U dont need to.
If you do I wonder what I would have to do in my case.

hey man relax if na one nite stand omo gbagbe notin do u bt if otherwise guy u are nt dull nw.u will surely find a way to tell her.

akinolasam:

I know many people will be ready to crucified me for this, but I think few that understand what am going thru may decide to help me. I am a single mother, separated few years back. Just few mouth ago I came across a young Pastor who is out of station, we got close and now am in love. NOT LUST PLS. What is wrong in falling in love with my pastor?

If u want to help me pls do though some of u will surely abuse me.
but pls help.

Is this what you did?

Then confess oh , but the inconsistency in your story is that you are supposed to be separated ,

How come you have a spouse again?

If you cheated on a real man of God (Pastor), is berra you say the truth, so you can be set free from all your misdeeds. If he discover later (through fasting and prayer), it might be disastrous. But I'm sure a real pastor will not revenge.
My candid opinion.

If your spouse is a woman, tell her but if he's a man, DON'T

You said ''spouse NOT wife''. Where does confession come in?

you have no reason to get involve with another woman,so quietly leave the marriage because if youy love her you will never think about having it with another woman let alone pulling out another woman's underwear.

@ poster - are u a male or female?

@Poster, if it was a one time affair. U better don't.

Don't let anyone kid you, if you ever do your marriage is finished . Kaput.

We are all human beings - we may forgive but we can never forget. In any case I would think your objective is to rid yourself of the guilt and put the sorrow in the heart of your spouse or even worse trying to make him/her bear the blame of making you to commit adultery. Never ever confess adultery even though the church will preach that to you. Make  peace with your God and leave the poor fool wondering if it happened or not. He/she can't prove a gaddem thing. If he/she asks you anyway you are on your own - better confess it or you are dead meat .Don't sleep with your eyes closed ever after you deny, and don't even eat anything in the house which you have not prepared with your own hands. You have been warned.

Poster if you are a woman, i advise you to keep it in mine. b/cos for me,
i can't  keep my eardrum open to listen nor have any space in my heart to forgive my wife on such act.

@poster: your question should have been: SHOULD I DIG MY GRAVE B4 I DIE?

@kawazaki,

great detective work. How did you get that fact though?

@Poster,

only you know the person you cheated on. If he/she is the forgiving one, then you can so as to free your guilt. If not, keep it in forever. That would be the price you pay for your infidelity. Some spouses are patiently waiting for that slip of the tongue so as to show you to the door.

i will not advice you to confess, pls

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
ask yourself this question[b]:" if your spouse had done the exact same "mistake" you did, would you have wanted that he/she come clean?"[/b]

also what kind of relationship you expect to build without honesty? trust is already out the window, dont let honesty be gone because that will surely be THE END!
you may hide it now and in the future this stuff may blow in your face. at least give that spouse the respect he/she deserve before they get humiliated later.(better they learn of this by you than by their friends or the neighbor's gossiping)

imho you HAVE to come clean and let your spouse forgive you and give you a chance to redeem yourself OR leave your cheating a$$ if he/she wants to.
you have to live with the consequences of your confessions as a result of a simple mistake you made(simple law of action and reaction).
you may be remorseful but let YOUR SPOUSE decide the fate of this union (its about two people not just one)

I agree. You must find a way soon of  telling him/her. Honesty & trust are so key in a marriage.
@all, he/she didnt say with who. It could a neighbour, a family friend, which can be dangerous. He/She needs to tell.

God bless and repair your home, in Jesus' name. Amen

@ MsTom, well said.

i wld advise u skip confession and move to repentance.

Study your wife's mood properly.

Quote from: jumman on Today at 12:16:19 PM
Will advice u not to tell your spouse, but please and please never let it happen again.

Seconded!!!

Thirded---------

be u man or woman, know this u may be forgiven but he or she will never forget

@poster there is no way to avoid he consequencs of your actions bu you MUST tell your spouse.  he/she will find out eventualy and it will hurt them far less if they hear it from you then from other means.  there is going to be a long healing process and there will be a huge blowout from this.  when you tell him/her remeber you f/cked up and you deserve whatever he/she says or does.   if you choose to confess, it will take a long healing time where he/she will not trust you being out of thier sight, even as far as the kitchen.  answer any questions he/she has without conplaint.  being open and honest about the whole thing will help shorten the healing process.  you will have to rebuild trust from the bottom up and this can take over a year.  on the other hand if he/she finds out on thier own or you lie about any questions that he/she has there is a real possibility that trust will never be restored and your marriage could disolve completely.

@MRbrownJAY,
I agree with u, on paper its the right thing to do, however its easier said than done!!

felifeli:

Don't let anyone kid you, if you ever do your marriage is finished . Kaput.

you are mistaking i think. the marriage IS over, you are just delaying or pretending that it aint.

the important question IS: why do you want to stay married? is it for show, for family, for children, for money OR BECAUSE THAT PERSON IS THE RIGHT ONE?!
if you had any respect for that person, AND the marriage that you signed into, then you would have either come clean out of respect for your spouse or simply NOT s h a g away from home.

whatever reason/excuse you have, it aint worth it!!!! if you can sleep with someone else and  come home like nothing happened("hi honey i am home!!!" then your marriage was OVER a long time ago and you are just fooling yourself!.
even if she never finds out, can you truly look at your sorry self in the mirror every morning?!

i do wonder: what does marriage means to most of you guys/gals since you have no respect for it?! most of the answers to this thread shows a very sad picture!
talking about praying when you dont believe in the words of that same bible you are reading. . . . . . . . . .and you dare call yourselves CHRISTIANS? bloody hypocrites!!!!!!

if u r gonna 'talk; then PLEASE don't talk.

must u kill urself wiv ur own mouth?? adultery is a sin,confessin is just plain STUPIDITY.

my own 2 bits.

peace!

