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Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? - Family (5) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? (12217 Views)

Should A Woman Be The Breadwinner Of The Family? / When The Wife becomes the Husband. / The Law, The Husband, The Wife Or The Man, Who Is To Blame For This? (snapshots) (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by awuf2008: 6:33am On Oct 11, 2017
Do they use breadwinner to collect money at bank? Is bread winner a title? So far the answer is no, breadwinner my foot.

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Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by ElsonMorali: 7:04am On Oct 11, 2017
The man is always and will always be the head of the home. And Yes, it's actually a gender right. Just like the woman is the heart of the home, whether she stays there or not.
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by GetMeRight: 7:14am On Oct 11, 2017
alexialin:






Well buhari is NOT my husband. And the role of buhari to this country is different from the role of my husband at home.

U can't compare politics or duties in the workplace to duties at home.

A man has always been the head irrespective of whether he has money or not.
Anybody that's rich be it man or woman is not by our power at all.
It's either by the grace of God or by the grace of the devil.

So if I am successful more than my husband? It's not because I have two heads and he has one head, neither is it because am the only one who knows how to work smart and see results. Everything in this life is by backed up by Grace . And not only by Individual powers.

Anyways av been taught from my teenage years, a Man is always the head of the home. While the wife is his support system.

I will still care ,love and respect him, knowing fully well he will become successful once again, and someday.

If my husband and kids are happy. I am happy and my business will flourish.
But if my husband is not happy but depressed due to my actions towards him cause he has no money for nw, it will affect my business and state of mind.

And that's why am very careful not to make a mistake of marrying a drama king, or a sadist.
Such kind of men can't even date, how much more settle down with.


So for me o, I don't know of other women out there.

My husband remains the head of our home through thick or thin, in richness or in poverty, sickness and in good health. He's the head.

Shikena.
May God bless your home, and mine too.

1 Like

Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by Pater001: 7:18am On Oct 11, 2017
Pls indv opinions shld be respected naa . We Shld always xpect different opinions frm pipo. I suppose we r to share our tots n not to expect oda pipe to accept or conform to a particular ideology or sch of tot even wit dat freedom of expression law. Tax


Hvin observed dat, in d history if dis world leadership, hw many female leaders r recorded? Can dis help? Lol

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Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by blank(f): 7:29am On Oct 11, 2017
If you wear the financial pants, you're the head of the house. If we jointly contribute, we both are joint heads (in order of contribution).

My definition of head of house is who has the final decision on issues in the house.
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by kalu61(m): 7:35am On Oct 11, 2017
Some posts are not what responding at all.What if the woman stops cooking at home.Does it make stop her being wife of the home? No asume his role,do the sperm release and be the father of your kids and marry your self.We he starts going aside you people will turn tonto dike who provids the money and the one l just read now. nonse .
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 7:52am On Oct 11, 2017
zoeshalom:
From your response it shows you are not reacting based on rationality, but you seems to have a problem with the Bible?
Yes, I've a problem with the Bible because it is archaic and patriarch, written by power hungry troglodyte men.
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 7:54am On Oct 11, 2017
zoeshalom:
Am not asking you to, but want to correct the warped impression that the Bible is a book that massages the Ego of a man.
Sorry, the Bible favor men than women, the discrimination in the Bible against women is alarming, I don't see the Bible as any source of morality, it might be to you but not to me.
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by johnson232: 8:01am On Oct 11, 2017
tintingz:
Religion is really the opium of the masses, many people here can't contribute rationally without cheeping their religious sentiments.

I knew this from the onset grin
Since u already know the bold why open this thread in the first place??
This was how devil started...
Have u seen any marriage in africa without involving tradition or religion?
Will u see a lady on the street & take her home as a wife with fulfilling d necessary tradional rites or religion? Marriage is an institution ingrained in tradition & religion.
Even in the USA gays still weds in the church...

