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Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by LeMoor(m): 3:58pm On Mar 23, 2010
What she don't know don't hurt,
Tell her and she will NEVER let you forget it,
Move on, dont tell her and dont make it a habit, if there is something that is sure, a cheating spouse always ends up getting caught if they dont desist from the act. And then it would be worse.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Nobody: 4:05pm On Mar 23, 2010
eldee:

Thank God say MrBrownjay nor be God ooh . . . cus if man be God ohh, I for don pai ooh  grin grin
Come on . . . you have to accept that people make mistakes.

Every couple have at one point in time forgotten what marriage is truly about . . . but the OP has been trapped in guilt and has felt remorse for his/her actions.
Now is that enough punishment?? Maybe not.

But should he/she aggravate issues by leaving one of the most important matters in life to be decided with the risk of irrational judgement de to emotions?? I don't think so.
Right now is for him/her to attempt to build back the marriage by showing her love as a form of repentance.

Isn't redemption on of the main foundations of Christianity??

of course people make mistakes and they live by the consequences of these mistakes.
how can the poster REDEEM himself when he hasnt told the number ONE person affected by his action?
THE SPOUSE is the only one that can give the poster redemption. when he/she gives it to him then let him/her "pray" and ask god to give him the strength NOT to stray again.
HE/SHE HAS TO COME CLEAN and be "reborn" as a new faithful spouse. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

how can you even think of "rebuilding" when the house is still falling down?!
you cannot start the healing process until all people involved are in on it.

1 Like

Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by kawazaki(m): 4:09pm On Mar 23, 2010
MsTom:

@kawazaki,

great detective work. How did you get that fact though?



Check

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=406390.msg5616740#msg5616740
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by lbotus(f): 4:12pm On Mar 23, 2010
you are really a detective. cheesy
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by eldee(m): 4:16pm On Mar 23, 2010
MRbrownJAY:

of course people make mistakes and they live by the consequences of these mistakes.
how can the poster REDEEM himself when he hasnt told the number ONE person affected by his action?
SHE is the only one that can give the poster redemption. when she gives it to him then let him "pray" and ask god to give him the strength NOT to stray again.
HE HAS TO COME CLEAN and be "reborn" as a new faithful man. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

how can you even think of "rebuilding" when the house is still falling down?!
you cannot start the healing process until all people involved are in on it.
The partner is not affected till he/she knows.

The simple truth is . . . telling him/her will cause the partner to make irrational decisions through emotions.

This is a simple case of Stirring unnecessary trouble V Going on with the marriage
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by sley4life(m): 4:20pm On Mar 23, 2010
Maybe
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Krayola(m): 4:26pm On Mar 23, 2010
eldee:

The partner is not affected till he/she knows.

The simple truth is . . . telling him/her will cause the partner to make irrational decisions through emotions.

This is a simple case of Stirring unnecessary trouble V Going on with the marriage

haha. I feel u, but is being mad at a cheating partner really an irrational decision?
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by eldee(m): 4:28pm On Mar 23, 2010
Krayola:

haha. I feel u, but is being mad at a cheating partner really an irrational decision?

Being mad at the partner is an emotion . . . ending the marriage if she won't continue with the cheating is quite irrational, especially when she sincerely loves him.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by etutor: 4:33pm On Mar 23, 2010
I appreciate ur courage to express it out, because there are pple dying in silence dungeon of guilt. I wil want to say dt d problem is oe third 1/3 solved. Pray abt it and confess to God, ds wil be two-third 2/3 solved. then I pray God wil help you ds last stage u need divine favour and grace. Be brave and tell ur spouse, plead with him/her, promise dt u ve realised and wil change. Then was ur ways, God will unite heart back with ur spouse and pray to god renew ur spouse love in both of ur heart. I really feel 4ur home. Is better heard from u than heard unexpectedly from elsewhere. Ur home is already on d ocean of this challenge, se to d fact that d ship does not sink.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by etutor: 4:38pm On Mar 23, 2010
it is better vomited out. A man guilt ridden is like a dying man which does not comfort but how he can be rescucitated back to life. Face d consequence and keep ur home. Scandal is like smoke and cannot be kept. revive ur lost integrity.
God bless.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Krayola(m): 4:38pm On Mar 23, 2010
eldee:

