stupid or mad, just a bit sad but then it is no big deal. She doesn't want you, it shouldn't stop er from living her life. I know you are hurt but it is not her fault. Move on. Do not feel entitled. She doesn't owe you anything.
If your heart is broken again, it has nothing to do with women. It is life. Deal with it when it arises.
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by LordKO(m): 10:13am On Sep 07|
Milady, I wish you all the best.
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by ibkayee(f): 10:32am On Sep 07|
Hmm, were the two guys she left you for actually 'bad' as per being jerks or just confident, 'dominant', 'firm', charismatic etc? Because I find that these terms are often conflated, though a bad guy can definitely possess these traits, not all guys that are like this are necessarily 'bad'.
1st girl - she was honest with you about not wanting a relationship and owes you nothing. Though she shouldn't have left you like that when that guy approached her as a 'friend'
2nd - I've found that 'nice' guys can come across as a bit servile which is why some girls only see you as 'friend' material. Were you in an actual romantic relationship or just very 'close' (it isn't clear). If not, she doesn't owe you anything either though she was wrong for lying to you. If you were in a relationship she was wrong for lying to you AND seeing someone else.
Are you mixing 'nice' with being servile/subservient?
As for Hadiza, no need to be a jerk and at the same time, you don't have to let her walk all over you, try to find a balance
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by thunderfirebubu: 10:40am On Sep 07|
ikp120:this na d baddest carpenter I've seen in a long while, nailing it upandan.. u too much joor. I advice d op to try dis it must work like magic
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by Apina(m): 11:29am On Sep 07|
fataisulaiman:It's only human to be afraid but to live in fear is worse than death. No two people are the same, why not give her the opportunity u have extended to others but with some restrain and watch out for any sign of deja vu.
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by BuddhaPalm(m): 11:43am On Sep 07|
Women don't want cruel.
They respond better to firmness - applied with love.
The same way you'd treat your daughter.
I'll recommend you read these:
1. The Way of The Superior Man and
2. Wild Nights.
Both written by the same guy.
Oh, and "No More Mr Nice Guy".
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by ibkayee(f): 2:07pm On Sep 07|
BuddhaPalm:Nice way to put it
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by fataisulaiman: 4:53pm On Sep 08|
I know I've been a jerk. I let my past experiences with women affect my thinking. I now realize I hurt a very beautiful gem who's only crime was to love me.
I ran into her in the cafeteria yesterday in company of some of her friends. Immediately she saw me, the beautiful smile she had on her pretty face disappeared and was replaced with a cold, dark frown. I tried pleading with her but she just didn't respond to me. After begging her to hear me out, she sighed and told her friends she would catch up with them. She then told me she doesn't have much time as she had a class in 15 minutes.
Even though some people here told me not to apologize, I just had to. I pleaded with her, begged her to forgive me, that I never meant to hurt her. Everything just came out in a jumbled mess as she kept looking at her wristwatch and the place was so noisy. I asked her to give me another chance, but she told me that boat had sailed already, that i had hurt her one too many times, she didn't know who I was again, and she doesn't think the damage can be undone. I pleaded and begged, but she stood firm. I think after a while i softened her heart a bit as she told me we'll talk about it some other time. I asked her when, and she mentioned she'll call me when she decides. She then hurried away after pulling back from the hug I wanted to give her.
Last night as I lay in bed unable to sleep, my mind full of her thoughts, i remembered all the times we had together. I thought of all the good times we had, how she behaved like a baby who wanted to be pampered, the sad look on her face the day I told her I won't be around for her birthday, and our first kiss. I remembered the times she'd spend with me at home in my little studio apartment, where we'll lie for hours in bed watching movies and talking. We never fully consummated our relationship, but the things we did anytime she came over to spend time with me was way beyond two people just having casual sex. I remembered when I began to act up to her and make her cry, and I realized I had been a fool all along. I didn't know when the tears started flowing out and stain my pillow. I'm still waiting for her to call as she promised. I've tried so hard not to call her so I don't use my desperation to push her away, and each second seems like an hour.
|Re: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? She's Scared Of My Attitude. by Betmaster3: 8:50pm On Sep 08|
You're a mad man ooo, forget that bitch if you want her back, I know you may be scared you won't see someone like her again, it's not true, give yourself time, you'll surely find love again. You're a bitch ass nigga and I wish I was with you right now so I can give you a very hard knock on the head.
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