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Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 8:02am On Oct 11, 2017
solasoulmusic:


I don’t think it’s a double standard it really speaks about man and his position in Gods plans as the head of the household nothing can ever take that away and it’s deliberate
That's for the ancient Jewish God, he favor men than women, the discrimination, degrading on women in the Bible is alarming, I can quote them out if you want.

Men are physically strong no doubt, but being the head of a house is a societal construct by our forefathers, but as of now the table is turning especially in the western countries, women are now doing the men's duties.

So, madam it is double standard, the discrimination against women in Africa is alarming except if you don't see that.

A wife don't cook she's bashed, not a good wife, a man don't do his responsibilities he's not bashed, he's still the head, now tell me what's the quality of being the head of a home? And please don't say it is your God, that's your belief not mine.


It’s now up to that man to step up and still play a fatherly and husbandly role despite the tough times you can get upset with a man but do know when to lay off in bashing that’s the loving way

Does a man get upset when the wife doesn't cook because of her work, yes or no?

1 Like

Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by johnson232: 8:05am On Oct 11, 2017
offshoreking:
These are the reason why some ladies are going astray because of this nonsense. Bet me all the people here talking trash can do anything to answer mans name, they will come online to deceive the others. Let me answer your question. Is only when the table turn around, you can go to mans family and ask your man family for his hand in marriage then you can talk of been the head of union. As far as is the man that got married to you, you will remain under him till una separate, man is the head of every family irrespective of the situation.
@bold God bless u
Dont mind the op....
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 8:06am On Oct 11, 2017
sherlockhush:
May God help you to have a good home... I pray you have a taste of the second side of marriage in just one year in Jesus Name Amen...

Ups and down happens in marriage, so what's the prayer for?

Didn't pastor Oyakhimole and Chris okotie pray to their God for their marriage not to clash? Or God didn't answer their prayers?
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by cindybaby22(f): 8:10am On Oct 11, 2017
tintingz:
Marriage by court is neutral.

It is not a must one marry by religion or tradition, you can simply go to the court and make it legal.
U jump to court without passing tradition?
Where re u from?
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by cindybaby22(f): 8:12am On Oct 11, 2017
tintingz:
Ups and down happens in marriage, so what's the prayer for?

Didn't pastor Oyakhimole and Chris okotie pray to their God for their marriage not to clash? Or God didn't answer their prayers?
Hmmm
U are gradually revealing yourself
But God is bigger than u smiley
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by debokaz(m): 8:13am On Oct 11, 2017
tintingz:
Hello folks.

I want to know if the husband still earn/deserve the position of "head of the house" if the wife is the breadwinner?

Is the "head of the house" earned or a birth right for men?

I understand some men lost their job and their wife took/take up the responsibilities but what happens when the wife is the one keep doing it for years, no positive move from the husband?

* I'm not a religious person nor traditional person, so don't use your religious/traditional view as the ultimate/superior answer, just comment your views on this.
Get d Bleep outta here

2 Likes

Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by cindybaby22(f): 8:19am On Oct 11, 2017
tintingz:
So you were taught?
So what happens when the wife doesn't cook but work, is she a good wife?
Saying a man is not a good husband is different from saying he is not the head as ordained by God. Even if a woman can't cook, it does not stop her from being a wife, but maybe termed a bad wife. Same apply to man. A man cannot decide to get pregnant because the wife is barren. lets not mislead pple.

1 Like

Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by eelipumpin: 8:47am On Oct 11, 2017
tintingz:
Being responsible in character is part of human nature(inbuilt), being the financial breadwinner, one have to struggle for it, earn it.

So what happens when the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is not, what position should we put the wife?
From your point of view, you see marriage as a struggle for breadwinning right. A deep truth that very few people understand is this : Finance is never the head of anything.
Its an arm - a tool. Just like the CBN governor can never be the head of Nigeria, Finance can never successfully rule a home. Religiously, traditionally, liberally and right from the inception of life, theres been a clear devolution of authority in marriage... Not even money can change it. it can only give the arrogant woman an illusion.