MRbrownJAY:

you are mistaking i think. the marriage IS over, you are just delaying or pretending that it aint.

the important question IS: why do you want to stay married? is it for show, for family, for children, for money OR BECAUSE THAT PERSON IS THE RIGHT ONE?!
if you had any respect for that person, AND the marriage that you signed into, then you would have either come clean out of respect for your spouse or simply NOT s h a g away from home.

whatever reason/excuse you have, it aint worth it!!!! if you can sleep with someone else and  come home like nothing happened("hi honey i am home!!!" then your marriage was OVER a long time ago and you are just fooling yourself!.
even if she never finds out, can you truly look at your sorry self in the mirror every morning?!

i do wonder: what does marriage means to most of you guys/gals since you have no respect for it?! most of the answers to this thread shows a very sad picture!
talking about praying when you dont believe in the words of that same bible you are reading. . . . . . . . . .and you dare call yourselves CHRISTIANS? bloody hypocrites!!!!

You always have a way of spitting it, as it is. Thumb up!

If ur chances of her finding out is zero,
Forget about telling your spouse,

If she no hear her mind no go spoil, but the moment u tell her, u will surely pay for your sins one way or the other

and if you really feel guilty to confess go look for Rev Father to confess your sins,

@OP
Wrong move, amico. . .Wrong move
They say what you dont know cant kill you
If you confess, expect if to come up in one of your quarrels. . .
IF she's a bad wife (assuming you're male), she'd make you feel guilty for the rest of your life

Bonje@123:

@MRbrownJAY,
I agree with u, on paper its the right thing to do, however its easier said than done!!

then if you aint ready for marriage then DONT GET MARRIED, as simple as that!
if you have an earthquake in your pant every time you see a fine babe and cant control yourself then MARRIAGE AINT FOR YOU. accept it and live with it until you are ready.

maskuraid:

if u r gonna 'talk; then PLEASE don't talk.

must u kill urself wiv your own mouth??  adultery is a sin,confessin is just plain STUPIDITY.
my own 2 bits.
peace!

is that what your pastor tells you to do?! is that what you understood when reading your bible?!
if i follow what you are saying then let all christians follow what THEY like in their bibles and leave what they dont like out and call it STUPIDITY.

he has already killed himself with his/her own dikc/toto, the mouth aint going to do any more damage. LOL!

see my dear i will give you my sincere advice, if you are a woman do not consider letting another ear hear it talk less of your husband, ask for forgiveness from your GOD and cut off from the circle of people that are invovled in the affair in the slightest manner and dont do it again and if you are a guy equally dont tell, just let be, pamper your wife and dont just do it again

MRbrownJAY:

you are mistaking i think. the marriage IS over, you are just delaying or pretending that it aint.

the important question IS: why do you want to stay married? is it for show, for family, for children, for money OR BECAUSE THAT PERSON IS THE RIGHT ONE?!
if you had any respect for that person, AND the marriage that you signed into, then you would have either come clean out of respect for your spouse or simply NOT s h a g away from home.

whatever reason/excuse you have, it aint worth it!!!! if you can sleep with someone else and  come home like nothing happened("hi honey i am home!!!" then your marriage was OVER a long time ago and you are just fooling yourself!.
even if she never finds out, can you truly look at your sorry self in the mirror every morning?!

i do wonder: what does marriage means to most of you guys/gals since you have no respect for it?! most of the answers to this thread shows a very sad picture!
talking about praying when you dont believe in the words of that same bible you are reading. . . . . . . . . .and you dare call yourselves CHRISTIANS? bloody hypocrites!!!!!!

Thank God say MrBrownjay nor be God ooh . . . cus if man be God ohh, I for don pai ooh  
Come on . . . you have to accept that people make mistakes.

Every couple have at one point in time forgotten what marriage is truly about . . . but the OP has been trapped in guilt and has felt remorse for his/her actions.
Now is that enough punishment?? Maybe not.

But should he/she aggravate issues by leaving one of the most important matters in life to be decided with the risk of irrational judgement de to emotions?? I don't think so.
Right now is for him/her to attempt to build back the marriage by showing her love as a form of repentance.

Isn't redemption on of the main foundations of Christianity??

every marriage counselor you go to, even sites on-line discussing this tell you to immediately own up and take responsibility. the longer you wait the worse it is in the long run

Don't tell her Nada. In fact, cheat on her again. The more u do it the more comfortable u will be with it. Before u know it cheating will be 2nd nature  

On a serious note tho. . . I think honesty is EVERYTHING. If u think she will be able to forgive you then you should tell her. It might even make her trust you more. She will be angry but over time she will get over it. . . u just have to serve some hard time (kissing her a$$ for a while). Seems like u love ur partner sincerely. Goodluck. . .hope things work out for u.