Being mad at the partner is an emotion . . . ending the marriage if she won't continue with the cheating is quite irrational, especially when she sincerely loves him.

hey. . . I agree that he doesn't have to tell. I'm with u on that  grin . i just don't think we have a legitimate reason. Wanting to end a marriage because your partner cheated may not be irrational.  Even if u sincerely love the partner.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by bawomolo(m): 4:47pm On Mar 23, 2010
eldee:

Being mad at the partner is an emotion . . . ending the marriage if she won't continue with the cheating is quite irrational, especially when she sincerely loves him.

what's if the partner catches an STD thanks to infidelity? isn't that a rational excuse for divorce?
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Nobody: 5:14pm On Mar 23, 2010
eldee:

The partner is not affected till he/she knows.
The simple truth is . . . telling him/her will cause the partner to make irrational decisions through emotions.
This is a simple case of Stirring unnecessary trouble V Going on with the marriage

LOL, the "irrational decisions" were made when the spouse CHEATED. the decision that the spouse that was cheated on will make are called CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTION (which are things that we must ALL live by).
dont believe the hype here, you almost wanna make it sound like the cheater is doing the cheated a favor?!

i hope your wife reads this so she knows where to stand if she ever cheats on you. IMAGINE: the baby aint yours, the gardener did it but SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH! what you dont know wont hurt you so go on loving that b a s t a r d child until you realize 20yrs down the line that he aint yours!

1 Like

Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by luvbooks(f): 5:15pm On Mar 23, 2010
eldee:

The partner is not affected till he/she knows.

The simple truth is . . . telling him/her will cause the partner to make irrational decisions through emotions.

This is a simple case of Stirring unnecessary trouble V Going on with the marriage


Actually, the partner IS affected. They just don't know it yet.

What you just said is like saying that if someone has HIV / AIDS,  then the virus doesn't affect them until they go for a doctor's appointment.

    I personally have a great dislike for this argument because it's extremely one-sided.  This is because of so many things. Such as friends, relatives, neighbours. And every single one of those people will  lose respect for you and your spouse one way or the other once they get wind of it.  Cheating doesn't just affect the cheater, it affects the person who was cheated on because you expose her to such comments like
" Maybe she's not good enough in bed" and so on.
    Just by a few persons knowing that you have cheated on your significant other , you put your whole marriage under a microscope. And if that person is unfortunate enough to hear it from others then you are in for double trouble because not only do they get to hear the facts, they also hear the other person's opinion. And God help you if the person telling them doesn't like you.

1 Like

Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by etutor: 5:17pm On Mar 23, 2010
dont avoid telling him or her. ur spouse may not know but u know. This wil d extent of ur love for her/him.
thou d fact of ur betrayal can be gloss over shocked
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Nobody: 5:22pm On Mar 23, 2010
1. Stop the droppings 1st (thats if u cant handle it)
2. Face your spouse apologize to him/her before you even let him/her know what u did
3. Stay a lil far away though, LOL

i believe if ur spouse i humane and luvs u truly she/she will forgive u. cheeers!
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Lolladey(f): 5:28pm On Mar 23, 2010
if u know she is goin to find out, den d best option is to tell her n face d consequences but if otherwise u can just make it seem like a bad dream n say nothin bout it.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by wumiabo(f): 5:39pm On Mar 23, 2010
I wount want my spouse to tell. I will rather not know than to know. i forgive him everyday anyway, of things i know and things i dont know but men i dont wanna know cause it will be difficult to trust again.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Nobody: 5:45pm On Mar 23, 2010
Keep your cakehole shut (sorry for the word but I hate cheaters) and you will not have to do a whole lot more than live with the guilt, which lets face it, is
your cross to bear! You screwed up, now deal with the guilt!

OR

What I would personally do is SAY IT. I wouldn't be able to even look at that person in their eyes, or do normal
activities with them without that been at the back of my mind.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by D1KeleVra(m): 5:58pm On Mar 23, 2010
@Topic
I think u should shut-up and keep on with the extra-marital affair. . . two heads wink are better than one grin tongue
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by eldee(m): 6:07pm On Mar 23, 2010
bawomolo:

what's if the partner catches an STD thanks to infidelity? isn't that a rational excuse for divorce?