1 Like

Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by salesforce: 8:57am On Oct 11, 2017
They forcefully do
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 9:05am On Oct 11, 2017
johnson232:

Since u already know the bold why open this thread in the first place??
This was how devil started...
Have u seen any marriage in africa without involving tradition or religion?
Will u see a lady on the street & take her home as a wife with fulfilling d necessary tradional rites or religion? Marriage is an institution ingrained in tradition & religion.
Even in the USA gays still weds in the church...
Yes, I knew and I created this thread to know how people reason but unfortunately many people here use religious sentiment.

Devil is not starting anything, don't blame the devil.

Sorry, it is not a must one marry by tradition or religion, it is not even recognized in law, the registry is more recognized in marriage act.

In US why is that Catholics are the most time the ones conducting gay marriage?
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 9:10am On Oct 11, 2017
debokaz:
Get d Bleep outta here
Intolerance, you can't handle logic.
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 9:12am On Oct 11, 2017
cindybaby22:

U jump to court without passing tradition?
Where re u from?
It is not a must one pass through tradition (customary), you can go for registry and to the court for legal union which is more recognized by law(marriage act).

Educate yourself mam >> http://www.nairaland.com/3739322/all-need-know-court-marriage
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 9:15am On Oct 11, 2017
cindybaby22:

Hmmm
U are gradually revealing yourself
But God is bigger than u smiley
How am I revealing myself? That I'm the devil? cheesy
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by Prognose: 9:20am On Oct 11, 2017
tintingz:
It is not a must one pass through tradition (customary), you can go for registry and to the court for legal union which is more recognized by law(marriage act).

Educate yourself mam >> http://www.nairaland.com/3739322/all-need-know-court-marriage

Lol, even in the registry the clerk will ask you if you have announced your intention to marry your spouse in your village. They will give you three weeks to sort it out before they give you a form to fill. The Nigerian law recognises traditional marriage.

But even if you find an atheist spouse to marry of which the court will still ask for his or her village and local govt, you still have to ensure same spouse has atheist parents who will agree for their daughter(or son) to marry outside of tradition and church and will also agree not to take bride price grin

Even in the slim (and quite frankly unrealistic) chance that the above happens it still does not remove the man's headship from him as the court will ask him more questions and place more responsibility on him should anything happen to the wife in the marriage.

Have you filled court marriage form before? grin
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 9:21am On Oct 11, 2017
cindybaby22:

Saying a man is not a good husband is different from saying he is not the head as ordained by God. Even if a woman can't cook, it does not stop her from being a wife, but maybe termed a bad wife. Same apply to man. A man cannot decide to get pregnant because the wife is barren. lets not mislead pple.
Madam, why not give reasons it is ordained by God? I'm not a religious person so give me reasons not some superior sentiment

If a woman can't cook she's bashed and term a bad wife, but if a man doesn't do his duty as the so called head of the house he's not bashed, he's still the head and still deserve submission from the wife when he's not doing the quality of the head of the house. what does God call a man that doesnt do the duty as the head?

So the question is, if the wife take up the role as the provider, does she deserve the so called "head" title?
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by dane15: 9:21am On Oct 11, 2017
Greetings tintigz.

Since you do not believe in any religion or tradition, then at least for your own sake you need to believe in statistics.

The man is made to complement the woman and vice-versa.

For me, there is really nothing like head of family per se. Reason being that, the wife is not obliged in any way to obey the "imperial" decision of the husband.

Family is team work and in a team, ever one is a team member. There must however be a Captain who steers the affairs of the family ship to avoid a crash.

One of the biggest problems in life is when people minor on the major and major on the minor. You excel in life when you stick to your areas of strength.

If the goal keeper insists on roaming to score goals, the team will be exposed and everyone will suffer the loss. Most men make decisions based on logicality and rationality while most women make decisions based on emotions based on statistics.

Most of the decisions we will make in family life, will require practical, logical reasoning which is very easy for a man. i.e A wife wants the children to attend a low standard school owned by her sister because she does not want the sister to feel bad. While the man faults the logic behind the reasoning.
So the man is just a control feature in the family to ensure that the family is on the right path. When you see families that lack this control feature (due to death, sickness, divorce or other reasons), it usually takes extra work on the part of the woman to get the other team members to turn out well. Ask children who were brought up by single Parents. I teach teenagers in Church so I know this very well.

The woman's strength is in the area of welfare management. Try keeping babies with a man for one day and you will see what I mean. This is not to say there are no exceptions. Home making comes easily to them because their natural configuration suits it. Then they can contribute their extra emotional flavour to the final decision making process which now brings a balance and stability to the home.

So in the example of the school above, the husband and wife could now invest in the sister's school to improve the school as their own contribution while giving her a performance target before they can bring their children.

Having said all these, the issue of who the head is does not even come to play in ideal marriages. In this type of marriages, the husband and wife have entered into a telepathic symphony where even though they are far apart, they both will always come to the same decision. Which is why you must ensure you get married to someone who will complement you. So that as a woman, whatever decisions he makes will make you happy and peradventure you make one in your husband's absence it will look like you read his mind.
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by Nobody: 9:28am On Oct 11, 2017
Pidgin2:


You might get hurt if you continue like this




Nah, I won't get hurt.


Have gone Alot of emotional turmoils and upheavals. Have learnt so much during my breakups and also learnt from couples around me.


I won't get hurt anymore.

I know exactly what I want from my home and marriage. And how to go about it.

But thanks for your concerns. Truly appreciate.

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Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by Nobody: 9:33am On Oct 11, 2017
GetMeRight:

May God bless your home, and mine too.

Amen and amen.

Thanks smiley

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by Nobody: 9:39am On Oct 11, 2017
Paulosky1900:


BABE YOUR TYPE IS RARE,cant believe a female wrote this.....I CLAIM YOUR KIND OF GIRL AS MY FUTURE WIFE IN JESUS NAME AMEN!!!!






Hehehehehehehehe, amen smiley
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by Nobody: 9:39am On Oct 11, 2017
Assumptions!!!
when you talk to people experiencing this, the Husbands will indirectly tell you the woman already assumed the role when things went the other way, until he brings something to the table, she's the head indirectly but not said out, especially with your example. And this also leads DV, divorce, cheating and others.....
tintingz:
Hello folks.

I want to know if the husband still earn/deserve the position of "head of the house" if the wife is the breadwinner?

Is the "head of the house" earned or a birth right for men?

I understand some men lost their job and their wife took/take up the responsibilities but what happens when the wife is the one keep doing it for years, no positive move from the husband?

* I'm not a religious person nor traditional person, so don't use your religious/traditional view as the ultimate/superior answer, just comment your views on this.
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 9:41am On Oct 11, 2017
dane15:
Greetings tintigz.

Since you do not believe in any religion or tradition, then at least for your own sake you need to believe in statistics.

The man is made to complement the woman and vice-versa.

For me, there is really nothing like head of family per se. Reason being that, the wife is not obliged in any way to obey the "imperial" decision of the husband.

Family is team work and in a team, ever one is a team member. There must however be a Captain who steers the affairs of the family ship to avoid a crash.

One of the biggest problems in life is when people minor on the major and major on the minor. You excel in life when you stick to your areas of strength.

If the goal keeper insists on roaming to score goals, the team will be exposed and everyone will suffer the loss. Most men make decisions based on logicality and rationality while most women make decisions based on emotions based on statistics.

Most of the decisions we will make in family life, will require practical, logical reasoning which is very easy for a man. i.e A wife wants the children to attend a low standard school owned by her sister because she does not want the sister to feel bad. While the man faults the logic behind the reasoning.
So the man is just a control feature in the family to ensure that the family is on the right path. When you see families that lack this control feature (due to death, sickness, divorce or other reasons), it usually takes extra work on the part of the woman to get the other team members to turn out well. Ask children who were brought up by single Parents. I teach teenagers in Church so I know this very well.