Now we're dragging this . . .
Aiite, he's only affected emoionally if he knows and physically if he catches sumn
But till then nuffin.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by eldee(m): 6:09pm On Mar 23, 2010
luvbooks:


Actually, the partner IS affected. They just don't know it yet.

What you just said is like saying that if someone has HIV / AIDS,  then the virus doesn't affect them until they go for a doctor's appointment.

    I personally have a great dislike for this argument because it's extremely one-sided.  This is because of so many things. Such as friends, relatives, neighbours. And every single one of those people will  lose respect for you and your spouse one way or the other once they get wind of it.  Cheating doesn't just affect the cheater, it affects the person who was cheated on because you expose her to such comments like
" Maybe she's not good enough in bed" and so on.
    Just by a few persons knowing that you have cheated on your significant other , you put your whole marriage under a microscope. And if that person is unfortunate enough to hear it from others then you are in for double trouble because not only do they get to hear the facts, they also hear the other person's opinion. And God help you if the person telling them doesn't like you.

That's it . . . she stops cheating and no one knows, no one is affected.
Ignorance is bliss . . . literally.

The HIV case is different.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by MrCartha: 6:37pm On Mar 23, 2010
Suppoted!!! But with a crash helmet on to prevent flying frying pan from disfiguring your skull grin grin grin
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by akwaowoudo(m): 7:10pm On Mar 23, 2010
I can't go into adultery let alone confess. Confess what?
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Mekzie(m): 7:28pm On Mar 23, 2010
Tel ur spouse the truth and free your conscience or ever irrespective of the consequences.

sad sad sad
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by jacdadpjd(m): 7:43pm On Mar 23, 2010
Is nt just about what come's out of it, bt also how U dont go back 2D act again,You hv taken D 1st bold step by opening up here, it ll nt B easy 4him 2forgive U if U confess 2him. But also beta, making him understand U hv wronged him and need his forgiveness(once U can speak out, ll ease U a little even without confessing D exact act) just let him know U feel sorry, wish U D best
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by fifi09(f): 7:47pm On Mar 23, 2010
Mekzie:

Tel your spouse the truth and free your conscience or ever irrespective of the consequences.
sad sad sad
I concur!

And repent.

Repentence means Never doing that sin again or it is not repentence.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by segzeybaba(m): 8:10pm On Mar 23, 2010
and the truth will set you free."
John 8:32


if your in Nigeria, why cant u kuku marry a 2nd or 3rd wife?
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by teemy(m): 8:22pm On Mar 23, 2010
The truth we all know could be a bitter pill to swallow sometimes but it is more bitter if an issue of the past is later found out to be the cause of destruction of a well planned life. Handling an issue like this could be very tricky but the truth of the matter is the truth must be told and in a not too far future. It lies as a basis for the rest of your lives together

You more than anyone else know your spouse and you do love him/her enough to have let this trouble you. One thing is you will be the one to bear the joy/sorrow of telling or not and vice versa. I would recommend you see the man/woman of God over your lives so together you can lay down the cards(especially if you are unsure of the outcome). Avoid a bad day and let your spouse know you have a confession to make and you are sorry for it before spilling the beans. I recommend an STD test ready(just in case).

Nothing covers something as powerful as the truth but yet it most be handled with care. I believe you will never let the past circumstances that led to the 'incident' happen again. I also know this is a lesson for all nairalanders that nothing goes for free. I also recommend and will join you in prayers for I believe the Almighty will not forsake you as you make critical decisions in your life  and the truth shall set you free. Let's hear how it goes.

Wishing you well - Teemy
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Lastpropht: 8:25pm On Mar 23, 2010
Is shedding of blood  involved?
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by akinolasam: 11:08pm On Mar 23, 2010
THANKS FOR ALL THE SINCERE ADVICES OF NL.

JUST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT : Most people who end up in affairs don't set out to have one. Infidelity usually begins with an innocent relationship that, in time, moves to an emotional depth that crosses a line of fidelity.
Re: Do I Have To Confess My Adultery To My Spouse? by Pweety4me(f): 11:12pm On Mar 23, 2010
^So were u just carrying out research or wat?

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