The woman's strength is in the area of welfare management. Try keeping babies with a man for one day and you will see what I mean. This is not to say there are no exceptions. Home making comes easily to them because their natural configuration suits it. Then they can contribute their extra emotional flavour to the final decision making process which now brings a balance and stability to the home.

So in the example of the school above, the husband and wife could now invest in the sister's school to improve the school as their own contribution while giving her a performance target before they can bring their children.

Having said all these, the issue of who the head is does not even come to play in ideal marriages. In this type of marriages, the husband and wife have entered into a telepathic symphony where even though they are far apart, they both will always come to the same decision. Which is why you must ensure you get married to someone who will complement you. So that as a woman, whatever decisions he makes will make you happy and peradventure you make one in your husband's absence it will look like you read his mind.

You used logic here but it has some flaws.

# Women express their emotion than men yes it is true, men tends to be logical yes it is true, logic and emotions work hands to hands, logic without emotion is that one a human? Emotion without logic is that one wise? We just have to balance it.

# Secondly, you are talking as if woman can't handle things rationally, that's fallacy in my side, we have a lot of intelligent women as CEOs, boss, managers heading companies and workers, she won't be in that post if she doesn't apply logic, and the double standard is people are quick to bash a woman if she doesn't show soft emotions in dealing with things, she will be term an angry boss lady and if she's soft she will term weak.

# If a woman can be a boss in a business what stops her from being the head if she's the provider? We're not in BC or AD or 60s we are in 21 century and things have evolve. I dont subcribe to the headiship stuff, so ofcos a leader is needed, most men are ready to take up the leadership role in a home but what happens if he cant do his duty and the wife is the one doing it, can she be called the head or leader? Women of today even do double duties than men, I applaud those women.
Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by muyinet: 9:42am On Oct 11, 2017
tintingz:
Hello folks.

I want to know if the husband still earn/deserve the position of "head of the house" if the wife is the breadwinner?

Is the "head of the house" earned or a birth right for men?

I understand some men lost their job and their wife took/take up the responsibilities but what happens when the wife is the one keep doing it for years, no positive move from the husband?

* I'm not a religious person nor traditional person, so don't use your religious/traditional view as the ultimate/superior answer, just comment your views on this.

So being a head of the home is now a function of the size of the pocket? This is a wasted generation...just imagine how warped your thinking/reasoning is...it's sickening to say the least.

1 Like

Re: Does The Wife Earn The Position Of Head Of The House If She's The Breadwinner? by tintingz(m): 9:49am On Oct 11, 2017
Prognose:


Lol, even in the registry the clerk will ask you if you have announced your intention to marry your spouse in your village. They will give you three weeks to sort it out before they give you a form to fill. The Nigerian law recognises traditional marriage.

But even if you find an atheist spouse to marry of which the court will still ask for his or her village and local govt, you still have to ensure same spouse has atheist parents who will agree for their daughter(or son) to marry outside of tradition and church and will also agree not to take bride price grin

Even in the slim (and quite frankly unrealistic) chance that the above happens it still does not remove the man's headship from him as the court will ask him more questions and place more responsibility on him should anything happen to the wife in the marriage.

Have you filled court marriage form before? grin
What are you saying? Traditional marriage is not recognized in law(marriage act), asking for home town or local government is to know her place of origin and consent of the parents or guardian, it has nothing to do with tradition, the court does not need bride price nor cultural celebration. This also happen in every law in the world.

So when you fill a bank form and they ask for your home town and local government area, they are being traditional? This your reasoning get as e be.

Since the man came out to take responsibilities, the court will ask questions if he's ready to take the responsibility as the head, if it is neutral one the court will ask if they agree, have you seen married couples bearing joint surname? That's a neutral marriage.

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